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Help regarding Parents and Ritualism


Thanatos
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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ke Fateh

 

As many of you are probably aware Rakhi is coming up, or is it today? can't really remember all too well. Anyway the specifics aside its a time of arguments in my family. I have a younger sister and as a result my family has always made her tie threads on my arm, when I was younger I didn't really know any better but as I matured and learned more I obviously didn't see the point in it and rejected it altogether. Unfortunately my family don't see it like this, there's always massive arguments from my mother and myself mainly as I refuse to take part in it and that annoys her. Last Year while I slept she tied the thread on my hand and when I woke and found out, I cut it off and put it front of her. At this point I left for work and refused to talk to her for several days.

 

I don't want a repeat of this sort of incident again, I respect and love my parents and I don't want to insult them in any way. However I will not compromise in wearing that ridiculous anti-gurmat thread in any shape or form.

 

Can any of the sangat give me advice on how to approach and avoid this. I've tried before to convince my family to stop and even used Gurbani to point out why it's anti-gurmat but they don't really listen, so I sort of quit as I didn't want to waste my time bashing my head against that brick wall. However I 100% don't want to take part in this.

 

 

Thank you :)

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Hmm, difficult one this one. I as the same, although my brother isn't too fussed about it. It's mostly the India born that have been doing it from birth I guess that are so much into this cultural ritual. 

If your parents are not understanding why you don't wish to participate in it, then I suggest you talk to your sister about it and explain to her. She is more likely to understand as she's born here and from a different generation. Show her some literature or videos on how it's not connected to Sikhi. 

You are right it has no significance in Sikhi. Most people celebrate it just to get a suit or money gift, and even if they know the reason of it, they still go ahead and celebrate for the novelty factor. 

I will probably be given a tenner or something, regardless of tying a rakhri. But then I always give it back by buying my nieces and nephew gifts as they are kids and kids like gifts any day. 

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39 minutes ago, simran345 said:

Hmm, difficult one this one. I as the same, although my brother isn't too fussed about it. It's mostly the India born that have been doing it from birth I guess that are so much into this cultural ritual. 

If your parents are not understanding why you don't wish to participate in it, then I suggest you talk to your sister about it and explain to her. She is more likely to understand as she's born here and from a different generation. Show her some literature or videos on how it's not connected to Sikhi. 

You are right it has no significance in Sikhi. Most people celebrate it just to get a suit or money gift, and even if they know the reason of it, they still go ahead and celebrate for the novelty factor. 

I will probably be given a tenner or something, regardless of tying a rakhri. But then I always give it back by buying my nieces and nephew gifts as they are kids and kids like gifts any day. 

My sister know i don't like doing it xD, She just sees it as free money. We have an arrangement but my parents still want that damn thread tied. 

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5 hours ago, Thanatos said:

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ke Fateh

 

As many of you are probably aware Rakhi is coming up, or is it today? can't really remember all too well. Anyway the specifics aside its a time of arguments in my family. I have a younger sister and as a result my family has always made her tie threads on my arm, when I was younger I didn't really know any better but as I matured and learned more I obviously didn't see the point in it and rejected it altogether. Unfortunately my family don't see it like this, there's always massive arguments from my mother and myself mainly as I refuse to take part in it and that annoys her. Last Year while I slept she tied the thread on my hand and when I woke and found out, I cut it off and put it front of her. At this point I left for work and refused to talk to her for several days.

 

I don't want a repeat of this sort of incident again, I respect and love my parents and I don't want to insult them in any way. However I will not compromise in wearing that ridiculous anti-gurmat thread in any shape or form.

 

Can any of the sangat give me advice on how to approach and avoid this. I've tried before to convince my family to stop and even used Gurbani to point out why it's anti-gurmat but they don't really listen, so I sort of quit as I didn't want to waste my time bashing my head against that brick wall. However I 100% don't want to take part in this.

 

 

Thank you :)

 

Brother Thanatos,

my advice is that we should keep harmony in the family at any cost, even if we have to adjust something.

You see no 2 people have necessary the same views. Other thing is, if a mother wants to make one eat something which is really disliked by us.

Bur coming to the terms of a mother/parents, we have all heard that parents are gods for their children, not literally, but after God, they are our everything. They love us the most. This many will only realize, when  they themselves become parents one day...

If I was in your case, and I knew that, this tradition makes her happy, I would tell my sister to put me not one, but even 10, if needed ....

You see, now young we may not realize, but maybe tomorrow when she would not be here, you may regret not making her happy with this simple petition of hers....

You see, to make happy one.s parents any of them, has no price in the three "lokas".

I agree, this tradition  has no spiritual value, but, what lies behind it, is the concept of a bond of love between a brother and a sister, nothing more, it is just that, a reminder, for children/youngsters, so that they carry on with that healthy loving bond, even when, they, our parents are no more tomorrow...

Sat Sree Akal.

 

 

 

 

 

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Bro, tieing thread or not is not gurmat or non gurmat.

try to follow gurus path which focuses on

jin prem kio tinhi prabh payio

 

if ur sister like nd love to tie thread on ir hand, even when u tried to make them understand many times, just let her do it.

nd remove it after an hour or two.

 

didnt krishan ji ate jhoothe ber given in love and devotion by a wild lady?

i myself dnt like raakhi and all that, in my case my sisters understands that rakhi is not good, so they dnt try or dorce me to tie it on my wrist, so i go to them give them fruits nd money, they welcome me, but they dnt tie raakhi on me.

 

but if i am in ur family, i will not hurt my sister by refusing her raakhi, you know u love guru sahib, you know what guru sahib ji said, but let her tie rakhi and remove it after she go away.

 

tuhadi sister vich vi oohi guru vasda hai jo bahar vasda hai, kise nu hurt na karo

 

bhulla di muafi

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In reply to Harsharan Pajis reply above, it is right to respect parents. But I'm sorry to say I don't see why the thread needs to be tied. A brother can just give his sister money or a gift, if they want to do something, without the thread and all the sagan stuff that goes with it, as it's not even a Sikh practice but a cultural one. But brothers and sisters getting together is good to maintain the love between them. 

I just called my mother to tell her I'm not buying a rakhri as we don't celebrate it no more, and I don't expect anything back, as we haven't done for a while now and she's totally fine with it. Instead I'll be giving gifts to their children. As an adult I feel we need to grow out of these meaningless rituals, as we have birthdays and we've also stopped giving each other materialistic things then too. 

 

 

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Simran Pen Jee,

I am in no way supporting the rakhee ptactice.

I am just saying that if a mother becomes happy by it, one should do ot, as by it we do not become anything less or change ourselves, on the contrary , it is done to please none other, but one's mother, who is believed to be another  form of god in action.

The relation between a mother and her child, is not comparable to any other anywhere, as it ia relation of selfless love and sacrifices....

So that is it. I was just highlighting the importance of a mother or  a parent.

Sat Sree Akal

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1 hour ago, harsharan000 said:

Simran Pen Jee,

I am in no way supporting the rakhee ptactice.

I am just saying that if a mother becomes happy by it, one should do ot, as by it we do not become anything less or change ourselves, on the contrary , it is done to please none other, but one's mother, who is believed to be another  form of god in action.

The relation between a mother and her child, is not comparable to any other anywhere, as it ia relation of selfless love and sacrifices....

So that is it. I was just highlighting the importance of a mother or  a parent.

Sat Sree Akal

I understand what you are saying Harsharan Paji, and totally respect your opinion for mothers being respected to the max, but I didn't want my mother carrying on thinking something will be achieved with a ritual that involves a piece of thread to prove the brother is there for his sister. If anything, if one wants their mother or father to be brainwashed by such superstitions then it's wrong to please them knowing that they are not aware of the reasons.  That's not respect, when one knowingly lets their parents carry on meaningless things for no reason. There are other ways to teach the values of humanity, compassion and love towards family members, no need for hoo haa, suit milgea. 

I can't comment on others, but if my mothers following an empty ritual that is going to give her nothing spiritually or even a chance to say God's name, then these things for a Sikh are pointless. Our family has wasted enough time tying bits of string. 

The Gurus gave us equality for men and women and one day in the year isn't going to make everything right, if nobody is there for each other when they need them in the hard times.  

 

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