BibaKaur

Effects of Late Marriage And Postponing Pregnancy On Our Life

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Biba Kaur this is simplistic thinking , the fact that we do not eat according to gurmat bibek and eat outside ready made foods and drinks means we are ingesting large quantities of literal poisons which strip our bodies of their natural vitality and health it is not just age and delayed pregnancy . Vaccines have been found to have preservatives with known infertility effects also such as polysorbate 80. Less drugs of all forms need to be taken and only necessary medical intervention at a last resort where diet modification has failed to resolve . I mean our great grands had massive families on very simple to no medical intervention... must be something there 

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On August 24, 2016 at 8:37 AM, jkvlondon said:

Biba Kaur this is simplistic thinking , the fact that we do not eat according to gurmat bibek and eat outside ready made foods and drinks means we are ingesting large quantities of literal poisons which strip our bodies of their natural vitality and health it is not just age and delayed pregnancy . Vaccines have been found to have preservatives with known infertility effects also such as polysorbate 80. Less drugs of all forms need to be taken and only necessary medical intervention at a last resort where diet modification has failed to resolve . I mean our great grands had massive families on very simple to no medical intervention... must be something there 

I totally agree with you on the diet perspective but I think age matters too. In out great grandparents' times it was very common to get married at an early age, so that could be one factor too! 

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38 minutes ago, BibaKaur said:

I totally agree with you on the diet perspective but I think age matters too. In out great grandparents' times it was very common to get married at an early age, so that could be one factor too! 

my Nani ji had her first at 21 nd her last baby 24 years later making her over 45 , another Masi of mine had no children and then had her first in her late forties and of course that 70 year old singhni had a baby boy this year ...

we can do it later in life, but the main thing is, you need to be less selfish and that is the main problem, people are too self-centred these days to give their time and attention to each other and their children.

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The 70 year old Singhni used a donor egg. You see it's not the ability to carry a child that we lose with age, it's our eggs. If a couple are ok using a donor egg (the baby will be the husbands and another woman's DNA but the woman giving birth will have no biological link with the child) then pregnancy and having children can happen into the senior years. I'm not sure how I'd feel about carrying a child though that was not biologically mine and even worse was genetically my husbands and another woman's. 🤔

Edited by HarkiranKaur

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11 hours ago, HarkiranKaur said:

The 70 year old Singhni used a donor egg. You see it's not the ability to carry a child that we lose with age, it's our eggs. If a couple are ok using a donor egg (the baby will be the husbands and another woman's DNA but the woman giving birth will have no biological link with the child) then pregnancy and having children can happen into the senior years. I'm not sure how I'd feel about carrying a child though that was not biologically mine and even worse was genetically my husbands and another woman's. 🤔

You know what? The baby would feel the same, thinking what a monster's womb i was for 9 months.

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13 hours ago, HarkiranKaur said:

The 70 year old Singhni used a donor egg. You see it's not the ability to carry a child that we lose with age, it's our eggs. If a couple are ok using a donor egg (the baby will be the husbands and another woman's DNA but the woman giving birth will have no biological link with the child) then pregnancy and having children can happen into the senior years. I'm not sure how I'd feel about carrying a child though that was not biologically mine and even worse was genetically my husbands and another woman's. 🤔

That's your own opinion and your entitled to it. But there are many women that would be ok with it if they cannot have children. Even couple's adopt children that are not born to them, but they treat and love them as their own, even though are not biologically theirs. 

Edited by simran345

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1 minute ago, simran345 said:

That's your own opinion and your entitled to it. But there are many women that would be ok with it if they cannot have children. Even couple's adopt children that are not born to them, but they treat and love them as their own, even though are not biologically theirs. 

Adoption is different as you both are adopting the child together. In egg donation the baby is literally a combination of your husband's DNA and another woman's. You would have no link with the child genetically but your husband would. It would be closer to being a step mother from a previous relationship than adoption and much more complicated on if you tell or not to the child. Imagine family saying oh hey the baby has your husbands eyes and your nose. But you know the nose can't possibly be yours. With adoption the family knows and it's open. With egg donation it's a lonely journey for the Mother who has to deal with the comments on the baby's looks etc and knowing that none of herself will ever be in there. Still some people are fine with it but most Never ever tell the secret even to the child. But if they do find it eventually, how would you feel if your own child now thinks dad is still dad biologically but thinks of you as just an adoption mum. So it's more complicated than you think. Adoption is actually much easier to deal with. I have had a family members life torn apart because of the big 'secret'. 

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1 minute ago, HarkiranKaur said:

Adoption is different as you both are adopting the child together. In egg donation the baby is literally a combination of your husband's DNA and another woman's. You would have no link with the child genetically but your husband would. It would be closer to being a step mother from a previous relationship than adoption and much more complicated on if you tell or not to the child. Imagine family saying oh hey the baby has your husbands eyes and your nose. But you know the nose can't possibly be yours. With adoption the family knows and it's open. With egg donation it's a lonely journey for the Mother who has to deal with the comments on the baby's looks etc and knowing that none of herself will ever be in there. Still some people are fine with it but most Never ever tell the secret even to the child. But if they do find it eventually, how would you feel if your own child now thinks dad is still dad biologically but thinks of you as just an adoption mum. So it's more complicated than you think. Adoption is actually much easier to deal with. I have had a family members life torn apart because of the big 'secret'. 

So what. Not everybody thinks like you. Hor lecture likla. 

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55 minutes ago, HarkiranKaur said:

 how would you feel if your own child now thinks dad is still dad biologically but thinks of you as just an adoption mum.

 

Children do not think like that. They show love and commitment to whoever raised them. In some cases the bond between a woman and her non-biological child is even stronger. Why do we always hear stories of women who have (along with fathers) who have killed thier children, or let abusive partners kill their childre.

 

You act like yours is the only opinion worth listening to. Isn't your time on this forum over?

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57 minutes ago, simran345 said:

So what. Not everybody thinks like you. Hor lecture likla. 

Well if you dont then you will hear nothing else. The same rubbish, over and over again. This forum is better off without her.

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49 minutes ago, chatanga said:

M

Children do not think like that. They show love and commitment to whoever raised them. In some cases the bond between a woman and her non-biological child is even stronger. Why do we always hear stories of women who have (along with fathers) who have killed thier children, or let abusive partners kill their childre.

 

You act like yours is the only opinion worth listening to. Isn't your time on this forum over?

I was speaking from family experience in how egg donation CAN affect a family. I didn't say it will affect every family the same way. But some people might not have thought of what can happen despite wanting the picture perfect family. Egg donation may work great for some, but others it turned out to be disaster. I'm not telling people don't do it, just if they do, seriously think about what it entails and if the child will ever be told or not and if it, it's a difficult secret to keep. And please don't tear me apart on this one Chatanga I have had close family tragedy related to this. And even though my husband prefers that I stay away from you guys and stick with like minded sangat, it's a public forum. 

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1 hour ago, HarkiranKaur said:

Adoption is different as you both are adopting the child together. In egg donation the baby is literally a combination of your husband's DNA and another woman's. You would have no link with the child genetically but your husband would. It would be closer to being a step mother from a previous relationship than adoption and much more complicated on if you tell or not to the child. Imagine family saying oh hey the baby has your husbands eyes and your nose. But you know the nose can't possibly be yours. With adoption the family knows and it's open. With egg donation it's a lonely journey for the Mother who has to deal with the comments on the baby's looks etc and knowing that none of herself will ever be in there. Still some people are fine with it but most Never ever tell the secret even to the child. But if they do find it eventually, how would you feel if your own child now thinks dad is still dad biologically but thinks of you as just an adoption mum. So it's more complicated than you think. Adoption is actually much easier to deal with. I have had a family members life torn apart because of the big 'secret'. 

I know a couple who had a child after trying for 14 years.

My guess they used someone else's sperm for IVF that means baby's biological father was a donor.

It really doesn't matter coz these procedures are kept secret in punjabi-Sikh society.

99.9% chance is child will never be told or know about it.

You being white don't know about the stigma attached to barren wife in Indian society especially low caste, uneducated, rural.

They are not open to straight forward adoption but will Cheat to save face in society.

 

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1 hour ago, chatanga said:

Well if you dont then you will hear nothing else. The same rubbish, over and over again. This forum is better off without her.

Lol tell me about it. Tape bandh nai hundi. 😏

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19 minutes ago, singhbj singh said:

I know a couple who had a child after trying for 14 years.

My guess they used someone else's sperm for IVF that means baby's biological father was a donor.

It really doesn't matter coz these procedures are kept secret in punjabi-Sikh society.

99.9% chance is child will never be told or know about it.

You being white don't know about the stigma attached to barren wife in Indian society especially low caste, uneducated, rural.

They are not open to straight forward adoption but will Cheat to save face in society.

 

I can understand that. Adoption is more open in west. In case of my family member the secret came out and result was not good I mean really not good she tried to commit suicide when she found out she had been lied to and never considered her mother to be her real mother. She also started to search for her real mother (she considered the donor her real mother) it was a big mess and still isn't right. 

I can understand the desire to save face in society but it still must be a huge burden on the mother to know it's not her biological child though she will love the child just the same but I mean the knowledge and the secret must be hard especially since they can't ever tell anyone. 

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53 minutes ago, HarkiranKaur said:

I can understand that. Adoption is more open in west. In case of my family member the secret came out and result was not good I mean really not good she tried to commit suicide when she found out she had been lied to and never considered her mother to be her real mother. She also started to search for her real mother (she considered the donor her real mother) it was a big mess and still isn't right. 

I can understand the desire to save face in society but it still must be a huge burden on the mother to know it's not her biological child though she will love the child just the same but I mean the knowledge and the secret must be hard especially since they can't ever tell anyone. 

I'm sorry for your relatives both daughter & parents.

But you see in India, female's are known for their "lie-ability" other wise there's trouble in paradise.

Living with in-laws, husband, kids plus juggling relatives, neighbors, friends isn't easy.

Nobody will tell you that they had an IVF & miracles are extremely rare nowadays.

Edited by singhbj singh
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1 hour ago, singhbj singh said:

I'm sorry for your relatives both daughter & parents.

But you see in India, female's are known for their "lie-ability" other wise there's trouble in paradise.

Living with in-laws, husband, kids plus juggling relatives, neighbors, friends isn't easy.

Nobody will tell you that they had an IVF & miracles are extremely rare nowadays.

Plus it's nobody's business how somebody has their child. It's the extended families and relatives that want something to gossip about in India and to cause problems in somebody's life, that's why they don't tell anybody. And why should they, it's got nothing to do with nobody else. But society there want to do their own thing and not move on from breaking families. 

 

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1 minute ago, simran345 said:

Plus it's nobody's business how somebody has their child. It's the extended families and relatives that want something to gossip about in India and to cause problems in somebody's life, that's why they don't tell anybody. And why should they, it's got nothing to do with nobody else. But society there want to do their own thing and not move on from breaking families. 

 

It is a catch 22 situation, whether to tell or not.

Couple can choose whichever they like.

Bheinji, humans are social animals we can't live in isolation.

We can very well opt for good rather than bad society.

 

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2 minutes ago, singhbj singh said:

It is a catch 22 situation, whether to tell or not.

Couple can choose whichever they like.

Bheinji, humans are social animals we can't live in isolation.

We can very well opt for good rather than bad society.

 

Hanji paji, that's what I agree with. It's up to the couple to tell others if they want to. I'm not saying nobody should not if they want to. I'm saying nobody should be forced to go shouting it over the roof tops. At the end of the day, it's the couple's children, and nobody's business what treatment they had, but not be ashamed of it either. There is no need to tell every jeeto, shindo, or ge jo because it's non of their business. Confiding in close relative or somebody they trust should be enough. 

And yes, to keep away from the ones that like to ferh the karchis. 

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What's the real benefit of early marriage especially in the Diaspora in modern age when all the expenses are crazy? Each situation should be compared differently.

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