Guest gur ji guest

What to do to have a happy married life

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Satsriakal ji 

I am 26 yrs old did an intercaste marriage with jatt Sikh boy was a love marriage after having a affair of 2 yrs. I expressed myself to him told everything about me before marriage had stared doing Sikh path with my consent to please him and his family. My name got changed after my marriage as per my mother in law demand. Its been 3 yrs now and having a baby girl too of 1 year. But there have been lot of conflicts between me and my husband over petty issues. Every couple has such problems on day to day basis but it doesn't mean that they get separated forever. But every time I had to bear such situation when my husband start living a reluctant life. He remains quite happy without me but when I approach him he starts getting so so angry and doesn't even listen to me. Always keep finding faults and never appreciates my concerns. Though I have also made mistakes in such anger but I relised too confessed all my issues want to have a loving marriage life with him but he doesn't bother. My and his parents are also involved in this. They are in the favor of reunion but every time my husband gets dominate and scolds me a lot. I feel humiliated in front of him. But no one can do anything say our parents as it is our personal decision. We both don't have any harmony and if I talk to him on this he insults me a lot then he poses some conditions and then he gets okay. But after two or three days if I ask him or say him something even in a polite way he gives the same expression and say I won't talk to you anymore. What to do in such situation. I feel he won't get fine with me. Now my parents also putting pressure on me to live here only with him and to adjust as it was a marriage of my own choice. Kindly help and suggest what to do..? Which path should I do to get him back to get his affection back..? It seems very tough to live with him 

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11 hours ago, Guest gur ji guest said:

Satsriakal ji 

I am 26 yrs old did an intercaste marriage with jatt Sikh boy was a love marriage after having a affair of 2 yrs. I expressed myself to him told everything about me before marriage had stared doing Sikh path with my consent to please him and his family. My name got changed after my marriage as per my mother in law demand. Its been 3 yrs now and having a baby girl too of 1 year. But there have been lot of conflicts between me and my husband over petty issues. Every couple has such problems on day to day basis but it doesn't mean that they get separated forever. But every time I had to bear such situation when my husband start living a reluctant life. He remains quite happy without me but when I approach him he starts getting so so angry and doesn't even listen to me. Always keep finding faults and never appreciates my concerns. Though I have also made mistakes in such anger but I relised too confessed all my issues want to have a loving marriage life with him but he doesn't bother. My and his parents are also involved in this. They are in the favor of reunion but every time my husband gets dominate and scolds me a lot. I feel humiliated in front of him. But no one can do anything say our parents as it is our personal decision. We both don't have any harmony and if I talk to him on this he insults me a lot then he poses some conditions and then he gets okay. But after two or three days if I ask him or say him something even in a polite way he gives the same expression and say I won't talk to you anymore. What to do in such situation. I feel he won't get fine with me. Now my parents also putting pressure on me to live here only with him and to adjust as it was a marriage of my own choice. Kindly help and suggest what to do..? Which path should I do to get him back to get his affection back..? It seems very tough to live with him 

Divorce him. We're free to live as we choose, if he's being an as- hole tell him you want a divorce. Respect yourself. A marriage is meant to be sacred union to Love each other and be there for each other in sickness and health. It's about mutual respect. You are meant to Love each other. If he cant even do that, then divorce and move forward with your life. Be a strong Sikh Woman, we are not cowardly Muslims. 

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Im in the same situation but its my wife who just wont sort things out. Weve.been living  together but as flat mates for a year. She just doesnt care. My inlaws think shes right and shes filled them with just part of the facts so they blame me. But my wife just wont address the issue. Sometimes i think this is why theres so many bad things happen. How can you be faithfull to one person for the rest of your life if that person treats you so bad. I might as well call her my  sisiter. But Maharaj kirpa we should be strong and not let ourselves live in a sad or bad enviroment. Sometimes it just takes time for things to change. Its just reallly hard. Nitnem, simran, seva will give us strength

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Divorce him. Do you want your baby girl to grow up watching her father constantly fighting with her mother (you). Is it safe for her? For her overall health? Women tend to hold on to marriage very tightly.they are asked to adjust and accept it as fate or god's will. Your parents aren't the ones bearing his comments and taunts and fights. You are. In a few years, you will be "expected" to turn be a baby machine and bear him a son. This will further complicate things. Get this thing straight- he is NEVER going to change his ways. N.E.V.E.R. 

I have seen this happening first hand in my home. My father was constantly fighting with my mother. When I was in preschool he began hitting me. I am 25 & having serious mental health issues. I blame both my parents for this. Not God or anyone else. 

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I am hearing that you have support from your elders and they are keen for you both to work things out, remember that he was YOUR choice for over two years so there was some meeting of minds , can you not reignite that ? Is there other aspects to this situation like lack of son , money problems, career/job frustrations ? Sometimes guys are angry with something else but take it out on the person at home , unfair I know but it is a common thing. Marriage is not bollywood style or hollywood movie style , it is messy, tiring, sometimes up sometimes down much like life in general , if you both want to you can make it better or worse based on attitude and words. I do not agree with the other two bibis who are quick to jump to divorce , you have a lovely daughter and a loving family (agreed they didn't initially agree but they have changed to accept)  it would be very chanchal and petulant to just do that . I am not saying take bad treatment but you need to face your own faults , and confront his role in this sad affair ...you really need to find out what his take is without the pressure of family . Maybe go on a day trip or weekend away together , sometimes we go into autopilot in married life especially after kids  that we unthinkingly shut ourselves out from a close relationship with our LIFE partner, stop talking , just go through the routine of life. Have a break from that and reconnect as humans , as friends. Do ardas That Guru ji opens up your hearts again into sikhi and you get back on the path to true married life... 

Much love ...a veteran of twenty plus years ...stay in chardikala

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If u are looking for some bani to help u out, do as many paaths of japji sahib, sukhmani sahib and shabads. Also do ardaas, its very important. Also do dukh bhajani sahib

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Guest Gurji , 

This is a very difficult one , and really sympathise with you .  I know couples who after 17 years +  being together have split up , and its really tough for a woman, physically and emotionally. Its really hard to envisage what your a going through and dont really see it adequate to give you advice but something is telling me to share the experience of the couples who have divorced , which may help you and above all Guru Maharaj will definitely help you.

1. Be strong , have faith in Guru Maharaj.

2. When you come home , put on shabad kirtan , reharas paath , sukhmani sahib . Have Kirtan playing in the background. YOur saviour , person who you can talk to , to get advice will be Guru Maharaj. 

3. Have you seeked marriage guidance ? Dont bottle in your thoughts , speak to or family and Guru Maharaj.

3. Think about the future and be prepared . Are you working , can you pay the bills , who will look after your child . Sad but true these are things that will keep going round and round in your mind.... Be strong , dont take any rash decisions . Go to the Gurudawara once/twice a week keep up the routine , again Guru Maharaj will definitely guide you.

I sincerely hope that you make the right decision and live a happy and prosperous life . Above all have 100% faith in Guru Maharaj ( also start reading Gurbani , read Sikh history , go to Basics of Sikhi site and view their material. Start teaching your Child about Sikhi , with Guru Maharaj ji's kirpa , your husband might see the positive energy in you and your child and realise his wrong doings.

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