Im A Besharm

[Guest Besharm_]

So im a late twenty something male and I have indulged in many bad things due to being overcome with lust, as have probably a lot of other males my sage. Im not amrit shakked but i have had sex before marriage included with married women and even sex with prostitutes. Now i feel very ashamed of all this and deep regret but whats done has been done. I cannot go back and change this but can make sure i make sure i dont carry on making these mistakes.

What should i do. I try to meditate but my mind wanders and a lot of the time goes towards lustful thoughts. Kaam and krodh plague me the most i feel. What would the sangat advise.I know i have comitted very big sins and no doubt will have to pay for these sins in this life or the next but will the Guru forgive me?

I am honestly trying to make a conscious effort to leave all this behind and leave it in the past. To try and make an effort to become a better person and a better Sikh. Any guidance or advice that the sangat can provide would be a blessing.

[Thanatos]

First step to solving any personal problem bro is admitting you have one, pray to Akal Purkh to guide you. At the same time try and find ways to preoccupy your time. Guru Sahib is all knowing and all forgiving, We are his children, Gurbani very sweetly describes how our father scolds us but at the same time embraces us, that is our relationship to the lord. You are trying, get help, seek advice. Don't be ashamed, you had a demon and you are wrestling it, its better to speak up than pretend everything is fine.

[Guest Jacfsing2]

So im a late twenty something male and I have indulged in many bad things due to being overcome with lust, as have probably a lot of other males my sage. Im not amrit shakked but i have had sex before marriage included with married women and even sex with prostitutes. Now i feel very ashamed of all this and deep regret but whats done has been done. I cannot go back and change this but can make sure i make sure i dont carry on making these mistakes.

What should i do. I try to meditate but my mind wanders and a lot of the time goes towards lustful thoughts. Kaam and krodh plague me the most i feel. What would the sangat advise.I know i have comitted very big sins and no doubt will have to pay for these sins in this life or the next but will the Guru forgive me?

I am honestly trying to make a conscious effort to leave all this behind and leave it in the past. To try and make an effort to become a better person and a better Sikh. Any guidance or advice that the sangat can provide would be a blessing.

Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh! http://www.sikhsangat.com/index.php?/topic/77288-masturbation/?fromsearch=1 All I will say is leave it to Guru Sahib, while you built-up both your Rehat and Paht. Do Ardas and hope Guru Sahib takes the suffering for your Paap from your records, (not just Kaam and Krodh). My biggest recommendation on a worldly level would be have some moral, decent friends; as well as building a better hobby, (something that makes you happy, that doesn't decrease your spiritual health). Most importantly let Guru Sahib change you, (you have to let him help you). Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

[Guest saveyourself]

I don't want to come across as negative, but you need to take amrit as soon as possible. Otherwise you will end up in hell for countless eons for the sins you have committed.

So why am I telling you to take amrit? Because by taking amrit all previous sins are covered. There is no other way to escape your terrible fate.

Having sex even once outside of marriage leads one to burn in hell for a long time. However, having sex with a married woman and prostitutes will land you in even more trouble in the hereafter.

You're only hope is to take amrit and never have sex outside of marriage ever again.

You will regret it in the afterlife, do something now to save yourself.

I'm saying this out of love for your benefit. I won't get anything out of it.

kbIr jm kw TyNgw burw hY Ehu nhI sihAw jwie ]
kabeer jam kaa t(h)ae(n)agaa buraa hai ouhu nehee sehiaa jaae ||
Kabeer, Death's club is terrible; it cannot be endured.

pwpIAw no n dyeI iQru rhix cuix nrk Goir cwilAnu ]
paapeeaa no n dhaeee thhir rehan chun narak ghor chaalian ||
He does not give the sinners any stability or place of rest; He consigns them to the depths of hell.

There are countless lines in gurbani which talk about hell, it would take too long to post all of them.

It's important not to slander the Guru by saying taking his amrit is not important:

jo inMdw kry siqgur pUry kI su AauKw jg mih hoieAw ]

jo ni(n)dhaa karae sathigur poorae kee s aoukhaa jag mehi hoeiaa || One who slanders the Perfect True Guru, shall have difficulty in this world. nrk Goru duK KUhu hY EQY pkiV Ehu FoieAw ] narak ghor dhukh khoohu hai outhhai pakarr ouhu dtoeiaa || He is caught and thrown into the most horrible hell, the well of pain and suffering. kUk pukwr ko n suxy Ehu AauKw hoie hoie roieAw ] kook pukaar ko n sunae ouhu aoukhaa hoe hoe roeiaa ||

No one listens to his shrieks and cries; he cries out in pain and misery.

For your own sake take amrit soon and never have sex outside of marriage ever again. Find a wife as soon as you can.

Committing sexual sins will attract more punishment then normal sins:

inmK kwm suAwd kwrix koit idns duKu pwvih ] nimakh kaam suaadh kaaran kott dhinas dhukh paavehi || For a moment of sexual pleasure, you shall suffer in pain for millions of days. GrI muhq rMg mwxih iPir bhuir bhuir pCuqwvih ]1] gharee muhath ra(n)g maanehi fir bahur bahur pashhuthaavehi ||1|| For an instant, you may savor pleasure, but afterwards, you shall regret it, again and again. ||1||

Save yourself now whilst your still alive!

[buddasingh]

Everyone can use humility you bring forward.

In your case, meditate in action and your thoughts will follow. If you really mean to leave the past behind, then do what you are meant to do in the present. Don’t negotiate in your mind with Guruji. Simply follow by serving humanity. Be a humble courageous servant. Seek your high in that service, and you can let go of the score. If you find you are keeping score then no degree of heroics is seva.

There is much hardship, injustice and suffering around us. You don’t have to save the world, but you do have a duty as a Sikh to serve the world that surrounds you. Do not seek seva that is advertising. If you’re in a large metropolis, quietly and humbly commit to a cause or assisting in a cause. If you are not, find a way to assist others. Surely there are people around us that can use our help. Do not expect to get any widespread recognition and do not care. You do it as a way of being and it becomes an integral part of how you function. Your reward for the action is the action and nothing more.

In your everyday dealings be courteous, be fair, be principled. This is not only in your mind to your standards but seek out what that means to the point of where you challenge yourself. Become well read and understand the world around you to further your active contribution to humanity.

Be kind, but principled and courageous to the extent that you are never afraid being the only one to take on an unpopular position. If necessary courageously absorb hardship and loneliness to be the first to defend others, especially those more vulnerable. Again, be extremely well read on any issues for which you fight.

Be confident, happy, humble. But don’t judge yourself negatively or positively. In Sikhi “sin” may or may not be part of yesterday, but it’s certainly part of apathy and comfort in the present.

[Guest GuruSchool]

You have done well in identifying you have a problem. Avoid thinking in terms of sinning and its effects, leave what is done to Waheguru. No person has not committed any sin before, but think of developing positive attributes like seva etc. to keep you focused.

You probably find lustful activities pleasing because of many reasons, but usually these cravings are due to a few main things: boredom, easy pleasure, escapism, lack of hobbies or focus etc. Only you can answer what is the root cause. A useful tip can be to Meditate when these lustful feelings come up. As soon as you have these feelings sit on the floor cross-legged or in a chair wherever you are, close your eyes, focus on your in breath, breathe from the belly and mentally say Wahe (in-breath) and then on the out breath say Guru. Repeat 10 times, then 7, then 5, then 3, then 1, then silently sit for how long you feel like. Your mind will feel more relaxed and absorbed with Waheguru.