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Domestic Violence Against Sikh Women


Guest Sat
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Hi everyone,

Thank you for your replies and suggestions. I would rather not share who it was, but it happened in a drunken rage- another problem with Indian men in Indian culture and very often fuel for abuse.

XYZ, I feel compassionate towards you and your situation. I am sorry that your children don't speak to you.

You appear to have learned the same lessons that I have, that love and attachments are temporary and fickle and can be broken in an instant. I feel for you and your living situation, I have had to start over. I now have next to no money or savings to my name and live in a shared flat that is at least a hundred steps down from my family home. No one has helped me, not even my own mother who still feels that me being beaten so badly was still okay. But i'm more at peace in the new place so I am thankful.

I went through a period where I felt as if I could not go on, but God Willing, i've began to gather my strength back and get on with my life. I am determined to do well for myself no matter what and am trying to use my situation as fuel to go above and beyond what i could have achieved if I were at my old home. I am in the process of visiting a counsellor which I believe is very important for women who have been abused.

I understand why you are saying cut off all of these people, rumors and judgements spread like wildfire in indian culture and the abusers can come across with a split personality to the community, can appear extra nice but are really sadistic abusers behind closed doors. So try not to be angry at those who judge as they probably don't know the real story, and may only believe what your family tells them, as your family is the majority. I had the same issue.

I hope that you are able to move forward as well. I will create an account on here so that you can message me or call me any time, you are not alone, so don't hurt yourself, focus on your life and on healing. Be happy, if you can, find someone else, life is too short.

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  • 2 weeks later...

any man who raises his voice and or hand to a woman needs slaps himself, disgusting !

Raising one's voice is equal to violent oppression, is it? So, for arguments sake, if someone is taking liberties on a daily basis, a person can't voice their displeasure by elevating their voice to communicate their unhappiness about the situation?

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any man who raises his voice and or hand to a woman needs slaps himself, disgusting !

Not all of us perpetually talk like mice mate.

Any man who gets talked to like a chooha by his women (for no reason) and doesn't give her what for, is a he-b1tch of a 'man'.

A lot of women actually appreciate an assertive man that will make vocal objections when required.

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Not all of us perpetually talk like mice mate.

Any man who gets talked to like a chooha by his women (for no reason) and doesn't give her what for, is a he-b1tch of a 'man'.

A lot of women actually appreciate an assertive man that will make vocal objections when required.

well have a discussion with Guru ji since he told us that a singh is not meant to behave in a harassing way to a woman ....and vice versa

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well have a discussion with Guru ji since he told us that a singh is not meant to behave in a harassing way to a woman ....and vice versa

You (and others) might prefer a timid bloke, but not all women do. Don't try and throw this on Guru ji.

A little bit of passion or fire doesn't constitute behaving in a 'harassing way'.

And from what I see these days, jumped up, leary, big mouth Sikh 'princesses' are as common a problem as overbearing blokes. You even said yourself that your own son was put off Sikh girls because of how many of them go on.

Let people be matched to their own preference. I know some blokes actually like (and seem to seek out) overbearing women (as much as this bamboozles me), and conversely some women prefer 'take charge' guys. Let people be matched to their suitability. One man's poison is another man's .....etc. etc.

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You (and others) might prefer a timid bloke, but not all women do. Don't try and throw this on Guru ji.

A little bit of passion or fire doesn't constitute behaving in a 'harassing way'.

And from what I see these days, jumped up, leary, big mouth Sikh 'princesses' are as common a problem as overbearing blokes. You even said yourself that your own son was put off Sikh girls because of how many of them go on.

Let people be matched to their own preference. I know some blokes actually like (and seem to seek out) overbearing women (as much as this bamboozles me), and conversely some women prefer 'take charge' guys. Let people be matched to their suitability. One man's poison is another man's .....etc. etc.

Not all of us perpetually talk like mice mate.

Any man who gets talked to like a chooha by his women (for no reason) and doesn't give her what for, is a he-b1tch of a 'man'.

A lot of women actually appreciate an assertive man that will make vocal objections when required.

Men don't have to talk perpetually like mice. One only has to read what Sikhi says about how to treat women to understand this but this takes time, to read and understand.

The man must be able to know when to use the assertiveness but that must also not be on women (see Sikh Sakhis for better advise). Only if its a life or death situation. The Gurus got disrespected in a lot of ways before getting physical, that should be Sikhs goals, towards the good actions of our Gurus and what our Bani tells us.

Making vocal objections is not a bad thing, because the man cannot understand the wifes frustration which is vented vocally which in turn supposedly 'makes' the man get physical to show his 'assertiveness' via 'slapping her about' is a "he-b1tch of a 'man'".

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You (and others) might prefer a timid bloke, but not all women do. Don't try and throw this on Guru ji.

A little bit of passion or fire doesn't constitute behaving in a 'harassing way'.

And from what I see these days, jumped up, leary, big mouth Sikh 'princesses' are as common a problem as overbearing blokes. You even said yourself that your own son was put off Sikh girls because of how many of them go on.

Let people be matched to their own preference. I know some blokes actually like (and seem to seek out) overbearing women (as much as this bamboozles me), and conversely some women prefer 'take charge' guys. Let people be matched to their suitability. One man's poison is another man's .....etc. etc.

Raising one's voice is equal to violent oppression, is it? So, for arguments sake, if someone is taking liberties on a daily basis, a person can't voice their displeasure by elevating their voice to communicate their unhappiness about the situation?

See it like this, if the man raises his hand, he should be ready to receive it too

Raising voice (not in volume but like raising questions) is not a bad thing, physical/verbal violent aggression is.

The OP talked about domestic violence, not about raising voice (which I think you mean providing a response/question to the way a wife talks to husband?)

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See it like this, if the man raises his hand, he should be ready to receive it too

Raising voice (not in volume but like raising questions) is not a bad thing, physical/verbal violent aggression is.

The OP talked about domestic violence, not about raising voice (which I think you mean providing a response/question to the way a wife talks to husband?)

I agree, violence is a complete no-no. If a man has to resort to a backhander to keep the peace, then I'm afraid he is with the wrong woman. A good woman / partner / wife doesn't play games, and doesn't put her husband in situations where he feels compelled to treat her like an animal. That is unless he's a complete fool who practices aggression even against a decent woman, and in that case he deserves everything that comes his way.

I don't see an issue with a man raising his voice if his wife seems to be labouring under a few misconceptions. Usually, nipping behaviour like that in the bud is enough to ensure an harmonious household for the entirety of their lives. A fearful, weak man who can't speak up for himself and assert some semblance of authority in situations that are threatening to spiral out of control is an absolute disgrace. If he's afraid of his wife, how on earth is he meant to be the rock which inspires confidence in his dependents? In relationship dynamics that go back to our evolutionary traits as human beings, a woman will never give herself completely to someone she doesn't respect. But that's another subject.

Funnily enough, the strongest and most intimidating men I've known don't need to punch or scream in order to assert themselves. All it takes is a glance, and that's usually enough. They exude a certain quality that can't be taught or copied merely by observation. That's true power.

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I don't know what people are going on about now.

I was just trying to say that speaking loudly to your partner in the heat of the moment isn't anything unusual. This probably happens in the majority of relationships at some point or another.

And if you believe this:

any man who raises his voice and or hand to a woman needs slaps himself, disgusting !

Should any women who raises her voice to her man get a slap too?

Or is it okay for females to do this but not men.

What are you on???

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