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Guest hsingh

Coping With Infertility

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On August 13, 2016 at 11:05 AM, Guest hsingh said:

Just a quick update, so the initial treatment was unsuccessful and we start IVF next month. I would say its getting easier with time, and we're especially appreciating what we do have rather focusing on what we don't have. The universe is a big and beautiful place and we are just a insignificant part of it so why worry. 

Adoption has been mentioned and we did look into orphanages in Punjab, not sure how it works but we feel a bit uncomfortable choosing a child over there and giving them a better life yet leaving the other kids behind so we agreed to do more for orphan kids over there rather than just adopt only one.

Its a great shame theres not much mention/support in our community of such issues. I was speaking to a Jewish friend who mentioned that the jewish community in london have support groups at the synagogue to help with those who have gone through miscarriages/infertility/death of a partner/adoption etc.... 

Waheguru

 

 

 

Having gone through a similar situation, I would say that there is no support from the community at all. If anything, people will make you feel worse. My best support were the online discussion forums where I could talk to others in the same situation, and of course having faith in Waheguruji helps the most. 

Wishing you good luck with your IVF cycle! 

 

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On 15/08/2016 at 5:07 AM, BibaKaur said:

Having gone through a similar situation, I would say that there is no support from the community at all. If anything, people will make you feel worse. My best support were the online discussion forums where I could talk to others in the same situation, and of course having faith in Waheguruji helps the most. 

Wishing you good luck with your IVF cycle! 

 

same here I wish you both strength  and patience but you can help yourselves by looking closely at your diet and eliminate all processed foods and max out on fresh fruit and vegetables, nuts and seeds for healthy fats   to help with folates and other vital nutrients. 

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Guest Nnkd

Hi there I am going through the same thing was wondering if the couple were able to conceive? This year my husband and I havd had 3 failed fertility treatment s including ivf last week. We have both just decided to leave it in god's hands now to decide if we will be blessed with children.   

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Guest hsingh

hi there nnkd,

just randomly looked back at this thread today and noticed your post. Crazy how quick a year has gone.

We completed our first cycle of ivf 4 weeks ago but it was unsuccessful. This was a nhs cycle so from now on we will have to fund any future ivf ourselves. Seeing another negative on the stick was pretty devastating, we only had 1 embryo transferred which was grade 1 but it just didn't happen. We're taking a break from it for a few months and then possibly going to try again.  

listening to kirtan and paath helps a lot and does sooth the hurt, but i tend to come back to earth with a bump when around others. 

IVF only has a 33% chance of success per cycle so don't be disheartened and don't forget to live/love your life and hopefully things will work out for you and your partner.

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Jacfsing2 said:

Most Punjabis don't focus on a Soya diet, and even the vegeterian ones focus more on Saabjis and Dals, with Roti. That would help if O.P. said she was an Oriental though.

These days in the west maybe it's different? I know the vege sides of the family do actually consume soya based foods. Whether it is enough to effect them hormonally - I don't know. 

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3 hours ago, dallysingh101 said:

These days in the west maybe it's different? I know the vege sides of the family do actually consume soya based foods. Whether it is enough to effect them hormonally - I don't know. 

It's more the younger generation that don't make daals/sabji that consume soya, especially fast food or frozen. I also read that soya affects people, but I can't remember if it was the hormones. 

But thanks for letting us know that. 

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Guest Experienced

Diet does not play the only major role in this. Healthy diet is recommended for dozen of reasons and it is true that healthy diet does help the chances of conceiving.

We just celebrated our 13th yr marriage anniversary and we have 2 small kids. For the first couple of years, we want to work and settle down. I consider that as our big mistake. Next, we spent 5 years of conceiving and then we decided for IUI treatment and guru jee blessed us with kid on our 9th year of our marriage. Easy to say in one line but it is hard time for young couples. I have also seen marriages fall apart from this. The bond between husband and wife should be very strong regardless of kids or no kids. 

- Do not listen to others. Keep the business of treatment and so on private from friends and relatives.
- IVF Treatment in India is cheaper but do not believe everything there as they are heavily commercialized and they have no ethics and its more like baby farming. I listened to few bad stories but there are good treatment centers too.
- Jealousy does happens but it is not good for you while trying as this adds more negative changes of not conceiving. Positive mind is needed.
- The mind state of both couple, especially the lady should be very calm and free from tension of getting pregnant. Trust and leave it to guru jee.

 

 

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On 09/01/2016 at 0:58 PM, Guest hsingh said:

hi all was wondering if anyone could help or has been through the same thing.

myself and my wife are both approaching our 30's and of course everyone is asking the big question 'when are you going to have a baby'

we been trying unsuccessfully for a while and are now seeking treatment at the hospital.

the question is less to do with what can i do so god listens to my prayers to have a baby, but more to do how do i control my vices. Typical when I get asked about having kids I can't control my anger and lash out as I'm reluctant to tell people whats going on behind the scenes.

Secondly I'm struggling to control my jealousy as it seems every person and their dog seems to be pregnant and having babies.

I accept that having a blessing such as a baby is in gods will and will happen when its meant to be. But i just don't want it to change who I am as a person whilst we're waiting for the blessing to arrive.

Thanks :)

Waheguru Ji, 

I have worked in a fertility clinic myself and I can say that from what I've seen first hand, I understand that it is the single most hardest thing a couple goes through. Not to mention the amount of money you have to give in order to have a child. 

I apologize ahead of time as I haven't read all the other posts so I'm sorry if this may be a repeat of what someone has already suggested. 

I would suggest a few things and please try to follow them as best you can:

1. Try changing both of your diets. Eat as vegan as you can. The reason I say this is because we really don't know what half of the ingredients are in what we eat. These chemicals do so much damage to our bodies and we don't even realize it.  Organic is the best way you can go. 

2. Cut out stress. Stress releases hormones. In a woman,  hormones are produced in the lower abdomen. These organs need to balanced between progesterone and estrogen. Too much or too little of these will make the organs out of complete balance causing other issues asides from just infertility eg. Endometriosis. 

3. Meditate. Meditation is the best form of soooo many things. So you can never go wrong. 

4. Hukham. As hard as this is, we also have to learn to just simply  trust that everything is as is in its perfectist (if that's a word) form. 

5. Smile. To help overcome the anger and other negative mood symptoms you feel. Just by physically smiling or laughing can instantly change your entire body language and how it feels. 

Edited by singhnee~22

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    • Here is a pauri by Guru Nanak Dev ji which addresses some of these issues: ਪਉੜੀ ॥ ਸਾਰੰਗ ਕੀ ਵਾਰ: (ਮਃ ੪) ਗੁਰੂ ਗ੍ਰੰਥ ਸਾਹਿਬ ਅੰਗ ੧੨੩੭    ਆਪੇ ਆਪਿ ਨਿਰੰਜਨਾ ਜਿਨਿ ਆਪੁ ਉਪਾਇਆ ॥ The Immaculate Lord Himself, by Himself, created Himself. ਆਪੇ ਖੇਲੁ ਰਚਾਇਓਨੁ ਸਭੁ ਜਗਤੁ ਸਬਾਇਆ ॥ He Himself created the whole drama of all the world's play. ਤ੍ਰੈ ਗੁਣ ਆਪਿ ਸਿਰਜਿਅਨੁ ਮਾਇਆ ਮੋਹੁ ਵਧਾਇਆ ॥ He Himself formed the three gunas, the three qualities; He increased the attachment to Maya. ਗੁਰ ਪਰਸਾਦੀ ਉਬਰੇ ਜਿਨ ਭਾਣਾ ਭਾਇਆ ॥ By Guru's Grace, they are saved - those who love the Will of God. ਨਾਨਕ ਸਚੁ ਵਰਤਦਾ ਸਭ ਸਚਿ ਸਮਾਇਆ ॥੧॥ O Nanak, the True Lord is pervading everywhere; all are contained within the True Lord. ||1||   The shabad states that God created the creation and maya (illusion). The Guru grants Grace and saves those who love God's will. Those who love God's Will will be saved. Meanwhile, the likes of your "friend" will remain entangled in fruitless philosophical arguments. Note: I may quibble with the translation of the first line. Some scholars think that when Gurbani talks of God "creating Himself", it's referring to establishing himself in the Universe.
    • If your "friend" wants to know exactly "how" God created the creation, I would say that that's a totally worthless question. Why does he need to know "how" God created the world and infused with Maya (3 qualities and 5 vices)? Is he planning to create a universe anytime soon? About such philosophical exercises, Guru ji says: ਸਹਸ ਸਿਆਣਪਾ ਲਖ ਹੋਹਿ ਤ ਇਕ ਨ ਚਲੈ ਨਾਲਿ ॥ 
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      ਰਾਮ ਨਾਮੁ ਵਖਰੁ ਹੈ ਊਤਮੁ ਹਰਿ ਨਾਇਕੁ ਪੁਰਖੁ ਹਮਾਰਾ ॥ ਹਰਿ ਖੇਲੁ ਕੀਆ ਹਰਿ ਆਪੇ ਵਰਤੈ ਸਭੁ 
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      ਜੈਸੇ ਹਰਹਟ ਕੀ ਮਾਲਾ ਟਿੰਡ ਲਗਤ ਹੈ ॥ ਇਕ ਸਖਨੀ ਹੋਰ ਫੇਰ ਭਰੀਅਤ ਹੈ ॥ ਤੈਸੋ ਹੀ ਇਹ ਖੇਲੁ 
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      ਸੋ, 
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