30 Day Going Sober Blog

[sikhni777]

This may be a bit harsh - but thats what I think. I choose to speak my mind out, which is for your own benefit.

I woke up early this morning and didnt do much, the boredem started to take over so I tried to keep myself busy by doing some cooking. I usually do my training in the evening but because I was bored, I did it this afternoon and just watched crap on tv

So this tells us about how you may have started this bad habit.

BOREDOM!!!

You could have tried

1. tying your turban.

2. Do your path or some meditation or even start to read your sehaj path even if it just be in English.

3. Read the post I had put on here earlier which you never saw. It had a book which you could have read.

They were trying to pressure me into drinking (this is the bad crowd I try to stay away from) but I just kept turning it down, I didnt feel the urge at the time.

If you keep responding to this crowd, one day you will not have the strength to say no. You have just started to avoid your drinking. As you progress into keeping away from it - your no will not be that strong.

You are advised to start to keep away from that crowd. Change your phone number if the need arises. You will go downhill again if you don't.

I was bored out my head sitting there without a drink and had a really <banned word filter activated> night.

Yes you will not enjoy it - because you go to pubs to drink and loose your self and talk nonsense.

So why do you need to go there now? To socialise? You can do much better. Find another crowd before these 30 days are over.

I have to admit, the reason I came home is because I knew I hadn't completed a blog for today and I thought how much of a fudu would I look if I flopped on day 16 lol so if anything, this blog has kept me out of trouble!

This blog is not going to be around forever. Unless you start another blog like 30+ days after staying sober. You need another reason to come home. You still have about 14 days to come up with some. Perhaps then you need to start another blog after this one - telling us about how your sehaj path is going on and what you are understanding about it so others can benefit from it. (That may bring you home)

You need good religious books. You did well in saying no to pressures. You need to start going to the Guradwara and reading Gurbani. Frankly I am a bit dissappointed that after a basics of Sikhi event, you did not return to the Guradwara on Sunday. It seems like you got nothing out of it!!!!

If you want to give up drinking for good you need the Lords name which will sustain you. We, this blog, blogs and other things are not around forever. Turn to sangat. Persist in going to the Guradwara and trying to listen even if you dont understand anything. Keep away from bad company, pubs and the like.

( I just chose to speak my mind whether you like it or not. It is better than having to come back to a blog and check Oh wheres that guy?)

SGGS Ang 986 says

ਮਾਲੀ ਗਉੜਾ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ॥

Mali Gaura, 5th Guru.

ਐਸੋ ਸਹਾਈ ਹਰਿ ਕੋ ਨਾਮ ॥

Such a helper is the Lord's Name.

ਸਾਧਸੰਗਤਿ ਭਜੁ ਪੂਰਨ ਕਾਮ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

Contemplating the Lord in the saints society, one's affairs are arranged. Pause.

ਬੂਡਤ ਕਉ ਜੈਸੇ ਬੇੜੀ ਮਿਲਤ ॥

As is the boarding a boat for the drowning man.

ਬੂਝਤ ਦੀਪਕ ਮਿਲਤ ਤਿਲਤ ॥

As the dying lamp, burns by obtaining oil.

ਜਲਤ ਅਗਨੀ ਮਿਲਤ ਨੀਰ ॥

As the burning fire is quenched with pouring of water.

ਜੈਸੇ ਬਾਰਿਕ ਮੁਖਹਿ ਖੀਰ ॥੧॥

As the child is satiated by oozing milk in the mouth.

ਜੈਸੇ ਰਣ ਮਹਿ ਸਖਾ ਭ੍ਰਾਤ ॥

As in the battle, brother becomes a succourer.

ਜੈਸੇ ਭੂਖੇ ਭੋਜਨ ਮਾਤ ॥

As the hunger of the hungry man is satisfied with food.

ਜੈਸੇ ਕਿਰਖਹਿ ਬਰਸ ਮੇਘ ॥

As bursting of cloud saves the crop.

ਜੈਸੇ ਪਾਲਨ ਸਰਨਿ ਸੇਂਘ ॥੨॥

As in the tiger's refuge, One is well protected.

ਗਰੁੜ ਮੁਖਿ ਨਹੀ ਸਰਪ ਤ੍ਰਾਸ ॥

As with eagle's (Garar's) spell in the mouth, one fears not the snake.

ਸੂਆ ਪਿੰਜਰਿ ਨਹੀ ਖਾਇ ਬਿਲਾਸੁ ॥

As the cat can eat not the parrot in the cage.

ਜੈਸੋ ਆਂਡੋ ਹਿਰਦੇ ਮਾਹਿ ॥

As is the reflection in the mind for the eggs.

ਜੈਸੋ ਦਾਨੋ ਚਕੀ ਦਰਾਹਿ ॥੩॥

As the grains are saved by sticking to the central peg of the quern. (so does the Lord's Name emancipates those, who place it in their mind.)

ਬਹੁਤੁ ਓਪਮਾ ਥੋਰ ਕਹੀ ॥

Great is Thy glory, O God, I can narrate put a little.

ਹਰਿ ਅਗਮ ਅਗਮ ਅਗਾਧਿ ਤੁਹੀ ॥

Thou art lllimitable, Inaccessible and Inapprehensible, O God.

ਊਚ ਮੂਚੌ ਬਹੁ ਅਪਾਰ ॥

Thou art very high, great and Infinite.

ਸਿਮਰਤ ਨਾਨਕ ਤਰੇ ਸਾਰ ॥੪॥੩॥

Meditating on the Lord, one is ferried across, O Nanak.

[sikhni777]

Well, I do apologise from the bottom of my heart for being judgemental. I sit here judging you because I have only your words to go by. So what you say is what I judge you from.

I do feel sorry that your sangat is not being supportive. (Personally - I just wanted to say this at some point that sometimes we should go by other people especially sangat - because they are not perfect either. I have a bro in law who goes Guradwara everyday and he comes and treats us all - well like minor beings, which we all hate. So yes no one is perfect except God himself)

I am sorry for letting my frustration on to you. We have some extension work going on and it has taken ages such that we have had to sacrifice going to the Guradwara on Sundays. When we go there, my son just does not sit down and listen. So I do not get all the bliss which I would otherwise get. Therefore I feel angry that you have the chance to go and never went. Sorry my fault. It would be terrible for me if you decided to back out because of what I said.

There are times you can go to the Guradwara and feel totally out of sorts. This one episode - where my son went and sat with a group of children who had colouring pencils about 30 of them amongst themselves and he grabbed about 5 and would not let go of them. Their mum just turned to me and remarked - don't you know that these are for my children and your son. My son would not let go of them - and I had to take him outside and snatch the pencils to return them. They even took my sons own pencils and did not bother to return them. ( It is not in order to do chugli of sangat - but yes at one point I did feel like mentioning to you that the Guradwara might not be the best place to get into one with God)

So - theres the dilemma. Good people exist in the Guradwara, but they are bad to us. Look at the examples of the Bhagats. Bhagat Naamdev goes to the Temple. He is beaten and thrown out by the pundits. However because his bhagti was accepted by God, God himself turned the door of the temple to face Bhagat Naamdev.

ਹਸਤ ਖੇਲਤ ਤੇਰੇ ਦੇਹੁਰੇ ਆਇਆ ॥

In a laughing and sportive mood, I came to Thy temple, O Lord.

ਭਗਤਿ ਕਰਤ ਨਾਮਾ ਪਕਰਿ ਉਠਾਇਆ ॥੧॥

Whilst Nama, was worshipping, he was caught hold of and driven away.

ਹੀਨੜੀ ਜਾਤਿ ਮੇਰੀ ਜਾਦਿਮ ਰਾਇਆ ॥

A low caste is mine, O my Lord, the king of Yadwas.

ਛੀਪੇ ਕੇ ਜਨਮਿ ਕਾਹੇ ਕਉ ਆਇਆ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

Why was I born a calico-printer? Pause.

ਲੈ ਕਮਲੀ ਚਲਿਓ ਪਲਟਾਇ ॥

Taking up his blanket, Nama went back,

ਦੇਹੁਰੈ ਪਾਛੈ ਬੈਠਾ ਜਾਇ ॥੨॥

and going behind the temple sat down there.

ਜਿਉ ਜਿਉ ਨਾਮਾ ਹਰਿ ਗੁਣ ਉਚਰੈ ॥

As Nam Dev uttered the Lord's praise,

ਭਗਤ ਜਨਾਂ ਕਉ ਦੇਹੁਰਾ ਫਿਰੈ ॥੩॥੬॥

so did the temple turn towards the saintly person.

Therefore we need to try to make ourselves right with God. It is only possible through meditation and path and simran. There is no other way. If you persist with your meditation without worrying whether it is blissful or not perhaps it would be beneficial.

I was going to suggest that you try to attend a Guradwara which is in an area where no one knows you for instance Birmingham or any other place where your crowd do not go.

( When we were younger at least I had my sister to stand by me. We had nasty friends too at the Guradwara. In the end we ended up not talking to them. (This was in the country Kenya) My first experience of having attended a Guradwara in England at the age of ten was rejection by the group of girls who was playing outside. Today the Guradwara we go to - we know no one there. We just listen to kirtan - concentrate and come back home.

Sorry if I upset you - did not intend to. (Perhaps I should sort my own frustrations out before trying to sort other peoples lives out)

Any way I hope from the bottom of my heart that you do quit your bad habits, manage to make new good friends and find bliss in meditation.

[simran345]

Paji , don't worry about the sangat, people can change and obtain their hearts desire without it too. There are many people who do not get to participate in sangat, and the right one, but still one can do this on their own, as long as they have Wahegurus grace and devotion towards them.

I also agree forcing somebody to do something even if it's for their benefit is not a good idea. One needs to experience the spiritual side themselves. You can praise God at home too, they are everywhere.

It doesn't matter that you didn't go the next day to Gurdwara, there is no point doing something if your hearts not into it. I understand about the sangat not being supportive, but don't let that stop your destination. Do it on your own, as your own motivation and Waheguru's grace is the support to this. It's not going to help by pushing yourself either spiritually, it will happen when Waheguru graces, and when your soul is ready to participate in sangat it will.

But if you don't feel comfortable because of certain sangat members, then sit elsewhere in Darbar Sahib, or go to a different Gurdwara. There's quite a few there.

You may have good days and you may have not so good days, but the not so good days, use them to reflect on your journey and what you have achieved. Where you think you are struggling, plan a method, not to go into tempting environments. Maybe change your activities, or doing some seva?

Don't give in because it's getting difficult at times, you are right nobody can judge you, only you know the situation you are in, but I'm sure Sikhni777 penji' intention was not to belittle you.

What matters is you attended the Basics of Sikhi event, and took away something from it, so it's a positive start and this is what you should be focusing on, positive steps.

[KhoonKaBadlaKhoon]

I dont think your friends are trying to ruin your progress or drag you down. Coming from a similar background as you, I think we only try pressuring those we want to have a good time with. Just got to show them you are serious, and they should back off. In my opinion you dont have to entirely cut them out of your life, especially if these are close close friends.

[Guest]

Hey man I know it feels like life sucks and all but there is always a bright side. There is always the sun behind the clouds. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.

When the going gets tough the tough get going! You my friend are tough for even trying to battle this big task. You are trying to change your life which is the big thing. No matter how hard it seems or how much we think we can't change but the truth is YOU CAN DO IT AND CHANGE! You have the willpower in you even though it seems dim now but you have it in you!! You have to create the future you want and you totally can do it!!!

The best way to predict the future is to create it. ~Abraham Lincoln

I recommend you go for a cruise to another city or something and visit the museum or something. Do something you haven't done before. It freshes your mind. The same repetition is what bores a person. Instead of making your same own smoothie you should find different recipes so there is some flavour in your life. Doing small things like that makes life fun! Join a cooking or knitting or baking class. Learn guitar or something! Make a new hobby! Make life fun man! Trying to do something rigid everyday makes life tough.

I have faith oin you brother! YOU CAN DO IT!

[dallysingh101]

My honest thoughts that are going through my head right now are forget all this, whats the point. My life is a mess and no matter how hard I try, I feel as if I can't fix it.

I think you need to give yourself some credit. You've had the mental strength to last this long. That is saying something.

Obviously I'm not going to lash out and go for a drink because I wouldn't be on here if I did. Im just going to go bed, I can't do paath or meditate in this state I just have a million things going through my head so it would be pointless.

Personally, I feel that is one of the secrets. Teaching your brain (slowly, over time, to calm the eff down) what I've noticed after a few years of doing it now is that when my mind goes into a frenzy like you describe, simran helps to slow it down - now it doesn't always stop the thoughts running wild but it significantly clamps down on them to make me more calmer.

If I had to sum up in one word how I felt today, it would be 'alone'. This is so hard to do alone without even thinking about my personal problems. I have noone to talk to within my friends circle or my family circle, I look at others and think there so lucky to have a wife/husband who is there for them.

Don't think you are alone in this, a lot of people have had the same experience. Another point you might want to reflect on is: If you don't get a grip on this lifestyle you're living, what kind of husband would you really make? How long would any decent girl stick around if her geezer is coming home lashed and/or charged up on charlie every other day? Then think about having kids and how that might effect them....

Maybe this is me paying for the mistakes I made in my life. Anyways I'm going to end this here, I've tried to detail as much as possible whats going through my head so you understand what drives me to drink and drugs. I do appreciate all the support and help I'm getting on here but its not the same as having the support in person. You guys come on here and read about the way I am and try to help me out but its not the same as having someone in your family sitting with you or a friend sitting with you talking

Make do with what support you get for now brother. Remember, before the Internet, you wouldn't even have this probably. Keep straight, and if Wahguru is going to send you someone else they will - if not they may be giving you 'tough love' to push you to learn self-reliance.

All things said and done, I think you should be a bit kinder on yourself for having come so far. What I get from reading your posts is that there is someone back there who is capable of very difficult, critical self -examination and uncommonly brave honesty and independent thought. You might not recognise it, but these characteristics are rare, and you are blessed to have them bro.

Keep your head up.

[simran345]

You have to find something to replace the drink to look forward to. There are a lot of things you can do if you put your mind at it.

Plan some tasks for the weekend, there is so much to do.

Like I said before don't dwell what you are not able to do, but what you have achieved. You are going through a blip phase, it's normal.

Sorry I keep asking this, do you think you need some counselling, as you are worried about when the month is over?

The thought of doing paat is good, but when you are either reading or listening to it, try to understand the meanings of the Gurbani, rather than just reading.

Do you like to sing while shabads are playing ?

Don't worry about not having support of a wife. There are people who have spouses, but still don't get the support, so don't dwell on that.

I understand about not having somebody to share your problems with. But if you work on yourself, and the problems you have with drink and drugs, then a respectable woman will be interested in marrying you too.

Don't worry about not having anybody in real to talk too, the Pajis and penjis above are real people giving you advice too, so take honsla from that.

Keep happy, motivated and stress free.

?? Waheguru.

[kaurp]

Paaji U are doing a wonderful job.nobody is perfect in this world but recognising our drawbacks and working upon them is not easy.But u have not just decided to kill the negative side of urs but also have worked consistently over it.I can foresee your victory in this battle.So keep up the spirit and achieve ypur aim.

regarding your loneliness there are many people in this world who have become negative because of their wrong choices fr life partners.feel yourself lucky as you just have to manage your own stuff and I think it s the best time when you can bring about a transformation in yourself.Once you are in a relation you hardly get time to work upon yourself .

[dallysingh101]

DAY 19 - 20/01/2016

I woke up in a much better mood today but for the wrong reasons. I think in the back of my mind I keep reminding myself about the stag dos and then having to tell myself that I'm not drinking and I would have to be sober. The likelihood of me being sober on one of the stag dos is rare! Im trying really hard not to think about them but its hard not, I'm in a few group chats on watsapp that keep going off about them

My manager has asked me to go to Guernsey for work for a couple of days in Feb. When I've been there before its usually been a piss up! I go with my cousin (also my team leader) and we make the most of our expenses by getting hammered with colleagues out there. I don't want to go and put myself in that environment but I have to for work. When it comes down to my cousin, even though he's a lot older, I can put him in his place and have done before so its not him I'm worried about. Im not to happy about the colleagues over there arranging for a 'meal' which is more of a session than a meal. There all going to be disappointed and talking about me when I turn the drinks down and have an early night but I just need to stop caring about what people think

Also, I don't know if I mentioned this before but my works are doing a pub quiz thing on the 29th. I originally said that I would go and not drink but I told them today that I couldn't go at all. I don't want to waste my money or time in a place like that, If I am going on the stag dos, I need to save some money. I got questioned all day on why I wasn't going but I just told them I had something to do. I got the usual banter and my manager is still convinced that I'm lying lol Im 100% not going though

Here's a little tip: Yes, it is telling a white lie, but it might save you a bunch of hassle. Tell them you're on antibiotics for 2 weeks because you have some minor infection (be ready with more details about this if they press you), tell them the doctors told you you can't have alcohol whilst you take them. Then lose it if anyone keeps trying to push you, telling them "Are you trying to eff my health up mate!!"

Thats a good point about marriage, I need to sort myself out before I ruin someone else's life too

That should be a key motivator for you.

I still say having some alternate past times is a key thing too. When you find something that you really enjoy and have become committed to, wasting times getting smashed naturally begins to seem like a....well, waste of time, when you could be doing the thing you enjoy.

[simran345]

DAY 19 - 20/01/2016

I woke up in a much better mood today but for the wrong reasons. I think in the back of my mind I keep reminding myself about the stag dos and then having to tell myself that I'm not drinking and I would have to be sober. The likelihood of me being sober on one of the stag dos is rare! Im trying really hard not to think about them but its hard not, I'm in a few group chats on watsapp that keep going off about them

My manager has asked me to go to Guernsey for work for a couple of days in Feb. When I've been there before its usually been a piss up! I go with my cousin (also my team leader) and we make the most of our expenses by getting hammered with colleagues out there. I don't want to go and put myself in that environment but I have to for work. When it comes down to my cousin, even though he's a lot older, I can put him in his place and have done before so its not him I'm worried about. Im not to happy about the colleagues over there arranging for a 'meal' which is more of a session than a meal. There all going to be disappointed and talking about me when I turn the drinks down and have an early night but I just need to stop caring about what people think

Also, I don't know if I mentioned this before but my works are doing a pub quiz thing on the 29th. I originally said that I would go and not drink but I told them today that I couldn't go at all. I don't want to waste my money or time in a place like that, If I am going on the stag dos, I need to save some money. I got questioned all day on why I wasn't going but I just told them I had something to do. I got the usual banter and my manager is still convinced that I'm lying lol Im 100% not going though

I do plan things on the weekend penji but I get the jobs done so fast that I'm still left with hours of free time lol Im one of them people that get bored very easily. And no, I don't sing when shabads are playing, I try to listen to shabads before I go sleep but I don't understand them. I put my headphones and try hard to figure out what they are saying but I don't understand it

Thats a good point about marriage, I need to sort myself out before I ruin someone else's life too

If you don't understand the shabads you are listening to, I suggest you look for the meanings. Some shabads I put on the forum, I put the meanings with them, but it would be better if you researched yourself. This way you fill up the time and your efforts will be more rewarding.