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Married Life.....in Laws Hatered


kaur_2009
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Waheguru ji ka khalsa!Waheguru ji ki fateh!

Sadha sangat ji...i m vry much depression....i amritdhari girl ....

Mine was a love marriage.....as my parents are asked marrying me with a amritdhari and against me to take amrit.....so i married a long distance frnd in fb.......my husbands parent was also against our mrg as according to them he is much handsome smart heighted than me........but his son doesn't listen to parents and agree them to marry me.

After mrg father in law get hospitalized and all responsibility was under my shoulder.......b4 mrg i haven't done work...they started finding mistakes and laugh at me.......they do comments like amrit chakne nal kuch ni honda ghar safhai rakhani chahidi..............oh ladkiya batamiz hondi jedi sewa ni kardi.. and so on...........

I don't want to live with them, but if i will say i want to buy home and leave with my husband......they will again enzam on me....kida di nu etc etc

But what i will do as amritdhari i should not hate anyone......but i hate them as they laugh at my mistakes.....saas do toka taki alot.... how i ignore them and live with them?

mann ni karda ohna nal gal karan da

plz help

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now i had learned all.......but they always make fun of my mistakes......mistakes every human does......I get into depression bcoz she always compare me with her.......that at her time she had does lot of work.....now she wants that all should be done by her nu........she helps me.......but she talk bad about me and make fun with her sisters..........i do work and study......but they expect a lot from me they don't count my studies or work they just count what work i do at home............and make me depress by saying eda amritdhari ni honde etc etc.

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Penji it can be very difficult to live with a mother in law that does not understand. You seem to be doing a lot as you say, and still it is depressing you.

I think she is not understanding that you work and study too.

You need to have time for rest and spend time with your husband too, as you are not a servant, but a daughter in law, and should be treated Same as a daughter, you are also a wife, and probably a sister in law, depending on other siblings of your husband, and a future- to-be-mother. Therefore it is vital that you live in your home, and others have to be a part of joint effort, teamwork to make a family a strong and happy and fair one.

As Preet ji says discuss it with your husband and negotiate some things. Guruji is Ang sang .

By the way, are you in India or abroad?

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Guest kaur_2009

INDIAN.......my husband tried his best but his parents don't negotiate......and if we leave them with their other sons........then they nature is of blaming.......she is amritdhari she broke our home etc etc emotional torture.......she doesn't take care of his inlaws.......now my husband is saying me to ignore as there is no further way out.........now my husband also get irritated and say me to ignore all and don't discuss it with me

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Guest kaur_2009

MAIN PROBLEM OF MINE RITE NOW IS HATRED AS THEY BEHAVE WITH ME I FEEL HATRED.....BUT BEING GURU JI'S DAUGHTER I SHOULD NOT FEEL THIS...........BCOZ NO MATTER HOW THEY BEHAVE WITH ME.......A GIRLS LIFE IS TO BEHAVE GOOD WITH THEM......BCOZ I LIVE IN THERE HOUSE..........AND IF I LEAVE MY GOOD NATURE THEY WILL GET A POINT TO BLAME.........

BUT I FEEL TO LEAVE THE HOUSE.......OR DIE..........

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Noji there's no need to die. Maybe consider with your husband to buy your own home if you can afford it and if it's getting too much to cope with. Are the other sons married? But you are in India and I'm not sure how things work there if moving out is easy or not.

Is there any way your family can help? im afraid your husband is stuck in the middle and it must be difficult for him too, so has given into them.

I don't know what else to say penji. The hatred is making you bitter towards life, but don't be depressed, you go to work n study right? See you are strong and brave and are achieving something which other women who are at home and don't have that opportunity in India.

Give your husband some space, and keep praying to God to help you through this. Have you tried being nice to your sas? When was the last time you both had a laugh? Even with your husband, when did you both spend quality time together? Take some time out for maybe a picnic or shopping and build on your relationship, then tackle the other problems when your relationship is stronger. You have to take care of yourself, don't worry, without communication it's not going to get better. Keep honsla penji, all will fall into place, don't give up on Guruji, maybe you could stay at your parents for a break? And then go back and see if the break made any change. Being stuck in one situation is not good, do you have any friends to talk to?

How is your concentration in doing paat? Are you being distracted because of the household problems?

Keep ur mind strong and focused on Gurbani throughout the difficult times.

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Sister,

I am very very sorry to listen about your present condition. Only thing I can tell you, is just concentrate on what you are doing at any time, so that you do not make mistakes so oftenly.

Not that we are humans, and we can not make mistakes. But the unjust society always expects the best from women.

So "beta" start from this point, do the best by paying attention/concentration, in all that you do, so you do not give them chance to open their dirty mouths.

Once you succeed in this , believe me, you will get confidence in yourself and you will be in a position to progress, to handle all this negativity, but dear beta, you have to take the first step in succeeding in your paying attention in all what you do, be it studies, housework, etc.

It is not that I am perfect, but I do analyze and learn from any negative situations that I do face here and there; as Kalyug is full of negativity.

And usually I do overcome all that negativity, with His Grace.

We have to face negativity in order to overcome it, if we hide and become a bit weak, then that negativity eats us, and this we should not allow, cause if we do not struggle and fight for ourselves with losing balance, nobody will.

Then, within your ownself, pray to Wahiguru, talk to Him, not about accusing Him for your present condition, but asking Him for forgiveness for any past karma, for which you maybe going through, and then ask Him strength and grace to be able to go cheerfully through them.

At about 3 am, get up if possible and do His bhajan bandagee as much as you can without fail everyday, and throughout the day do as much as possible saas saas simran of Wahiguru.

Then leave it everything on Him, as whosoever inflicts pain on others, is planting the seed of pain for himself / herself.

God bless you.

Sat Sree Akal.

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Guest kaur_2009

Sister,

I am very very sorry to listen about your present condition. Only thing I can tell you, is just concentrate on what you are doing at any time, so that you do not make mistakes so oftenly.

Not that we are humans, and we can not make mistakes. But the unjust society always expects the best from women.

So "beta" start from this point, do the best by paying attention/concentration, in all that you do, so you do not give them chance to open their dirty mouths.

Once you succeed in this , believe me, you will get confidence in yourself and you will be in a position to progress, to handle all this negativity, but dear beta, you have to take the first step in succeeding in your paying attention in all what you do, be it studies, housework, etc.

It is not that I am perfect, but I do analyze and learn from any negative situations that I do face here and there; as Kalyug is full of negativity.

And usually I do overcome all that negativity, with His Grace.

We have to face negativity in order to overcome it, if we hide and become a bit weak, then that negativity eats us, and this we should not allow, cause if we do not struggle and fight for ourselves with losing balance, nobody will.

Then, within your ownself, pray to Wahiguru, talk to Him, not about accusing Him for your present condition, but asking Him for forgiveness for any past karma, for which you maybe going through, and then ask Him strength and grace to be able to go cheerfully through them.

At about 3 am, get up if possible and do His bhajan bandagee as much as you can without fail everyday, and throughout the day do as much as possible saas saas simran of Wahiguru.

Then leave it everything on Him, as whosoever inflicts pain on others, is planting the seed of pain for himself / herself.

God bless you.

Sat Sree Akal.

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Guest kaur_2009

Thanx for ur replies....I really hve to be vry strong to fight with the situation. ...I get weaken and mind get disturbed. ...buying a new house separating frm in laws is not easy in india veer ji...if I do so whole life they will blame me that bcoz of her our family broken. ...i m amritdhari...waheguru ji deaha sansaar ni eda allow karde...it will be a insult of amritdhari's if anyone does wrong...people start talking amritdhari eda hi honde..amrit chakan da ki faiyda etc etc...I am much concern about this....so can only wait till they separate all...but it will take longtime...so I can just pray. ...

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