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Guest Man preset Singh

since you will have more time. you can start on your 10-15 hour simran sessions

I usually do an hour at night and morning. I like to do practical things to help people with the rest of my time.

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  • 2 months later...
Guest Surinder Kaur

Maybe prenuptial agreements is the answer for the Sikh community. I certainly will be suggesting this to my daughters before they marry as they will have property in their own names before they get married and will need to protect their interests should the unimaginable happen.. My son too of course......

So sad to hear men also be so negative about marriages. I thought it was just women that spoke like that. Nevertheless guys you do need to acknowledge that the majority of break ups are caused by Unreasonable behaviour from the male spouses which is why its almost always the women who are initiating the divorce and bearing the brunt of the legal costs. Men have a misconception that women largely take great pleasure in the divorce process and look forward to a single life but you are so wrong.....ask any guy who has had to endure the torture of supporting his sister to divorce her husband of 23 years after he was caught having extra marital affairs by his teenage children. Ask my brother.

Ask any single woman if she enjoys being a single parent and having no adult companionship to share her woes with.....its the hardest mountain to climb and the most courageous thing to do.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Dear Surinder Kaur

Don't think that the problem is gender based it really depends who is on the receiving end. With lame law and twisted people the balance of the equation can be easily tipped in the wrong direction. I am separated male after marriage of more than 10 years and worst thing (or best) I am left on my own in this country as my family is back in India. As kids are involved I can not simply pack my bags and go.

Ex has been playing dirty tricks and only let me meet kids only couple of times in the month so that she can get the "larger" share of finances.

Sometimes it looks like just wasted this life for nothing!

Thanks

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Guest Surinder Kaur

And your story is subjective to your circumstances. I acknowledge that a lot of women may avenge their ex husband's bad behaviour during marriage by using the only tool left available to them - The children. This is so wrong on so many levels and those women will regret their behaviour years later when the anger and bitterness subsides and the grown up children start questioning why they don't see their dad.

However I have not resorted to this kind of behaviour and I have encouraged contact between my children and their father on a weekly basis, even when their father doesn't want to see them through arrogance I will drop them to his house and pick them up. People in the community tell me that I am being too generous and fair and that how could I even allow him to see the children after what he did to me. Well my answer to that is that Waheguru presented the truth to me in such a way that the only route left to us was divorce and we divorced each other but we didn't divorce the children from ourselves. We became divorced single people but we will always remain parents regardless of the practicalities of where those children live and whose care they are in. I spent most of my life without a father as he died when I was young and I missed him every single day - I never want my children to feel that they cant see or spend time with their father while he is still living and breathing because their is no replacement for him.

Finally, please my friend don't feel bitter about where the children reside and finances etc, it is completely logically for the parent providing the majority of care to receive the most financial help. People don't take into account all the elements of that care a single parent provides to their children. its not just the obvious in terms of food, clothes, paying bills, mortgage, uniform, school trips, school lunches, books, university costs, travel but its also the emotional burden where by you have to fulfil the absent parents role too. The absent parent doesn't get the ups and downs of the child's emotional state, the dramas that have to be resolved in the middle of the night, the missing homework, the broken down laptop, transporting the children at all hours of the day, the school parent evenings, the stress of exams, bickering between the children, demands for things that their friends have.. I could go on and on...

Believe me its not easy being the main carer for the children and having custody.

I wish you well and hope you can rebuild a meaningful relationship with your children, it may seem difficult in the early stages but you will need to gain their trust and respect and try to overcome the situation for the sake of your long term relationship as a father.

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  • 2 months later...

No offence, to all these males here going on about "she'll get 50". Guess what? Your parents are probably together just for the sake of owning 50 of their own share without the hassle of going to the court.

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Ask any single woman if she enjoys being a single parent and having no adult companionship to share her woes with.....its the hardest mountain to climb and the most courageous thing to do.

I don't know about this: women are really good at finding emotional support from friends who don't judge them when they let it all out. I see my female friends and female relatives do it all the time. I've got relatives who've been crying with friends about their divorce for like 30 odd years.... I think they like all the attention and sympathy by that point. But it is REALLY weird to see them going on and on about the same issue over decades - even when they are living REALLY comfortably?

Men in contrast have to generally abide by macho masculine norms, which means they have to bottle up the worse experiences, and are not free to talk about them openly lest they appear to be some sort of weak, he-<banned word filter activated>.

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  • 1 year later...
Guest Sangat please help

Help from Sangat is needed.

Is divorcing a borderline wife wrong if extreme but episodes occur month after month which involve hysterical tears and behavior?

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Guest London jwaan

"Maybe prenuptial agreements is the answer for the Sikh community. I certainly will be suggesting this to my daughters before they marry as they will have property in their own names before they get married and will need to protect their interests should the unimaginable happen.. My son too of course......"

Nice idea, but firstly you do realise that prenups are entirely unenforceable in law in the UK? Also what person would agree to signing a prenup in the first place? It indicates mistrust from the outset.

"Nevertheless guys you do need to acknowledge that the Nevertheless guys you do need to acknowledge that the majority of break ups are caused by Unreasonable behaviour from the male spouses which is why its almost always the women who are initiating the divorce and bearing the brunt of the legal costs. Men have a misconception that women largely take great pleasure in the divorce process and look forward to a single life but you are so wrong.....ask any guy who has had to endure the torture of supporting his sister to divorce her husband of 23 years after he was caught having extra marital affairs by his teenage children. Ask my brother. "

This is a ridiculous, baseless stereotype based on your incident. What about the unreasonable behaviour from females sleeping with Pakistani taxi drivers or English colleagues from work? What about the females that make their husbands life hell by extracting as much money as possible to send to their own family and speak to their in laws with total disrespect?

About 5 years ago there was a situation in Birmingham where a dedicated religious sikhni suddenly decided to start sleeping with the pakistani builder (15 years younger)who was fixing their bathroom while her husband was at work. then planned to divorce him, take the house and the kids. The husband was do distraught he jumped off a bridge on the m5 and killed himself? What about that? If you don't believe me, Google the Birmingham post from January 2012 with man jumps off m5 bridge key words.

Just because your experience was stressful, it's folly to declare that the entire male population will have affairs. You're talking right out of your jagsaw with that sweeping stereotype.

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