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Guest Swan

Divorce

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A quick question. Having recently gone through divorce and seeing that lots of people are getting divorced these days, is there still a stigma attached to divorce? Also is it worse for men or woman.

For all going through this unpleasant life event, have hope and remember that no good marriage ever ended in divorce. There is always something better just around the corner, it takes time to heal but time really is the key.

Me personally have chosen to remain single and avoid relations with woman is a new phenomenon called MGTOW men going there own way. Men historically have always gone their own way however with western marriage law and post modern feminism marriage is just not a good deal for men. If the relationship goes wrong (50% of marriages in UK end in divorce) then men risk losing there home money and any reasonable access to see their children. Marriage is a business contract that is about money, this is why if it goes to divorce then all it is about the money. Sad state of affairs. I honestly feel sorry for people that are getting married these days, everyone congratulates but I want to tell them to do it.

Now I follow my passions and enjoy my life without conflict I choose what I want to do when I want to do it. I help lots of people in my community and the best bit is that i can see my family and friends when I choose and my money is mine.

Has anyone else chosen a going your own way life? It does not matter is female or male as both can choose to live this life.

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A quick question. Having recently gone through divorce and seeing that lots of people are getting divorced these days, is there still a stigma attached to divorce? Also is it worse for men or woman.

For all going through this unpleasant life event, have hope and remember that no good marriage ever ended in divorce. There is always something better just around the corner, it takes time to heal but time really is the key.

Me personally have chosen to remain single and avoid relations with woman is a new phenomenon called MGTOW men going there own way. Men historically have always gone their own way however with western marriage law and post modern feminism marriage is just not a good deal for men. If the relationship goes wrong (50% of marriages in UK end in divorce) then men risk losing there home money and any reasonable access to see their children. Marriage is a business contract that is about money, this is why if it goes to divorce then all it is about the money. Sad state of affairs. I honestly feel sorry for people that are getting married these days, everyone congratulates but I want to tell them to do it.

Now I follow my passions and enjoy my life without conflict I choose what I want to do when I want to do it. I help lots of people in my community and the best bit is that i can see my family and friends when I choose and my money is mine.

Has anyone else chosen a going your own way life? It does not matter is female or male as both can choose to live this life.

I can't help with the divorce part, but you should feel free to live your life however you feel will be most beneficial to everyone. It should be the same for both genders.
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A quick question. Having recently gone through divorce and seeing that lots of people are getting divorced these days, is there still a stigma attached to divorce? Also is it worse for men or woman.

For all going through this unpleasant life event, have hope and remember that no good marriage ever ended in divorce. There is always something better just around the corner, it takes time to heal but time really is the key.

Me personally have chosen to remain single and avoid relations with woman is a new phenomenon called MGTOW men going there own way. Men historically have always gone their own way however with western marriage law and post modern feminism marriage is just not a good deal for men. If the relationship goes wrong (50% of marriages in UK end in divorce) then men risk losing there home money and any reasonable access to see their children. Marriage is a business contract that is about money, this is why if it goes to divorce then all it is about the money. Sad state of affairs. I honestly feel sorry for people that are getting married these days, everyone congratulates but I want to tell them to do it.

Now I follow my passions and enjoy my life without conflict I choose what I want to do when I want to do it. I help lots of people in my community and the best bit is that i can see my family and friends when I choose and my money is mine.

Has anyone else chosen a going your own way life? It does not matter is female or male as both can choose to live this life.

since you will have more time. you can start on your 10-15 hour simran sessions Edited by SadSingh

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You don't have to get remarried if you don't want to. I think both genders have the same troubles after being divorced, girls seem to have it easier though :) Just do something that won't be regretful and that is phaat and jaap :)

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A quick question. Having recently gone through divorce and seeing that lots of people are getting divorced these days, is there still a stigma attached to divorce? Also is it worse for men or woman.

For all going through this unpleasant life event, have hope and remember that no good marriage ever ended in divorce. There is always something better just around the corner, it takes time to heal but time really is the key.

Me personally have chosen to remain single and avoid relations with woman is a new phenomenon called MGTOW men going there own way. Men historically have always gone their own way however with western marriage law and post modern feminism marriage is just not a good deal for men. If the relationship goes wrong (50% of marriages in UK end in divorce) then men risk losing there home money and any reasonable access to see their children. Marriage is a business contract that is about money, this is why if it goes to divorce then all it is about the money. Sad state of affairs. I honestly feel sorry for people that are getting married these days, everyone congratulates but I want to tell them to do it.

Now I follow my passions and enjoy my life without conflict I choose what I want to do when I want to do it. I help lots of people in my community and the best bit is that i can see my family and friends when I choose and my money is mine.

Has anyone else chosen a going your own way life? It does not matter is female or male as both can choose to live this life.

Just be sure to not let bitterness consume you. Whilst the MGTOW lifestyle is great in theory, I've observed it's attracting a lot of angry, twisted men who lack any semblance of perspective and balance... a bit like the feminists they deride, lol! That's where Sikhi comes into play IMO, but you may disagree.

This is a personal question so feel free not to respond, but will you be forgoing all relations with the opposite sex (you know what I'm referring to), or will you operate a no-strings policy?

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Open question, is it possible to have an Anand Karaj without signing a marriage contract or having a government registrar present?

That sounds like the ideal to me. Your marriage is sanctified by your Guru, and you aren't subject to the anti-male legal clauses of marriage should you choose to divorce later on.

Honestly though, I'm a bit flabbergasted that men continue to get hitched when they know that there is a 50% chance that they will eventually get divorced and lose their kids and half their junk. If you were skydiving and you were told that there was a 50% chance your parachute wouldn't open, would you take the jump?

Edited by Balkaar
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Open question, is it possible to have an Anand Karaj without signing a marriage contract or having a government registrar present?

That sounds like the ideal to me. Your marriage is sanctified by your Guru, and you aren't subject to the anti-male legal clauses of marriage should you choose to divorce later on.

Honestly though, I'm a bit flabbergasted that men continue to get hitched when they know that there is a 50% chance that they will eventually get divorced and lose their kids and half their junk. If you were skydiving and you were told that there was a 50% chance your parachute wouldn't open, would you take the jump?

Lol those are the same men who don't act dharmic, so it isn't surprising that they do paap.

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Open question, is it possible to have an Anand Karaj without signing a marriage contract or having a government registrar present?

I don't see why not.

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Open question, is it possible to have an Anand Karaj without signing a marriage contract or having a government registrar present?

There's something similar in Sharia that's getting some bad press lately. Apparently, it's possible for a Muslim male to divorce his wife - from a religious Islamic perspective - by saying talaaq three times (not all at once; some guys use the first utterance of the word as a warning to the wife to buck up her ideas. The third time is supposedly the clincher), as long as the nikaah hasn't been registered legally of course. The system is open to abuse as has been evidenced by a few instances where the wife has gone to a Sharia hearing for a ruling from an Islamic scholar, in which instance the feeling is that the judgement almost always emerges in favour of the guy.

Invariably, there's a few Muslim feminist types that have brought this to the attention of the western media with the obvious response being how despicably misogynistic the whole thing is for the wife. The last time I heard there may have been a legal ruling in the UK that insisted Islamic marriages must be registered, I could be wrong though.

Edited by MisterrSingh

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There's something similar in Sharia that's getting some bad press lately. Apparently, it's possible for a Muslim male to divorce his wife - from a religious Islamic perspective - by saying talaaq three times (not all at once; some guys use the first utterance of the word as a warning to the wife to buck up her ideas. The third time is supposedly the clincher), as long as the nikaah hasn't been registered legally of course. The system is open to abuse as has been evidenced by a few instances where the wife has gone to a Sharia hearing for a ruling from an Islamic scholar, in which instance the feeling is that the judgement almost always emerges in favour of the guy.

Invariably, there's a few Muslim feminist types that have brought this to the attention of the western media with the obvious response being how despicably misogynistic the whole thing is for the wife. The last time I heard there may have been a legal ruling in the UK that insisted Islamic marriages must be registered, I could be wrong though.

That shouldn't be as funny as it is.

Well I guess if they've implemented compulsory registration for Muslim marriages, they're bound to have done it for everyone else as well in keeping with political correctness. Damn it, marriage was just beginning to seem bearable.

Edited by Balkaar

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That shouldn't be as funny as it is.

Well I guess if they've implemented compulsory registration for Muslim marriages, they're bound to have done it for everyone else as well in keeping with political correctness. Damn it, marriage was just beginning to seem bearable.

Lmao, reading it back now it does seem funny.

There was a very interesting documentary on the very subject a few years back on the BBC. I think there's something quite similar in the Jewish religion too - minus the talaaq - whereby some women are divorced by their husband, and the woman is left in a strange religious wilderness where she can't remarry until a certain condition is fulfilled by her ex-husband or something like that. Some of these Jewish women were waiting for 10, 15 years for the proper dispensation to move on, although I did notice in the Jewish instances the rabbis were a lot more sympathetic to the female's cause compared to the imams who were... let's say non-plussed, hehe.

There was one Muslim lad from the north of England who didn't get on with his missus (she was UK born), and he texted her 'talaaq, talaaq, talaaq' to instigate the Sharia divorce, lol. Cheeky sod.

Edited by MisterrSingh
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If you are living with someone outside marriage then you in fact will become a comman in law wife/husband. They can still get all your junk especially if children are involved. The only difference is that in the eyes of the law you won't have to seek divorce. However financials will be fought over.

I love woman but I just do not want to be married or in a relationship as anyone that is married can verify that relationship come with a lot of nonsense. The problem is that we in the west have reached a very confused period for younger people.

I don't know many people that have not regretted getting married to make their families happy and stay in unhappy marriages for the fear of what will everyone say. This is the problem with our society is that we are too concerned about what people will say.

I see miserable married men and woman everyday.

Someone asked if have anything to do with woman, well let's just say I have very close female friends. Plus I love my mum.

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since you will have more time. you can start on your 10-15 hour simran sessions

I usually do an hour at night and morning. I like to do practical things to help people with the rest of my time.

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Whether you are married or in Live-in relation, any partner can claim funds from other as per law.

Shariah is only applicable in Muslim countries or practiced by low class.

Sheikhs have hundreds of wives or partners, can anyone enforce Islamic law on them !

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Maybe prenuptial agreements is the answer for the Sikh community. I certainly will be suggesting this to my daughters before they marry as they will have property in their own names before they get married and will need to protect their interests should the unimaginable happen.. My son too of course......

So sad to hear men also be so negative about marriages. I thought it was just women that spoke like that. Nevertheless guys you do need to acknowledge that the majority of break ups are caused by Unreasonable behaviour from the male spouses which is why its almost always the women who are initiating the divorce and bearing the brunt of the legal costs. Men have a misconception that women largely take great pleasure in the divorce process and look forward to a single life but you are so wrong.....ask any guy who has had to endure the torture of supporting his sister to divorce her husband of 23 years after he was caught having extra marital affairs by his teenage children. Ask my brother.

Ask any single woman if she enjoys being a single parent and having no adult companionship to share her woes with.....its the hardest mountain to climb and the most courageous thing to do.

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Dear Surinder Kaur

Don't think that the problem is gender based it really depends who is on the receiving end. With lame law and twisted people the balance of the equation can be easily tipped in the wrong direction. I am separated male after marriage of more than 10 years and worst thing (or best) I am left on my own in this country as my family is back in India. As kids are involved I can not simply pack my bags and go.

Ex has been playing dirty tricks and only let me meet kids only couple of times in the month so that she can get the "larger" share of finances.

Sometimes it looks like just wasted this life for nothing!

Thanks

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And your story is subjective to your circumstances. I acknowledge that a lot of women may avenge their ex husband's bad behaviour during marriage by using the only tool left available to them - The children. This is so wrong on so many levels and those women will regret their behaviour years later when the anger and bitterness subsides and the grown up children start questioning why they don't see their dad.

However I have not resorted to this kind of behaviour and I have encouraged contact between my children and their father on a weekly basis, even when their father doesn't want to see them through arrogance I will drop them to his house and pick them up. People in the community tell me that I am being too generous and fair and that how could I even allow him to see the children after what he did to me. Well my answer to that is that Waheguru presented the truth to me in such a way that the only route left to us was divorce and we divorced each other but we didn't divorce the children from ourselves. We became divorced single people but we will always remain parents regardless of the practicalities of where those children live and whose care they are in. I spent most of my life without a father as he died when I was young and I missed him every single day - I never want my children to feel that they cant see or spend time with their father while he is still living and breathing because their is no replacement for him.

Finally, please my friend don't feel bitter about where the children reside and finances etc, it is completely logically for the parent providing the majority of care to receive the most financial help. People don't take into account all the elements of that care a single parent provides to their children. its not just the obvious in terms of food, clothes, paying bills, mortgage, uniform, school trips, school lunches, books, university costs, travel but its also the emotional burden where by you have to fulfil the absent parents role too. The absent parent doesn't get the ups and downs of the child's emotional state, the dramas that have to be resolved in the middle of the night, the missing homework, the broken down laptop, transporting the children at all hours of the day, the school parent evenings, the stress of exams, bickering between the children, demands for things that their friends have.. I could go on and on...

Believe me its not easy being the main carer for the children and having custody.

I wish you well and hope you can rebuild a meaningful relationship with your children, it may seem difficult in the early stages but you will need to gain their trust and respect and try to overcome the situation for the sake of your long term relationship as a father.

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No offence, to all these males here going on about "she'll get 50". Guess what? Your parents are probably together just for the sake of owning 50 of their own share without the hassle of going to the court.

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Ask any single woman if she enjoys being a single parent and having no adult companionship to share her woes with.....its the hardest mountain to climb and the most courageous thing to do.

I don't know about this: women are really good at finding emotional support from friends who don't judge them when they let it all out. I see my female friends and female relatives do it all the time. I've got relatives who've been crying with friends about their divorce for like 30 odd years.... I think they like all the attention and sympathy by that point. But it is REALLY weird to see them going on and on about the same issue over decades - even when they are living REALLY comfortably?

Men in contrast have to generally abide by macho masculine norms, which means they have to bottle up the worse experiences, and are not free to talk about them openly lest they appear to be some sort of weak, he-<banned word filter activated>.

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Help from Sangat is needed.

Is divorcing a borderline wife wrong if extreme but episodes occur month after month which involve hysterical tears and behavior?

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"Maybe prenuptial agreements is the answer for the Sikh community. I certainly will be suggesting this to my daughters before they marry as they will have property in their own names before they get married and will need to protect their interests should the unimaginable happen.. My son too of course......"

Nice idea, but firstly you do realise that prenups are entirely unenforceable in law in the UK? Also what person would agree to signing a prenup in the first place? It indicates mistrust from the outset.

"Nevertheless guys you do need to acknowledge that the Nevertheless guys you do need to acknowledge that the majority of break ups are caused by Unreasonable behaviour from the male spouses which is why its almost always the women who are initiating the divorce and bearing the brunt of the legal costs. Men have a misconception that women largely take great pleasure in the divorce process and look forward to a single life but you are so wrong.....ask any guy who has had to endure the torture of supporting his sister to divorce her husband of 23 years after he was caught having extra marital affairs by his teenage children. Ask my brother. "

This is a ridiculous, baseless stereotype based on your incident. What about the unreasonable behaviour from females sleeping with Pakistani taxi drivers or English colleagues from work? What about the females that make their husbands life hell by extracting as much money as possible to send to their own family and speak to their in laws with total disrespect?

About 5 years ago there was a situation in Birmingham where a dedicated religious sikhni suddenly decided to start sleeping with the pakistani builder (15 years younger)who was fixing their bathroom while her husband was at work. then planned to divorce him, take the house and the kids. The husband was do distraught he jumped off a bridge on the m5 and killed himself? What about that? If you don't believe me, Google the Birmingham post from January 2012 with man jumps off m5 bridge key words.

Just because your experience was stressful, it's folly to declare that the entire male population will have affairs. You're talking right out of your jagsaw with that sweeping stereotype.

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13 hours ago, Guest Sangat please help said:

Help from Sangat is needed.

Is divorcing a borderline wife wrong if extreme but episodes occur month after month which involve hysterical tears and behavior?

How long's it been going on?

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On 16/08/2015 at 3:25 PM, Balkaar said:

Open question, is it possible to have an Anand Karaj without signing a marriage contract or having a government registrar present?

That sounds like the ideal to me. Your marriage is sanctified by your Guru, and you aren't subject to the anti-male legal clauses of marriage should you choose to divorce later on.

Honestly though, I'm a bit flabbergasted that men continue to get hitched when they know that there is a 50% chance that they will eventually get divorced and lose their kids and half their junk. If you were skydiving and you were told that there was a 50% chance your parachute wouldn't open, would you take the jump?

err...what you are proposing is what the scumbag musalleh do ...don't go there ...Don't get married unless you are fully in that's just disrespectful to do otherwise . If you are in Uk and the west you have something called a common law wife and she will have similar rights to legally married women especially if kids are involved . In our people the women are also used so don't make it a one-sided thing , the punjabiat daaj eating machine is in full flow everywhere.

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Thank you mister Singh (your posts are some of my favs so I was hoping u might see this).

Brother it's been about 18months and there are bad episodes every single month from the Mrs. Dont want to hurt her by leaving her but the concept of depression is alien to me. I really don't feel i can continue live the rest of my life like this.

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On 25/10/2015 at 0:45 AM, Guest Surinder Kaur said:

Maybe prenuptial agreements is the answer for the Sikh community. I certainly will be suggesting this to my daughters before they marry as they will have property in their own names before they get married and will need to protect their interests should the unimaginable happen.. My son too of course......

So sad to hear men also be so negative about marriages. I thought it was just women that spoke like that. Nevertheless guys you do need to acknowledge that the majority of break ups are caused by Unreasonable behaviour from the male spouses which is why its almost always the women who are initiating the divorce and bearing the brunt of the legal costs. Men have a misconception that women largely take great pleasure in the divorce process and look forward to a single life but you are so wrong.....ask any guy who has had to endure the torture of supporting his sister to divorce her husband of 23 years after he was caught having extra marital affairs by his teenage children. Ask my brother.

Ask any single woman if she enjoys being a single parent and having no adult companionship to share her woes with.....its the hardest mountain to climb and the most courageous thing to do.

In the Uk a property owned BEFORE the advent of a marriage belongs to the party who owned it it does not become community property . NEVER advise your daughter to buy any property in her name whilst newly married before kids because my friend had the sad experience of having all her savings in the form of her property eaten by her newly arrived husband . Also alimony is paid to the partner irrespective to sex , so she also had to pay him alimony to keep him in the manner to which he was accustomed (this doesn't automatically mean 50 percent of evrything can be more). 
Nobody wants to have a broken home and the kids suffering , it is very very hard for a single woman to bring up kids on average 30% less pay ...with minimal help from family if they blame her , which can happen. I'm sorry for your loss

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