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Love Of My Life Was In A "living Relationship" Previously


Guest Singh
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Guest Singh

WJKK WJKF

I'm going to be talking about a very sensitive topic so please bear with me, I don't think there's anyone else that I can talk to about this issue.

So I met a girl a few months ago and we became best friends, and soon enough we realized that we are both in love with each other and want to get married, which is great. However, the issue is the mistake(s) she has made in her past. She had a boyfriend with whom she was in a living relationship with, although she's living in a foreign country, she belongs to strict Sikh family from India, so she hasn't told anyone else about her previous relationship except me. She cries sometimes because of her mistakes and also tells me that she's not worthy of me and that I deserve/can find someone better than her. She also says that she will be the "..luckiest girl in the world" if we get married. She told me that she can't handle another heart break, that she doesn't want her dreams to be broken again.

I get really angry, sad, upset, worried. .. about her past sometimes, simply because I have waited for her all my life and I expected the same, but what's done in the past cannot be undone, and she also has many regrets. She has also made some other mistakes in her past that I cannot discuss here.... Please don't get me wrong, but I do sometimes feel like 'getting even' by breaking up with her and marrying another girl; that has waited for me just as I have waited for her. It's just that I can't imagine the love of my life loosing her virginity to another guy and then to have 'done it' countless times with him, it upsets me and hurts me probably more than it hurts her.
I still love her with all my heart and can't imagine my life without her. So I usually try to convince myself to think about the beautiful future we can have together. This is not something that I can share with my parents, because they will completely disagree with our marriage, so in a way I will also be lying to my parents by not telling them.

I can tell that she loves me a lot. Her previous boyfriend took great advantage of her innocence and then walked away, got married to another girl. It was his idea to be in a "living relationship" in the first place and initially she refused, but eventually she gave in. So I'm crushed between love and her past now, I am really confused, I want to give her all the happiness in the world, but at the same time I feel that what she has done is wrong, and I shouldn't have to suffer for it. She cannot live without me and I can't live without her either.

Please guide me, provide me with your views, I really need some help in order to make the right decision. .. . . I'll pray to Waheguru for all your help. Thank you.

Bhul chuk maaf.

WJKK WJKF

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Guest gupt777

so you want to be together maybe dont take the big step so soon. you have to 4give and 4get to move on but the only way you can do that is if you trust her now and you have faith. Do ardas and take hukum to make yourself strong in your decision. If Guru sahib gives you his blessing than you have to trust you are the stronger of the 2 and you need to help her. help her recover and grow strong and confident. if she was innocent she needs your support and shoulder to grow. dont take revenge. it is normal to feel your emotions she is what you want to give everything to and you have hard time getting over her previous relationship. When you take amrit your past does not matter if you repent your actions. Only reading gurbani can help you realise the answer you need.

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Guest Guest

1. Will her past make her less loyal, will she compare your relationship to her past one?

2. She had a strict Sikh family but she secretly did things she shouldn't have. What does this say about her character? She isn't just your partner she will also be the mother of your children. How will she raise them? On the other side, her honesty is a positive sign. Even some Amritdhari girls aren't virgins at marriage and don't tell their husbands.

3. Will this bother you once you've committed to her and married? Once the honeymoon phase of the relationship is over will this eat you up inside the way it does now?

4. Will you find a better wife somewhere else if you do break things off or are you genuinely throwing away a catch because of her past? Ignore whether you feel in love or not because feelings change over time. Objectively look at her qualities and decide if you could do better.

Hope this was of help. There isn't a right answer to your situation and you have to make a decision and carry it's weight after that - just make sure whichever option you choose, you commit to it fully and have no regrets. No one else can decide for you !

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Guest Guest

Marriage is a huge step in your life. She was honest with you, but you need to be honest with your parents. If you don't tell them it will eat at you for the rest of your life. Let them know and get their opinion. Take your time.

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I suggest you to Gurdwara and ask Guruji for guidance and follow your heart.

Basically you're pissed that she's been around the block so to speak but otoh you really love her don't feel the same way with other women and you might regret your decision to leave some day in your life.

Do you really love her to the point you're willing to look beyond her past or you just 'like' her and you're feeling guilty to leave her? Don't make a decision out of pride ie leaving her coz you want to teach her a lesson or guilt, marrying her coz you feel guilty for leaving her.

None of us know whats in your heart only you do.

Also I suggest you find out why her ex left her. There are always 2 sides to every story.

Go to Gurdwara and you'll get your answers.

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Walk away while you can, otherwise if you marry her this will haunt you all you life, there her mistakes not yours so don't feel guilty if you end it just do it in a decent way .

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