Diary Of Sikh Woman: Why I Cannot Get Married

[Akalifauj]

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[Guest Sikh Woman]

If you aren't amritdhari why would you be suprised if you can't find a match? All the amritdhari guys want a real singhni who follows full rehat and will be looking for another amritdhari. [/Quote]

I asked amritdhari sikh men and they declined. You know I have this strange feeling that the amritdhari men will now say yes - especially since I have now removed my upper lip facial and random chin hairs whilst still keeping the rest of my body hair. Some of them might be against arm hair so I might have to 'reduce' that to appease them that it 'naturally' was less like some of other married singhnis do.

Perhaps if you'd brought yourself up by keeping rehat, doing paath and taking amrit you would have found your dream amritdhari singh, instead now you've brought yourself down and as we reap what we sow, this will have an effect on the type of match you find.

Thank you - I have spent 30 years of my life being a Sikh. It was definitely because I was not keeping rehat or doing paath. Yes I bought myself down by keeping facial hair and I would like to thank you for enlightening me - I reaped what I sowed. Now that I am not keeping facial hair lets see what I reap.

[Guest Sikh Woman]

This is another insult toward the original poster. This digusting poor excuse of an human being is implying only amritdharis from india who are looking for a green card to the west will marry a hairy wife.

Surely this coward will not say any of this in a crowd of singhs.

Admin and mods do something about this guy.

You know there is something wrong with the use of the word 'Hairy'. Hairy implies more hair than is what is normal. However my hair is normal - all girls have upper lip hair and chin hair. I can guarantee this to you.

You guys do not know what is a normal amount of female facial hair considering that most women remove or reduce their facial hair appearances. I am not hairy. My hair and I are normal but the world has forgotten what a real normal woman looks like. Just like how the world does not realise that the real normal male form is a man with a beard.

[singhdalbir]

WJKK WJKF

I have seen so many Bibia with facial hair and full beards who are now married to singhs. They eventually were able to find a husband. What I feels it that sometimes it just circumstances that lead to people not being able to find a Singh/singhni. If you think that only amritdhari bibia have trouble finding a husband than you are sadly mistaken. I have had my fair share of experience that you would not believe. Seriously amritdhari bibia can be pick too. The kind of responses that I got were totally unbelieveable. It goes both ways. Sorry that you are having trouble finding somone but I think you should ask sangat to help you. All the bibia think that we Amritdhari Singhs want a moni but that is totally untrue and blatantly false. We could care less about your facial hair heck we want someone who keeps all her hair not just the kesh on the head. I have tremendous respect for the bibia who keep all the kesh not just the Kesh on the head. I think there is a matriomonial servies in UK goes from GW to GW to help out so check them out maybe they can help. Sorry about the rant just had to say it because I am tired of hear this that singhs won't accept bibia with kesh.

[singhbj singh]

This is another insult toward the original poster. This digusting poor excuse of an human being is implying only amritdharis from india who are looking for a green card to the west will marry a hairy wife.

Surely this coward will not say any of this in a crowd of singhs.

Admin and mods do something about this guy.

OP said she is nearing 30 so it is obvious no SUITABLE British Sikh was willing to accept her as wife.

Coming to Indian husbands, a number of famous UK, US, Canadian Akj Kirtani's are marriage imports.

So does it mean they too got married for PR ?

[S1ngh]

Without offending anyone, i would like to point that regardless of whatever decisions we make - We do not make it for others but only for ourself. Whether one keep rehat or not, it is certainly up-to decision makers. Whether to be a sikh or patit, it is again choice of yours and we need to realize that if we are in sikhi then we are in for ourself NOT for others.

Let me explain it one more time with more clarity- If one is in Sikhi he/she is not doing any favor to others. If one stay in sikhi - Perfect for your soul. If one doesn't then its karma play.

We need to stop blackmailing that i am doing this because our community is in such state etc..

[Guest Sikh Woman]

Without offending anyone, i would like to point that regardless of whatever decisions we make - We do not make it for others but only for ourself. Whether one keep rehat or not, it is certainly up-to decision makers. Whether to be a sikh or patit, it is again choice of yours and we need to realize that if we are in sikhi then we are in for ourself NOT for others.

I would like to make something clear as well - I am not removing my facial hair because I have stopped being a Sikh. I am removing it because the sikh males do not accept female hair on their sikh partner but want the female to accept the male hair.

Imagine if your the only male that kept his beard and no one wanted to marry you because you did not remove your facial hair. Are you any less than anyone else because you keep your facial hair? I am going to consider this a social experiment and let's see how many amritdhari singhs will now consider me as a potential after hair removal and reduction.

We need to stop blackmailing that i am doing this because our community is in such state etc..

In my opinion and in my experience amritdhari singhs are not accepting of female facial hair. Also I want to point out that you have used the word blackmail incorrectly. The definition of blackmail is to make a threat. I don't see how by sharing my experience I could have threatened or blackmailed you.

In all honesty I am appalled by some of the replies on this thread - ranging from 'go to India', 'your hairy', 'don't tell us it's a problem' to 'stop blackmailing us'

Thank you Sangat Ji. Please continue to deny that this is a problem. Please label me, the person that followed Sikhi as being the problem rather than perhaps considering that the attitude of the sikh males are not fully accepting of hair.

[S1ngh]

Bhaenji,

it sure is tough world outside and in reality I have seen many of my friends in mid 30's still waiting to get married. We (amritdharis) are minority within minority and getting married is huge problem. Seeing that in real world, we tried to counter this problem by opening up the matrimonial section sub-forum. My only point is that we should not generalize whole gender of particular community by actions of few.

I am not here to support the ppl with whom you had bad experience. I would personally hold grudge against them by having such double standard when themselves being chalks. Regardless of any of your decision, you are and will always be our sister. I do admit that there is huge problem in our community. Sikhi is not an easy path as it looks like.

ਖੰਨਿਅਹੁ ਤਿਖੀ ਵਾਲਹੁ ਨਿਕੀ ਏਤੁ ਮਾਰਗਿ ਜਾਣਾ ॥

Khanniahu Thikhee Vaalahu Nikee Eaeth Maarag Jaanaa ||

The path they take is sharper than a two-edged sword, and finer than a hair.

[singhbj singh]

OP it's not just hair but you have an attitude problem.

Even though you have been brought up in England you want a traditional marriage which by UK standard is outdated.

What most Sikh lasses don't realise that they are going to end up in a home with Pendu mentality In-Laws by marrying British Sikh.

Whereas if you marry a foreigner it will be a nuclear family with you being Woman in control of household.

Also keep in mind life expectancy in UK is 80 plus so you will remain Pappu even after sending kids to college.

Give it some thought :-)

[Guest Sikh Woman]

OP it's not just hair but you have an attitude problem.

I don't understand what you mean - please explain. Are you saying I should not share my experiences? Am I wrong for saying what has happened to me?

Even though you have been brought up in England you want a traditional marriage which by UK standard is outdated.

I don't understand what your saying here either. Sikhs are not outdated and there are amritdhari Singhs in the UK. I would expect them to follow Sikhism and be willing to accept hair on a female and they don't.

What most Sikh lasses don't realise that they are going to end up in a home with Pendu mentality In-Laws by marrying British Sikh.

Whereas if you marry a foreigner it will be a nuclear family with you being Woman in control of household.

What are you saying - are you sure your not prejudiced? My parents have a lovely relationship and mother is in charge (Dad likes it that way!)

Also keep in mind life expectancy in UK is 80 plus so you will remain Pappu even after sending kids to college.

Give it some thought :-)

Again not even related to the topic of hair on a female and I don't understand what this means either - I will live long and so what?