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Growing Your Own


Ranjeet01
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2 hours ago, GurjantGnostic said:

My mom transformed a rocky weed filled urban corner plot, right outside downtown, into an epic little permaculture plot. She had people stopping by all the time, local growers, all sorts of people. She's a soft touch, so in no time she basically had ...a hoarde of homeless people there all the time, she'd be drinking with them and stuff eatin garden food. It's not exactly how you want to see your mom living, but I have to hand it to her. Turning a little corner lot with a 1920s brick bungalow on it, into a garden oasis full of people getting treated with a little extra love and dignity is pretty rare. 

It took her a few seasons to slowly sift all the rocks out into piles to even free up the soil. And then she used the rocks to make planter beds, and the rocks hold heat at night and allowed for above ground planting. The irish are used to tilling horrible soil and getting the nutrients started from nothing. Some of the ancient farms there are mind blowing in terms of the painstaking effort required to make a small plot farmable. Like hauling countless tons of seaweed up into a rocky beach island and hand picking out all the rocks for some depth and then allowing the seaweed to decompose, every year, for decades until the silicate sand the ground was made out of would finally fill up with enough organic matter to become farmable.  When she moved in ther was a 100 year old grapevine. She managed tomatoes, jerusalem artichokes, blackberries, strawberries, some leafy greens and squash, pumpkin, perslane, potatoes and a few other things. They were all chosen to be healthy and be able grow in high desert climates. She learned a lot about cutting, and tip layering, and propogating, and cloning etc. It was cool to help and see it all come together.  

They started bringing her stuff out of the dumpsters. Like furniture, lamps, art. Large quantities of food from behind stores and things and they'd all cook up together inside and outside. The city kept coming in and making her disperse them, and she would, but like later that day... they'd be back lol. 

The yield she started to get out of garden as time went on was really amazing. At the end she had hoop houses and plastic green house domes and a solar oven so they could heat up food outside by just walking by and dropping it in and coming back. 

Breaking up bum fights was not something I was pleased about having to do. They're all vets and ex cons bro. Lol. 

She has no sense, some of them were actual killers and even offed one of the nicest guys, by throwing him off a bridge into the river in winter. And one of those same killers I had to keep from getting the best of one her closer homeless friends. He snatched up her little buddy by the wind pipe so fast. He was about to "crush the coke can" when I got at him. And this is what I resent, is she would have these dudes back after things like this. And at no point did she seem to notice that she was putting me into a security guard role over a mess of dangerous <banned word filter activated> people. I phsycially had to 86 three seperate verified killers. One wound up getting charged for murder..wait four. Four <banned word filter activated> murderers bro. Two of them caught charges right after I'd had to deal with them. 

"I need you to go kick robert out of the shed."

Oh..robert the..army ranger machine gunner from the first gulf war? The one who's been in and out of jail? The one who's in a dark shed with God knows what? High? Drunk? With ptsd?....again..I thought I padlocked it?......you let him back in?...oh yeah. Let me go out there and do that for you mom. 

One of the guys? Beat his elderly mother to death. After abusing her for years and stealing her social security. Will never forget those pupils. 

Another? Wound up getting arrested for a series of 15 year old murders he'd conducted for the hells angels. Will never forget those pupils. 

Sorry ptsd tangent. Anyway. 

A plus for permaculture.

D for drinking with them. 

And F. F for the negligent... beyond words way she put herself, the household and myself at risk repeatedly with those antics and her tee hee la tee da playing mother to the homeless.

Anyone who's been subject to my posts lol, knows how well I speak of my mother overall. Let this be proof alcohol, and prescription pills can turn anyone into an <banned word filter activated>, and cause them to fail in their family duties. Growing up I idoloized her, never saw her lie, always treated people with compassion, love, respect, she taught me so much about this universe God..beyond what christianity offers. Like approaching Dharam levels. Only to see her..die a walking death in alcohol and prescription pills. Lie ..constantly, plot, do shady things towards me when I left, tried to get me caught up legally with some absolute fabrications that didn't land....show no love for me but only for strangers who were her drinking buddies. 

It makes me wonder if I was raised by one of the worlds most empathic people, after whom I tried to model much of myself, or if I was raised by an extremely high functioning narcissistic sociopath who's facade was that of a Saint. That's the kind of doubt or change alcohol can cast upon your character. My opinion vascialates repeatedly in this post alone. 

I've been recently been in some contact with her.  It's been really nice in some ways after about 8 years estranged. She insists she's sober.  Always sounds drunk when I call. Sent me an email the other day. I just don't know what I could have done to cause us to drift apart this last eight years? I just have no idea what I could have done...

I don't know. If you read this tmi post this far, what you think? Should she have some clue as to why I might have distanced myself? Can she be this...autistic and oblivious or is this a <banned word filter activated> liar bros?

Alcohol. It's disgusting. 

You're blessed to have survived all that brother.

You must be strong. 

What I find with narcissists/sociopaths is that they aren't capable of processing information in any sort of realistic manner. They are always blameless or victims in whatever has happened (in their own minds). They aren't mentally strong enough for self-critical introspection.  But if you're the type that can do this intuitively, it's hard to grasp why they can't. My understanding is that it is often some neurobiological thing, where areas of the brain that deal with empathy are underdeveloped or not functioning like they are with other 'neuro-typical' people.  I too liken it to a lack of 'theory of mind' like autism. They may have serious memory issues too. 

From my grasp and experiences, I think the drink and drugs abuse are symptoms of the mental condition, and not vice versa.  

If someone's grip of reality is hazy and prone to changes at a whim, they will be compulsive liars. I have a relative like that. I don't think they can actually be any other way sadly.  

You keep your head up bro. Protect yourself. 

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48 minutes ago, dallysingh101 said:

You're blessed to have survived all that brother.

You must be strong. 

What I find with narcissists/sociopaths is that they aren't capable of processing information in any sort of realistic manner. They are always blameless or victims in whatever has happened (in their own minds). They aren't mentally strong enough for self-critical introspection.  But if you're the type that can do this intuitively, it's hard to grasp why they can't. My understanding is that it is often some neurobiological thing, where areas of the brain that deal with empathy are underdeveloped or not functioning like they are with other 'neuro-typical' people.  I too liken it to a lack of 'theory of mind' like autism. They may have serious memory issues too. 

From my grasp and experiences, I think the drink and drugs abuse are symptoms of the mental condition, and not vice versa.  

If someone's grip of reality is hazy and prone to changes at a whim, they will be compulsive liars. I have a relative like that. I don't think they can actually be any other way sadly.  

You keep your head up bro. Protect yourself. 

Great response bro. You clearly understand what you're talking about. 

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40 minutes ago, GurjantGnostic said:

Great response bro. You clearly understand what you're talking about. 

Just see such people as flawed humans (like we all are), but just be aware that these people's flaws means that they could easily lead to your death, and it wouldn't really perturb them much (if at all) because of their sickness.  

When I was younger I asked someone about wild stuff I was going through. This is what they told me: 

"Dasmesh pita is making you stronger for future."

There may be truth in that. I'm no great Sikh but Sikhi has sustained me for a while now. Even I'm surprised sometimes that I'm still alive. 

I know it's f**king mad when family who are supposed to be looking out for you, don't and actually endanger you. And you only start to get an idea of this years after, because your mind was clouded with your innocence. 

You don't really need me to tell you this, but make sure they don't inadvertently destroy you. With Akaal Purakh's grace, you will protect yourself. Humree karo haath de rachaa. 

 

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3 hours ago, GurjantGnostic said:

Like bro. I'm going to need a minute to reprocess my life and see if I can't take off the "see the Soul in everyone glasses" and figure out who was decent and who was sick. 

This is why Charitropakhyan is in Dasam Granth. 

This.

It's a lot more than this as well, military strategies, intel networks, manipulating narratives, decision making -  just for a start.  

If you can perceive some of these things you're blessed more than most people who read it all the time on a surface literal level. 

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