Dad Issues

[Guest messeduplife]

I was working today on our family desktop when I decided to look at picture we have on the computer. As I was clicking through our family pictures, I ran into some naked pictures of my father. Turn out my brother had icloud stream setup on our iPhones so all our picture automatically get to our desktops. Shocked, the first think I did was deleted the picture and uninstall icloud stream. My 11 year old uses the computer on a regular basis as well as my sister and I for homework since the printer is set up there. I didn't not want my siblings running into something like that accidentally like I had.

Now I can't stop thinking about what nasty things my dad has been doing, I know those pictures were not for my mom. I am angry, ashamed, and lost.

I don't know what to do in this situation, should I talk to my dad? Confront him? Just ignore it and act like nothing is wrong. This is kinda of impossible since my heart don't stop beating, I keep crying.

How can I handle this situation?

[Guest The Poor Stupid Guy]

Confront the situation, and tell your dad that you will be letting your mom know about it. Then break the news to your mom and bring them onto a discussion in a peaceful smooth manner. All this time don't let your siblings know about what's going on. try to mediate and bring your dad to commit no more fun acts. Handle it like a big guy. What are you crying for ? You are a guy or a girl? Console your mom and force your dad to win her confidence again.

[Guest Guest]

Best to tell your mum in my opinion. This is not your issue to be concerned about and should be left between the parents. It isn't a burden you as a son/daughter should have to carry

[harsharan000]

Dear Guest,

First of all, we do not know your age, not because of anything, but just to know if you are a minor, and then neither we know, how has been your father´s relation with you up to now..

But from your words, it seems, it has not been so bad, it is only after you have seen this your father´s some unkown behaviour to you, that you feel so bad.

You see, we are all human beings, and so we do have more or less imperfections. In some cases, parents are good, and the behaviour of their children is not, and we know, we all have been children....so many times when we are with our friends, and we do shameful things which we may dare not in front of our parents. Parents mostly have to face the misbehaviour of their children.

But in some lesser cases, it is the opposite that happens. But anyhow, maybe during their (parents) youth or at a younger age, they had some vices or let us say some abnormal behaviour, which can be slight or accute, it all depends on personal and individual circumstances, which even aftter marriage and having children, have not been erradicated, but have been hidden to an extent; which sooner or later may come on the surface.....

They are children, whose fathers are thieves or thugs...and the children do not know . But the fact is, we do get shocked, and say why me or why my father?

We are absolutely sorry to know about this your current situation; but it requires to be handeled with care, otherwise it may bring more harmful and unpleasant moments.

It is time for you to do the job of and adult and as a friend of your father. Talk to him, tell him this what you have discovered. Tell him that you never ever thought this about his shameful behaviour, and you do not like him to continue with this or any other thing as such if he is hiding it still.

He has erred, but he can rectify also, and he has the chance to do so and the family´s support for it. This should be suffice for him, to feel ashamed, and leave behind any misdeeds, A father can undergo anything but can not fall in the eyes of his children.

So I think, this should be enough punishment for him. Then, though you are free to do what you like, but personally this type of matters, should be solved within the family, and not publicized...because after all he is your father.

I myself I am a father , of a grown uo child. And so I am telling from my both personal views, first if I had been a son, what I would have done with my father; and secondly, if I had been in your father´s place, how I would have liked my children to handle the situation and refer it to me ....

Really I am very sorry for your painful condition, but you have my sympathy. Wishing you all the best. If there is any further help required, please lt us know, there are quite a handful of mature brothers and sisters on this Sikh Sangat web.

Sat Sree Akal.

[MHS]

I was working today on our family desktop when I decided to look at picture we have on the computer. As I was clicking through our family pictures, I ran into some naked pictures of my father. Turn out my brother had icloud stream setup on our iPhones so all our picture automatically get to our desktops. Shocked, the first think I did was deleted the picture and uninstall icloud stream. My 11 year old uses the computer on a regular basis as well as my sister and I for homework since the printer is set up there. I didn't not want my siblings running into something like that accidentally like I had.

Now I can't stop thinking about what nasty things my dad has been doing, I know those pictures were not for my mom. I am angry, ashamed, and lost.

I don't know what to do in this situation, should I talk to my dad? Confront him? Just ignore it and act like nothing is wrong. This is kinda of impossible since my heart don't stop beating, I keep crying.

How can I handle this situation?

Yes, you should talk to him about the picture and tell him how you felt. I repeat, tell him what you felt, ok? I think it will be little difficult if you are a daughter but still try. I can't fathom why would a sensible/insensible father leave these photographs unguarded and exposed. Besides why would he be involved in doing 'nasty things' as you put it? I am sure he did not expect it to be seen by his own children even if accidently. He never imagined his little secret will get caught out ever, did he?

You mention your 11 year so that means your father is really a grandfather now.

Being angry, ashamed or lost will not help. You will have to replace this with diplomacy when you approach your father and then tell him how you feel.

Just say to your father, dad, I came across some old photos of yours and this is what I saw. Say this in privacy and he might be able to explain to you better and also inform you whether you should be telling your mother or not. While you are asking, ask him what kind of example has he set for you, your 11 year and your siblings. Also ask him about his responsibilities towards your mum in terms of trust, loyalty and fidelty? My heart goes out to all of you. Your poor mum must be that age where she has reared her family and has settled into a quieter life. So be careful as to what you divulge to her or should divulge to her. I think it is not only your 11 year old and your siblings that need to be protected but you need to protect your mother from being hurt as well.

First find out if your father is aware of this picture then ask if your mum already knows and then decide what you wish to do next, but talk to him first as his child. If your father's been cheating, I have a feeling your mother must already know, because women have that special sense that vaheguru ji has gifted them with. She might not wish to confront him for the sake of her children but that is a different matter altogether and her choice. Women always know if something is not right or if their husbands are fooling or flirting around! Take my word for it. Men think they are so clever but when it is actually the women that are born with that inexplicable intelligence, also known as female intuition.

Good luck.

[jkvlondon]

Yes, you should talk to him about the picture and tell him how you felt. I repeat, tell him what you felt, ok?

Call me naive, but is you father's naked picture taken alone or with someone else ie female? If his picture is on his own then why should this pose any problems? Sometimes in India when we take a bath on a pilgrimage we take pictures of our relatives or friends in the sarowars, don't we? Is it not one of those pictures then? I am confused! If it is a picture that is not decent then who shot the picture and why did he leave it in the family pictures? Ask. I can't fathom why would a sensible father leave these photographs unguarded and exposed. I am sure he did not expect it to be seen by his own children even if accidently. You mention your 11 year so that means your father is really a grandfather now.

Just say to your father, dad, I came across some old photos of yours and this is what I saw. Say this in privacy and he might be able to explain to you better and also inform you whether you should be telling your mother or not. Also, your poor mum must be that age where she has reared her family and has settled into a quiet life. So be careful as to what you divulge to her or should divulge to her. I think it is not only your 11 year old and your siblings that need to be protected but you need to protect your mother from being hurt as well.

First find out if your father is aware of this picture then ask if your mum already knows and then decide what you wish to do next, but talk it out with your father first as man to man and son and father.

Good luck.

Look be realistic people no 11 year old male or female is going to be confronting their father over dodgy pics ...go to your Mum explain to her what you saw and did , then ask her to handle it . The father will get angry , be dismissive at the least or violent at the worst do you really think you are giving great advice to place a child in that situation. The mother has a right to know if she is unaware of the existence of these photos so she can fix her relationship if needs be and confront her partner for the need of this gandh. Obviously the child knows that these pics are not right so stop quizzing or making excuses . It is an adult situation and should remain so ...

Please talk to your mum she will know what to do ... you are a young person who doesn't need this stress and heartache ...I am glad you were so intelligent and protected your younger brothers and sisters from these images, now trust your Mum and tell her what's going on

[MHS]

We don't know the age of the person in the original post.

No one is asking an 11 year old to confront /his her father. Messeduplife is not an 11 year old, he/she has an 11 year old child. Besides you would expect a 11 year old to be more candid than an adult.

[fullmoon]

I was working today on our family desktop when I decided to look at picture we have on the computer. As I was clicking through our family pictures, I ran into some naked pictures of my father. Turn out my brother had icloud stream setup on our iPhones so all our picture automatically get to our desktops. Shocked, the first think I did was deleted the picture and uninstall icloud stream. My 11 year old uses the computer on a regular basis as well as my sister and I for homework since the printer is set up there. I didn't not want my siblings running into something like that accidentally like I had.

Now I can't stop thinking about what nasty things my dad has been doing, I know those pictures were not for my mom. I am angry, ashamed, and lost.

I don't know what to do in this situation, should I talk to my dad? Confront him? Just ignore it and act like nothing is wrong. This is kinda of impossible since my heart don't stop beating, I keep crying.

How can I handle this situation?

Are you still living at home with your parents or living away with your eleven year old?

It will be easier to confreont your dad if you live away. You will have to ask your dad if your mum knows anything about these pics. Don't let your siblings or your eleven year old to use the computer till it is all sorted out first. Your dad will have to sort this mess out.

[Guest messeduplife]

Thank you for all your replies. I am a 22 yr old female, and the 11 year old is my brother (sorry typo). I told my father what I saw and told him I am angry and ashamed. He didn't say anything back to me, it was so painful to handle that I just walked away. Now we are just avoiding each other and not talking which is just making the situation at home worse bc my siblings and mom knows I am mad at him but I can't tell them what. I do not want to tell my mom what I saw. That my dad responsibility, I am not the one ruining their relationship, he is the one so he has to face her. My mother also has depression and anxiety so if I told her, she would go into depression and I cannot bear that.

I am just a loss as to why this had to happen, why do I have to deal with the stupid shut my father is doing. We had a good relationship going, and my family with its all problem was pretty happy but now I can even look at my father the same way again. Thank you all for your suggestions and we'll wishes.