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Guru Teg Bahadur On How A Sikh "loves" His Wife


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Develop a relationship with the wife where both see each other as the Sadhsangat.

Excellent !

The bolded part is very strong and sustaining, and it should be the core with regards to the significance of marriage.

A couple should be inspiring and helping bring out the best in each other in terms of spiritual qualities and closeness to Akaal purakh.

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In the last two or three days there has been a gross mistranslation being forced on people on the following lines.

ਨਿਜ ਨਾਰੀ ਕੇ ਸਾਥ ਨੇਹੁ ਤੁਮ ਨਿਤ ਬਢੈਯਹੁ ॥

ਪਰ ਨਾਰੀ ਕੀ ਸੇਜ ਭੂਲਿ ਸੁਪਨੇ ਹੂੰ ਨ ਜੈਯਹੁ ॥

These lines are directly from Sri Charitropakhyan in the Tale of Roop Kaur. You can find the whole Tale here: http://www.sikhsangat.com/index.php?/topic/55675-charitropakhyan-tale-of-roop-kaur-by-sirdar-kapur-singh/

Sardar Kapur Singh has translated the above lines in the following way.

keep developing love with your own wife,

but never even dream of going to someones else bed.

The translation done by Sardar Kapur Singh is much more accurate than those who translate ਸਾਥ as bedroom fun with the wife. The word "love" does not come in the above two lines in Gurmukhi and surely not intercourse. The word ਸਾਥ literally means relationship. These words of wisdom (Gurbani) are coming from none other than Sri Guru Teg Bahadur Sahib ji. Reading Guru Sahib's Bani one get's the understanding that even the wife calls the husband a ghost at death.

dyvgMDwrI mhlw 9 ]

dhaevaga(n)dhhaaree mehalaa 9 ||

Raag Dayv-Gandhaaree, Ninth Mehla:

sB ikCu jIvq ko ibvhwr ]

sabh kishh jeevath ko bivehaar ||

All things are mere diversions of life:

mwq ipqw BweI suq bMDp Aru Puin igRh kI nwir ]1] rhwau ]

maath pithaa bhaaee suth ba(n)dhhap ar fun grih kee naar ||1|| rehaao ||

mother, father, siblings, children, relatives and the wife of your home. ||1||Pause||

qn qy pRwn hoq jb inAwry tyrq pRyiq pukwir ]

than thae praan hoth jab niaarae ttaerath praeth pukaar ||

When the soul is separated from the body, then they will cry out, calling you a ghost.

AwD GrI koaU nih rwKY Gr qy dyq inkwir ]1]

aadhh gharee kooo nehi raakhai ghar thae dhaeth nikaar ||1||

No one will let you stay, for even half an hour; they drive you out of the house. ||1||

imRg iqRsnw ijau jg rcnw Xh dyKhu irdY ibcwir ]

mrig thrisanaa jio jag rachanaa yeh dhaekhahu ridhai bichaar ||

The created world is like an illusion, a mirage - see this, and reflect upon it in your mind.

khu nwnk Bju rwm nwm inq jw qy hoq auDwr ]2]2]

kahu naanak bhaj raam naam nith jaa thae hoth oudhhaar ||2||2||

Says Nanak, vibrate forever the Name of the Lord, which shall deliver you. ||2||2||

She wants to forget her husband from her mind because his remembrance only brings grief. Others also want to forget you because of the grief your remembrance brings. The longer the wife holds on to his remembrance the more feelings of loss and depression she struggles with. Relatives and friends tell her to let go of him and move on. What does this "move on" mean. It's exactly what Guru Sahib says. It's an illusion, one day you are here laughing and playing and next day you are gone like you never existed. Surely a relationship based on love (body, possessions, happiness the husband brought, his personality, worldly characteristics and acts) does not pass the test. What kind of ਸਾਥ (relationship) does Guru Sahib want Sikhs to build with a wife? The root and last breath of this relationship is described in the Lavan paath read at the wedding. Here is a link to the Lavan. http://sikhitothemax.com/page.asp?ShabadID=2897 You are to forget about all the previous attachments and wild instructions given to you by others. You have come before the Guru to ask for direction and blessing on a new path in life. With marriage come new responsibilities. Next the Guru instructs the couple on what is required of them. No where in these instructions do you find the Guru saying love the spouse in worldly ways. Instead Guru Sahib speaks of the true relationship of souls. Guru Sahib is saying base this relationship on the soul joining with Vaheguru and not the body (5 elements) or emotions or personality. In the end the relationship the Guru instucts us to build with the wife is the one where Sikhi is at the center; Naam simran, Dharam di Kirt, and Seva, while living as an householder. All this funny business of keeping the wife happy in worldly ways (going to movies, restaurants, weekend escapes to dream land, bedroom fun) is only the mind constructing illusions. Develop a relationship with the wife where both see each other as the Sadhsangat.

The next line is simple to understand, but I can go into it later. When more time permits.

Excellent post Bhaji. Please elaborate more. This is very deep. I want to learn more please.

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In the last two or three days there has been a gross mistranslation being forced on people on the following lines.

ਨਿਜ ਨਾਰੀ ਕੇ ਸਾਥ ਨੇਹੁ ਤੁਮ ਨਿਤ ਬਢੈਯਹੁ ॥

ਪਰ ਨਾਰੀ ਕੀ ਸੇਜ ਭੂਲਿ ਸੁਪਨੇ ਹੂੰ ਨ ਜੈਯਹੁ ॥

These lines are directly from Sri Charitropakhyan in the Tale of Roop Kaur. You can find the whole Tale here: http://www.sikhsangat.com/index.php?/topic/55675-charitropakhyan-tale-of-roop-kaur-by-sirdar-kapur-singh/

Sardar Kapur Singh has translated the above lines in the following way.

keep developing love with your own wife,

but never even dream of going to someones else bed.

The translation done by Sardar Kapur Singh is much more accurate than those who translate ਸਾਥ as bedroom fun with the wife. The word "love" does not come in the above two lines in Gurmukhi and surely not intercourse. The word ਸਾਥ literally means relationship. These words of wisdom (Gurbani) are coming from none other than Sri Guru Teg Bahadur Sahib ji. Reading Guru Sahib's Bani one get's the understanding that even the wife calls the husband a ghost at death.

dyvgMDwrI mhlw 9 ]

dhaevaga(n)dhhaaree mehalaa 9 ||

Raag Dayv-Gandhaaree, Ninth Mehla:

sB ikCu jIvq ko ibvhwr ]

sabh kishh jeevath ko bivehaar ||

All things are mere diversions of life:

mwq ipqw BweI suq bMDp Aru Puin igRh kI nwir ]1] rhwau ]

maath pithaa bhaaee suth ba(n)dhhap ar fun grih kee naar ||1|| rehaao ||

mother, father, siblings, children, relatives and the wife of your home. ||1||Pause||

qn qy pRwn hoq jb inAwry tyrq pRyiq pukwir ]

than thae praan hoth jab niaarae ttaerath praeth pukaar ||

When the soul is separated from the body, then they will cry out, calling you a ghost.

AwD GrI koaU nih rwKY Gr qy dyq inkwir ]1]

aadhh gharee kooo nehi raakhai ghar thae dhaeth nikaar ||1||

No one will let you stay, for even half an hour; they drive you out of the house. ||1||

imRg iqRsnw ijau jg rcnw Xh dyKhu irdY ibcwir ]

mrig thrisanaa jio jag rachanaa yeh dhaekhahu ridhai bichaar ||

The created world is like an illusion, a mirage - see this, and reflect upon it in your mind.

khu nwnk Bju rwm nwm inq jw qy hoq auDwr ]2]2]

kahu naanak bhaj raam naam nith jaa thae hoth oudhhaar ||2||2||

Says Nanak, vibrate forever the Name of the Lord, which shall deliver you. ||2||2||

She wants to forget her husband from her mind because his remembrance only brings grief. Others also want to forget you because of the grief your remembrance brings. The longer the wife holds on to his remembrance the more feelings of loss and depression she struggles with. Relatives and friends tell her to let go of him and move on. What does this "move on" mean. It's exactly what Guru Sahib says. It's an illusion, one day you are here laughing and playing and next day you are gone like you never existed. Surely a relationship based on love (body, possessions, happiness the husband brought, his personality, worldly characteristics and acts) does not pass the test. What kind of ਸਾਥ (relationship) does Guru Sahib want Sikhs to build with a wife? The root and last breath of this relationship is described in the Lavan paath read at the wedding. Here is a link to the Lavan. http://sikhitothemax.com/page.asp?ShabadID=2897 You are to forget about all the previous attachments and wild instructions given to you by others. You have come before the Guru to ask for direction and blessing on a new path in life. With marriage come new responsibilities. Next the Guru instructs the couple on what is required of them. No where in these instructions do you find the Guru saying love the spouse in worldly ways. Instead Guru Sahib speaks of the true relationship of souls. Guru Sahib is saying base this relationship on the soul joining with Vaheguru and not the body (5 elements) or emotions or personality. In the end the relationship the Guru instucts us to build with the wife is the one where Sikhi is at the center; Naam simran, Dharam di Kirt, and Seva, while living as an householder. All this funny business of keeping the wife happy in worldly ways (going to movies, restaurants, weekend escapes to dream land, bedroom fun) is only the mind constructing illusions. Develop a relationship with the wife where both see each other as the Sadhsangat.

The next line is simple to understand, but I can go into it later. When more time permits.

Excellent post Bhaji. Please elaborate more. This is very deep. I want to learn more please.

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I totally agree with your post and its dimension but the interpretation of Nij Naree Syo neho (full shabad) by sardar kapur singh is perfectly fine.

But there are quotations in Gurbani that suggest you keep your Kaam Vashana limited to your married spouse, and Bhai Gurdas suggest Eka Naree Jattee Hoe

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