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Just A Little Bit Of Help Please :)


Guest G.kaur
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Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fathe

I am a basic Sikh girl who has a strong typical Indian family, began speaking to a guy on fb, he was a amritdhari Sikh from india it slowly went on whatsapp and falling in love.

The problem was that my family firstly would disagree to me talking to boys online and secondly they would never agree on me getting married to a boy from India who is from a different caste.

Okay so my family found out and took my phone away and told me to stop and i have agreed to stop.

I have begun to realise that i know i do love him but not as much as i thought i think its more that i enjoyed the feeling of having that loving relationship, so now i have learnt to divert my attention to maharaj as i have also had very unexpected close family deaths recently, so i understand that everything here is materialistic and will not stay. Also now that my phone has gone the main barrier between me and sikhi has gone because i did not have time for anything else as most my time use to be on my phone

I now do my

- 5 baaniya at amritvela

-wear a kashera

-do other paat in the day if i can

-read saakhiya of Guru Nanak Dev ji (which help me incredibly)

but sometimes i end up thinking about him and from my fiends account (who he knew also) i message him as if i am my friend telling him that i'm really upset and miss him (which i do badly at times),,, please can anyone suggest anything to help me stop please? Because im planning to be a amritdhari soon so i want to live a honest life with no secrets or lies !

Also i have another query, basically when i do paat i always feel that my mind somehow no matter how much i try to stop it starts to wonder. This even happens at Amritvela and as i want to be amritdahri i really want to be proper because i do have family who is amritdhari but do not live strictly to the rehat such as sometimes lack out on getting gurbani done

(i know im not perfect either but saad-sangat ji please i really want to be as good as possible. I do not want people to look at me and think that im in chardikala and feel guilty, i want to be as i appear - a true gursikh )

One last question i just wanted to know that sometimes i do paat and feel happy that i am doing paat and it does have a positive effect on me so i try to be calm all day and kind and giving towards everyone. This mostly means i do all the household chores because i know i have time in which i can do them and whereas the rest of my family is busy working or doing something or another. I do feel happy that i do this and sometimes i think and feel as if im really good and that i think not a lot of other people would do what i am. I am worried in case i get haumai and egoistic ? Like maharaj ji says haumai will defeat all the purpose of doing sewa! So please Guru pyareo any tips ?

Lastly i am a young Sikh girl and soon want to start tying a dummalla any really good videos of medium sized dummale pleaaaassssssssssseeeee???

THANK YOU SO MUCH. I hope Guru ji blesses each and every person as we say in the ardas "Nanak naam chardi kala tere bane sarbat da bhala "

Waheguru ji

:biggrin2:

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'blind love' is what it is !

If people are just going to use computers and abuse their parents trust to do taboo and the forbidden's, then don't try and bring it into sikhi.

Couldn't give a hoots if the guy was amritdhari. Fact is that both of you were deceiving your parents.

This is as good as lying and stealing...after all it is ''chori chori''

You are a bigger fool, if you think you can trust a guy who meets you secretly on internet. How do you think he would trust you, knowing that you do the forbidden of communicating in secret and on top of that, after your parent's found out, you have still continued to deceive them by using your friends pc !!!

These types of guys have a lot hidden in their closets. They are the sort that will consume liquor, drugs, play with hookers in secret from the rest of society, but they will trust blinded girls like you to back them up and help keep the secrets to maintain social status.

Your only way to try and concentrate is to start doing some hard core simran.

This will hopefully help awaken you and make you realise the foolishness.

You mention haumai and ego, and you are just looking at theses terms superficially like an athiest/missionary does.

The 5 dhuts/chor are a lifetime battle until your last breath.

Only Naam simran can save you.

I'm sorry, if I sound too hard. But I am not picking on you or singling you out. It worries me that so so many youngsters are out there falling into these same scenarios as you.

With the technologies of today, the skypes, IM's, i phones, androids...etc.... it is just ALL too easy and tempting to follow dangerous desires.

The crap in the media and tv is of no help either !

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Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fathe

I am a basic Sikh girl who has a strong typical Indian family, began speaking to a guy on fb, he was a amritdhari Sikh from india it slowly went on whatsapp and falling in love.

The problem was that my family firstly would disagree to me talking to boys online and secondly they would never agree on me getting married to a boy from India who is from a different caste.

Okay so my family found out and took my phone away and told me to stop and i have agreed to stop.

I have begun to realise that i know i do love him but not as much as i thought i think its more that i enjoyed the feeling of having that loving relationship, so now i have learnt to divert my attention to maharaj as i have also had very unexpected close family deaths recently, so i understand that everything here is materialistic and will not stay. Also now that my phone has gone the main barrier between me and sikhi has gone because i did not have time for anything else as most my time use to be on my phone

I now do my

- 5 baaniya at amritvela

-wear a kashera

-do other paat in the day if i can

-read saakhiya of Guru Nanak Dev ji (which help me incredibly)

but sometimes i end up thinking about him and from my fiends account (who he knew also) i message him as if i am my friend telling him that i'm really upset and miss him (which i do badly at times),,, please can anyone suggest anything to help me stop please? Because im planning to be a amritdhari soon so i want to live a honest life with no secrets or lies !

Also i have another query, basically when i do paat i always feel that my mind somehow no matter how much i try to stop it starts to wonder. This even happens at Amritvela and as i want to be amritdahri i really want to be proper because i do have family who is amritdhari but do not live strictly to the rehat such as sometimes lack out on getting gurbani done

(i know im not perfect either but saad-sangat ji please i really want to be as good as possible. I do not want people to look at me and think that im in chardikala and feel guilty, i want to be as i appear - a true gursikh )

One last question i just wanted to know that sometimes i do paat and feel happy that i am doing paat and it does have a positive effect on me so i try to be calm all day and kind and giving towards everyone. This mostly means i do all the household chores because i know i have time in which i can do them and whereas the rest of my family is busy working or doing something or another. I do feel happy that i do this and sometimes i think and feel as if im really good and that i think not a lot of other people would do what i am. I am worried in case i get haumai and egoistic ? Like maharaj ji says haumai will defeat all the purpose of doing sewa! So please Guru pyareo any tips ?

Lastly i am a young Sikh girl and soon want to start tying a dummalla any really good videos of medium sized dummale pleaaaassssssssssseeeee???

THANK YOU SO MUCH. I hope Guru ji blesses each and every person as we say in the ardas "Nanak naam chardi kala tere bane sarbat da bhala "

Waheguru ji

:biggrin2:

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

Kid,

If you see yourself as a housewife,

dependant & abused by husband plus in-laws,

then quit studies & get married.

Otherwise make something of yourself,

Finish studies, find a job, be independent.

Get what you want.

Choice is yours

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

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Dear sister,

I could only suggest that you concentrate on your studies and your dharam at present. Leave the whole internet business and try and explore the vast shabads of gurbani. Also, you sound like you have such a strong foundation of love for parmaatma already, build your life on that foundation, If you are going to chak amrit, the most important thing to do is to live sikhi, that means that when it comes to marriage, you should tell your mother and father that you want a amritdhari sikh as your husband with whatever other characteristics you desire, irregards of their caste. I hope and encourage my own daughter will take this approach. An amritdhari sikh should educate anyone who is diluting sikhi or have misconceptions, including parents with caste issues.

WJKK WJKF

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Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

Kid,

If you see yourself as a housewife,

dependant & abused by husband plus in-laws,

then quit studies & get married.

Otherwise make something of yourself,

Finish studies, find a job, be independent.

Get what you want.

Choice is yours

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

WJKK, WJKF

Dear brother,

I feel that you have just created such a bad image of a house wife within your post. A "housewifes" day does not stop like normal work does. To say to someone that becoming a housewife is basically doing nothing with your life is so wrong on so many levels. My great granmother was a housewife, my grandmother was a house wife, my mother was a house wife and my wife is a house wife. It is due to them, my families house exists as it does today. A "housewife" is worthy of praise, not defaming.

The gods given role of being a mother is a gift, only a mother will know the love towards her children, a woman should be married and receive this gift by being married to her husband in which they both will equally run their home in whatever role needs be. A sikhs life is in gristi, it's not all about "Finish studies, find a job, be independent.

Get what you want" as you put it. A sikh is never independent, as we are all dependant on Pramaatma.

WJKK WJKF

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WJKK, WJKF

Dear brother,

I feel that you have just created such a bad image of a house wife within your post. A "housewifes" day does not stop like normal work does. To say to someone that becoming a housewife is basically doing nothing with your life is so wrong on so many levels. My great granmother was a housewife, my grandmother was a house wife, my mother was a house wife and my wife is a house wife. It is due to them, my families house exists as it does today. A "housewife" is worthy of praise, not defaming.

The gods given role of being a mother is a gift, only a mother will know the love towards her children, a woman should be married and receive this gift by being married to her husband in which they both will equally run their home in whatever role needs be. A sikhs life is in gristi, it's not all about "Finish studies, find a job, be independent.

Get what you want" as you put it. A sikh is never independent, as we are all dependant on Pramaatma.

WJKK WJKF

I am not creating anything, just putting the facts on table.

Let the readers make up their mind.

If grandmothers & mothers are given freedom, ie smartphone & a facebook account.

They too will start having affairs or will run away :-)

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I am not creating anything, just putting the facts on table.

Let the readers make up their mind.

If grandmothers & mothers are given freedom, ie smartphone & a facebook account.

They too will start having affairs or will run away :-)

Dear brother,

Please specify what facts your putting on the table?

Also, I am a reader and what I stated was in my opinion, as what you stated is in your opinion. It's just a disagreement on opinion.

Lol, you assume every female, grandmother/mother or whatever status, if they are given "freedom" via smart phones/Facebook there all bound to having affairs and running away lol? That's kinda a degrading way to look at it, do you then also apply this same outcome to men? Or just females?

WJKK WJKF

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singhbj singh, your personal experiences do not speak for rest of the Sikh community. Not everyone is cut out to study in university and not everyone is ready to get married in their 20s. Everyone is different and some people are meant to get married in their early 20s and not attend university right after high school. Some women go to university have many relations and then have affairs after marriage. Some go to university accomplish a lot in university and have an affair after marriage. No way does university education equal higher moral behaviours. Universities are breeding grounds to destroy morals due to the atmosphere and loose social bonding.

Domestic violence exist in every type of relationship despite their educational level. How many women start abusing alcohol and drugs in university compared to high school? The numbers double due to absent of positive authority figures in their life at this very crucial point in a person's life. Amritdhari women that attend university also relax on morals and get into relationships. Yet in high school they had never thought of such actions. Does that mean they were more educated in high school than university?

Everyone lives with karma that were given by Waheguru to them. In these karma some are given a stronger vice, which can be used as poison or as medicine. Additionally, each individual has a stronger guna (Sattva, Rajas, Tamas) than rest of the two. For instance if a person has a higher pull toward kaam and Rajas is the stronger gunas in a person then he will indulge in kaam with passion and it is best to get him married at an early age to give him stability in life and focus his strong rajas in the right direction.

People with a stronger Sattva are more likely to achieve higher accomplishments in university because they have a higher ability of calmness, clarity, and creativity. .

The gunas can be balanced and Gurbani takes over, but since you want to speak of reality. How many people actually follow Gurbani to balance the gunas? Just a handful. Maybe for this bibi university at this moment will not be helpful for her to grow in Sikhi. Maybe it will take her in the wrong direction as the sangat in university is mostly bad. Many factors play into what a person should do next in life. Stereotyping women that don't attend university as abused, irrational, and promiscuous women is really backwards thinking.

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My last reply to Sikhiseeker was removed, let me see if this goes through.

I

singhbj singh, your personal experiences do not speak for rest of the Sikh community. Not everyone is cut out to study in university and not everyone is ready to get married in their 20s. Everyone is different and some people are meant to get married in their early 20s and not attend university right after high school. Some women go to university have many relations and then have affairs after marriage. Some go to university accomplish a lot in university and have an affair after marriage. No way does university education equal higher moral behaviours. Universities are breeding grounds to destroy morals due to the atmosphere and loose social bonding.

Domestic violence exist in every type of relationship despite their educational level. How many women start abusing alcohol and drugs in university compared to high school? The numbers double due to absent of positive authority figures in their life at this very crucial point in a person's life. Amritdhari women that attend university also relax on morals and get into relationships. Yet in high school they had never thought of such actions. Does that mean they were more educated in high school than university?

Everyone lives with karma that were given by Waheguru to them. In these karma some are given a stronger vice, which can be used as poison or as medicine. Additionally, each individual has a stronger guna (Sattva, Rajas, Tamas) than rest of the two. For instance if a person has a higher pull toward kaam and Rajas is the stronger gunas in a person then he will indulge in kaam with passion and it is best to get him married at an early age to give him stability in life and focus his strong rajas in the right direction.

People with a stronger Sattva are more likely to achieve higher accomplishments in university because they have a higher ability of calmness, clarity, and creativity. .

The gunas can be balanced and Gurbani takes over, but since you want to speak of reality. How many people actually follow Gurbani to balance the gunas? Just a handful. Maybe for this bibi university at this moment will not be helpful for her to grow in Sikhi. Maybe it will take her in the wrong direction as the sangat in university is mostly bad. Many factors play into what a person should do next in life. Stereotyping women that don't attend university as abused, irrational, and promiscuous women is really backwards thinking.

You are talking as if girls are given a choice by Punjabi parents.

Even those born or brought up in west, submit to elders.

So why may I ask are they seeking help on Sikh forums & messaging guys on Facebook ?

Don't you think it's a complete waste of time.

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