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Im Not Ready Yet. Help Please


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Im only 17 and my parents are looking at rishta for me already..well people keep phoning and arsking for me its annoying.
another thing is these people want to get there sons/grandsons or whatever married in the next year..so that means when im 18 basically.

i keep on telling my family its too early to think about marriage as i want to focus on my career and live lifee...not make rotis and settle down and overthink what i could of done :/

its very annoying as my family dont consider that..and say just loook...but once you look more goes into the matter.

i feel like running away man..like i dont get along with my mum..she P****s ME off big time and my bro just wants me out the house so he can have the house to himself lol, he dont care about nothing.

what i look for in a rishta is that click when you set eyes on eachother first, although i'd be shy to look straight to his eyes :p
BUT also personality, goals..ambitions, if his reliable and looks..kind of but his personality should overshine that and his relaibility.

i dont know if im being selfish..but my bro is older then me so they really should consider doing his first also i hate the age gaps. for me i'd personally choose 2-3 yrs but not 5-6.. which my parents are considering cos they have that age gap between them but then again that was there decadeee!!!

i heard the bigger the age gap the better but i dont know.. if you know why that is please state.
In my head i work it out as if i was in school again aha me being in yr7 and they'd being in yr 12 :/ YUCK!!!

also i dont want to go far but my parents are like the futher the better for you :| LOL!

my dad is unwell.. but like i guess if i keep thinking that and force myself into marriage and it doesnt work out that be my excuse which is petty.

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17 is too young, maybe around 21 would be more sensible is it because your father is unwell or is it dont get offended, but have you given them any cause to want to (excuse the phrase) marry you off quickly because their has to be a rational explanation why parents want to marry a child at 17 (yes i think at 17 you are still a child).

Having said our forefather married young and it did them no harm, as for why a guy 5-6 years older its because they believe a more mature person can make a younger person grow up quicker and bring stability to a relationship etc, maybe some truth in this logic.

lol wife usually end in charge eventually but that could be down to husband wanting a quite life :biggrin2:

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I have heard of some groups within the Sikh community choose to marry their children at what some would call a very young age. It is very easy for us to say don't do it, but the situation needs to be handled very carefully. You might want to try calling the Sikh helpline and see if they can help you.

http://www.sikhhelpline.com/

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@ sat

well i had this incident with a boy when i was in yr11...but it got mind twisted in the sense my family thought something happened..and trust had a part to play.
MY DAD AND OTHERS FOUGHT I HAD 'IT' OR GOT TOUCHED BUT I WOULD NEVER DO OR LET SUCH A THING HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The issue was a boy was proper onto me...and i stupidly gave him my number..he kept on ringing me like 14 times non-stop..i had 14 missed calls..my brother saw..and it kicked off..and blew way out of proportion.

I dont know what to do..to this day thinking to myself that my dad thought i'd slept with the guy digust me and hurts me so bad because i realised about the lack of trust.

I've learnt from my mistakes and people around me, and i believe im a better person then what i was...because i locked off so many people in my life, but i guess my fam dont see it that way or something...the other day my dad said i'd matured which made me happy but i dont know. This rishta thing just gets on my nerves because im more determined and got a mind goal in place and wanna do something with my life but this stupid match making thing occurs in the way. :@:/

and vanhelsingh i cant talk to my mum when people keep phoning her about it and :| like i said i dont get along with her.

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Ok i thought their had to be a underlying reason, sat has grey hairs now, so i do have some experience of life. :biggrin2:

Well i would definitely keep on track and keep on working hard in building that trust with your parents / family however frustrating it may be at time or you feel they are not responding the way you expect.

As for the marriage issue be firm but polite and tell them you are not ready yet and would like to wait a while but do not disrespect your parents, the other advice i would give you is start praying to Waheguru ji and ask for forgiveness for the past and to help guide you and your parents for the future.

Pray everday morning and evening just talk to waheguru ji he does listen if you try, be loving to your family especially your parents, try to go to your local Gurdwara at least once a week, use no foul words in your everyday life and you will see how much happier you will be and your situation should start to improve, keep away from bad people and their company. :smile2:

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lol where are you from? this is quite surprising they are wanting to get you married at 17 lol, even I am 17 but my parents dont really care when I get married.

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What about stop whining about it and show them you have grown up by selecting a university where you will be able to live at home. Before they turn a blind eye to your mistake. You will have to show them 1000% that you have actually matured. Instead of sitting around watching tv or hanging with friends, try to help around the house and not whine about tasks you don't like doing.

The opportunity for your parents to trust you by your word as gone out of the window. Regardless if nothing happened. In their mind there is that slight chance that something happened and because of it, they will not risk everything (family's integrity).

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Guest Guest

Family structure is based on hierarchy system (kids obey parents).

You cannot change the system but you can use it to your advantage.

Seek help from Grand parents, they can help persuade your parents.

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