Guest kalyug times

Why Do All Marriages Between Sikh Women And Non-Sikh Men End In Divorce?

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My question to this writer is why do Amritdhari Distar Wala Families to some precent end up in divorce? Before you asking the silly question of yours.

This disease of Divorce can happen to anyone.

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I agree with the original poster I have not come across one successful long term marriage between a Indian sikh woman and non sikh man. And when I talk of long term I mean over 15-20years.

I recently joined a social network site where everyone is allowed on and the majority of the non-pracitising sikh women I've talked to on there were married to non-sikh atheist/christian white guys and now divorced. One girl who got pregnant by a muslim guy and now wanted to find a sikh guy but none are willing to even date her knowing she was with a muslim let alone having his kids. Another got pregnant out of wedlock with a jamacian guy who used to beat her up and rape also after grooming her with sweet talk,etc. Another Sikh woman married to an white irish man divorced after 2 years because he used to beat her domestic abuse common after getting drunk. Another sikh woman I talked to married her atheist white uni boyfriend and he cheated on her with several white women and now he living with a white girlfriend expecting a baby while she is on dating websites frustrated with guys treating her as a sex object and with contempt cos of her past.

Now these women werent naive they knew neither their religion or community would be happy but they were arrogant they fought against waheguru's wishes for them for being blessed as a Sikh and now paying the price.

Not all Sikh marriages work out there is no guarantee that a sikh man and sikh woman would work out for the long term either but if you have the same faith and same outlooks in life there is a greater chance it will work because its more than attraction more than sex its something spiritual and deeper. Also if you fear karma and Waheguru's actions for disobeying him then you will not cross the lines..... a Sikh can marry any sikh of any racial or ethnic group as long as they the opposite sex and a believer like yourself thats the mandetory bit.

I remember seeing photo's of a american black sikh guy and american punjabi sikh woman married and I had no feelings of resentment or thinking another sikh woman is destroying her life and giving negative demographics to sikhi because they were both Sikhs. Similiary I came across a punjabi sikh guy married to white wife who embraced sikhi and I had no feelings against him either because they a sikh couple who raising their kids in a sikh household. In many cases those who embrace Sikhi uphold the faith better than those born into it yet have modern liberal selfish atheist views.

Edited by superkaur
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We all stereotype, without even realizing most of the time.

Us punjabi sikhs can be quite backward as ''karndeep" pointed out above.

The problem is that very easily we mix sikhi with punjabi culture,,.. when in fact they are two different things.

Marriage in sikhi is about SIKH & SIKH...it has nothing to do with what colour or background you from.

Marriage as per culture is about punjabi sikh & punjabi sikh and then family and caste also come into play..

The topic in question is about non-sikh marrying a sikh... which in fact is nothing to do with sikhi and is not even a marriage as per sikhi.

A sikh marriage is completely different to other faiths.It is not about 2 people getting married with God being the witness.....it is about God marrying or merging two souls with himself....

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Brother Lucky,

we should also remember, that even for the merging two souls in Him, the only needful ceremony to be carried out, is His Simran, His love, His bakshish.... no worldly marriage will enable us to merge in Him, not even that one between sikhs.

Worldy marriage takes place, because there is some karmic settlement, adjustment between them to be cleared out, either by paying or getting ....

But the marriage of the bride soul with Purukh Wahiguru, is the birthright of all souls, there is no such karmic adjustment, it is just a natural bond of love and grace....

In reality, this game of love, is started by Wahiguru Himself, by pulling the soul towards Himself..... thus the soul is helpless, it can not resist the pull of the Beloved

Sat Sree Akal.

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I am a white atheist man in a relationship with a Sikh lady. She is the most amazing person I have ever met. I do not try to lead her astray, I try to help her to become a better person as she does me. I actually remind her when she has not said her prayers and I tell her that she needs to visit the temple more often. I love her with all my heart, the only problem with our relationship is people like this gentleman and their opinions. I am a secret to the majority of her family and friends. Those that know about us like me and know that I am good for my girlfriend. I lead my life in an honest and honourable manner. I spend half of my year working in India and regularly help charities there. I feel like I am being punished because I was not born in a certain place and I do not believe that God would take this as acceptable behaviour.

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I am a white atheist man in a relationship with a Sikh lady. She is the most amazing person I have ever met. I do not try to lead her astray, I try to help her to become a better person as she does me. I actually remind her when she has not said her prayers and I tell her that she needs to visit the temple more often. I love her with all my heart, the only problem with our relationship is people like this gentleman and their opinions. I am a secret to the majority of her family and friends. Those that know about us like me and know that I am good for my girlfriend. I lead my life in an honest and honourable manner. I spend half of my year working in India and regularly help charities there. I feel like I am being punished because I was not born in a certain place and I do not believe that God would take this as acceptable behaviour.

Hey buddy! What you and your gf have does sound beautiful. I genuinely wish you guys all the best!

The problem here is that your gf happens to be punjabi. Now as punjabis we're not very accepting of you foreign folk taking our ladies!! Lol. Even if you decided to become a sikh (you'd obviously never be punjabi), you'd find that many of us would still have a problem with you. Basically, theres no winning with punjabis. So erm... good luck!

Regarding Sikhi however, pre-marital relations are not permitted. Nor are interfaith marriages!! So I hope you wont be one of those joeys clad in indian dress wanting to partake in a bogus anand karaj (sikh wedding) with your gf. Wrong on so many levels mate! Stick to a civil ceremony if you get that far ;)

All that being said though, dont let any of that come between you guys. Whether you believe in god or not, at the end of the day, you're free to make whatever decision you wish to make. Just remember you're not free from the consequence of that decision. A paradox indeed...

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All I dream about is a seemingly nonexistent Punjabi woman who would fall in love with me, and I with her, and she would teach me the Punjabi language and I would teach her Norwegian and English, and as non Sikhs we would explore the Guru Granth Sahib and become Khalsas together during Amrit on Baisakhi and get married and live the Sikh lifestyle together in love forever. In the meantime, I'm just an absurd Norwegian-American fool with a dream of something impossibly wonderful.

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All I dream about is a seemingly nonexistent Punjabi woman who would fall in love with me, and I with her, and she would teach me the Punjabi language and I would teach her Norwegian and English, and as non Sikhs we would explore the Guru Granth Sahib and become Khalsas together during Amrit on Baisakhi and get married and live the Sikh lifestyle together in love forever. In the meantime, I'm just an absurd Norwegian-American fool with a dream of something impossibly wonderful.

You don't need a woman to bring you to Sikhi; only Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Nanak Dev Ji can bring Sikhi to you. If I had any power to save anyone as simply a follower of Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Nanak Dev Ji, I wouldn't do it just for same dating-ritual. Every Gursikh will try their very best to assist you, without some ulterior motives.
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I have a question How come someone like me a Amritdhari Distar wala married to an Amritdhari Distar Wali Singhni have been divorced for the last 6 years after 17 years of marriage. It had nothing to do with cheating and stuff. If marriage is going to break it does not matter if you are a Sikh, Hindu, Christian, Atheist. You are just not meant to be with a person for life.

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I have a question How come someone like me a Amritdhari Distar wala married to an Amritdhari Distar Wali Singhni have been divorced for the last 6 years after 17 years of marriage. It had nothing to do with cheating and stuff. If marriage is going to break it does not matter if you are a Sikh, Hindu, Christian, Atheist. You are just not meant to be with a person for life.

I would answer your question if you are willing to rephrase the question.

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Yes i do believe that its true most of punjabi girl marriages to non punjabis end up in divorce, as not even punjabi girls but the whole punjabi community is very selfish & cunning so the same way thier girls...many of you will ask how can i say that? ans is that because my family had faced the same issue thrice... and now the foruth one is me....punjabi girls are cheaters...not even one or two but the all of them same ----

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On 25/07/2014 at 2:39 PM, Ranjeet01 said:

Bhul Chuk Maf for my sexist comment but there is an element of truth of what I am going to say.

Why do many oriental girls prefer to marry White men? It is largely because women marry for status, they generally like to marry for higher status. A lot of these Sikh women who would marry out of the religion because they feel they would be getting a higher status by bagging a white guy.

There has been a concerted effort by areas in the media, particularly the Gurinder Chadha types to encourage this type of thing, by manipulating the young impressionable Sikh girls. There is a great push for our community to be

seen as oppressive and patriarchal by certain areas of the media, this makes our impressionable girls think that certain behaviours acceptable.

As long as our girls are sexually available for other communities and our culture can be defined by the confines of the White Western narrative,

Punjabis are some of the most back stabbing and hypocritical people I've ever had the misfortune of growing up around. The fact that most people have seen sikh and non sikh marriages end up in divorce doesn't surprise me. Eventually, the facade of being in a 'progressive' relationship falls aside for even the most liberal caucasian when they've come to the realization that the person they've married was after them, first and foremost, for their elevated status as a white male/female, and not for their personality, interests, views, or even looks on a base level. That being said,conversely, I find that most of the white males that are in these relationships tend to be unappealing, whether physically or otherwise and will only go after punjabi women because either they can't find anyone  within their own race or they like the idea of having a 'submissive' foreign woman. So the shallow mentality goes both ways, leading both parties to get what they want, that is, until the mask slips off years down the road. I base these observations off the past 10 years of interactions with punjabi women in the workforce. Most of the ones that chase after whites love the attention and the smug feeling of satisfaction knowing they're stickin it to their communitiy as a result of all their negative.experiences and are now 'being accepted' by the anglos. They usually tend to be very flat personality wise or in terms of looks themselves, which likely attracts other foreign males who are equally the same.

I agree with your assertion on the media and how it paints brown males, or any.minority males for that matterleading to mostly negative stereotypes which influence their position on the socio-sexual hierarchy. According to what the media tells us, it's alright for white males to be loud, assertive and confident in public; however, anyone who is a minority that is seen as being loud and dominant with a strong personality is stereotyped as likely being a gangster or "someone who has failed to assimilate". On the flip side, if your a person that plays by the rules and gets a career, you go the route that many other minority males go through unfortunately, (especially asians) of being stereotyped as being safe, docile and falling in line to the white hegemonic social structure, which is simply emasculating in the eyes of other women, including punjabi women. Essentially, what you can take from these points is that racism, which leads to segregation of communities, furthering the divide, has a huge role to play in how punjabi males are seen by white male society, which in turn, affects how females view them. 

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17 hours ago, Guest CDNGuest said:

Punjabis are some of the most back stabbing and hypocritical people I've ever had the misfortune of growing up around. The fact that most people have seen sikh and non sikh marriages end up in divorce doesn't surprise me. Eventually, the facade of being in a 'progressive' relationship falls aside for even the most liberal caucasian when they've come to the realization that the person they've married was after them, first and foremost, for their elevated status as a white male/female, and not for their personality, interests, views, or even looks on a base level. That being said,conversely, I find that most of the white males that are in these relationships tend to be unappealing, whether physically or otherwise and will only go after punjabi women because either they can't find anyone  within their own race or they like the idea of having a 'submissive' foreign woman. So the shallow mentality goes both ways, leading both parties to get what they want, that is, until the mask slips off years down the road. I base these observations off the past 10 years of interactions with punjabi women in the workforce. Most of the ones that chase after whites love the attention and the smug feeling of satisfaction knowing they're stickin it to their communitiy as a result of all their negative.experiences and are now 'being accepted' by the anglos. They usually tend to be very flat personality wise or in terms of looks themselves, which likely attracts other foreign males who are equally the same.

I agree with your assertion on the media and how it paints brown males, or any.minority males for that matterleading to mostly negative stereotypes which influence their position on the socio-sexual hierarchy. According to what the media tells us, it's alright for white males to be loud, assertive and confident in public; however, anyone who is a minority that is seen as being loud and dominant with a strong personality is stereotyped as likely being a gangster or "someone who has failed to assimilate". On the flip side, if your a person that plays by the rules and gets a career, you go the route that many other minority males go through unfortunately, (especially asians) of being stereotyped as being safe, docile and falling in line to the white hegemonic social structure, which is simply emasculating in the eyes of other women, including punjabi women. Essentially, what you can take from these points is that racism, which leads to segregation of communities, furthering the divide, has a huge role to play in how punjabi males are seen by white male society, which in turn, affects how females view them. 

This was so on point it was staggering.

One thing that I think it missed was how physical attractiveness plays a part too. I think some very pretty brown girls see themselves as too good for brown guys (or are at least made to think that way of themselves) and jump off with a white boy (or any other race) as a result. I've seen whites in office environments subtly, but persistently and carefully isolate and patronise such girls to an extent that these girls are constantly made to socialise with whites only, and a subtle but powerful pressure is applied by whites that makes us feel almost ashamed of being seen to be associating with other brown people in their environs. What's really telling for me is that I've seen that these 'isolation' techniques are also applied by Pakistani groomers as well in their early stages of grooming. My feeling is that communities with longstanding traditions of slavery, foreign colonialism, rigid class systems, pimping and harem culture have perfected the technique of grooming and 'obtaining' other females via psychological means through centuries of refining the technique whilst in absolute positions of power.  The lesson to learn is: when you are in a dominant position of power or strength, possessing females of other lesser strong communities is easy and doing this actually reinforces the power structure that exists. 

Whitey obtaining some pretty trophy brown girl is their way of saying we can have your best and sticking it to nonwhite males. lol 

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3 hours ago, dallysingh101 said:

One thing that I think it missed was how physical attractiveness plays a part too. I think some very pretty brown girls see themselves as too good for brown guys (or are at least made to think that way of themselves) and jump off with a white boy (or any other race) as a result. I've seen whites in office environments subtly, but persistently and carefully isolate and patronise such girls to an extent that these girls are constantly made to socialise with whites only, and a subtle but powerful pressure is applied by whites that makes us feel almost ashamed of being seen to be associating with other brown people in their environs. What's really telling for me is that I've seen that these 'isolation' techniques are also applied by Pakistani groomers as well in their early stages of grooming. My feeling is that communities with longstanding traditions of slavery, foreign colonialism, rigid class systems, pimping and harem culture have perfected the technique of grooming and 'obtaining' other females via psychological means through centuries of refining the technique whilst in absolute positions of power.  The lesson to learn is: when you are in a dominant position of power or strength, possessing females of other lesser strong communities is easy and doing this actually reinforces the power structure that exists.  

This goes 2 ways. From Daas's personal experience from when I went to school, a lot of Non-Sikh girls were interested in seeing Daas as some guy that was seen in the same way Non-Sikhs look at pieces of steak. Women are attracted to what they are not, or the uniqueness, (and Daas was the only Sikh guy at school in a relatively Conservative part of the U.S.), the lesson of atttactiveness is don't be like the people who like you.

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4 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

This goes 2 ways. From Daas's personal experience from when I went to school, a lot of Non-Sikh girls were interested in seeing Daas as some guy that was seen in the same way Non-Sikhs look at pieces of steak. Women are attracted to what they are not, or the uniqueness, (and Daas was the only Sikh guy at school in a relatively Conservative part of the U.S.), the lesson of atttactiveness is don't be like the people who like you.

Forget school. Wait till you are in grown world. 

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34 minutes ago, dallysingh101 said:

Forget school. Wait till you are in grown world. 

How late into the real world are you referring to? College, Work, or even later? (Daas is pretty young, but not s complete child)

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Since when do "Sikhs" even marry someone who isn't a Sikh?? Those monehs who do that are not Sikhs.

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7 hours ago, Preeet said:

Since when do "Sikhs" even marry someone who isn't a Sikh?? Those monehs who do that are not Sikhs.

I've seen a few girls from Amritdhari families run off with goray, so I think your point is rubbish. 

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35 minutes ago, dallysingh101 said:

I've seen a few girls from Amritdhari families run off with goray, so I think your point is rubbish. 

Yeah, so that means they are not Sikh anymore because it is one of the 4 kurehits to have yaari.

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17 minutes ago, Preeet said:

Yeah, so that means they are not Sikh anymore because it is one of the 4 kurehits to have yaari.

Your strategy of thinking anyone who doesn't conform to your notion of what Sikh can be, or being wayward can be dealt with by pretending they are nothing to do with the panth is crap. 

If we have problems in our community, or discipline issues, it's our societies job to deal with it and provide structure and support in some way - not summarily dismiss them. Id1ots tried that with the grooming issue and that just made it hundreds of times worse. 

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13 hours ago, Jacfsing2 said:

How late into the real world are you referring to? College, Work, or even later? (Daas is pretty young, but not s complete child)

No disrespect, but wait till you are a man with a good few years experience of working in wider society. Then you'll have some genuine experience to base your opinions upon. Right now, it sounds like you don't get out much and spend most of your spare time online.

 

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Mostly marriages be racial or interracial do not work, because of the weakness, either of one or both the parties.

As their union is based on kaam vaasna.

This kaam vaasna is natural to an extent, but the main thing is to be clear and sure on how we should mould our lives and live accordingly with Gurmat.

Ups and downs are certain in our lives, but if our base is strong in sikhee, we can face anything in our lives.

And being strong in sikhee means, living sikhee as per the pure teachings of Guru Sahiban.

If we just take birth in a sikh family and may know wholeheartedly the Bani, then we are just sikhs on the surface, while at the bottom of  our beings we are severe manmukhs.

Now if this is our case, and we marry someone out of our  "kaum", accidents are sure to happen.

Marriage by itself is not to give freedom to our selfish kaamee instincts, and in trying satisfying them; rather in being human beings and being helpful to our spouses and children if any, with the best of our abilities.

Along with that attitude, bhajan bandagee should be included regularly in our daily lives, then only will we develope inner strength, and be ready to stay in His bhaana  with whatever circumstances we may find ourselves.

Sat Sree Akal.

 

 

 

 

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21 minutes ago, dallysingh101 said:

Your strategy of thinking anyone who doesn't conform to your notion of what Sikh can be, or being wayward can be dealt with by pretending they are nothing to do with the panth is crap. 

If we have problems in our community, or discipline issues, it's our societies job to deal with it and provide structure and support in some way - not summarily dismiss them. Id1ots tried that with the grooming issue and that just made it hundreds of times worse. 

Anyone amritdhari Sikh that marries a non Sikh is not an amritdhari anymore. You can still provide love and support to that individual, but the reality in terms of Sikhi is that they're not an amritdhari. The same applies to a male amritdhari that marries a non-Sikh. 

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2 minutes ago, Berserk said:

Anyone amritdhari Sikh that marries a non Sikh is not an amritdhari anymore. You can still provide love and support to that individual, but the reality in terms of Sikhi is that they're not an amritdhari. The same applies to a male amritdhari that marries a non-Sikh. 

I agree, then we have to get to the question of: Is Amritdhari the only Sikh identity. 

And I think a lot of us will have to agree to disagree on that one. 

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