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Why Do All Marriages Between Sikh Women And Non-Sikh Men End In Divorce?

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Guest sg   
Guest sg

In 20 years ie the next generation of sikhs or asians as a whole. Will be marrying anyone and everyone. Society is doing down hill and theres nothing we can do about it. Girls and boys now do what they want they dont care about religion,family or values. Ee habe no power to stop this from happening.

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Guest teach true sikhism..   
Guest teach true sikhism..

Whoever wrote this article must be shot! Tha amount of Sikh to Sikh marriages which are end in divorce because husbands and wives had had affairs or just generally got some warped view of 'how it should and needs to be'..... & culture! Sikhism teaches tollerance of other cultures and religions! Whoever wrote this is far from being a good sikh or could even call themselves sikh!!! You cant even do the basics!....what a joke... as other people have wrote on here; its nothing to do with religion, culture or colour...

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sat    536

Well the publisher of the question has some sense of our sikh society where is it heading for... Myself Sikh guy born and raised in london,UK belong to non religious sikh family where parents are busy in earning wealth rather than sikhi .I have seen many cases where sikh girl is being marry to either muslim guys or white guys.. I don't wanna give any lecture over here just in few words i want to write what I have seen and realized in society so far.

Sikh girls are preferring clean shaven sikh guys ( Not all but most of them since 20 th century) and when they don't get they go for non sikh guys..

First we talk about sikh guys. .((.I wanna clear this thing before you say anything against sikh guys is that I m not talking about any clean shaven sikh guy over here)) In my point of view they were never sikh guys because I m talking about sikh identity given by our gurus . I m not talking about practicing the sikhi what it teaches..okay move on to the matter ..There are two types of sikh guys baptized and non baptized sikh guys. A non baptized sikh guy still wears turban and keeps beard even he is not having 5 k's and on the other hand side Baptized sikh also wears turban and keeps unshorn beard and even who does trimming like me he also wears turban..It means there are three types of sikh guys who wear turbans.

now move to sikh girls...........................

Have you seen any sikh girl who is not having 5 k's wearing turban????? Can someone find me at least ten Kaurs who are wearing turbans.(maybe they are but just as exceptional cases) who are without living the roop of khalsa.. but yeah there are thousands of such kaurs who can be seen at the door of beauty parlor waiting for their turn to make their hair re- bonding and to decorate the face with heavy make ups. on the other side Only baptized Sikh girls wear turban and yeah non bapitized sikh girls can also wear turbans .There is no any restriction that they cannot wear turban .But you guys tell me if they really believe in sikhi..really love their sikhi..and the sikh faith is so dear to them as always such girls mumble then why dont they wear turban and why dont they dream of any sikh guy??.it seems to be an hypocrisy of such girls.

thus ..moving to guys who are not having turbans and beards is obvious of such girls. I don't say all such girls move to clean shaven faces but yeah it cannot be denied most of them do prefer no doubt. UK USA and Canada are the biggest examples of such girls even its being happened in india now..because such sikh bimbo girls say the world is changing..

and now these girls in order to hide their hypocrisy say sikh guys also marry outside their religion but my question is "are they losing their sikhi"???? even its the happiest moment when the non sikh girl likes the sikh guy and gets ready to marry to become his Kaur (princess).. and The waheguru shows his smile on them because a new sikh is coming to the path of lovable sikhi and now such sikh bimbo girls will say " sikh guys are busy in laying down with other girls and addicted to drugs and sex.. but if we go to the core of this issue you will get cleanshaven sikh guys over there much more than sikh turban guys....I never seen so far any sikh guy who has turban raping the girl ..teasing the girl...stealing into the houses of people.. bulling the girls..etc etc....

and I want to say the sikh guys..why do you always messed up with the sikh girls??? let them fucked up by others where they want to ...are you worried about those sikh girls who cannot accept what and who you are ..your personality and look...who cannot raise her kids as sikh...why are you worried?? stop being your mom's bachaaa and see around non sikh girls ..there are thousands of Brazilian Mexicans,,British, Asian...american ,middle east girls who find sikh guys really attractive and handsome..its just the high mentality and intellectual level work on in such girls..that our girls lack.

Myself is being loved by muslim turkish girl...she is quite modern but whenever she wears her scarf she calls me on phone in the morning to ask my turban color what i am gonna wear for my day...so she tries to match her scarf color with my turban..In her point of view sikh guy and muslim girl both are made for each other. because both are deeply devoted to religious believes.. where a muslim guy and sikh girl lacks (generally)..

And I think its a time when we sikh guys pledge to move on to non sikh girls when we don't get our life partners in our own faith and try to make understand our parents to accept them as their new daughters..

no crown no king..................no singh no sikh,,( as my british female friend said to me)

Remember Every sikh guy is lucky because every Sardar gets his sardarni but every sardarni is not lucky because she does not get her Sardar.... look inside yourself how lucky you are.............God bless you

You make some very interesting points, i have always thought that all this worry we are fed about sikhi being in decline etc is not all that important, yes it is in decline within punjabis but others are coming to Guru JI slowly in numbers , but i think sikhi will come through any hardship it faces today, just like it has previously, but the question is will apne be the sikhs of the future, i dont think so, sikhi / khalsa will rise again but they may not be all of punjabi origin.

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luckysingh99    1,143

Sadly, I have learnt that the Punjabis are the best at making and establishing themselves and they are also the best at their very own destruction as well ! :wow:

This goes for sikhi too.

Punjabis also have the nasty habit of repeatedly mixing Punjab culture be it completely manmatt, into sikhi itself.

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Guest Sukhi   
Guest Sukhi

I'm an American woman, living in England who happens to be Punjabi due to my mother moving to America from Punjab in her teens and my father's parents moving to England from Punjab in their late childhood/early teens. My dad, despite growing up in England, has very traditional Sikh values and we have been raised with a Sikh background. Sadly, this upbringing is new in our lives as I have never had a good or proper relationship with my parents except for recently, where my dad went through his mid-life crisis and lost track of his religion and my mom was beating me out of stress and trying to kill me as I am the eldest and was unplanned; my parents had an arranged marriage and, because they had me unexpectedly and so soon, my mother blamed problems due to lack of communication, miscommunication etc on me as they did not get to properly know each other. However, we recently made up and I let my mother know that I was in a relationship with a Sikh guy. It was long term and ended after 2 and a half years. She was completely fine with it, even met up with and spoke to him quite a few times. I have been out with many guys but this was the first Indian, Punjabi or Sikh guy that I have ever been out with. I am now with a white guy and, after being sick of having to sneak around and hide things from my parents, I told my dad that I am dating, that I had just got out of a relationship with a Sikh guy and am now with a white guy who treats me very well. Things have been going very well and I think he may be the one. I have been with many guys and, I can tell you this with complete honesty, our relationship is definitely not based on lust. Yes, we do have intercourse but I lost my virginity at a young age due to an upbringing where my mother was beating and trying to kill me for no reason and my dad was cheating on my mother and never there, so I was also an alcoholic at a young age. Anyway, we have a very emotional connection. Whenever anyone tries to get in between our relationship, we always calmly talk it out (I hate yelling due to my upbringing. It freaks me out). He has also supported me more than any other guy has, always tells me that whatever I choose to do, as long as I think it's right for me and it's not something that'll harm me, he'll support me. He protects me from my family and, on recent occasions where I have been slapped by my dad over a small argument, he came straight over to my house to pick me up and told my dad that I am going to a friends house to spend the night as no one has the right to hit me. He also accepts me for who I am even though I have many flaws. Anyway, our relationship is getting very serious but I think my dad thinks that it's just a phase. He's having a hard time getting used to the idea of me dating and keeps telling me not to shame him in "our" (more like "his" as I don't like or follow many aspects of the Indian culture) community and doesn't want to properly meet David. What can I do to tell my dad that we are serious about each other and considering spending the rest of our lives together? Plus just proof that a Punjabi girl and White guy aren't all about proof. I'm not fake Punjabi either, I embrace the culture etc.. it's more ideals about the women's role in family and society etc that I don't agree with, as well as where everyone judges everyone.

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MHS    51

'If you guys do not make it haram for a punjaban of Sikh family background to date a non-sikh and live in that lifestyle then it will become the norm and you will see a further dilution and destruction of the once strong proud vibrant upstanding Sikh community. Why are all western societies in disarray? Cos of feminist extremists!!!! Give them an inch and they take a mile and the result is marriage, sex, demographic numbers of your community on their terms and not on the terms of how civilisation has survived since it was founded 10,000 years ago.'


'We as a human society are facing deep problems due to feminist extremists undermining each community they belong to and their infiltration into media and politics. If you guys cant see it then your fools' (Aman kaur1867)

I wish you had posted this one at least 10 years ago! Look at the state of sikh community now? Sikh boys marrying muslim girls and vice versa. Sikh people have a huge problem now. Their girls are targetted for grooming because of the ignorance that breeds in their community which remains deliberately unchecked for long periods of time. Also, the fact their failure to listen to others when someone tries to point out something very important to them.

Yes, no denying, there is gender equality in this religion. There is no doubt about it. This does not mean that men and women have become so equal that their roles have now become totally undefined and confusing, does it? How many sikh men can carry a baby full term or breast feed? How many sikh men are housewives(househusbands) How many sikh men can change a baby's nappy, bottle feed a baby or even cook a nice dinner for the whole family? When it comes to playing these roles they look towards a woman's direction. On the other hand, how many sikh women can impregnate a woman? How many sikh women do we see digging up the garden to plant a tree or a shrub? Have you ever seen sikh women electricians, construction workers or window cleaners in the west anywhere? Most sikh women are still doings jobs that are considered women's jobs! How many sikh women can change a bulb let alone repair a fuse at home. How many sikh women can check the tyre pressure on even carry bricks on their backs from the boot of a car?

There is gender equality in terms of spirituality because in the times of our Gurus women were not allowed to become priests and mullahs. They were treated as social pariahs! The Sikh Gurus introduced a concept of equal status for both genders, a concept which was never heard of in those days by either hindus or the muslim rulers. Our Gurus stopped the vile customs of widow burning and wearing of full facial veils that pervaded everywhere in the Indian society in those days.

There is equality but at the same time we are suppose to celebrate each others' differences without ridiculing them.

Sikh men need to wake up to what is happening in their society. They are losing a huge proportion of vital component that is needed for the progress of their faith and community. They are losing it to another religion because of their stupidity. They need to respect and LOVE their women.

Why can't sikh boys socialise with sikh girls when they are at school and become long term friends. Why can't they protect their girls when they are growing up and vulnerable to all kinds of exploitation? What if they were living in the Punjab? Who would their first love be? Who would they be associating with most of the times at schools or at universities? How come the older generations did not marry non sikhs or came to be groomed or converted? They have to pass on their strenghts to their children and not let their children run wild. They need to put their their newly accumulated wealth on one side and take notice of their boys and girls for once. Sending them off to universities and brainwashing them into becoming doctors, lawyers, engineers and accountants is of no use if at the end of the they simply don't know who they are. Loosing and not standing by their sikh identity and the responsibilities it entails is no progress! We educate ourselves for our advancement and not for our demise. Great accumulations of weath and social/professional staus is all temporary and we don't take it with us. What helps us in our journey here and beyond is our thoughts, words and actions.

Why are you blaming the law and the media for destroying the sikh community? Where does the law say that it is against the law of England to stick to your sikhi asools? Where does it say in the law books now every citizen of GB should surrender their ethnic and religious identies and convert, sleep around to their hearts content and do everything under the sun which your previous ethic and religious identities prohibited you from doing? If you don't conform you will suffer the harshest punishment (s) the law can deliver?

I have never seen anything negative about the sikh faith in the media either!! I have not seen any documentaries to this effect. So where is this blame culture coming from?

Edited by MHS

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jkvlondon    3,419

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa, Waheguru ji ki Fateh,

My view is simple , ALL our kids need to be brought up with LOVE and made to feel being a sikh is as natural as breathing ... the only way that is going to happen is you show understanding and PREM to the youths who are going to be the next generation of Sikh parents , especially the girls I think Parents need to know their duties to their kids in terms of passing on Sikhi if they are ill-equipped for the job through life circumstances they should be made aware of programs, video courses available online . Heck, They can sit with the kids and learn alongside them, talk about it together.

Guru Gobind SIngh ji respected parents who never scolded and abused their kids so much ... are we saying we cannot manage to keep our krodh/ahankar in check and acknowledge sadde 'ch bahut kammian han as humans and try to change to his worldview?

Christians say 'the family that prays together stays together' I Think they have a point ...even if we start small we can action this, bacche love to please their parents and their Guru why not use this to help them get used to nam japna by the time they hit their twenties think how much nam kamai they would have earned ....

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Ranjeet01    1,113

Bhul Chuk Maf for my sexist comment but there is an element of truth of what I am going to say.

Why do many oriental girls prefer to marry White men? It is largely because women marry for status, they generally like to marry for higher status. A lot of these Sikh women who would marry out of the religion because they feel they would be getting a higher status by bagging a white guy.

There has been a concerted effort by areas in the media, particularly the Gurinder Chadha types to encourage this type of thing, by manipulating the young impressionable Sikh girls. There is a great push for our community to be

seen as oppressive and patriarchal by certain areas of the media, this makes our impressionable girls think that certain behaviours acceptable.

As long as our girls are sexually available for other communities and our culture can be defined by the confines of the White Western narrative,

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Guest Karndeep   
Guest Karndeep

I am an amritdhari, darstar-wearing Sikh girl who tries to practice Sikhi to the best of my ability. I go to Gurdwara, I do my nitnem everyday, I do seva as much as I can. I want to marry a Sikh. Does he have to be Punjabi? NO. Are you going to attack me for that? Probably.

The reason is because all of you are Punjabi (just like me), but have the backwards thinking that all Punjabis are raised with. We think that we are better than everybody. This makes no sense to me because our religion teaches love and acceptance to everyone, regardless of class, sex, race, or social status. Why is it that we think we are so much better than ppl who aren't Punjabi? I could marry a Sikh who just happens to be white and my relatives would probably have a cow. This is straight up racism (you don't have to be white to be racist!); people aren't going to be better for your daughters just because they have roots in India. There are good and bad people everywhere, but we automatically refuse to see the good in someone we deem is wholly bad.

I brought this up with my dad a few weeks back. I asked him how he would react if I hypothetically brought home a Japanese Gursikh. He would have the views that I have about religion, he would know how to do nitnem, have a stable career, and he would be a good person, thus fitting into all of their criteria. My dad refused to let me marry him. Why? Because he isn't Punjabi. What a load of crap. He said to never bring up a situation like this again. He said that this guy could be the greatest person in the world, but he would always see him as an outsider, not a son.

A few questions for everyone: why are "Sikhs" being so narrow-minded toward non-Punjabis? Why isn't it ever seen as "bad" when a Sikh/Punjabi boy marries outside of race/religion? Why is it that girls ONCE AGAIN draw the short straw? I thought we preached equality...

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Guest Singh   
Guest Singh

My question to this writer is why do Amritdhari Distar Wala Families to some precent end up in divorce? Before you asking the silly question of yours.

This disease of Divorce can happen to anyone.

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superkaur    320

I agree with the original poster I have not come across one successful long term marriage between a Indian sikh woman and non sikh man. And when I talk of long term I mean over 15-20years.

I recently joined a social network site where everyone is allowed on and the majority of the non-pracitising sikh women I've talked to on there were married to non-sikh atheist/christian white guys and now divorced. One girl who got pregnant by a muslim guy and now wanted to find a sikh guy but none are willing to even date her knowing she was with a muslim let alone having his kids. Another got pregnant out of wedlock with a jamacian guy who used to beat her up and rape also after grooming her with sweet talk,etc. Another Sikh woman married to an white irish man divorced after 2 years because he used to beat her domestic abuse common after getting drunk. Another sikh woman I talked to married her atheist white uni boyfriend and he cheated on her with several white women and now he living with a white girlfriend expecting a baby while she is on dating websites frustrated with guys treating her as a sex object and with contempt cos of her past.

Now these women werent naive they knew neither their religion or community would be happy but they were arrogant they fought against waheguru's wishes for them for being blessed as a Sikh and now paying the price.

Not all Sikh marriages work out there is no guarantee that a sikh man and sikh woman would work out for the long term either but if you have the same faith and same outlooks in life there is a greater chance it will work because its more than attraction more than sex its something spiritual and deeper. Also if you fear karma and Waheguru's actions for disobeying him then you will not cross the lines..... a Sikh can marry any sikh of any racial or ethnic group as long as they the opposite sex and a believer like yourself thats the mandetory bit.

I remember seeing photo's of a american black sikh guy and american punjabi sikh woman married and I had no feelings of resentment or thinking another sikh woman is destroying her life and giving negative demographics to sikhi because they were both Sikhs. Similiary I came across a punjabi sikh guy married to white wife who embraced sikhi and I had no feelings against him either because they a sikh couple who raising their kids in a sikh household. In many cases those who embrace Sikhi uphold the faith better than those born into it yet have modern liberal selfish atheist views.

Edited by superkaur
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luckysingh99    1,143

We all stereotype, without even realizing most of the time.

Us punjabi sikhs can be quite backward as ''karndeep" pointed out above.

The problem is that very easily we mix sikhi with punjabi culture,,.. when in fact they are two different things.

Marriage in sikhi is about SIKH & SIKH...it has nothing to do with what colour or background you from.

Marriage as per culture is about punjabi sikh & punjabi sikh and then family and caste also come into play..

The topic in question is about non-sikh marrying a sikh... which in fact is nothing to do with sikhi and is not even a marriage as per sikhi.

A sikh marriage is completely different to other faiths.It is not about 2 people getting married with God being the witness.....it is about God marrying or merging two souls with himself....

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harsharan000    1,911

Brother Lucky,

we should also remember, that even for the merging two souls in Him, the only needful ceremony to be carried out, is His Simran, His love, His bakshish.... no worldly marriage will enable us to merge in Him, not even that one between sikhs.

Worldy marriage takes place, because there is some karmic settlement, adjustment between them to be cleared out, either by paying or getting ....

But the marriage of the bride soul with Purukh Wahiguru, is the birthright of all souls, there is no such karmic adjustment, it is just a natural bond of love and grace....

In reality, this game of love, is started by Wahiguru Himself, by pulling the soul towards Himself..... thus the soul is helpless, it can not resist the pull of the Beloved

Sat Sree Akal.

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Guest L.A.H   
Guest L.A.H

I am a white atheist man in a relationship with a Sikh lady. She is the most amazing person I have ever met. I do not try to lead her astray, I try to help her to become a better person as she does me. I actually remind her when she has not said her prayers and I tell her that she needs to visit the temple more often. I love her with all my heart, the only problem with our relationship is people like this gentleman and their opinions. I am a secret to the majority of her family and friends. Those that know about us like me and know that I am good for my girlfriend. I lead my life in an honest and honourable manner. I spend half of my year working in India and regularly help charities there. I feel like I am being punished because I was not born in a certain place and I do not believe that God would take this as acceptable behaviour.

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