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Sikh/Hindu relationship-marriage

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13Mirch    883

Yes there is similarity in both panths. They both have there cultural base in India. :biggrin2:

Minus that.

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Minus that.

Yes there is another similarity between Hindus and Sikhs. This time sikh falls and run from baba to baba in search of happiness leaving his Guru's advice aside

Read carefully. If you can understand.

ਨਾਨਕ ਬੋਲਣੁ ਝਖਣਾ ਦੁਖ ਛਡਿ ਮੰਗੀਅਹਿ ਸੁਖ ॥

ਸੁਖੁ ਦੁਖੁ ਦੁਇ ਦਰਿ ਕਪੜੇ ਪਹਿਰਹਿ ਜਾਇ ਮਨੁਖ ॥

ਜਿਥੈ ਬੋਲਣਿ ਹਾਰੀਐ ਤਿਥੈ ਚੰਗੀ ਚੁਪ ॥੨॥

If you cannot understand Gurmukhi, then there is another similarity between 98%+ Hindus and you. :biggrin2:

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13Mirch    883

Yes there is another similarity between Hindus and Sikhs. This time sikh falls and run from baba to baba in search of happiness leaving his Guru's advice aside

Read carefully. If you can understand.

ਨਾਨਕ ਬੋਲਣੁ ਝਖਣਾ ਦੁਖ ਛਡਿ ਮੰਗੀਅਹਿ ਸੁਖ ॥

ਸੁਖੁ ਦੁਖੁ ਦੁਇ ਦਰਿ ਕਪੜੇ ਪਹਿਰਹਿ ਜਾਇ ਮਨੁਖ ॥

ਜਿਥੈ ਬੋਲਣਿ ਹਾਰੀਐ ਤਿਥੈ ਚੰਗੀ ਚੁਪ ॥੨॥

If you cannot understand Gurmukhi, then there is another similarity between 98%+ Hindus and you. :biggrin2:

Hey I never said anything bad about Hinduism just pointed my perspective out that some people mistakenly believe both faiths are a 100% mirror image of each other.

Yes there is another similarity between Hindus and Sikhs. This time sikh falls and run from baba to baba in search of happiness leaving his Guru's advice aside

Read carefully. If you can understand.

ਨਾਨਕ ਬੋਲਣੁ ਝਖਣਾ ਦੁਖ ਛਡਿ ਮੰਗੀਅਹਿ ਸੁਖ ॥

ਸੁਖੁ ਦੁਖੁ ਦੁਇ ਦਰਿ ਕਪੜੇ ਪਹਿਰਹਿ ਜਾਇ ਮਨੁਖ ॥

ਜਿਥੈ ਬੋਲਣਿ ਹਾਰੀਐ ਤਿਥੈ ਚੰਗੀ ਚੁਪ ॥੨॥

If you cannot understand Gurmukhi, then there is another similarity between 98%+ Hindus and you. :biggrin2:

Thanks for the Shabad, made my day.

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Hey I never said anything bad about Hinduism just pointed my perspective out that some people mistakenly believe both faiths are a 100% mirror image of each other.

Thanks for the Shabad, made my day.

No hard feelings, please. :biggrin2:

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Jangal Da    150

Dear Pashanks

Conversion is a must, but is a massive step. How affiliated is he to his religion if he is dating and if this is a loose affiliation, then is your only concern about how to play happy families? Why don't you both wait until your Registrar years to make any descision about marriage, because a lot will change for you both personally by then?

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13Mirch    883

Dear Pashanks

Conversion is a must, but is a massive step. How affiliated is he to his religion if he is dating and if this is a loose affiliation, then is your only concern about how to play happy families? Why don't you both wait until your Registrar years to make any descision about marriage, because a lot will change for you both personally by then?

U do have a point veer ji. Wait and see how it goes.
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pashanks    1

**sigh** ..."I love him/her"..."I can do anything for him/her"..."I can't live without him/her"...

How old you said you were again? 24? What is your definition of love today? What guarantee you have it will be the same after another 24 years?

Take it from me, acceptance will be a challenge for you, so better be prepared. And also be prepared to face head-on all tests life throws at you, including a 1984 sort of scenario when your appearance can be the cause of your end. That is the real test. In such times, what will be your definition of love?

All the things you said are "awwwwww sooooooo sweeeettt!". But sorry, not enough. This is Sikhi we're talking about, its the craziest height of pure romance you can have with the One Lord who created you. This is where you smile and face the most unspeakable and most brutal tortures as you die. I am delighted that you want to be a Sikh, but forgive me for saying this bluntly sister, a 3-year romantic infatuation with a Sardaar is not a good enough reason to join this brigade of headless (you offer your head, i.e. your ego at Guru Sahib's feet) warriors who don't think twice before shedding their life for the cause of truth, righteousness and justice. Make sure you know what you're getting into, and I welcome you to the Khalsa Panth in advance.

Hey there :) Yes, I'm 24. I may not be old enough to make the perfect decisions but I have reached a certain age at which decisions regarding my future has to be made. Yes, i truly understand that the path I'm taking is going to be a challenging one. My family and I are fully aware of that. I am also aware of the fact that I might not have the fighting spirit all the time, all my life and that is why I'm hoping that the family would learn to accept me. They are not even willing to consider me. The problem is not me, it's the fact that they don't even want to consider me as A PERSON, not as a Hindu/a sikh or anything. I also understand that if I manage to be part of their family, I most likely will not be welcomed as I would like to be. I may face cold shoulders and stares and other challenges, which I am prepared/am still preparing myself to face as I want to be commited to this man I love. Please excuse me, but I would like to strongly disagree with you that the 3 year relationship I am having is not just an infatuation. I am no longer a secondary school girl to be blinded by infatuations and incapable of differentiating love from other feelings. If all young relationships are brushed off as infatuation, how can true love/relationships develop? We fall in love, and we learn to love the person we fell for. I need the support of my bf whom I'm going to face all the challenges with but I'm unsure if he's willing to as his family is putting so much pressure and GUILT on him. This is really unfair. I feel so helpless as they threaten him emotionally and I don't know how far I can ask him to be strong as I see signs of him giving way. But I want to be strong, and I want to support him. I have shown him that every single day.

Sikhism is going to be new to me. I need time to adjust and adapt the culture. But first i must be given a chance to do so. How can I learn and adapt when I'm being pre-judged and not given a chance? Instead of encouraging, you question my integrity and honesty in becoming a Sikh. Yes, it's a sacrifice I have to make, but it's to be with the man I love. And yes, if the family have accepted me with an open mind and heart, I would be more than happy to learn and adapt the culture and religion. I understand religion is a strong basis of a family, and I don't want to break that. I want to be part of their family. And converting to Sikhism is a divine path that can only help me mend their hearts and be part of their family, if they are willing to accept me. But in my case, they are not willing to. Apparently I'm an embarrasment if their son marries me as I am from a different religion and that the community will look down upon them and bring shame to their family. Is it a shameful thing if a new family member embraces the family culture and religion? Just because we're of different skin colour or upbringing, does not mean I cannot be a good wife/family member/Sikhi.

And thank you, for welcoming me to the Khalsa Panth. I wish they would do the same.

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pashanks    1

Behenji

If the only problem is your not being a sikh, then that is something that can be easily overcome by conversion. However it is extremely unlikely that that is the only problem.

There may be a caste and racial element to this scenario that we are not aware of.... if this is the case, then sikhi and becoming a sikh of the Guru would help you more than anything else could, but you will still have to face the fact that the family wont want you. This would be overcome by the presence of a child a few years down the road.

If you feel connected with this marg then ignore what i am about to say..... but if you do not feel an honest, sincere and genuine and connection to the path that is described by the 10 Gurus, then please do not fold to the oppressive pressure of others to conform. Believe it or not, that is absolutely diametrically opposed to the teachings of the Gurus in the first place. Guru Tegh Bahadur ji Maharaj died to allow hindus have the right to remain hindus- so if you dont feel like sikhi is something you would want for yourself then respect yourself and the message the gurus brought, and just be yourself.

No matter what you choose, understand Behenji that we will support you.

To thine own self be true.

Hey there :) THANK YOU for your kind words and honesty and mostly, for your support. The warmth I feel in my heart cannot be explained :) I have expressed my agreement to convert if that is the matter that is stopping the family from agreeing. However, they seem to be deaf to our pleas. They are adamant that I cannot be accepted as marrying a Hindu will bring their family shame and they will be outcasts in the community. However I believe they are emotionally threatening the son as my family and I have seen married couples of sikh and hindu living a happy life with their inlaws and community. I also understand that converting itself will not solve all the problem and I am willing to face that, given the support of my bf. My parents have also told me that a child in the future will chance their perception.

The thing is, my bf is convincing them, but I can feel that the pressure and GUILT they're putting on him is killing him. I am quite disappointed with my bf as I expected him to be stronger, as it reflects the strength of our relationship but I have to understand that he's going through a tough tiime too as he has never seen his family this upset. But i need him to be strong to fight this war. How can I win this war alone? But idk is he has the strength and that doubt is killing me inside. I'm afraid he'll give up. I need your opinions so that I can make him stronger, give him confidence.

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pashanks    1

Commenting on that if u convert are u doing it for the Guru, or for ur man? And what happens if perchance ur man and u r separated? Will u leave Sikhi? These questions are harsh but u have to consider them. Better do it now and not after the marriage.

Converting to Sikhi from Hinduism may not be straight forward as you think. Are you ready to denounce rituals, idol worship, Tilak wearing and etc? In practical terms this conversion may mean an entirely new way of life which you may not be so familiar with.

The reason I am considering conversion is because our religions are preventing us from being together, assuming that this is why his parents do not approve of us. By being together, I do not just mean me and my bf, but me AND HIS FAMILY, his community. I want to be accepted into his family. I want to learn and be part of his culture. Embrace it. And I will do that and more for us to have a family, for my parents to have in laws, for our children to have grandparents and aunties etc. If I am given a chance to learn and embrace the religion and culture, I believe I will be a true Sikhi.But the problem is, his parents wont even give me a chance. Like I have mentioned, I'm not a devout hindu. Denouncing is not really an issue as I am still in search of god and his calling. I find Sikhism to be focused and divine but the mentality of the community have disappointed me. I wish they would embrace their fellow brothers and sisters who are willing to learn the religion and culture instead of shunning us away.

YES, i would not have considered converting to sikhism if I had not fallen in love and want to build a marriage with this man. Thus it is unfair for you to ask me whether I'm converting for him or for the Guru. The answer is obvious, it's for him and his family, but not just to win their approval, but to be part of their family culture and tradition. I'm a family orientated person, I understand how important and essential is a family to a person's life. Thus, I am willing to denounce my religion.

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pashanks    1

Dear Pashanks

Conversion is a must, but is a massive step. How affiliated is he to his religion if he is dating and if this is a loose affiliation, then is your only concern about how to play happy families? Why don't you both wait until your Registrar years to make any descision about marriage, because a lot will change for you both personally by then?

U do have a point veer ji. Wait and see how it goes.

He is not a devout Sikhi, although his family is. We are currently in our final year and will be graduating in 6 months. We are not from the same hometown thus, in order to save our relationship, we have to apply our work posting at the same place so that we can be together. And there is a long way to go before we become Registrars. Meanwhile we are trying to convince his family. My purpose in starting this topic is to ask whether there is hope for us. Will the community shun us if we get married? Why is his family objecting so much? How can we convince them? We have considered waiting but we need some assurance too and that is why we have started talking to his family now itself as it'll take time to melt their hearts. Yes a lot will change in the coming years, but if we commit ourselves, we learn to accept the changes and grow as a couple instead of being unsure and not commiting and allow the changes to create distance between us. Our familes and even we will be stigmatized in the society for having a long term relationship without commitment. We do not wish to get married as soon as we graduate, but we want assuarance that we will get married in the near future so that we can align our paths when we start working. And to so that, we need his parent's approval. They are unwilling to even consider me. They have not met me and even when my bf brings up the topic, they shut him out, ask him to sacrifice for his family and tells him that they'll disown him/he'll bring shame to the family if he marries me. All this because I'm not a Sikhi. They refuse to see me even as a person.

I have considered converting to Sikhism, not for the guy entirely, but also because the religion itself is very divine and focused. I try to read the simplified version of the prayer books, and I have constantly educated myself about their culture. I have let my family know of this, and they are fully supportive. I have even told my bf, in order for his family to also know about this, but I'm not to sure if they do not want to even hear the son talking about me/don't think it'll matter if I do convert. But for this man, I would do anything. We are both final year medical students, and we are from really good families. I do not entirely understand the basis of their rejection apart from the difference of culture and religion, which both I am willing to learn and adapt with an open heart and mind. I am old enough to understand my decisions. I have seen plenty of interracial marriages here between a sikh and a hindu. But it is unfortunate that my bf's family is not eager of welcoming me to their family. I have no bad habits, I do not smoke/drink, i come from a very decent, well to do, educated family. I wish someone can give me a perspective of my bf's family. According to them, the Sikh community will not accept them and they will be embarrased to face the community, thus they are asking their son to sacrifice his happiness and his choice. But the truth is, the country I'm in, a marriage between a sikh and a hindu is well accepted in communities. Why are they feeding him such ideas? They also have told him that it is sinful and he will bring the whole family to shame. Why are they putting him down like that? Has he made a sinful choice in choosing someone who loves him and is willing to learn/adapt the culture?

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VanHelsingh    1,970

Yes there is another similarity between Hindus and Sikhs. This time sikh falls and run from baba to baba in search of happiness leaving his Guru's advice aside

Read carefully. If you can understand.

ਨਾਨਕ ਬੋਲਣੁ ਝਖਣਾ ਦੁਖ ਛਡਿ ਮੰਗੀਅਹਿ ਸੁਖ ॥

ਸੁਖੁ ਦੁਖੁ ਦੁਇ ਦਰਿ ਕਪੜੇ ਪਹਿਰਹਿ ਜਾਇ ਮਨੁਖ ॥

ਜਿਥੈ ਬੋਲਣਿ ਹਾਰੀਐ ਤਿਥੈ ਚੰਗੀ ਚੁਪ ॥੨॥

If you cannot understand Gurmukhi, then there is another similarity between 98%+ Hindus and you. :biggrin2:

Where is this shabad from, brother? It's perfect.

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Mehtab Singh    3,888

Please excuse me, but I would like to strongly disagree with you that the 3 year relationship I am having is not just an infatuation. I am no longer a secondary school girl to be blinded by infatuations and incapable of differentiating love from other feelings. If all young relationships are brushed off as infatuation, how can true love/relationships develop? We fall in love, and we learn to love the person we fell for.

I am sorry if my words came across as harsh, I wasn't mocking your emotions.

Apparently I'm an embarrasment if their son marries me as I am from a different religion and that the community will look down upon them and bring shame to their family. Is it a shameful thing if a new family member embraces the family culture and religion? Just because we're of different skin colour or upbringing, does not mean I cannot be a good wife/family member/Sikhi.

The reason I posted a strong-worded post was to see how serious you are about Sikhi, and glad to see that I am not disappointed.

I am myself from a Punjabi Hindu family (the most hated Brahmins...to be exact :D ) and was blessed with Amrit 8.5 years ago.

By the way, check your messages :)

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InderjitS    994

He is not a devout Sikhi, although his family is. We are currently in our final year and will be graduating in 6 months. We are not from the same hometown thus, in order to save our relationship, we have to apply our work posting at the same place so that we can be together. And there is a long way to go before we become Registrars. Meanwhile we are trying to convince his family. My purpose in starting this topic is to ask whether there is hope for us. Will the community shun us if we get married? Why is his family objecting so much? How can we convince them? We have considered waiting but we need some assurance too and that is why we have started talking to his family now itself as it'll take time to melt their hearts. Yes a lot will change in the coming years, but if we commit ourselves, we learn to accept the changes and grow as a couple instead of being unsure and not commiting and allow the changes to create distance between us. Our familes and even we will be stigmatized in the society for having a long term relationship without commitment. We do not wish to get married as soon as we graduate, but we want assuarance that we will get married in the near future so that we can align our paths when we start working. And to so that, we need his parent's approval. They are unwilling to even consider me. They have not met me and even when my bf brings up the topic, they shut him out, ask him to sacrifice for his family and tells him that they'll disown him/he'll bring shame to the family if he marries me. All this because I'm not a Sikhi. They refuse to see me even as a person.

I have considered converting to Sikhism, not for the guy entirely, but also because the religion itself is very divine and focused. I try to read the simplified version of the prayer books, and I have constantly educated myself about their culture. I have let my family know of this, and they are fully supportive. I have even told my bf, in order for his family to also know about this, but I'm not to sure if they do not want to even hear the son talking about me/don't think it'll matter if I do convert. But for this man, I would do anything. We are both final year medical students, and we are from really good families. I do not entirely understand the basis of their rejection apart from the difference of culture and religion, which both I am willing to learn and adapt with an open heart and mind. I am old enough to understand my decisions. I have seen plenty of interracial marriages here between a sikh and a hindu. But it is unfortunate that my bf's family is not eager of welcoming me to their family. I have no bad habits, I do not smoke/drink, i come from a very decent, well to do, educated family. I wish someone can give me a perspective of my bf's family. According to them, the Sikh community will not accept them and they will be embarrased to face the community, thus they are asking their son to sacrifice his happiness and his choice. But the truth is, the country I'm in, a marriage between a sikh and a hindu is well accepted in communities. Why are they feeding him such ideas? They also have told him that it is sinful and he will bring the whole family to shame. Why are they putting him down like that? Has he made a sinful choice in choosing someone who loves him and is willing to learn/adapt the culture?

Either he is a Sikh or he isn't. The definition of a Sikh can be found here. Secondly changing your path to Sikhi should begin with love for the path because you intend to practice with dedication to Guru Sahib. If its to convince his parents to accept you, something you have mentioned time and time again, then I'd say it's better not to convert as its for all the wrong reasons. A non practicing Sikh like this fella is NOT a Sikh, but someone born to Sikh parents; if as you say they are devout. To me this could be the sticking point. My presumption, although I might be wrong, is they wish for him to eventually follow Sikhi more closely then he presently is and do not want him to be engaged in an interfaith relationship. What they should not be doing is discriminating if both of you are ready to follow Guru Sahib with devotion.

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