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pashanks

Sikh/Hindu relationship-marriage

37 posts in this topic

Dear Pashanks

Conversion is a must, but is a massive step. How affiliated is he to his religion if he is dating and if this is a loose affiliation, then is your only concern about how to play happy families? Why don't you both wait until your Registrar years to make any descision about marriage, because a lot will change for you both personally by then?

U do have a point veer ji. Wait and see how it goes.

He is not a devout Sikhi, although his family is. We are currently in our final year and will be graduating in 6 months. We are not from the same hometown thus, in order to save our relationship, we have to apply our work posting at the same place so that we can be together. And there is a long way to go before we become Registrars. Meanwhile we are trying to convince his family. My purpose in starting this topic is to ask whether there is hope for us. Will the community shun us if we get married? Why is his family objecting so much? How can we convince them? We have considered waiting but we need some assurance too and that is why we have started talking to his family now itself as it'll take time to melt their hearts. Yes a lot will change in the coming years, but if we commit ourselves, we learn to accept the changes and grow as a couple instead of being unsure and not commiting and allow the changes to create distance between us. Our familes and even we will be stigmatized in the society for having a long term relationship without commitment. We do not wish to get married as soon as we graduate, but we want assuarance that we will get married in the near future so that we can align our paths when we start working. And to so that, we need his parent's approval. They are unwilling to even consider me. They have not met me and even when my bf brings up the topic, they shut him out, ask him to sacrifice for his family and tells him that they'll disown him/he'll bring shame to the family if he marries me. All this because I'm not a Sikhi. They refuse to see me even as a person.

I have considered converting to Sikhism, not for the guy entirely, but also because the religion itself is very divine and focused. I try to read the simplified version of the prayer books, and I have constantly educated myself about their culture. I have let my family know of this, and they are fully supportive. I have even told my bf, in order for his family to also know about this, but I'm not to sure if they do not want to even hear the son talking about me/don't think it'll matter if I do convert. But for this man, I would do anything. We are both final year medical students, and we are from really good families. I do not entirely understand the basis of their rejection apart from the difference of culture and religion, which both I am willing to learn and adapt with an open heart and mind. I am old enough to understand my decisions. I have seen plenty of interracial marriages here between a sikh and a hindu. But it is unfortunate that my bf's family is not eager of welcoming me to their family. I have no bad habits, I do not smoke/drink, i come from a very decent, well to do, educated family. I wish someone can give me a perspective of my bf's family. According to them, the Sikh community will not accept them and they will be embarrased to face the community, thus they are asking their son to sacrifice his happiness and his choice. But the truth is, the country I'm in, a marriage between a sikh and a hindu is well accepted in communities. Why are they feeding him such ideas? They also have told him that it is sinful and he will bring the whole family to shame. Why are they putting him down like that? Has he made a sinful choice in choosing someone who loves him and is willing to learn/adapt the culture?

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Yes there is another similarity between Hindus and Sikhs. This time sikh falls and run from baba to baba in search of happiness leaving his Guru's advice aside

Read carefully. If you can understand.

ਨਾਨਕ ਬੋਲਣੁ ਝਖਣਾ ਦੁਖ ਛਡਿ ਮੰਗੀਅਹਿ ਸੁਖ ॥

ਸੁਖੁ ਦੁਖੁ ਦੁਇ ਦਰਿ ਕਪੜੇ ਪਹਿਰਹਿ ਜਾਇ ਮਨੁਖ ॥

ਜਿਥੈ ਬੋਲਣਿ ਹਾਰੀਐ ਤਿਥੈ ਚੰਗੀ ਚੁਪ ॥੨॥

If you cannot understand Gurmukhi, then there is another similarity between 98%+ Hindus and you. :biggrin2:

Where is this shabad from, brother? It's perfect.

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Please excuse me, but I would like to strongly disagree with you that the 3 year relationship I am having is not just an infatuation. I am no longer a secondary school girl to be blinded by infatuations and incapable of differentiating love from other feelings. If all young relationships are brushed off as infatuation, how can true love/relationships develop? We fall in love, and we learn to love the person we fell for.

I am sorry if my words came across as harsh, I wasn't mocking your emotions.

Apparently I'm an embarrasment if their son marries me as I am from a different religion and that the community will look down upon them and bring shame to their family. Is it a shameful thing if a new family member embraces the family culture and religion? Just because we're of different skin colour or upbringing, does not mean I cannot be a good wife/family member/Sikhi.

The reason I posted a strong-worded post was to see how serious you are about Sikhi, and glad to see that I am not disappointed.

I am myself from a Punjabi Hindu family (the most hated Brahmins...to be exact :D ) and was blessed with Amrit 8.5 years ago.

By the way, check your messages :)

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Where is this shabad from, brother? It's perfect.

Guru Nanak Dev Ji

Raag Maajh

Pg 149

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He is not a devout Sikhi, although his family is. We are currently in our final year and will be graduating in 6 months. We are not from the same hometown thus, in order to save our relationship, we have to apply our work posting at the same place so that we can be together. And there is a long way to go before we become Registrars. Meanwhile we are trying to convince his family. My purpose in starting this topic is to ask whether there is hope for us. Will the community shun us if we get married? Why is his family objecting so much? How can we convince them? We have considered waiting but we need some assurance too and that is why we have started talking to his family now itself as it'll take time to melt their hearts. Yes a lot will change in the coming years, but if we commit ourselves, we learn to accept the changes and grow as a couple instead of being unsure and not commiting and allow the changes to create distance between us. Our familes and even we will be stigmatized in the society for having a long term relationship without commitment. We do not wish to get married as soon as we graduate, but we want assuarance that we will get married in the near future so that we can align our paths when we start working. And to so that, we need his parent's approval. They are unwilling to even consider me. They have not met me and even when my bf brings up the topic, they shut him out, ask him to sacrifice for his family and tells him that they'll disown him/he'll bring shame to the family if he marries me. All this because I'm not a Sikhi. They refuse to see me even as a person.

I have considered converting to Sikhism, not for the guy entirely, but also because the religion itself is very divine and focused. I try to read the simplified version of the prayer books, and I have constantly educated myself about their culture. I have let my family know of this, and they are fully supportive. I have even told my bf, in order for his family to also know about this, but I'm not to sure if they do not want to even hear the son talking about me/don't think it'll matter if I do convert. But for this man, I would do anything. We are both final year medical students, and we are from really good families. I do not entirely understand the basis of their rejection apart from the difference of culture and religion, which both I am willing to learn and adapt with an open heart and mind. I am old enough to understand my decisions. I have seen plenty of interracial marriages here between a sikh and a hindu. But it is unfortunate that my bf's family is not eager of welcoming me to their family. I have no bad habits, I do not smoke/drink, i come from a very decent, well to do, educated family. I wish someone can give me a perspective of my bf's family. According to them, the Sikh community will not accept them and they will be embarrased to face the community, thus they are asking their son to sacrifice his happiness and his choice. But the truth is, the country I'm in, a marriage between a sikh and a hindu is well accepted in communities. Why are they feeding him such ideas? They also have told him that it is sinful and he will bring the whole family to shame. Why are they putting him down like that? Has he made a sinful choice in choosing someone who loves him and is willing to learn/adapt the culture?

Either he is a Sikh or he isn't. The definition of a Sikh can be found here. Secondly changing your path to Sikhi should begin with love for the path because you intend to practice with dedication to Guru Sahib. If its to convince his parents to accept you, something you have mentioned time and time again, then I'd say it's better not to convert as its for all the wrong reasons. A non practicing Sikh like this fella is NOT a Sikh, but someone born to Sikh parents; if as you say they are devout. To me this could be the sticking point. My presumption, although I might be wrong, is they wish for him to eventually follow Sikhi more closely then he presently is and do not want him to be engaged in an interfaith relationship. What they should not be doing is discriminating if both of you are ready to follow Guru Sahib with devotion.

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:unsure2: :unsure2:

dear problems are alot but the love is one and meaning of love is (even u didnt get him/her still love and try to make him/her happy everytime )

i have totly different prob from u but i can understand ures prob too

in my case i love her from past 6 years but i tell her in this 2014 first she think about it but she is devoted to krshna g and i respect it alot beacause i am a sikh and i beleive that god is one but she doesnt love me still i am wth her and helping her every single time even if i know she have a bf or she dont care about me still i will do same :smile2: :smile2:

so if u both love each other dont worry just keep praying and love each other

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There is no scope for interfaith marriage in a Gurdwara.

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There is no scope for interfaith marriage in a Gurdwara.

it happens quite often

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That is good that it does happen because only an ad karaj is for Sikhs and if Sikh and marrying a Hindu get married in a hinda place not sikh place

Edited by stingers12

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That is good that it does happen because only an ad karaj is for Sikhs and if Sikh and marrying a Hindu get married in a hinda place not sikh place

sorry but i don't understand what you've wrote

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