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pashanks

Sikh/Hindu relationship-marriage

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pashanks    1

I'm a 24 yr old final year medical student, a Hindu, though not devout and so is my bf of almost 3 years, HS but he's a Sikh, though not devout too. We're currently having an amazing relationship, and we've been through so many ups and downs these past years. I am his first, while he's my 3rd; though my past r/ships have been short and not very significant. He is truly a gem of a person and I have been nothing but lucky to have found him. We cherish each other a lot. I am in a state where I'm sure I want to spend the rest of my life with him, just because although we're different, we both have qualities that make us so strong and I can't imagine anyone else I'd share my life with. There was no problem when I told my family about us, there we more supportive than I could imagine. The problem arised when HS told me that his family would unlikely approve of our relationship. At early stages, I was still positive, urging him to tell. But at some point, I realised that they'll be really against it. And so they were when he finally broke it to them. They begged him and cried and really made an impact on him. They told him that other families and the community will look down upon them if he married me. I was very angry at the beginning, feeling fooled, because if he knew his parents wouldnt agree, why did he commit to me in the first place? The attraction and love was mutual, i did not force him into anything. But then I realised I wanted him. I want this man in my life, and I told my parents about his parents, and they were so supportive and encouraged us to fight for it. They even came out with so many plans and ideas and even spoke to my bf about it. My bf is in the process of persuading his parents, this will be his second time. The thing is, is there really hope for us, or are we just leading ourselves on? I have seen so many hindu/sikh marriages and they are living happily. Though i know the sikh community is very strict and does not encourage interracial marriages but we are in a modern society. I come from a very good background, and I'm equally educated. I have even told him that I am willing to convert to sikhism, not because of him, but because I want to learn their culture, their religion. I respect it a lot. and this will help HS and I live a better life. I'm willing to sacrifice but his parents are not willing to even consider. This is taking a toll on our relationship. We have both agreed to fight for it but I can sense that my bf is unsure and torn between his families cries and begging and me. He is not willing to marry me against his family's wish. I have tried to convince him, give him support and strength to talk to his parents and convince them. He is, and he will be doing so. But in my heart, Im sensing that he's very doubtful and depressed, as he seems to be very sure that he wont be able to convince them. It's killing me as I feel we have not fought for it enough. we just started and we must go on convincing the family. Help me, please tell me/advise me on how I should react to all this? How can I help him convince his family? Is there hope for us?

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Del1    4

Hi pashanks I read your story and I can relate to it alot. I cannot believe in this day in age this kind of stuff is still happening. I really do feel for you. If I was him I would keep begging my family to accept you and I would die trying. The point of the matter is that his parents/family care about the respect they get. There is nothing more they care about. I wish everything turns out good for both of you. I'm in the same situation, I love my girl so much I would anything to get married to her even run away with her if worse comes to worse. My advice to you is keep on fighting and hopefully he does the same good luck god bless. Keep us posted cheers

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rrss    94

If you're genuinely interested in Sikhism, then his family should have no problem, stress on this point. Sikhi is a true spiritual path, if followed with true intentions and love for God in the heart, it is very rewarding life. Also whilst 'love' might seem like everything now, know that on the Sikhi path, we understanding that this love is not really true. Put the 'love' aside for a moment and see whether you reckon it will be a stable and happy marriage considering all other parameters. I wish you the best.

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pashanks    1

Hey Bhagzi, THANK YOU. Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to reply. It really made a difference to me, to what I believe in. I am doing exactly what you have advised, that is to keep fighting. But unfortunately, that part depends a lot on my other half. He has to do the convincing. I'm beyond surprised too that such ideation still exists in this modern world. We do not want to destroy the culture/religion, we want to embrace it, but idk why they don't understand. They seem to be more concerned about what the society thinks than their son's happiness. Thank you so much for your words. Currently he's persuading his mum, but I can feel that he's hesitant. He already has this idea in his mind that his parents will never agree and with that in mind, he's finding it difficult to persuade as he feels he knows the outcome. I can feel him on the edge of giving up sometimes. I ask myself, why isn't he strong enough, why won't he say he'll fight till the end, just as you said. Idk how to answer that, or whether i want to hear the answer. I assume it's because he's afraid of losing his family, and so i keep supporting and encouraging him. Even my parents suggested that we get married without his family's consent, that is if they never agree but i know my bf won't do that, which is why i'm scared he'll just give up and walk out of our relationship. I pray for the best for you too. It;s really a tough position to be in. But we gotta be strong. will keep you posted. Thanks a million :) :)

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pashanks    1

Hey rrss, thank you for your kind words. I appreciate what you have shared with me. and i take it to heart :) Thank you. My query is, can a non-sikh convert to sikhism and be accepted into the community? Will they be able to get married at the gurdwara? I really wish to have a wedding according to Sikh culture because I understand that it's what my bf would want too.

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rrss    94

Hey rrss, thank you for your kind words. I appreciate what you have shared with me. and i take it to heart :) Thank you. My query is, can a non-sikh convert to sikhism and be accepted into the community? Will they be able to get married at the gurdwara? I really wish to have a wedding according to Sikh culture because I understand that it's what my bf would want too.

I am glad to be of assistance! I will send you a personal message. God bless.

Edited by rrss

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DSGj    339

Hey rrss, thank you for your kind words. I appreciate what you have shared with me. and i take it to heart :) Thank you. My query is, can a non-sikh convert to sikhism and be accepted into the community? Will they be able to get married at the gurdwara? I really wish to have a wedding according to Sikh culture because I understand that it's what my bf would want too.

Yes, yes and yes :smile2:

By converting, you mean getting baptized/taking Amrit?

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Mehtab Singh    3,888

**sigh** ..."I love him/her"..."I can do anything for him/her"..."I can't live without him/her"...

How old you said you were again? 24? What is your definition of love today? What guarantee you have it will be the same after another 24 years?

Take it from me, acceptance will be a challenge for you, so better be prepared. And also be prepared to face head-on all tests life throws at you, including a 1984 sort of scenario when your appearance can be the cause of your end. That is the real test. In such times, what will be your definition of love?

All the things you said are "awwwwww sooooooo sweeeettt!". But sorry, not enough. This is Sikhi we're talking about, its the craziest height of pure romance you can have with the One Lord who created you. This is where you smile and face the most unspeakable and most brutal tortures as you die. I am delighted that you want to be a Sikh, but forgive me for saying this bluntly sister, a 3-year romantic infatuation with a Sardaar is not a good enough reason to join this brigade of headless (you offer your head, i.e. your ego at Guru Sahib's feet) warriors who don't think twice before shedding their life for the cause of truth, righteousness and justice. Make sure you know what you're getting into, and I welcome you to the Khalsa Panth in advance.

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Behenji

If the only problem is your not being a sikh, then that is something that can be easily overcome by conversion. However it is extremely unlikely that that is the only problem.

There may be a caste and racial element to this scenario that we are not aware of.... if this is the case, then sikhi and becoming a sikh of the Guru would help you more than anything else could, but you will still have to face the fact that the family wont want you. This would be overcome by the presence of a child a few years down the road.

If you feel connected with this marg then ignore what i am about to say..... but if you do not feel an honest, sincere and genuine and connection to the path that is described by the 10 Gurus, then please do not fold to the oppressive pressure of others to conform. Believe it or not, that is absolutely diametrically opposed to the teachings of the Gurus in the first place. Guru Tegh Bahadur ji Maharaj died to allow hindus have the right to remain hindus- so if you dont feel like sikhi is something you would want for yourself then respect yourself and the message the gurus brought, and just be yourself.

No matter what you choose, understand Behenji that we will support you.

To thine own self be true.

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13Mirch    883

**sigh** ..."I love him/her"..."I can do anything for him/her"..."I can't live without him/her"...

How old you said you were again? 24? What is your definition of love today? What guarantee you have it will be the same after another 24 years?

Take it from me, acceptance will be a challenge for you, so better be prepared. And also be prepared to face head-on all tests life throws at you, including a 1984 sort of scenario when your appearance can be the cause of your end. That is the real test. In such times, what will be your definition of love?

All the things you said are "awwwwww sooooooo sweeeettt!". But sorry, not enough. This is Sikhi we're talking about, its the craziest height of pure romance you can have with the One Lord who created you. This is where you smile and face the most unspeakable and most brutal tortures as you die. I am delighted that you want to be a Sikh, but forgive me for saying this bluntly sister, a 3-year romantic infatuation with a Sardaar is not a good enough reason to join this brigade of headless (you offer your head, i.e. your ego at Guru Sahib's feet) warriors who don't think twice before shedding their life for the cause of truth, righteousness and justice. Make sure you know what you're getting into, and I welcome you to the Khalsa Panth in advance.

Commenting on that if u convert are u doing it for the Guru, or for ur man? And what happens if perchance ur man and u r separated? Will u leave Sikhi? These questions are harsh but u have to consider them. Better do it now and not after the marriage.

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doctor_mani    27

Converting to Sikhi from Hinduism may not be straight forward as you think. Are you ready to denounce rituals, idol worship, Tilak wearing and etc? In practical terms this conversion may mean an entirely new way of life which you may not be so familiar with.

Edited by doctor_mani
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13Mirch    883

Converting to Sikhi from Hinduism may not be straight forward as you think. Are you ready to denounce rituals, idol worship, Tilak wearing and etc? In practical terms this conversion may mean an entirely new way of life which you may not be so familiar with.

That quote "Sikhs and Hindus are brothers" is a pretty big lie as there is nothing fundamentally similar in both panths.
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That quote "Sikhs and Hindus are brothers" is a pretty big lie as there is nothing fundamentally similar in both panths.

Yes there is similarity in both panths. They both have there cultural base in India. :biggrin2:

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