I don't understand what happened. Did I do the wrong thing?

[Questioner]

I was at a cash machine outside Tesco, when a guy came over and shook my hand. Apologising, he said he was cold and had no money, and wondered if I could help. I had forgotten my pin number, so I said I had to go back to my flat and then come back. He said he'd wait.

10 minutes later I came back, but he wasn't around. I went into Tesco and bought him something, hoping he'd come back. When I couldn't find him, I asked the security guard if he'd seen where he went. Eventually I just ended up walking back to my flat, saddened and thinking "Waheguru ji, why did you take away my seva?" As I walked, I heard a random shouting noise. It was a busy noisy junction with people walking around. I thought, "It can't be him". I didn't see him, but I waited and looked around some more. There he popped out.

I went over to him, and asked if he had a place to say. He said yes, he's just short of money. I told him he could go to his nearest Sikh temple for food any time. He said he knew. I gave him the food. But he said "I don't like snack bars" and gave them back. I asked if he wanted anything else, but he just asked for money. I eventually found that I had £20 on me which I gave him, and that was it. When he walked off, he met with his friend, who was another guy I'd seen earlier who appeared to be doing the same thing. They talked for a second, the guy probably telling his friend what he'd just got, and then started walking further apart so it looked like they didn't know each other.

After that, I feel duped. Something similar has happened before. I was sitting in town when a guy who had a cast on his arm came over and started begging me for food in a meek voice with a saddened face. I instantly gave him my food. But as soon as he left, his whole person changed. He started loudly shouting to his friend about what he'd got, they both laughed and jeered like typical yobs and he threw the food to him. I later saw them asking from more people, and when the people rejected, they started swearing at them.

I dunno man... I don't think that I do the right thing in these situations, but on the other hand I don't think I'd be able to turn them away either. :s

[West London Singh]

Sorry Questioner, but not only are you VERY VERY VERY gullible but also NOT NOT NOT street-wise at all.

I think you should count yourself lucky. Seems to me you were that close to inviting a robber, burglar or much worse into your flat. Things could've turned out a lot worse than losing £20. Let it be a lesson to you.

[ElusiveFighter]

We did some charity work at a homeless camp a few years ago over Christmas/New years. Spoke too many homeless people in depth. Many were so articulate, intelligent, talented but the story of how they end up in this situation is very sad... they came from good homes, had great successful lives, but then something sad happened i.e. their whole family died in a car crash (kids and wife etc). They were just not able to cope and lost everything in the depression i.e. their homes, jobs etc. Others, youngsters, come from very volatile and violent upbringings, many abused. They do not have extended family, education (hence understanding) and most importantly, no dharma.

Giving money is not a good thing to do unless you know them very well. ‘Offering’ food i.e. asking what they would like to eat, is better. Get them whatever food they want. Take them with you to the shop and let them choose. Tell them about Gurdwarai as you did, but better to take them there. The best thing you could, and the thing which shows you ‘really’ care, is give them your time. Speak to them without being in a rush or caring about what other people walking past are thinking. Give them your undivided attention. Listen, rather than preach. Play it by ear, and if/when you feel they are receptive to you, then give advice. Don’t shy from talking about God, but don’t do so in a patronising way. These people are looked down upon by everyone, they don’t need someone pretending to care, who then does the same. Speak to them and treat them as equals. Don’t treat them as if you are doing them a favour or wait for gratitude, otherwise you are doing it for the wrong reasons and will end up making matters worse for yourself (karam) as well as for them (adding to their misery).

Hope that helps somewhat.

[Questioner]

Sorry Questioner, but not only are you VERY VERY VERY gullible but also NOT NOT NOT street-wise at all.

I think you should count yourself lucky. Seems to me you were that close to inviting a robber, burglar or much worse into your flat. Things could've turned out a lot worse than losing £20. Let it be a lesson to you.

I wouldn't have invited him to my flat, lol. I just asked because I wanted to know if he was homeless.

What would you have done?

[West London Singh]

I wouldn't have invited him to my flat, lol. I just asked because I wanted to know if he was homeless.

What would you have done?

Well, knowing that 90% of them are simply looking for cash to get their next fix of heroin......I'd have protected myself and card and pin and address etc and walked away. If I was a drugs counsellor I would counsel him......If I were a pusher I would sell him drugs....If I were a junkie I would do drugs with him. But I am none of those things......So I walk away.

[Questioner]

Well, knowing that 90% of them are simply looking for cash to get their next fix of heroin......I'd have protected myself and card and pin and address etc and walked away. If I was a drugs counsellor I would counsel him......If I were a pusher I would sell him drugs....If I were a junkie I would do drugs with him. But I am none of those things......So I walk away.

Yes, I know you are right in a sense, but it doesn't feel right to walk away from helping someone who MIGHT need help.

[Mehtab Singh]

I have come across several Pakistani couples in Sharjah who come in a car, its always a man, a woman, and a baby, and always they don't have money for gas and they want to go far off. Few times I avoided giving any money when I used to be a mona, but then a few months after I had taken Amrit, this dude stopped his car and said "oh yaar tu sadda Punjabi bhraa hai"...when he figured out I wasn't gonna give a single penny, he ended up saying "oh Guru de naam te de de"...At that point I just shut up and gave him the only 20 bucks I had in my wallet. He thanked me a lot while I just walked away.

[gurdssingh]

Which Tesco was it? Is it the Southall / Hayes Tesco? Because on numerous occasions the same guy has asked me for money. I gave a couple of times but now I just refuse. He seems to just hang around the car park near to cash machines. Fair play to him as he did admit to me after I refused to give him any money is that he needed it for Herion as he was feeling rough. The thing is he doesn't ask one person but loads. The guy is from India and lives rough his name is Raju.

[HSD2]

I was at a cash machine outside Tesco, when a guy came over and shook my hand. Apologising, he said he was cold and had no money, and wondered if I could help. I had forgotten my pin number, so I said I had to go back to my flat and then come back. He said he'd wait.

10 minutes later I came back, but he wasn't around. I went into Tesco and bought him something, hoping he'd come back. When I couldn't find him, I asked the security guard if he'd seen where he went. Eventually I just ended up walking back to my flat, saddened and thinking "Waheguru ji, why did you take away my seva?" As I walked, I heard a random shouting noise. It was a busy noisy junction with people walking around. I thought, "It can't be him". I didn't see him, but I waited and looked around some more. There he popped out.

I went over to him, and asked if he had a place to say. He said yes, he's just short of money. I told him he could go to his nearest Sikh temple for food any time. He said he knew. I gave him the food. But he said "I don't like snack bars" and gave them back. I asked if he wanted anything else, but he just asked for money. I eventually found that I had £20 on me which I gave him, and that was it. When he walked off, he met with his friend, who was another guy I'd seen earlier who appeared to be doing the same thing. They talked for a second, the guy probably telling his friend what he'd just got, and then started walking further apart so it looked like they didn't know each other.

After that, I feel duped. Something similar has happened before. I was sitting in town when a guy who had a cast on his arm came over and started begging me for food in a meek voice with a saddened face. I instantly gave him my food. But as soon as he left, his whole person changed. He started loudly shouting to his friend about what he'd got, they both laughed and jeered like typical yobs and he threw the food to him. I later saw them asking from more people, and when the people rejected, they started swearing at them.

I dunno man... I don't think that I do the right thing in these situations, but on the other hand I don't think I'd be able to turn them away either. :s

This story is made up, surely? I cant believe you were so gullible.

Not all beggars are poor. In the UK there is a thing known as 'professional begging'. Near me a young white bloke would beg outside the train station with various sob stories. Then in the early morning he would drive off in his BMW. He was reported to the police and sent to court. But this happens all the time in the UK and the more you give in, the more they will want. Let them go to the Gurudwara, stop being such a soft touch.

[Shaheed Singh Khalsa]

Offer something with an clean and open heart for sure, but why on earth would you give someone £20? What was his need, that warrented £20? A pound or three yes maybe, but £20.00?!?!? are you loaded? If so, I will happily give you my bank details and you can send me some of that cash burning a hole in your pajaama.

I always give homeless people a couple of quid but I always first ask them whats your poison to which 99.99% of the time they will always reply "nah mate, I'm clean" to which ALWAYS reply "don't spend my hard earned money on Booze or Gear!" - what they do after that is between them and Waheguru, but I give with a clean heart and open hand!