Jump to content

Problems with wife


Guest Tea
 Share

Recommended Posts

I married my wife last year and she has been in the UK with me for the past 8 months. she is from india I am from the UK.

95% of the time everything is fine BUT the other 5% .....

we have arguments, not shouting or screaming but phases where we don't talk properly to each other for a few days. usually its about trival things, like for example, she will say something 'i asked you to do something this morning, remember' and i'll say 'no sorry, i don't remember, what was it' and her response will be 'i am not telling you'..

then i will spend 10 mins asking her and she will either not say anything or will say 'i am not telling you'

then i'll get angry and say something and she will sulk and give me the silent treatment for days.....

I am also under an insane level of pressure / stress at work and i wish she would just show some consideration instead of giving me the silent treatment because something slips my mind

i just want to stop these things happening but problem is that her sisters who are married have their husbands totally under their thumb. they scream, shout, swear to get their way whenever their husbands are in india..

ive always been the one who says sorry but i think that is making things worse as she knows i will give in easily.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

U seem like a good guy, i think its your wifes sisters influences that make her act that way, or maybe she wants attention, just try your best to prove her wrong and try to do everything perfectly for about a week or so and be extra calm no matter what she says to u, do not argue back and show her that u got the longest patience in the whole world. She wil have to feel guilty at sum point.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think its an interpersonal communication between India and uk lot.

tHere are marriages that work wheneither spouse is from either country, but from what i have seen their is difference of opinions in the slightest things.

My latest episode was with somebody from India. Not all people from India are like this but there are women that try tactics to get their own way. Their communication does not work for me at all. The men will not say anything to them and become their servants rather than have the same attitude towards uk born wives, if they from India themselves.

People can hide this as much as they like, but there is a difference or i would like to say unfairness. They will never admit they are wrong, maybe its a cultural thing in India to act like that.

I get so annoyed when the India girls talk loud n rudely in the stores whereas the uk ones darkeh boldia. I feel that group do not have the communication skills, and level of understanding of sincerity, and when somebody like me tells a few home truths they can not handle it. But there are sincere India girls too. It goes both ways.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Married with Punjabi

They will never admit they are wrong, maybe its a cultural thing in India to act like that.

That's true , My wife is the same. Even if they make a mistake they will never admit it. They will always try and wind you up.

To op, try not to get angry because they will use that to make it look like your the one causing all the arguments and they are just innocent. Make her know where you stand, tell her you got a bad memory and that's just the way you are.

I sometimes think they like causing a commotion like in the soaps that they are always watching, otherwise there lives are just boring.

I wish I didn't get married in India, there's too much cultural difference just doesn't work. Just a word of advice to anyone thinking of getting married in India..... DON'T !

There might be a few cases were the couples are happy but from what i know and can see its probally around 5%.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest a married guy

a lot of girls have seen too many dramas. usually they freak over small stuff. show that you're the bigger man by not freaking out over it. be patiend and respectful, but don't give trivial things a huge amount of attention like she wants you to. live your life, enjoy it, be considerate and respectful etc, but don't make small things into big things. slowly slowly, she will stop being so nutty over small stuff. unless her sangat is crap, then she may not. luckily you've got bani to keep you sane if that's the situation. stabilise yourself (meaning base your mood on) in bani, not in her opinion of you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

when you apply to renew her visa or to switch it from two year spouse visa to indefinite, well don't. Just extend it for another two years.....

This is a battle of ego, however she needs to respect you, your're her husband and you of course need to respect her.

There is alot of culture difference, tell her parents who will talk to her. Her family, etc need to stop interfering in your marriage.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's true , My wife is the same. Even if they make a mistake they will never admit it. They will always try and wind you up.

To op, try not to get angry because they will use that to make it look like your the one causing all the arguments and they are just innocent. Make her know where you stand, tell her you got a bad memory and that's just the way you are.

I sometimes think they like causing a commotion like in the soaps that they are always watching, otherwise there lives are just boring.

I wish I didn't get married in India, there's too much cultural difference just doesn't work. Just a word of advice to anyone thinking of getting married in India..... DON'T !

There might be a few cases were the couples are happy but from what i know and can see its probally around 5%.

Thanks for the advice veer Ji. Will keep it in mind in the upcoming three years. :respect: :respect: :run: :feelingfree:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's true , My wife is the same. Even if they make a mistake they will never admit it. They will always try and wind you up.

To op, try not to get angry because they will use that to make it look like your the one causing all the arguments and they are just innocent. Make her know where you stand, tell her you got a bad memory and that's just the way you are.

I sometimes think they like causing a commotion like in the soaps that they are always watching, otherwise there lives are just boring.

I wish I didn't get married in India, there's too much cultural difference just doesn't work. Just a word of advice to anyone thinking of getting married in India..... DON'T !

There might be a few cases were the couples are happy but from what i know and can see its probally around 5%.

Sorry but indian people sometimes have more respect and are more loyal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest west is da pollution

That's true , My wife is the same. Even if they make a mistake they will never admit it. They will always try and wind you up.

To op, try not to get angry because they will use that to make it look like your the one causing all the arguments and they are just innocent. Make her know where you stand, tell her you got a bad memory and that's just the way you are.

I sometimes think they like causing a commotion like in the soaps that they are always watching, otherwise there lives are just boring.

I wish I didn't get married in India, there's too much cultural difference just doesn't work. Just a word of advice to anyone thinking of getting married in India..... DON'T !

There might be a few cases were the couples are happy but from what i know and can see its probally around 5%.

Rocks can be thrown both ways. Would you rather have a westernized wife that has forgotten where she came from and doesn't teach the kids about Sikh history and Gurbani? The one that prefers to drink a bit of alcohol because the western world said its good for her? The one that doesn't take care of husbands parents because she is too tired, but has enough energy to go out and have fun at night clubs and bars? Before the marriage its...............I will take care of your parents everyday.............as soon as she knows the guy is hooked on her. Then its............i can't do it everyday, isn't there someone else? Then after the marriage............i can't im busy online shopping for shoes.

Majority of the Sikh girls out in the western world dress inappropriately, have no problem taking part in inappropriate conversations with co-workers and "associates"......flirting and making sure their presence is known at night clubs and bars.

Do you want someone that will respect your parents and makes sure she doesn't destroy her and families integrity.

Or you want someone that clicks with your culture, but then has barely any respect for your parents and has thrown her integrity out the window many years back due to her westernized influence?

A lot more girls in india have their integrity and know where they came from intact. She rather go to the Gurdwara on Saturday night and you wanted her to go watch a basketball game with you and have s splendid conversation with much of strangers about blah blah blah. I feel your pain. Do you want a house party for when you move into a new house or do you want an Akhand Paath?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest west is da pollution

I married my wife last year and she has been in the UK with me for the past 8 months. she is from india I am from the UK.

95% of the time everything is fine BUT the other 5% .....

we have arguments, not shouting or screaming but phases where we don't talk properly to each other for a few days. usually its about trival things, like for example, she will say something 'i asked you to do something this morning, remember' and i'll say 'no sorry, i don't remember, what was it' and her response will be 'i am not telling you'..

then i will spend 10 mins asking her and she will either not say anything or will say 'i am not telling you'

then i'll get angry and say something and she will sulk and give me the silent treatment for days.....

I am also under an insane level of pressure / stress at work and i wish she would just show some consideration instead of giving me the silent treatment because something slips my mind

i just want to stop these things happening but problem is that her sisters who are married have their husbands totally under their thumb. they scream, shout, swear to get their way whenever their husbands are in india..

ive always been the one who says sorry but i think that is making things worse as she knows i will give in easily.

Play along. She gets extremely mad over these ridiculous trivial things. You should do the opposite. Become extremely religious. Get up at 2 am do your paat, then go to work, come home and go directly to doing paath. Just competely turn the outside world off and eventually she'll realize that my fake show of commotion can't move him anymore. The fact she can get you all emotional is fueling her to continue on with her immature and controlling behaviour.

Cut her behaviour off at the knees and eventually it will be back to han ji i will do it right now. han ji meri gulti si..............don't be the fish on the bait hook and neither be the fishermen...............be the fish that recognizes the ocean to be vast.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share


  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt


  • Topics

  • Posts

    • yeh it's true, we shouldn't be lazy and need to learn jhatka shikaar. It doesn't help some of grew up in surrounding areas like Slough and Southall where everyone thought it was super bad for amrit dharis to eat meat, and they were following Sant babas and jathas, and instead the Singhs should have been normalising jhatka just like the recent world war soldiers did. We are trying to rectifiy this and khalsa should learn jhatka.  But I am just writing about bhog for those that are still learning rehit. As I explained, there are all these negative influences in the panth that talk against rehit, but this shouldn't deter us from taking khanda pahul, no matter what level of rehit we are!
    • How is it going to help? The link is of a Sikh hunter. Fine, but what good does that do the lazy Sikh who ate khulla maas in a restaurant? By the way, for the OP, yes, it's against rehit to eat khulla maas.
    • Yeah, Sikhs should do bhog of food they eat. But the point of bhog is to only do bhog of food which is fit to be presented to Maharaj. It's not maryada to do bhog of khulla maas and pretend it's OK to eat. It's not. Come on, bro, you should know better than to bring this Sakhi into it. Is this Sikh in the restaurant accompanied by Guru Gobind Singh ji? Is he fighting a dharam yudh? Or is he merely filling his belly with the nearest restaurant?  Please don't make a mockery of our puratan Singhs' sacrifices by comparing them to lazy Sikhs who eat khulla maas.
    • Seriously?? The Dhadi is trying to be cute. For those who didn't get it, he said: "Some say Maharaj killed bakras (goats). Some say he cut the heads of the Panj Piyaras. The truth is that they weren't goats. It was she-goats (ਬਕਰੀਆਂ). He jhatka'd she-goats. Not he-goats." Wow. This is possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard in relation to Sikhi.
    • Instead of a 9 inch or larger kirpan, take a smaller kirpan and put it (without gatra) inside your smaller turban and tie the turban tightly. This keeps a kirpan on your person without interfering with the massage or alarming the masseuse. I'm not talking about a trinket but rather an actual small kirpan that fits in a sheath (you'll have to search to find one). As for ahem, "problems", you could get a male masseuse. I don't know where you are, but in most places there are professional masseuses who actually know what they are doing and can really relieve your muscle pains.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use