Marriage, The Perception Of Beards And Turbans, And The Future Of Our Religion (My Story)

[JSinghnz]

@californiasardar1, we will never ever be "reduced to a fringe figure you read about in books."

Stop being a loser and live life like a true SINGH.

Spend some time studying about our greatest religion and

BE PROUD TO BE A SIKH.

[VanHelsingh]

Californiasardar, you sound like you're going to dress up in white robes and retreat to the forest to do bhagti for the rest of your life. C'mon mate, you're being a bit melodramatic.

Get your head into Sikhi - for Sikhi's sake - get serious about your own jeevan, and when the time comes ask your parents to find you a Gursikh bibi.

[gsinghysingh]

Fateh

Theres some good comments on here, personly i agree with a few that state that your pug and dhari has nothing to do with it, its the person.

I have loads of gorah mates, blonde blue eys that cant get girls, because they have no carisma or balls to talk to girls. So veer ji, i hope you find someone soon you seem like a good guy, try joining local clubs and do extra activities to socialise and meet plp.

In my experince girls like diffrent, unique guys not the bog standard.

I cut my hair when i was 14 on the grounds i wanted a girl, there was no other reason. Ive done it all now, girls, clubs, ibiza, smoking and getting hammered every weekend and for what, ive lost who i was, was it worth it no way in hell.

My amazing fiance (apne) who i love dearly, recently told me how she is attracted to guys with pugs. She told me one day she would like me to grow my kes, ironically the day we met (at work) our conversation was around how i do not look like an apne (ive been told i look italian/spanish) i then showed her a pic on my phone with my pug at 14, she was amazed she then gave me a lecture on how week i was to cut my hair and no matter how long your kes grows from now on, you broke that conection with maharaj.

There are girls out there, you have to be brave it seems lack of confidence on your part. And for the person who said sikh girls from the west aint nothing, come on veer its that mentality there running of with muslims, we automatically make them out to be slags if they dont have a parandi on.

Fateh

[californiasardar1]

@californiasardar1, we will never ever be "reduced to a fringe figure you read about in books."

Stop being a loser and live life like a true SINGH.

Spend some time studying about our greatest religion and

BE PROUD TO BE A SIKH.

I appreciate your sentiment, but rather than making an emotionally charged comment, perhaps you could try to look at the facts.

Look at what's taken place in the last 40 years. Is this going to stop any time soon?

In a few decades, we've gone from the norm, to out of the mainstream, to "orthodox". We're not that far off from "fringe" even now.

I could go on and on and explain just why things look so bleak and why my conclusion is far from ridiculous (as I already have in many posts). But you will probably dismiss them. But please try to at least give what I've said some serious consideration.

I'm sure if you took a time machine back to 1950 and told people what things would be like early in the next century you'd be dismissed and ridiculed.

[californiasardar1]

Californiasardar, you sound like you're going to dress up in white robes and retreat to the forest to do bhagti for the rest of your life. C'mon mate, you're being a bit melodramatic.

Get your head into Sikhi - for Sikhi's sake - get serious about your own jeevan, and when the time comes ask your parents to find you a Gursikh bibi.

I'm not going to go off into the forest. But it does feel at times like I'm already in the forest whether I like it or not.

You are right. I need to get serious about my own jeevan. I've been trying to do more path, but I still have a very long way to go. I have a lot more work to do, obviously.

This isn't just about me and what will happen for me when "the time is right". Looking at things rationally, I think I will be ok. But is it not selfish to only care about myself? What about our quam? What about the future?

Perhaps there's nothing that can be done and that's why it sounds so stupid to fret over it. In any case, you are right. I should give it a rest, try to focus on my jeevan, and whatever will happen will happen.

[UKLondonSikh]

In this day and age, a young man wanting to keep his Sikh identity in tact must be prepared to go through life without a community to call his own (unless you want to count the increasingly small and scattered population of keshdari Sikhs). To make such a decision, one must be prepared to let go of many worldly desires and truly travel a spiritual path.

>>Paji deep thread. I have big respect 4u and the way u laid yourself bare on this. It's very very deep to know that u have remained a full Kesdhari brother despite the emotional pressures and conflicts you clearly faced in your heart+mind. I salute u Paji.

I've resigned myself to the fact that that's just the way it is and the way it will be. I've made my choice and am prepared to live out my life under these circumstances.

>>Paji "resignation" shouldn't really come into it. It ought to be joy. But I pray that ParmAathma will inject the positive spiritual sarbloh into your bloodstream. Just to open up to SikhSangat like u have shows that u have inner strength as Sikhi inspires.

The question, however, for everyone here: is this satisfactory or acceptable for our quam? How many people can stand alone?

>>The answer to that question Paji may well be seen from 1699. Over the years I have come to the conclusion that the number of true Amritdhari's (of whom I believe one day you will be one) is a far smaller minority within those bearing Kesdhari roop than our natural prem for Sikhi would lead us to think. Hence, less can be more if the quality of true Amritdhari's becomes higher than it is at present (on average). What good does it do our Panth when a worrying percentage of those bearing Kesdhari roop drink, smoke, espouse jaath paath etc etc. I really feel nowadays that our Qaum will be stronger if Kesdhari roop is only kept by those genuine in their Sikhi as a pre-cursor step to the ultimate goal of becoming Amritdhari. I really feel the drinkers, smokers, jaath-paath wale etc really need to at the very least remove their Dastar as they disgrace the truth of a pure GurSikh jeevan.

Perhaps I will be ok and maybe you will all be ok as well. But what is going to happen to our community as a whole?

>>Praavah you WILL be ok in your life. Never lack self-belief Paji. Ok! :-)

>>Always know that each closed door ... only leads you to the correct wife for you in the end. By retaining your Sikhi saroop I believe your spiritual aura will attract a better dharampatni than perhaps would have otherwise been the case.

It all sounds ok in theory: only the truly strong will remain, and perhaps that's how it should be. It will eliminate the weak.

>>Exactly. The minority of weak Kesdhari Sikhs malign the perception of the true Amritdhari Khalsay, so in a way it's for the best.

But let me ask all of you: are you prepared for the keshdari Singh to be reduced to a fringe figure you read about in books and see once in a while when you visit Harmandar Sahib?

>>Paji we represent 0.4% of the global population collectively. Kesdhari's at best represent 0.1% of the human race and Amritdhari's represent 0.01% of the global population according to estimates. So our Panth is already not as influential as we would like to think. However, with a smaller number of dedicated Amritdhari GurSikhs and a greater number of sehajdhari brothers and sisters I can see Kesdhari & Amritdhari numbers growing ten-fold if the sachai is there in our jeevans for all to see (i should add that I am not Amritdhari yet and spiritually am perhaps a long way off from it)

If not, can we try to do anything to prevent this? Should we? Or is this vaheguru's will?

>>If Sikhi is thought of as a Majha and Malwa thing (given that Sikhs are in the minority in Doaba) then we will go nowhere. If Sikhi is taken to the whole world (with an acceptance that in the first instance we merely expect most new Sikh adherents to initially perhaps be at Sehajdhari level) ... trust me the future will be completely different from how you visualise.

>> Rabh Rakha Paji - Chardi Kala vich roh - thay thussee deykhi jao ke ki hun'dhaii ParmAathma di mehr naal :-)

[californiasardar1]

I want to thank everyone who contributed to this thread and offered their advice and support. It has always been hard for me to find anyone to turn to, and I will always be grateful that I found some people here.

Anyway, I feel as if I should confess what has happened. I hope it might inspire some of you to not fall into the traps I have and end up in the same place. If it does not affect any of you directly, perhaps you have younger brothers or sisters, or sons or daughters, or nephews or nieces who you could reach out to before they sink as low as I have.

About two weeks ago, I cut my hair.

It was the worst day of my life and I hate looking at myself in the mirror.

There is nothing I want to say to try to justify my actions. I am weak and have fallen short of the standards I always wanted to hold myself to.

I suppose all I can say is that I've been suffering from depression for several years. As my original post in this thread may have suggested, my problems are quite deep-rooted (and go far beyond anything related to Sikhi). I never felt as if I had much support to sort out my issues, and they have piled up higher and higher. I felt as though I should try to sort out my problems and rebuild myself before things get out of hand. I felt restricted and limited and didn't know what else to try. I know that is a pathetic excuse, and really there is no excuse. I had sunk so low, however, that I wasn't much of a Sikh anyway. I hope one day, when the time is right, I will start to look like myself again.

[TurbanGuys]

I want to thank everyone who contributed to this thread and offered their advice and support. It has always been hard for me to find anyone to turn to, and I will always be grateful that I found some people here.

Anyway, I feel as if I should confess what has happened. I hope it might inspire some of you to not fall into the traps I have and end up in the same place. If it does not affect any of you directly, perhaps you have younger brothers or sisters, or sons or daughters, or nephews or nieces who you could reach out to before they sink as low as I have.

About two weeks ago, I cut my hair.

It was the worst day of my life and I hate looking at myself in the mirror.

There is nothing I want to say to try to justify my actions. I am weak and have fallen short of the standards I always wanted to hold myself to.

I suppose all I can say is that I've been suffering from depression for several years. As my original post in this thread may have suggested, my problems are quite deep-rooted (and go far beyond anything related to Sikhi). I never felt as if I had much support to sort out my issues, and they have piled up higher and higher. I felt as though I should try to sort out my problems and rebuild myself before things get out of hand. I felt restricted and limited and didn't know what else to try. I know that is a pathetic excuse, and really there is no excuse. I had sunk so low, however, that I wasn't much of a Sikh anyway. I hope one day, when the time is right, I will start to look like myself again.

About two weeks ago, I cut my hair

Ae Ki kita veere ...

[JSinghnz]

I want to thank everyone who contributed to this thread and offered their advice and support. It has always been hard for me to find anyone to turn to, and I will always be grateful that I found some people here.

Anyway, I feel as if I should confess what has happened. I hope it might inspire some of you to not fall into the traps I have and end up in the same place. If it does not affect any of you directly, perhaps you have younger brothers or sisters, or sons or daughters, or nephews or nieces who you could reach out to before they sink as low as I have.

About two weeks ago, I cut my hair.

It was the worst day of my life and I hate looking at myself in the mirror.

There is nothing I want to say to try to justify my actions. I am weak and have fallen short of the standards I always wanted to hold myself to.

I suppose all I can say is that I've been suffering from depression for several years. As my original post in this thread may have suggested, my problems are quite deep-rooted (and go far beyond anything related to Sikhi). I never felt as if I had much support to sort out my issues, and they have piled up higher and higher. I felt as though I should try to sort out my problems and rebuild myself before things get out of hand. I felt restricted and limited and didn't know what else to try. I know that is a pathetic excuse, and really there is no excuse. I had sunk so low, however, that I wasn't much of a Sikh anyway. I hope one day, when the time is right, I will start to look like myself again.

It is quite sad to know of your shameless action.

You should have KEPT this shamelessness to yourself and there was need to tell of this here.

We can only hope that you realise your folly ONE DAY and become a Sikh again.

DONOT FORGET TO LET US KNOW HERE THAT WHEN YOU DO THAT.

[S1ngh]

It is good of you to share your story and the solution of what you thought might be good for you. It maybe shocking for some of us to digest this but this is the reality of our kaum.

I see our community divided in three parts.

Panthic Sikhs(Amritdhari) lives in their own safety zone and they don't go out. Extremely small in numbers, wounded but still holding nishaan sahib higher.

Punjabi Sikhs (Kesh cut) lives in their own society. Majority of them drinks and do not follow sikhi. Minority of them do keep in touch with sikhi but got huge inferiority complex to go full with panthic sikhs.

Regular Sikhs (Kesh but not Amritdhari) are the most risky ones, as sooner or later they will transform to either panthic sikhs or punjabi sikhs. Majority of them (just this thread example) choose Punjabi Sikhs lifestyle.

I do not endorse nor believe in creating above categories... but my viewpoints of what our kaum in heading into..