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Disrespect To Turban At Gurdwara Matrimonials From Sikh Females

is there too much hate towards sikh turban in gurdwara matrimonials?  

90 members have voted

  1. 1. is there too much hate towards sikh turban from sikh females in gurdwara matrimonials?

    • yes
    • no
    • possibly
    • I do not know anything about gurdwara matrimonials


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RanjeetSingh    20

Anand Karaj should be for Sikh's only. That means a Keshdari Sikh and Amrithdari Sikh only. We youth need to start getting into these committees and make this change. If Hindus which believe in Sikhi but dont follow it, they can get the civil mariage. There is no need to go Anand Karaj. This is disrespectful to our Guru. I am not against Hindus etc but I am against people who disrespect the Guru.

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Harpreet1    5

LOL every groom comes to the wedding wearing a turban with a kirpan so hard to prove.

A lot of women prefer non turbaned 'sikhs' these days but banning them from the anand karaj is perhaps a step too far as then they will say why is the other person allowed to get married in the Gurdwara who is amrit dhari but eats meat and then the meat debates start etc etc LOL.

I think the real issue is not that all sikhs are allowed to marry at the Gurdwara but that many girls prefer guys that are non turbaned. If girls prefered turban guys they would all be tying turbans.

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VanHelsingh    1,970

I think the real issue is not that all sikhs are allowed to marry at the Gurdwara but that many girls prefer guys that are non turbaned. If girls prefered turban guys they would all be tying turbans.

Not always.

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RanjeetSingh    20

I could not find anything that amusing that I would laugh out loud. No disrespect intended but the ego needs to breathe...

Simple fact is - there are Gurmukhs and there are Manmukhs, Gurmukhs are Gursikhs that try to follow SIkhi to its core ( there outer appearance shows that they have takken the FIRST step ) and Manmukhs are everything but. Lets not use ' oh he might be Amrithdari but they do this and that '. This is slander and Gurbani states that no one is perfect nor does anyone have the right to point their fingers on anyone's deeds/actions but, there is a fine line of what should be corrected and what should be left alone. Only a true Gurmukh will understand Gurbani and what its actually saying to the reader.

Back to the subject - Only Sikhs should be allowed to get married in front of the Guru with Sikhi appearance ! This is the true Anand Karaj. You are not a Sikh of the Guru if you cut your hair. This is the first thing you give to the Guru. Your body. Your Matha Tek. Everything else will come bit by bit depending on how much you pray for

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RanjeetSingh    20

One last point, love for Sikhi comes from the family and oneself. It depends on how truly you love Sikhi as an individual and how much you actually care for the future of Sikhi that you actually first and foremost, give your body to the Guru and at least look like a Sikh.

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Harpreet1    5

Kaljugi its not always of course but I am irritated that a lot of men including sikh men try to do all they can to impress girls.

Ranjeet Singh it is not amusing but it is a fact. Everyone turns up dressed as a sikh on the wedding day. You cannot ban people from marrying unless they are sikh otherwise you need to be prepared for all the other problems:

people 'becoming' sikh for a few months just for the anand karaj

if the person must follow one important rule in sikhism of not cutting hair then the rest of the important rules also need to be followed. No one is going to accept that a sikh should just tick the outer appearance boxes. What if he has criminal convictions etc.

Also I just dont think the Gurus would have turned away anyone of any religion to marry according to sikhism.

I dont disagree with what everyone is saying I just think there would be many problems along with that.

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JSinghnz    933

Kaljugi its not always of course but I am irritated that a lot of men including sikh men try to do all they can to impress girls.

Ranjeet Singh it is not amusing but it is a fact. Everyone turns up dressed as a sikh on the wedding day. You cannot ban people from marrying unless they are sikh otherwise you need to be prepared for all the other problems:

people 'becoming' sikh for a few months just for the anand karaj

if the person must follow one important rule in sikhism of not cutting hair then the rest of the important rules also need to be followed. No one is going to accept that a sikh should just tick the outer appearance boxes. What if he has criminal convictions etc.

Also I just dont think the Gurus would have turned away anyone of any religion to marry according to sikhism.

I dont disagree with what everyone is saying I just think there would be many problems along with that.

Please stick to the topic which is the disrespect to keshdahri Sikhs and turbans from

"sikh?" females at gurdwara matrimonials.

If you want to discuss your so called "many problems" start another thread

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RanjeetSingh    20

Kaljugi its not always of course but I am irritated that a lot of men including sikh men try to do all they can to impress girls.

Ranjeet Singh it is not amusing but it is a fact. Everyone turns up dressed as a sikh on the wedding day. You cannot ban people from marrying unless they are sikh otherwise you need to be prepared for all the other problems:

people 'becoming' sikh for a few months just for the anand karaj

if the person must follow one important rule in sikhism of not cutting hair then the rest of the important rules also need to be followed. No one is going to accept that a sikh should just tick the outer appearance boxes. What if he has criminal convictions etc.

Also I just dont think the Gurus would have turned away anyone of any religion to marry according to sikhism.

I dont disagree with what everyone is saying I just think there would be many problems along with that.

Sorry but I will go straight to the point and I am not being rude at all, just giving facts according to Gurbani...

Of course you can ban marriage under the Anand Karaj ceremony if they are not Sikh. Marriage itself fine, they can go ahead and get married in a Church or registry if leaving Sikhi means that much to them.

If no on agrees to the outer appearance from the offset they are Manmukhs, they are not Sikhs, they are not the Gurus Sikhs. As per Gurbani.

Back to the topic at hand, its the 'modern' Sikh parents diluting Sikhi to their each and individual needs. If the parents do this, then what chance do the children have in keeping Sikhi alive and true to its original core. There is no need to adapt Sikhi, Sikhi is complete. Our Guru, our true Guru is absolute and complete and as soon youth ( I still call myself a youth even though I am 30yrs old married with 2 kids, I find this amusing so LOL :) ... ) start getting involved in the running of GUrudwaras and stop this nonsense, the better.

I am trying to get into the committee at my local Gurudwara and I recommend that if anyone cares for the future of Sikhi that they do the same. Reason being is because someone will need to take over the running of the Gurudwara as the elders have moreless ruined it for financial gain and the youth of today are waking up and realising what is Sikhi and how beautiful it is. We can still make this change. We can still help organise events for the youth to understand what a Sikh is.

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RanjeetSingh    20

oh yes, the Gurus would not have turned them away, the Guru would have made them take Amrit and got them to become Sikhs before allowing the marriage to take place fullstop. Sikhs of the old actually jumped at the chance to take Amrit because they knew the importance of it if they wanted to be connected to the true Guru, Waheguru and wanted to be called a Sikh.

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Harpreet1    5

I guess then why not have a small protest or something at the local gurdwaras that only amritdharis should be allowed to be part of the matrimonial service. It might close down for a few months (LOL) but then amritdharis will also start to use it.

Right now many amritdharis I know don't need the service as they have their 'sikh societies' to meet others and so many are marrying through that circle (right or wrong is irrelevant in this topic).

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JSinghnz    933

I guess then why not have a small protest or something at the local gurdwaras that only amritdharis should be allowed to be part of the matrimonial service. It might close down for a few months (LOL) but then amritdharis will also start to use it.

Right now many amritdharis I know don't need the service as they have their 'sikh societies' to meet others and so many are marrying through that circle (right or wrong is irrelevant in this topic).

Please keep your laughable suggestions to yourself.

Matrimonial showing disrespect to the Sikhs' appearance and turbans

should be banned from Gurdwaras.

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DaljitKaur24    26
If the girl has postive experiences of her Dad and Brother wearing turbans then she's more likely to be attracted to a boy who has a turban. If her Dad and Brothers are monay, then she's highly likely to be attaracted to a monay boy. If here Dad and Brother wear turbans, but are plonkers, then she'll probably not want to marry a boy who wears a turban.

The issue is deeper than the girls vanity, some of it may be based on a lame collective portrayal of the modern male Sikh image by modern male Sikhs themselves. Saying that, I know a few girls from complete non-Gursikh backgrounds who married Singhs because they admired the inner and outher qualities of the Sikh roop.

I agree with you on this. If the girl has bern around a lot of turban wearing men and guys she will have a different perspective than a girl who hasnt been around them. I will give u my example. For 10 years of my life i lived in a only white community and the only sardars there were my dad who wore a turban and my younger brother who wore a patka. I was about 16 till we were there and I had told myself I would only marry a mona because I was exposed to guys my age wearing paghs. Dad doesnt count! So we moved to Seattle which has a good amount of Punjabi community. And i would have thought there would be some guys my age wearings turbans but no. Most actually probably like 80% were monay and the others were either young and wore patkas or wore turbans like a maniac. So still i thought no way i will only marry a mona. So we went back to India for the first time in India at the age of 18 and I was so suprised at the guys wearing turbans. I know its more like a fashion trend but still they are wearing turbans. I was amazed how good a guy can look in a turban if its tied properly. And from then on my mind slowly started changing about marrying a mona over a turban guy. As we went back home in the next couple yrs i got even more determined that i would only marry a guy that wears a turban and thats what i did. A guy looks totally different in a turban than one as a mOna.

So basically it all depends on how much and what kind exposure one experienced in that particular category.

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RanjeetSingh    20

I guess then why not have a small protest or something at the local gurdwaras that only amritdharis should be allowed to be part of the matrimonial service. It might close down for a few months (LOL) but then amritdharis will also start to use it.

Right now many amritdharis I know don't need the service as they have their 'sikh societies' to meet others and so many are marrying through that circle (right or wrong is irrelevant in this topic).

yes why not? I dont find it amusing. To be honest it time to take shock value actions as the polite approach, people are taking the mick out of the whole service. If people want to marry out of Sikhi, honestly good luck to them. Waheguru knew they had the strength to become Sikhs but due to their own actions, they leave. Cool, we can do without fake 'Sikhs' anyway, theres too many already.

Time for shock tactics...

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I agree with you on this. If the girl has bern around a lot of turban wearing men and guys she will have a different perspective than a girl who hasnt been around them. I will give u my example. For 10 years of my life i lived in a only white community and the only sardars there were my dad who wore a turban and my younger brother who wore a patka. I was about 16 till we were there and I had told myself I would only marry a mona because I was exposed to guys my age wearing paghs. Dad doesnt count! So we moved to Seattle which has a good amount of Punjabi community. And i would have thought there would be some guys my age wearings turbans but no. Most actually probably like 80% were monay and the others were either young and wore patkas or wore turbans like a maniac. So still i thought no way i will only marry a mona. So we went back to India for the first time in India at the age of 18 and I was so suprised at the guys wearing turbans. I know its more like a fashion trend but still they are wearing turbans. I was amazed how good a guy can look in a turban if its tied properly. And from then on my mind slowly started changing about marrying a mona over a turban guy. As we went back home in the next couple yrs i got even more determined that i would only marry a guy that wears a turban and thats what i did. A guy looks totally different in a turban than one as a mOna.

So basically it all depends on how much and what kind exposure one experienced in that particular category.

This is a very interesting story. Especially how you described going to India and for the first time seeing turbans in a fashionable light.

Most young men who wear turbans in Punjab trim their beards. But they tie VERY fashionable turbans!!

In the west, young men who wear turbans hardly seem to put any effort into tying them. They don't tie them right. Their turbans are not very impressive looking or fashionable.

I wonder if it might make a difference if guys in the west started wearing good looking pags.

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You guys are missing the point.

What will eliminating the "prefer clean shaven" option from gurdwara matrimonials accomplish?

either:

1. No girls will be allowed to explicitly state their preference, but it won't matter because as soon as they see the guy is a pag wala, the talks will grind to a halt

2. Girls who are mostly or exclusively interested in clean shaven guys will stop using the matrimonial service. Then there will be like a half dozen people left using it and it'll be a complete joke.

In any case, the fundamental problem is left unaddressed:

How do we reverse this disturbing trend where the dhari and kesh have become extremely stigmatized in our community?

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