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Guru_Da_Chella

Disrespect To Turban At Gurdwara Matrimonials From Sikh Females

is there too much hate towards sikh turban in gurdwara matrimonials?   90 members have voted

  1. 1. is there too much hate towards sikh turban from sikh females in gurdwara matrimonials?

    • yes
    • no
    • possibly
    • I do not know anything about gurdwara matrimonials

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90 posts in this topic

If the Gurdwara was a secular place, then you would be right, but the Gurdwara is the house of Satguru Sri Guru Granth Sahib ji Maharaj. Which means the Gurdwara committtee must only allow those ads that go by Gurmat. If a Sikh male or female wants a person with cut hair, then they can search for a partner using other methods, that accept their lifestyle. Sikhi does not accept the practice of cutting hair. People can make their choice without the Gurdwara harbouring practices against the Gurus teachings. Also if the Gurdwara didn't allow practices against the Gurus to be advertised, then there would be no misunderstanding on whether the person cuts hair or wears a turban when the two families meet.

I agree with the overall direction you are coming from on this Paji. These committee wale clowns who are allowing terms like "clean shaven" and "community" on Gurdwara matrimonial listings need to get their heads examined. The very maximum that can be tolerated to keep the non-Amritdhari majority of the community "sweet" would be to indicate in listings whether folks are Amritdhari, Kesdhari or Sehajdhari.

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Because I know what the turban means to a sikh, I truly respect it and think it is so distinguished! Even under my scarf I have adopted the turban...I know sounds so silly :-) but, it keeps my scarf on nicely and keeps my hair wrapped up so I'm not constantly fixing it...

But truly, on a sikh male....two thumbs up!

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I had another interesting thought, how about making all the males give photos only wearing turbans. Every sikh male can wear a turban and will be wearing on on Anand Karaj day, so this can be implemented and reduce problems of discrimination and disrespect significantly.

Here's an image of an "explanation" by the group admin: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=461054053922382&set=a.461053030589151.113619.256338197727303&type=1&theater&notif_t=photo_comment

Here is the group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/41021874437/?ref=ts

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I had another interesting thought, how about making all the males give photos only wearing turbans. Every sikh male can wear a turban and will be wearing on on Anand Karaj day, so this can be implemented and reduce problems of discrimination and disrespect significantly.

Here's an image of an "explanation" by the group admin: https://www.facebook...t=photo_comment

Here is the group:

https://www.facebook...1874437/?ref=ts

This is an interesting suggestion, but it won't work: it is easy to tell if someone is a full sardar or not by looking at the beard

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This is an interesting suggestion, but it won't work: it is easy to tell if someone is a full sardar or not by looking at the beard

Yes, but reducing disrespect towards turban is a start, and makes a huge difference.. Some girls are ignorant enough to disrespect on just the basis of wearing a turban.

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awwwwwww.. eni chinta :p

U cant stop somebody going to Gurudwara just because he is mona/ or a female have hair cut :omg:

U cant force anyone to keep hair :nono: coz our Guru never forced anyone :nono:

We as amritdhari - as Gursikhs cant say we only deserve the luv of Guru :respect:

Being a girl i can say that due to influence of society - Lifestyle - Modernization - things are changing.... so as the preferences n thinking :)

If u talk about boys - they also dont prefer turban wali kudiya then?? On this Forum some guy PM asked my details n even inquired that if i wear a turban or not... he said i dont prefer girl with turban but looking for amritdhari :p

its not that girls hate sardars but they prefer more dude type boys rather then babee - sorry no offenses :(

if a Sardar carries himself in a well tonned manner i dont think a girl with reject him :lol2:

i am one of them who want a sikh guy with long beards ... i think if i m existing then there will be more.... but the ratio of sardar preferind girl : Non Sardar Prefeing girl would be around 30:70

U cant blame only girls for what they r up to :nono: :nono: :nono: :nono: :nono:

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It doesnt just end at Gurdwara matrimonials...Our TV Channels are also letting us down. Take a look at Sangat TV matrimonial service it's exactly the same as the Gurdwara matrimonial lists. How can you on one side claim to promote Sikhi, then clearly allow discrimination against Sikhi saroop on the other side.

The Gurdwara commitee people are generally uneducated old generation pensioners, theyre not very clued up on current affairs or Sikhi, you'll probably find theyve failed to even pass Sikhi on to their own children..who in cases ive seen are clean shaven monay, daughters married out of religion and all sorts.. You cant rely on these sort of people to make the right decisions...

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It doesnt just end at Gurdwara matrimonials...Our TV Channels are also letting us down. Take a look at Sangat TV matrimonial service it's exactly the same as the Gurdwara matrimonial lists. How can you on one side claim to promote Sikhi, then clearly allow discrimination against Sikhi saroop on the other side.

The Gurdwara commitee people are generally uneducated old generation pensioners, theyre not very clued up on current affairs or Sikhi, you'll probably find theyve failed to even pass Sikhi on to their own children..who in cases ive seen are clean shaven monay, daughters married out of religion and all sorts.. You cant rely on these sort of people to make the right decisions...

We all know the problems. We need solutions. We need to kick out the Gurdwara Committee members who have no love for Sikhi.

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We all know the problems. We need solutions. We need to kick out the Gurdwara Committee members who have no love for Sikhi.

How do the youth do that?

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Gursikh men should be for gursikh females only and vice versa so whats the problem? if a sikh woman who isnt dastaar wearing / gursikh / keshdhari and wants the same in a partner i dont see the problem that way too. If a family or a guy is so concerned that majority of western born Sikh females do not want a turban wearing guy for a marriage partner then find one from aboard? (ie india).

The love and respect for the turban and beard must start from the home...and first a guy needs to love his turban and beard instead of feeling inferior or superior / oppressor to others who arent the same......he must accept his condition as a slave of the waheguru and guru ji's teachings and not to a woman or earthly person. Also females need to be taught the love for turban and beard as they are a sign of deep devotion to the Sikh faith which has to gain respect and brownie points.

Too often females are put off because they see guys in beards and turbans acting like clowns or morons. If a guy doesnt respect his own religious dastaar and dhari and takes it in places like clubs, pubs,etc then dont expect anyone else to.

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A 'Sikh' without kesh is not Sikh. Guru Gobind Singh Ji is explicitly clear about this. 'Rehat bina na Sikh kahave' - Guru Gobind Singh Ji. Without rehat one is not Sikh. I find it absurd non-sikh's are using Sikh matrimonial websites to look for non-sikhs - while pretending to be Sikh all along. This is absurd!

if a sikh woman who isnt dastaar wearing / gursikh / keshdhari and wants the same in a partner i dont see the problem that way too. If a family or a guy is so concerned that majority of western born Sikh females do not want a turban wearing guy for a marriage partner then find one from aboard? (ie india).

The love and respect for the turban and beard must start from the home...and first a guy needs to love his turban and beard instead of feeling inferior or superior / oppressor to others who arent the same......he must accept his condition as a slave of the waheguru and guru ji's teachings and not to a woman or earthly person. Also females need to be taught the love for turban and beard as they are a sign of deep devotion to the Sikh faith which has to gain respect and brownie points.

Too often females are put off because they see guys in beards and turbans acting like clowns or morons. If a guy doesnt respect his own religious dastaar and dhari and takes it in places like clubs, pubs,etc then dont expect anyone else to.

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sikh men with turbons who are alpha males have no problem attracting females its the once who arn't alpha males who scare girls away when they approach them

go to the gym work out

work on your confidence

work on your social skills

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I just saw someone start a similar thread here: http://www.sikhsangat.com/index.php?/topic/75142-girls-views-on-guys-with-turbans

I said I would upload a list of the problem, this list is from Singh Sabha Havelock Southall from 2011. You will see on the very first page that there are 2 women that are actually over 40 that dislike/hate turbans! You will see girls with mixed preferences, but bare in mind the ages of them as well. Obviously some of them may change their preferences as they get old and desperate, but look there are two 40 year olds that still hate turbans, so who knows?

I haven't heard anything and have not been actively involved recently, I wonder if anything has been sorted in this gurdwara and in others that partake in similar activities.

NOTE TO ADMIN: If there is any problem with the list just let me know so I can edit it, it is not a list of recent members, and contains no forenames!

Girls-Mailing List-Oct 11.pdf

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I just saw someone start a similar thread here: http://www.sikhsangat.com/index.php?/topic/75142-girls-views-on-guys-with-turbans

I said I would upload a list of the problem, this list is from Singh Sabha Havelock Southall from 2011. You will see on the very first page that there are 2 women that are actually over 40 that dislike/hate turbans! You will see girls with mixed preferences, but bare in mind the ages of them as well. Obviously some of them may change their preferences as they get old and desperate, but look there are two 40 year olds that still hate turbans, so who knows?

I haven't heard anything and have not been actively involved recently, I wonder if anything has been sorted in this gurdwara and in others that partake in similar activities.

NOTE TO ADMIN: If there is any problem with the list just let me know so I can edit it, it is not a list of recent members, and contains no forenames!

Interesting list

I guarantee that most of the girls who are listed as indifferent (i.e. have specified that they are open to guys who wear turbans as well as guys who don't wear turbans) in reality will only consider clean-shaven men.

It is quite common for parents to submit their daughters' profiles to matrimonial lists (or try to set up rishtas). These parents are often unaware of their daughters' preferences. They themselves don't see anything horribly wrong with wearing a turban, so they assume their daughters are ok with it.

I also bet that a good portion of the girls open to turban-wearing guys are in fact only open to "trim singhs"

So in all likelihood, the proportion of women on that list open to turbaned guys is greatly inflated.

Edited by californiasardar1

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LOL every groom comes to the wedding wearing a turban with a kirpan so hard to prove.

A lot of women prefer non turbaned 'sikhs' these days but banning them from the anand karaj is perhaps a step too far as then they will say why is the other person allowed to get married in the Gurdwara who is amrit dhari but eats meat and then the meat debates start etc etc LOL.

I think the real issue is not that all sikhs are allowed to marry at the Gurdwara but that many girls prefer guys that are non turbaned. If girls prefered turban guys they would all be tying turbans.

I went to Singapore on my honeymoon and the Muslim friends I have there took me to Gurudwara Sahib there where it is specifically displayed that no NON-SIKH person can get married by Anand Karaj at that site , obviously people being manmatti they would find a way around by trying to take prakash to marriage hall by the committee at that time would refuse to allow it to happen . I don't know how things are now but I was impressed.

I propose that we stop our sisters looking at Bollywood guys images by replacing them with positive good looking turbanned Singh and Singhian as promoted on Singh and Singhni FB page , also gaining more media coverage e.g. like the Gap and GQ photos . There is a section of PARENTS who say they wouldn't want there daughters to go into an Amritdhari household as it would be too challenging restrictive of their daughters, and there is the old prejudices that a turbanned skh can't be a success in the world blah blah blah.

I also propose that all turbanned sikh men promise to honour their Gurskh counterparts and try to find and accept an amritdhari girl and to kill the whole daaj thing dead. Guru Gobind SIngh said his sons would never ask such a thing so prove it ...and gain the respect that is due a Gursikh

Don't wait for the girl to want a turban before tying it , tie it with confidence all of you then she will be swayed

Edited by jkvlondon
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you always blame girls that they being sikh girls they don't like sikh guys... but I wanna let you know Sikh guy is not for everyone... Only karmaa waali will get a king and be known as his princess....:)...

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Why don't Sikh girls go to clubs then why even consider stepping into a gurdwara when they clealry state 'I don't want a Sikh turban guy' they might as well marry out of religion anyway I have never heard of matrimonials going on in gurdware doesn't even sound right, forgive me I live in the midlands!

Any Sikh girl who disrespects ain't a Sikh! End of you have to earn being a Sikh doesn't come with birth just becuse one is born into a Sikh family, like everything in life earn and the rewards are great also I see many people who are hypocrites and wear long khande chains and smoking what the hell!

You are right.

Sikhs aren't born, they're made.

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I think this problem needs to be addressed to the havelock road gurdwara Asap this discrimination should not be allowed within the confines of a holy place. Hypocrisy at it's finest

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I just saw someone start a similar thread here: http://www.sikhsangat.com/index.php?/topic/75142-girls-views-on-guys-with-turbans

I said I would upload a list of the problem, this list is from Singh Sabha Havelock Southall from 2011. You will see on the very first page that there are 2 women that are actually over 40 that dislike/hate turbans! You will see girls with mixed preferences, but bare in mind the ages of them as well. Obviously some of them may change their preferences as they get old and desperate, but look there are two 40 year olds that still hate turbans, so who knows?

I haven't heard anything and have not been actively involved recently, I wonder if anything has been sorted in this gurdwara and in others that partake in similar activities.

NOTE TO ADMIN: If there is any problem with the list just let me know so I can edit it, it is not a list of recent members, and contains no forenames!

Interesting the use of the "caste preference" column despite it being a Gurdwara list. Surely they shouldn't have that there in the first place? Disappointing.

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On 10/06/2013 at 3:06 AM, genie said:

 

Too often females are put off because they see guys in beards and turbans acting like clowns or morons. If a guy doesnt respect his own religious dastaar and dhari and takes it in places like clubs, pubs,etc then dont expect anyone else to.

There is the double standard the girls want the clubbing pubbing type of 'dude' but if he is a dastaarwale she condemns him because he's not supposed to do that .

Maybe the point is to run a pre marriage course for singletons to understand what sikh marriage and life values are and why BEFORE or as a CONDITION of signing onto the service . The attitude is the key .

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How many of these Singh's complaining would also accept a dastaar wearing Singhni? There seems to be a bit of a double standard when Singhs complain that many Kaur's don't want a turban wearing Singh but then will turn their own noses up at a Kaur who ties one and keeps her kesh as well (and I mean all of it including any lip hairs or chin hairs etc). Do you know on another site I was called a 'trannie' because I am female and tie a turban?? It's true. And even on here recently you can see the thread about Singhnis looking ugly in turbans. So please Singh's out there who complain about women not wanting turban wearing guys then be prepared yourself to accept a turban wearing Kaur or else it makes you a hypocrite! 

That being said, I fully fully am in support of turban wearing Singh's with their beautiful dharis intact. 

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