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Marriage Problem?


Guest Indecisive Bhanjee
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Guest Indecisive Bhanjee

sangat jee

i had been thinking about asking this question to the sangat here, as now only Gurujee (through the sangat)can help me to decide whats best for me. I am not sure if this is an appropriate matter to discuss on this forum but I am not able to ask or discuss with anyone close to me, b/c i am afraid their advice would be biased depending on their relationship with me. Anyway, I will try my best to cut the long story short. Okay I met this guy from india on a chatting group about 4-5 months ago, we started discussing sikhi matters as we were both so passionate about learning more about sikhi, found some similar interests with each other. To begin with, he used to call me bhanjee and i called him veerji, we meant it that way too and we became good friends. Gradually after like 2 months, he started liking me and thought i would be a perfect partner for him considering our similar views on Sikhi. At first, I was very hesitated as I didnt believe in making relationship online..plus he was not "compatible" for me considering he has no education and as i am from US and educated,we def have some cultural differences as well. Then he started to convince me that in gursikhi, all we should care about is our veechars. if our veechars are similar and we get along well, then nothing else should matter, and we shouldnt care about education and other incompatibility issues since thats being "greedy" or "egotistical", so i kinda agreed with him, and upon some consideration i agreed to him that i'll marry him, although i was still not sure. That was just about a month ago and we made some plans about how when i go to india in a couple years with my parents, they will meet him. But my parents (mom) found out about him lately, they don't even want me to talk about him, to them, he is not suitable for me at all.

So I am in a very difficult situation. I wanna know whats the sangat's opinion on it, what does sikhi says about it? Should you go against your parents' will for a guy (who believes that sikhi is all about doing the right thing even if you have to oppose your parents, he said the right thing is to marry him b/c we should be able to stand up for ourselves for what we believe in). Another thing is i have always been obedient to my parents, i thought in sikhi, when it comes to marriage we should always listen to our parents. But now I am confused, Should I leave this guy and marry where my parents want me to? He also said that he would never marry anyone else if I dont marry him. He said he will convince my parents to get me married to him, even if i chose to leave him!! b/c he believes in winning every battle that comes in our way, whether it be of marriage! So if i leave this guy, be selfish and marry the guy my parents want me to, he would accuse me for being laalchi and a quiter as i am not standing up for the right thing.

Again, i know this is a very sensitive matter, i have been in serious stress lately (not been able to focus on anything - nitnem, work), so pls forgive me if i made any mistake by posting it here or if i said anything appropriate. But do guide your sister who is in serious need of advice. thank you in advance.

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I've read too many of these types of posts in the past few months (mostly since wishing to learn more about my faith). The 'veerji' dangles the carrot of Sikhi in-front of a gullible, trusting female and unfortunately she bites and he reels her in. This is beginning to be too much of a coincidence.

If our veerji's love Sikhi so much, discuss it with a fellow veerji. :@

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I've read too many of these types of posts in the past few months (mostly since wishing to learn more about my faith). The 'veerji' dangles the carrot of Sikhi in-front of a gullible, trusting female and unfortunately she bites and he reels her in. This is beginning to be too much of a coincidence.

If our veerji's love Sikhi so much, discuss it with a fellow veerji. :@

I hate to say this but I agree.

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we shouldnt care about education and other incompatibility issues since thats being "greedy" or "egotistical"

Compatibility is very important if you dont want any regrets in the future. Aside from the fact that this could be simply a way for him to come to US, I would suggest that you really think about this. Do you really know him well enough? Does he really knows you well enough to be able to claim that he will never get married to someone else.

Trust me, these things never happen, people move on. Its the way of the world.

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Trust me, these things never happen, people move on. Its the way of the world.

+1.

A lot of supposed "unbreakable" promises are made between participants in a relationship. But when one side has no intention of keeping them, the other person who had every intention of honouring them is the one who is left standing like a fool.

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Compatibility is very important if you dont want any regrets in the future. Aside from the fact that this could be simply a way for him to come to US, I would suggest that you really think about this. Do you really know him well enough? Does he really knows you well enough to be able to claim that he will never get married to someone else.

Trust me, these things never happen, people move on. Its the way of the world.

he has got papers (citizenship) for Australia, so dont think he is doing all this just to come to US.

He says you cant know everything about one but he is sure that he knows me well and will keep me happy. I also thought that i knew him well enough to make the decision, but lately he has been acting psycho - goes outta control just when i say i am not gonna talk to anyone, acts impatiently call me , then cant even speak properly, scares me, keep saying 'please please' to me (quite disturbing). so i am not sure if i know him anymore.

thanks all for your suggestions!!

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Guest guptbhenji

WJKK WJKF

Dont trust anybody on the internet before u meet them. The internet is full of people who wait for vunerable people like you and me. Listen to advice, talk but when it comes to marriage you cant marry somebody who you dont know in real life. Most of this is virtual and messes up minds and emotions. Plus how can he say you;re the rite one for him when he never met you. Most guys I know nowadays dont make up their mind that quick on the internet. How do you know that he just doesnt wants to get into the country?

I feel that if you really want to go ahead with it then meet him, with your family first then you will know the real him and his family. Guys say anything to girls to make them feel special.

As ur already having doubts, thats your inner conscience telling you that its not rite. Be cautious thats all I will say.

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