Worried About A Friend

[Guest worried friend]

I have a friend who used to be really into Sikhi, he had solid nitnem and was always happy and smiling. However a few months back, he went through some personal problems and since then he hasn’t been the same. His stopped doing his nitnem and he still goes to the Gurdwara etc but has lost his passion for Sikhi. You can tell from his voice that he is longer happy even though he denies it. Not many people who he has helped him in the past supported him through his time of pain. Now he has it stuck in his head that he just gets screwed over by everyone and he is isolating himself from everyone. You can easily tell that he is no longer 100% mentally and he seems lost when you talk to him.

He has lost a substantial amount of weight and looks very weak. I know his family are trying their best to support him etc.

The thing that shocked me the most, was I asked him if I check out his phone as I am thinking of buying a similar one, and in the notes section I found very strange and depressing sentences.

I just wanted to ask if you guys have any good ideas on how I can motivate him to get out of this phase and get back into Sikhi like he used to be? I am concerned that he is going to cause himself harm.

Thanks

[Guest loi]

you could try doing fun and positive things together. exercise or playing sports is great as it releases hormones which help enhance mood. not every activity has to be a sikhi activity, just try to keep their energy level boosted through fun stuff, and remember to take time for more chilled out stuff too.

remember, that your friend's emotional state is not your fault, nor are you in control of it in any way!!!! the idea that it's your responsibility to fix your friend's state can lead to burnout. it's your friend's responsibility, although you can help.

your friend is most likely in a clnical depression and needs medical help. i would encourage your friend to get this help, go see a doctor.

[Guest Worried friend]

you could try doing fun and positive things together. exercise or playing sports is great as it releases hormones which help enhance mood. not every activity has to be a sikhi activity, just try to keep their energy level boosted through fun stuff, and remember to take time for more chilled out stuff too.

remember, that your friend's emotional state is not your fault, nor are you in control of it in any way!!!! the idea that it's your responsibility to fix your friend's state can lead to burnout. it's your friend's responsibility, although you can help.

your friend is most likely in a clnical depression and needs medical help. i would encourage your friend to get this help, go see a doctor.

Thanks for your advice. That's thing he refuses to see a doctor, he says there is nothing wrong with him when there clearly is. I need to be there for him as he has been there for me in the past.

[harryss]

Maybe he needs just some time alone to work it out by himself. But just be there incase. Also, let him know that people go through hard times in there life to you just have to come out strong. Guru Ji is testing him.

[Guest went through]

Maybe he needs just some time alone to work it out by himself. But just be there incase. Also, let him know that people go through hard times in there life to you just have to come out strong. Guru Ji is testing him.

You went through his phone??!!! :umm:

make him start up nitnem again.

A wise person once told me that noone wants anyone else to be truly happy, people only want happiness or themselves, until they get this how can they want happiness for anyone else?

In the age of kalyug, only true saints (ones who do bhagti with every breath truly and have all the requisites of a saint as per gurbani), gurus and god want happiness for others and can be trusted, so really, your friend is on the right track!

You should tell him this and tell him the only people he can really trust. Tell him that his only friend is the guru and god and to start his nitnem and bhagti, become a saint and find god which is our path.

If he has this goal his depression will ease away, happiness can never be found in the material world, gurbani says this over and over.

He needs to realise the meaning of life to get out of his depression, living a lie is wrong and insulting to god.

[Guest KK]

Wot he is going through is something called dark night of the soul, maybe get him to search this on the net. It's wot everyone goes through. Ur advice to him is that there is no-one but maharaj and for him to just take his time and build his connection with maharaj. Yeh u can be there for him, but that will only get him to become dependent on u, which is not good for u or for himself. He needs to depend and rely just on maharaj, and that is ur role to let him know.

Even though it is not nice for the person to go through this, they will experience the journey as a most profitable one in the end........he is blessed to be going through this, what he does with this test is up to him and of course maharaj........i hope he comes out on the other side.........im sure he will.............

This shabad represents possibly what he is going through, maybe send it to him...

dyvgMDwrI mhlw 9 ]

dhaevaga(n)dhhaaree mehalaa 9 ||

Raag Dayv-Gandhaaree, Ninth Mehla:

jgq mY JUTI dyKI pRIiq ]

jagath mai jhoot(h)ee dhaekhee preeth ||

In this world, I have seen love to be false.

Apny hI suK isau sB lwgy ikAw dwrw ikAw mIq ]1] rhwau ]

apanae hee sukh sio sabh laagae kiaa dhaaraa kiaa meeth ||1|| rehaao ||

Whether they are spouses or friends, all are concerned only with their own happiness. ||1||Pause||

myrau myrau sBY khq hY ihq isau bwiDE cIq ]

maero maero sabhai kehath hai hith sio baadhhiou cheeth ||

All say, ""Mine, mine"", and attach their consciousness to you with love.

AMiq kwil sMgI nh koaU ieh Acrj hY rIiq ]1]

a(n)th kaal sa(n)gee neh kooo eih acharaj hai reeth ||1||

But at the very last moment, none shall go along with you. How strange are the ways of the world! ||1||

mn mUrK AjhU nh smJq isK dY hwirE nIq ]

man moorakh ajehoo neh samajhath sikh dhai haariou neeth ||

The foolish mind has not yet reformed itself, although I have grown weary of continually instructing it.

nwnk Baujlu pwir prY jau gwvY pRB ky gIq ]2]3]6]38]47]

naanak bhoujal paar parai jo gaavai prabh kae geeth ||2||3||6||38||47||

O Nanak, one crosses over the terrifying world-ocean, singing the Songs of God. ||2||3||6||38||47||