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Sangat jee,

when teo Gursikhs get married do they consemate the marrage ? i wish to know accodring to marayadas or what Guru Jee says please? Also i thought having sex was for only reproducing offspring but not for pleasure ?

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Sangat jee,

when teo Gursikhs get married do they consemate the marrage ? i wish to know accodring to marayadas or what Guru Jee says please? Also i thought having sex was for only reproducing offspring but not for pleasure ?

You're right it is onl for procreation, in terms of when one should consummate one's marriage it is up to the individual but you must take into consideration that indulging in such activity does take chunks out of your focus and kamaee so should only be done if necessary. i.e. one wishes to have children. And although the lives of Mahraj are very different, if one looks at Guru Tegh Bahadur ji's jeevan they and Mata Gujjar Kaur ji did kamaee for 26 years after their marriage before asking maharaj to send Guru Gobind Singh ji to their house. If one wishes to have children that are brahmgyanis or of atleast very high avastha then one has to do a lot of kamaee and that takes time thus one should be patient. However if you just want any old child then it really doesn't matter, but again that's not what our aim is in life.

I'm sure many others are much more knowledgable upon this issue.

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I kno exactly where u are coming from, thats exactly how i thoguht-->> the thing is we think sex is bad,, yes being in sexual relations be4 marriage i not the way to go....so we get confused, the thing is my parents are amritdhari and im pretty sure that they didnt only have sex twice to have their 2 kids,

the consummate thing i dont think it should be done the day u get married,, whenevr it just happens type of thing,, if ur planning that means ur stuck in KAAM,,

the thing is that sex is natural and our body asks 4 it, men have hard time controlling thier urges while women have it easier maybe well actually women are the ones that seduce men and are much more clever in their calitr so i cant realy say their much less

, Only Bani can help control these thoughts,

But in Katha i heard that she is a Suhaagan who sees no one but her husband as a man(MARd) everyone else is family brother father son,,

same for men,,

so u are alowed to have sexual relations with ur wife, but ur not suppose to be engrossed in it, for example in a Video by Guruka Singh he said there are so many things ppl can orbit around in their marriage,, u can orbit around sex, your children money blah blah

But when a couple does their lava around maharaj it represents that the centre of our life is maharaj, which means seva sangat all these things are of high importance,

Its wierd we dont talk bout these things publicly especially in religous settings, like whos gonna talk bout birth control lol

Sex is something religous ppl dont usually talk about, but Yogi Bhajan was more open with his preaching so here are two articles hes wrote about this subject,,

http://www.mrsikhnet.com/index.php/2009/06/02/righteous-sex/

http://www.mrsikhnet.com/index.php/2009/06/10/mens-notes-relating-to-sex/

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Sangat jee,

when teo Gursikhs get married do they consemate the marrage ? i wish to know accodring to marayadas or what Guru Jee says please? Also i thought having sex was for only reproducing offspring but not for pleasure ?

You're right it is onl for procreation, in terms of when one should consummate one's marriage it is up to the individual but you must take into consideration that indulging in such activity does take chunks out of your focus and kamaee so should only be done if necessary. i.e. one wishes to have children. And although the lives of Mahraj are very different, if one looks at Guru Tegh Bahadur ji's jeevan they and Mata Gujjar Kaur ji did kamaee for 26 years after their marriage before asking maharaj to send Guru Gobind Singh ji to their house. If one wishes to have children that are brahmgyanis or of atleast very high avastha then one has to do a lot of kamaee and that takes time thus one should be patient. However if you just want any old child then it really doesn't matter, but again that's not what our aim is in life.

I'm sure many others are much more knowledgable upon this issue.

Singh I agree with you. If we look at a Sant who does not marry then what some call natural or our body needs it is completely flipped upside down on it's head. If these urges are natural then who does a Sant do the deed with. Is the Sant rejecting the natural way his body works and/or Satguru Sri Guru Nanak Dev ji hukam to live as a housholder.? I say not at all. The Sant has got kaam and turned it into Naam Raas(Sant Maskeen Singh ji's Katha speaks exstensively on this). Kaam is not bothering him anymore and that so called natural urge is not so natural anymore. A Sant lives in society, just like everyone else, he goes out to work, does charity and does paath. He mingles with the sangat and at work, other places. Only difference from a householder Sant and householder as married people is one procreates and both are living life as Guru Nanak Dev ji said. Take humans need affection and married couples usually get that affection from each other and this cause them into kaam. Now if we look at a Sant and if affection is another natural part, then who does a Sant get affection from (the same as married couples share)? Again he/she has taken that affection and turned it into Naam Ras. And once you have Naam Ras then affection and the natural ways of the body are maya. The true color of these 'natural body functions are seen. Take it, defined as a deed of love. Then I ask the same, who does the Sant share this spiritual experience of love with?

Here is a scenario. Say procreation happened without the deed. Now is kaam needed at all? From the above we can understand a Sant does live a householder lifestyle, then why can't married couples realize the same spiritual state as the Sant and live the same way. What is stopping them or is in their way. Guru Sahib say to us to walk the middle path. And in terms of married couples that would mean to commit the deed for procreation and that's it. Consumating is a risky behavior. The couple wants to share the union they have entered, but just like unmarried couples their lower energies take over. This energy if it is channeled upwards by both, then it is eliminated and they are able to experience something that will help them spiritually.

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Sants choose to live the lifestyle of a behangam saadhu, most Sikhs follow the grisht jeevan way. I think it's important not to confuse the two because the way that a Sant controls kaam (through celibacy and self-denial) does not fit in with the way that a marriage works.

In gristh jeevan, the way that kaam is controlled is with one's spouse and one's spouse alone. Personally, I believe that it is entirely up to the couple how they choose to channel their sexual desires, and I believe it's wrong not to take into consideration the sexual needs of your spouse and thus risk the breaking up of your marriage. If both of you have high avastha and decide that sex is only for procreation, that's fine; if you find that you need an active sex life with your spouse to help control kaam and prevent adultery (remember, that even the thought of another's spouse is adultery), then that is fine also.

From a purely psychological point of view, sexual repression and the mental turmoil that results is going to be much more of an obstacle to spiritual pursuits than treating sex with one's spouse as a natural and healthy occurence. However, if you suffer from guilt after having sex, then that is just as much of an obstacle. It's an important topic that needs to be discussed with your spouse in an open and guilt-free manner so that you both understand one's needs. I don't think one should take advice about such a personal topic from anyone unless it is from your Panj.

That is my opinion only, your mileage may vary.

K.

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Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

Sex is NATURAL so just relax.

Thinking and planning makes a person tense, which is no good.

Once you get married, sooner or later you will become intimate with your wife.

Nij nari ke sang neh tum nit badaiyhu || Par nari ki sej bhool supne hoon n jaiyhu ||

I don't think there is anything written in Rehat Maryada regarding this topic.

As for celibacy, if one wants to be GREHASTI then one MUST follow a grehasti not a celibate !

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

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Unfortunately,. we are subconsciously seduced into thinking with the popular paradigms of greater society.

We get this idea that something is 'bad' and it wreaks even further havoc on our thoughts and ideas.

Nowadays there is drugs to help with impotence, PE, and you name it under the sun.

The Truth is there is a solution to all of these problems, it is letting go of our fears and anxieties and keeping in

line with the way Nature Intended.

All these problems have arisen because we are not clearly describing the process.

I highly recommend that first, you remove anxieties about the issue.

And, secondly, keep it Natural as possible.

You will never have problems, and in fact it will help improve your Loving relationship.

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Guest Almost Married

IF U CANT ANSWER THIS URSELF THEN MAYBE UR NOT MATURE ENOUGH TO GET MARRIED

Yo if i wanted sum watseman acting like he from london i would of logged onto pure grime !!!! Basicaaly im getting mixxed messages some say its ok to have sex coz its natural some saying no because its part of attachment.

so as im not planning to have kids i shouldnt be looking to have sex on the day i get marrage maybe read bani together ? get ready for amritvela on the nite we get married ? does this sound like the rite way to go !!!!

Thanks its just that i would ask singhs face to face i just dnt want mans thinken is he just thinken of sex...................... coz im n ot im trying to live my life and future as Guru Jee wanted

Thanks again to people with positive feedbak and help.

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