My Wife Lied To Me!

[AmarjitKaur]

As some of the above posters said, I also agree that you need to forgive her. You also need to help her forgive herself. Sometimes others forgive us and move on, but we dont' forgive ourselves and live our lives in agony.

Look at example of Sajjan thug or the malik bhago, Guru Sahib forgave them and they become good people afterwards and set a role model for us.

I know you will say the situation is not same, but wrong doing is wrong doing.

If you are a practicing SIKH and wanna follow Guru's commands, then you have to follow this one, Forgivness.

Daya. Jihra ke dharam da adhar hai. daya bina dharam exist nahi karda, bhamve bhekhi asin baN sakde haan.

Consider it as a test of life, (there will be million others coming on your way in married life, not similar but there will be of different nature, which will test your forgiveness quality) and forgive her. Yeah, we all agree it was mistake on her side not to disclose to you, but then if she did, you were not going to marry her. May be you were too good to be let go by telling the truth. So she didn't. Not good, but how many of us, have courage to embrace the truth. hardly any.

tusin eh Kahavat suni honi aa, Akhi vekh ke makhi nahi nigal hundee, so she told you after you swallowed it. Now you cann't spit it out of your tommy, so just move on thinking that it has no bones and not poisnous.

For any BOY or GIRL, its not ok to have physical relationships out of marital relationships, we all know that. But some people have done this mistake and would have to pay the price like you and your wife is paying today as a mental torture. yes, I know there is no fault of yours in this situation and you would wonder why YOU.

Consider it as GOD's leela to teach you some lesson that you wouldn't have learned any other way. Just make sure it doesn't effect your children in future. Your wife, realizing this as a biggest mistake and accepting it, would raise very good children with high moral values.

Life doesn't end with this. Life is to learn from, to progress. Get those GuN, practice them what Gurus wanted to teach us. Sometimes, yes, babaji sanu iddan diyan situations vich paa dinde ne, where we get tested and life goes in one way or the other depending upon how we choose to deal with the problem on hand.

I hope something helped.

[.- Prabhjot Singh -.]

Amarjit bhenji pretty much summed everything i wanted to say

PS: i said bhenji, notice the change?

[Guest Very Gupt Singh]

I still am in shock at the moment, I am in two minds one part of me loves her very much and the other party hates her for the lie! and I also feel like finding that guy and smashing his face in!!

[AmarjitKaur]

oh come on. don't go after the guy. forget him like he doesn't exist.

I can tell you one thing, if you don't move on by forgiving her, you are going to do most damage to youself than you can do to your wife or the guy.

Who cares about him anyways?

do u know what you need at the moment??

Little time off. take your wife or not with you , your choice. But plan some fun time for yourself with friends or cousins or whomever you can spend good time with, without spilling out your pain at the moment. You have to keep it top secret.

And better yet, do some SUKHMANI SAHIB jee de path and keep doing ardaas, babaji mainu man dee shaanti bakhsho. jo tusi test vich paiya hai, es ton paar langhao.

consider you are stuck in mud right now, and only saviour is GURU SAHIB. Reach to him. Guru sahib is ready to help, you are just not asking for HIS help yet. WHY NOT?? You are his child and he is the father, he would definitely help the child, child just has to ask for that helping hand.

gur merai sang sda hai naale

Guru ang sang

[Only five]

I still am in shock at the moment, I am in two minds one part of me loves her very much and the other party hates her for the lie! and I also feel like finding that guy and smashing his face in!!

If you want to take your anger out then get yourself a punching bag. No joke, buy one and take all the anger out on it. Beating the guys brains out would do you no good, even though at the moment it probably seems like the best thing to do. No matter how much you beat on him the feeling your having won't go away. You'll just end up picking fights with others and getting yourself in a whole lot of trouble.

Best thing to do is lock yourself in a room alone and get a Gutka and start reading Gurbani. Keep reading even after you have for an hour or two. If your heads is clear even for a second, in the first couple of pauris in Japji Sahib you'll be able to over power this anger and look past this whole event. Even though it's your wife that did the wrong, it's you who has to do all the hard work. But once you move past this whole event, you'll understand more what it means to be a Sikh, have a deeper understand who/what God is and understand how to deal with issues faster.

I don't want to put you on the down side, but there is alot of Gurbani on who with we have a real relationship with and who will never dissappoint us and who will. If you're planning on having children with your wife then be prepared to be disappointed to a point where almost all hope is lost when teens go on the wrong path.

Parents hearts are broken when their kids go into drugs and gangs. They say we did all this hard work, double shifts, not buying new things, cheaping out on everything and this is how they repay me. And this is after working 15-30 years for that child that just took everything in a split second and flushed it down the toilet. Even after all of this the parent still loves their wankster 50 cent wannabe kid.

[Guest Feel_Your_Pain]

I still am in shock at the moment, I am in two minds one part of me loves her very much and the other party hates her for the lie! and I also feel like finding that guy and smashing his face in!!

Dear Very Gupt Singh

Daya extends both ways, ofcourse your must have Daya with your wife, but also with the person who she lost her virginity with. Thats why I said in my previous post, if we as Sikhs cant practice this most basic principle we are going no-where fast!

"Dhoal Dharam, Daya Ka Pooth" From JapJi Sahib.

Feel Your Pain

[mskcan]

I wont go into too much detail but

i got married a year ago and things

seemed amazing. I waited until marriage

and then my wife tells me she cant live

with the guilt. She confesses to me that

she had a boyfriend before marriage and

they had sex. Suffice to say i was shocked

and devastated. Prior to our marriage I

informed her that i was a virgin and only

wanted to marry a girl who was also the

same. She, at the time, told me she was.

At the moment i am in shock and cant bring

myself to look at her. she keeps on crying

and begging me to forgive her

but i cant accept the betrayal. I dont know

what to do.

Dear Very Gupt Singh

I really do feel your pain. I say this because I found out BEFORE I was married that my wife was actually RAPED before we were introduced. She chose to tell me this after our families agreed to our marriage but before the actual wedding. I am sharing this with you because after many years of marriage I have no regrets in staying with her.

I had the chance to end it, but I thought to myself if I am even going to try and be half a gursikh I need to practice the most basic foundation of our faith, and its not wearing a dastar or having a long beard, its practicing DAYA!

Very Gupt Singh, only after practising what I am about to preach to you can I safely say, not treating this situation with DAYA will be your biggest mistake. It has taken years for me and my wife to come to terms with her rape but it made us stronger as a couple who knows what other tests you will face over the years.

I was a virgin before I met my wife and asked the same questions, but to tell you the truth, I was old enough to realise that when meeting people for the first time no-one is going to be honest about things such as sex before marriage. Put this situation into perspective, there is no such thing as divorce in Sikhi, any

Feel your pain

Wow that is very commendable and Honourable.

I can only imagine the type of pain that many many women have to live with such as that.

May God Bless you to find Peace through the Pain.

[Guest Feel_Your_Pain]

I wont go into too much detail but

i got married a year ago and things

seemed amazing. I waited until marriage

and then my wife tells me she cant live

with the guilt. She confesses to me that

she had a boyfriend before marriage and

they had sex. Suffice to say i was shocked

and devastated. Prior to our marriage I

informed her that i was a virgin and only

wanted to marry a girl who was also the

same. She, at the time, told me she was.

At the moment i am in shock and cant bring

myself to look at her. she keeps on crying

and begging me to forgive her

but i cant accept the betrayal. I dont know

what to do.

Dear Very Gupt Singh

I really do feel your pain. I say this because I found out BEFORE I was married that my wife was actually RAPED before we were introduced. She chose to tell me this after our families agreed to our marriage but before the actual wedding. I am sharing this with you because after many years of marriage I have no regrets in staying with her.

I had the chance to end it, but I thought to myself if I am even going to try and be half a gursikh I need to practice the most basic foundation of our faith, and its not wearing a dastar or having a long beard, its practicing DAYA!

Very Gupt Singh, only after practising what I am about to preach to you can I safely say, not treating this situation with DAYA will be your biggest mistake. It has taken years for me and my wife to come to terms with her rape but it made us stronger as a couple who knows what other tests you will face over the years.

I was a virgin before I met my wife and asked the same questions, but to tell you the truth, I was old enough to realise that when meeting people for the first time no-one is going to be honest about things such as sex before marriage. Put this situation into perspective, there is no such thing as divorce in Sikhi, any

Feel your pain

Wow that is very commendable and Honourable.

I can only imagine the type of pain that many many women have to live with such as that.

May God Bless you to find Peace through the Pain.

Dear mskcan

Thank you for your kind words, even if my story only inspires one person do try a little daya then telling my story will have been worth while.

You are right, there are many women in our comunity who have been abused, its only when you speak to therapists and other close friends and family do you realise that Sikhs are no different from other communities, horrible crimes like this happen all the time.

Thats why I hope "very gupt" Singh can put some perspective into his situation.

Feel Your Pain

[Guest Very Gupt Singh]

why would a woman who "loves" me lie to me! im so angry at the moment, i feel like i was tricked into this marriage. My wife wasnt raped, if she had been raped i could forgive because it was against her will BUT my wife had a choice and she also had a choice to say no to this marriage.....I dont understand why she agreed to marry me!!!??

[Guest Stop Whining]

why would a woman who "loves" me lie to me! im so angry at the moment, i feel like i was tricked into this marriage. My wife wasnt raped, if she had been raped i could forgive because it was against her will BUT my wife had a choice and she also had a choice to say no to this marriage.....I dont understand why she agreed to marry me!!!??

You know what, this may sound harsh, but sometimes that is needed.

How is voicing your concerns on a forum going do anything?! You need to sit with your wife and voice your concerns to her! People have given you good advice here. In the end you have only 2 choices

1. Forgive her and move on with your life as a couple

2. If you can't find it in your heart to forgive her, then divorce her

Let me also add that the Sikh way would be to forgive her. The fact that she told you now speaks volumes of how much she wants to live an honest life with you NOW. But if you want to dwell on the past, that's your choice. You have already seen what that is doing to you and your marriage.

Man up! Stop your whining! Take a stand! and live with its consequences, good or bad.