My Wife Lied To Me!

[Guest Very Gupt Singh]

I wont go into too much detail but

i got married a year ago and things

seemed amazing. I waited until marriage

and then my wife tells me she cant live

with the guilt. She confesses to me that

she had a boyfriend before marriage and

they had sex. Suffice to say i was shocked

and devastated. Prior to our marriage I

informed her that i was a virgin and only

wanted to marry a girl who was also the

same. She, at the time, told me she was.

At the moment i am in shock and cant bring

myself to look at her. she keeps on crying

and begging me to forgive her

but i cant accept the betrayal. I dont know

what to do.

[mskcan]

Dear Sir,

The ideal would be to give each other space, and look for help through a personal medium (such as a consellor), who can help

both of you reconcile your feelings.

There is no reason why you can not take practical and research based steps to resolving this situation.

Regards

[Only five]

A relationship that begins with lies, now that is a tough one to absorb for the victim, which is you.

But, if she is genuine in her apology(which seems she is), then you should forgive her. Put it this way, if she had not told you then their could have been a possiblity of further lying on big issues and she could have had an affair. The fact she could not go on lying to you means she actually cares about you and does not want to keep going on without telling you the truth. It was eating away at her. It could be just she wants to clear her own consious and move on with her life, but she's not to happy after telling you right!

You need to be the bigger person here and take this one. Marriage is never easy, but honesty goes a long way. In my opinion give her another shot, she sounds like a genuine person even though she lied.

You guys need to sit down and talk this out. Be firm and tell her what kind of position she put you in.

[buddasingh]

The lie was immature and wrong. However, is it possible that now that you know one another your wife truly cares for you, which is why she could not live with the guilt of carrying on the lie.

In addition being part of a person's discipline, virginity is also comprised of one's mind and heart. Get marriage counseling, otherwise this may be a long lasting issue.

[Guest Guest]

Are you guys amritdhari?

[SHOGUN ASSASON]

She lied to you because she wanted to marry you.

She's telling you the truth because she wants to keep you.

I think you should focus on that rather than what happened in her past.

I can't tell you whether or not you should forgive her, straight away, I couldn't.

But...if you move on from this you can have a successful marriage and in the end you will forgive her.

[Guest waiting]

Waiting for a post from you know who :-D

[Guest man in orange]

Hello veerji

I am very sorry to hear about your martial situation. I hope i can be of some help as i have met many people with similiar issues. Last year i met a young amrtidhari singh from birmingham with the same issue you are going through, his wife was also amritdhari and was from a very well known gursikh family which made the issue very difficult to deal with. She had also had physical relationships with previous boyfriend.

The amritdhari singh found it very difficult to accept finding out that his wife had physical relations with another man, from speaking with him, it seemed that because his wife adorned a turban and was amritdhari this made it harder to accept as he had left his non-amritdhari lifetsyle for gursikhi a few years prior.

He tried to live a normal life with his wife even after knowing all the above, but his wife had a strong link with her previous boyfriend for many reasons (first boyfriend, lost her virginity to him etc). This was very hard for him to bare, so the marriage started to break up and their relationship spiralled into public gossip and slander.

I think what i am trying to say to you is, you need to deal with this issue head on and face the facts of the situation before you break your marriage in to pieces or on the other hand living a false marriage. I am very sorry if i have confused you further. May God bless you with strength.

[Guest Guest]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

Very Gupt Singh ji,

What your wife did before marriage was wrong.

She should have said no to the marriage, coz it is very awkward to admit that one is not a virgin.

God know's why she told you, could be guilt or fear that someone else might tell you.

I will advice that you approach Guru Sahib jeeo, do Ardas and take a Hukumnama for guidance.

Discussing such matter with others is not advisable and bad for your as well as your wife's reputation.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

[Guest Feel_Your_Pain]

I wont go into too much detail but

i got married a year ago and things

seemed amazing. I waited until marriage

and then my wife tells me she cant live

with the guilt. She confesses to me that

she had a boyfriend before marriage and

they had sex. Suffice to say i was shocked

and devastated. Prior to our marriage I

informed her that i was a virgin and only

wanted to marry a girl who was also the

same. She, at the time, told me she was.

At the moment i am in shock and cant bring

myself to look at her. she keeps on crying

and begging me to forgive her

but i cant accept the betrayal. I dont know

what to do.

Dear Very Gupt Singh

I really do feel your pain. I say this because I found out BEFORE I was married that my wife was actually RAPED before we were introduced. She chose to tell me this after our families agreed to our marriage but before the actual wedding. I am sharing this with you because after many years of marriage I have no regrets in staying with her.

I had the chance to end it, but I thought to myself if I am even going to try and be half a gursikh I need to practice the most basic foundation of our faith, and its not wearing a dastar or having a long beard, its practicing DAYA!

Very Gupt Singh, only after practising what I am about to preach to you can I safely say, not treating this situation with DAYA will be your biggest mistake. It has taken years for me and my wife to come to terms with her rape but it made us stronger as a couple who knows what other tests you will face over the years.

I was a virgin before I met my wife and asked the same questions, but to tell you the truth, I was old enough to realise that when meeting people for the first time no-one is going to be honest about things such as sex before marriage. Put this situation into perspective, there is no such thing as divorce in Sikhi, any

Feel your pain