I Feel Pathetic

[Guest gursharan bhamra]

hi,

before i say anything about my self, i want you people to know that for what i am today, i'm totally ashamed of it. and somehow i dont know why am i writing this topic coz i really dont belong to be among you people. coz i have dont all the opposite of what was told.

i was born in a gursikh family, though my father keeps a turban but he doesnt really cares about anything of that sort. following in his footsteps i grew up in a family where everything was different. i place i was born hardly had much of our community and being a child i just got mixed up with people who used to eye upon sikhs as some maniacs. being a sikh in such a place never bothered me much but somehow i too started losing the idea that i'm a sikh. i grew up among friends who wouldnt say anything about my being sikh but laugh at my back and tease me for keeping a turban. i soon figured out that although not all the people were like that but somehow it was odd to be in a society where you look like a lost war child.

after doing my 10th i went to hostel. thats where the real trauma started. because i was one of those who valued friendship above everything, maybe because of that i had to pay my price. i was among the group from my place and it was ok with me because although i was the only sikh i never felt different because i could speak there language and be like them and do all that they did. but later on with time i started realising that life isnt that smooth. people change and i wasnt them. to avoid the shame of being made fun of i started avoiding people. all those people i called my friends turned enemies. i just wanted to go home. hostel became a battleground for me where everyday i had to live up to the shame of being a sikh and carrying a turban.

i was a very confident child in my school. but all that came crumbling down. i became a noone from someone. i lost my faith. i lost my vision. and that was the time that i encountered the worst of my enemy : depression.

after 2 and a half years i returned home. i was not the same anymore and would stay in my room for hurs without meeting anyone. then came the turning point. my love for western music made my feel like a paranoid. i started behaving like a pseudo westener. like some american. like someone different. out of this world. i developed ego. tremendous ego. i started doing mild drugs. and then with what i didnt realise was that the worst was still to come. i fell in love with a school friend who was from the same community which betrayed me. but considering her to be my only close one i trusted her. i started believing that she would love me too. and for that i took the most extreme step which i regret today : i chopped off my hair.

my parents stopped talking to me. my relatives started behaving in a wierd way. i was left alone. and later i came to know that this girl was just not intrested in me. she just wanted to be my friend as she has always been.

at present, i'm so cut off from my ownself that i find it hard to trace back to what i was. what is my identity. who am i?

i have started smoking and drinking, just to keep off the pressure but i dont want to do all this. everyday passes as a curse for me. i have to wear this false face to pretend in front of people that everything's fine. but inside this battle continues. i just want to know myself. i have tried eveything but i'm just very disturbed and lonely. its been 4 years from doing 12th but i still havent got admission in a college. its all because i have lost confidence in everything. i feel trapped. moreover my parents arent much of a helping hand. and i cant express all this to them. it would be just too embarrasing because all that i did in the past was my choice and i apart from all this, there is one more thing which haunts me: my the only child.

[Guest koi hai]

hi just want to say pray to god, he is th only one tht is gona help, understand that ur goin thru a real bad time, waheguru will make it easier, if u close ur eyes and just say his name, it wont happen at once, maybe it will, or maybe it will be a struggle, but all i can say is ask him for help, then watch u will get help. keep strong, please....

[humkire]

_gursharan bhamra_veer jee,

An identity crisis is at the root of all your problems, fuelling the drink, smoking, drugs, depression, inconfidence and confusion. Its good that you found this site because you will receive a lot of help from a lot of lovely Sikhs on here. All the problems you have mentioned which are intertwined can be resolved. That is the good news. They will however require some effort and willpower on your part.

First, you need to give up alcohol, drugs and smoking rightaway and get on a healthy diet. This is more easily said than done but you really have to, in order to clear your mind. These substances play havoc with your brain and liver chemicals and fluids and cause depression, lethargy and fuel the ego and cause a lack of clarity of thought. If you think you cannot do this on your own, speak to your GP, as they have in house anti smoking clinics and can refer you to other experts to help you get rid of drinking, drugs etc. GPs are very interested in helping people in getting off drugs, alcohol and smoking nowadays. Also mention the depression and ask for an assessment whether you need a short term clinical treatment for depression. Depression connected to drinking can sometimes be short term and giving up drinking and going on a couple months of medication can sort out the problem. Your gp will explain this to you in greater detail. You can print out what I have mentioned and show it to your gp too.

In the meantime while you getting rid of the drinking etc as I have just mentioned, you also need to restructure your life and lifestyle. My advice is that you start reading an online English version of Shree Guru Granth Sahib Jee, line by line, page to page(we say panna for page normally) . This exercise will help you connect to guidance from Gurujee and start making you see the difference between a manmukh and a gurmukh and start understanding the purpose of your life, the greatness of God and Guru and it will help to mould your personality and character to be creative and constructive. From there, you may then slowly start learning Punjabi/Gurmukhi through a teacher etc so in time you can do your daily prayers i.e Nitnem . Try to look out for any Sikhi summer camps in the town and country you live. You should try going to the nearest gurudwara too at least once a week , buy and read books on Sikhism . On this site there will be people from your country and town who will be prepared to become your personal friends who can advice, support and help you in person. Slowly but surely all this will help you start keeping back your hair and become an Amritdhari Sikh who can leave the past behind.

You mentioned you like music and I love music too, but a lot of Sikhs will tell you from experience that the best form of music is as happens in Sikh religious music i.e kirtan. Kirtan does not just entertain you, the words give you true wisdom and help you pray and connect to God and afters you feel filled with great joy, peace and happiness in your soul. There are innumberable sites on the internet where you can stream kirtan or download it. In fact, maybe one day you could learn how to play the tabla, harmonium or a stringed instrument and do kirtan yourself.

Once you have got into place what i have mentioned in the above 2 paragraphs, you will find that in a few weeks time you will feel healthier and happier, more cheered up and joyful and at peace with yourself. This may take anything from 2 to 4 weeks. Then, it will be time to start thinking of your education and future. You mentioned that its been 4 years since you left your 12th, and cannot get into colege. I am assuming this equates toGcse or O levels, the stuff you have to do before you can go to university or colege. Hence you must be around 21/22 of age. Once you have sorted your mind out, you will feel more clear as to what you want to do for work and education. You can pm me or others in private too so I can help you brainstorm a lot of possibilities depending on your interests and past education. Basically, because of the 4 year gap, I would recommend you to retrain yourself in something. You could even get a job and do that parrt-time.

So, dont stay disheartened. You are very young and have a life ahead of yourself. Get away from your habits, get your mind cleared up, get close to God and Guru and get back on track. Sikhism helps us to be in chardikela i.e a state of rising power of the mind. Sometimes you may even get suicidal but don't entertain such thoughts. You are young and your body can recover very fast and the next few years of your life will be very exciting as you clean up your act, find great inspiration in Sikhism, make many new friends and educate and get into work. Out of your crisis, you will rise like an albatross to discover your true identity as a great guy, as a wonderful Sikh and as a successful person. Also make sure you are becoming very physically fit by swimming , learning gatka and other self defence , doing aerobics and going to the gym. Never let your mind be idle but work it by reading , by attending courses, by having quality friends and by developing a good understanding of Sikhism. You have a lot to offer and now is your chance. Keep posting your thoughts and your progress, my brother.

[AmarjitKaur]

Gur Fateh Veerjeeo (original poster),

As far as I can tell from your post, you are possibly from punjab, india or some other state in India. (12th grade and hostel suggest that to me).

Drugs, depression are swallowing the youth there in these days, and I have been seeing that for 5 or more years. Its hurtening to us, who are sitting in foreign countries that our brothers and sisters are cosumed by drugs.

As far as I can analyze from yours and youth's condition in general, Youth don't have a direction. They don't have good guidance available to them, they are missing the motivation. They just don't know what they need to do. The corruption of whole country is effecting the youth, the worst. They go to school forced by parents not knowing why, when they won't get a job without having powerfull connections or a big box full of money to offer to the employer, as a bribe.

Anyways, before I go too much into that direction, I should come to your situation.

My suggestion, I am sure it would work, go to your local gurughar (sometimes people feel embarrassed to face the community they live in, in that case go to some next town/city gurudwara) as much as possible. Do shoe-clean sewa there while doing vaheguru. Fill up humbleness in you, by doing that. And don't forget to keep doing vaheguru vaheguru vaheguru in your mouth. No need to gossip with people there. even though here and there, a dioalogue doesn't hurt (sometimes God sends help in the form of people surrounding you, you need to realize that as well). But duniya bhar dee ninda chugli karn dee koi jaroorat nahi. Keep your purpose of doing sewa in mind. do cleaning dishes sewa, washing the floor, or brooming the floor, or there are counless other sewas at gurughar.

And btw when you go to gurughar, after matha tek and parkarma, try to recite some bani that you can do (japuji sahib, chaupai sahib, dukh bhanjni sahib or Sukhmani sahib) while sitting there. You may be very slow in the beginning if you havn't done Path ever before. I am saying all this to you to do, as I know it would help. Its not a magic formula either that you would feel all better in one day. Remember it took you no. of years to be in current situation, it may take that many months atleast to be optimistic, chardi kala person.

Our problem is that we forget the GURU totally. We become incharge of our own life and think we can do whatever we want. IT takes a while to figure out that we are capable of nothing. WE forget the purpose of human life totally. and hense we suffer.

What you going through today, there are countless other youths going through the same. You are not alone and you won't be able to help yourself either in one day, with some magic pill. Its going to take time. If you get GURU sahib on your side, you will feel that uplift in your life, that mental support you need, will come from having waheguru word (remember, Gurubani says, Vaheguru Gurmantar hai),moving around in your head all the time. And also, remember in Rehraas sahib Guru jee says

"Dukh daroo sukh rog bhaiya"

You will find the medicine in this suffering you are going through. But you need to know where to look for medicine. Its definitely not at the drug store, or at the pind/shaher da THEKA. Whenever you feel the need for alcohol, drink some shakanjvee or lassi or better yet, glass of milk.

Whenever you feel like having some drugs, put some chewing gum or ilayachi in your mouth and keep chewing on that. Your battle is with your mind. Get Guru Sahib on your side, you will win the battle. if you get drugs or whatever else on your side, you will definitely loose the battle and loose the life one day too. you won't get a good life partner, and hence your life will linger. You are still at young age, there is lot you can do to fix it as I said above. You can join some computer classes, typing classes whatever else is going on in india these days. Join some training to keep you physically busy (and hopefully that will help you get employed one day) and Gurudwara to keep you mentally busy. Its not in general healthy to keep us free for any person, even if its me.

you have probably heard this "vehla dimaag shaitaan da ghar".

vehle dimaag nu nitnem diyaan pauriyaan te chaRan laa diyo swere shaam. Tell it, you won't get food for stomach, untill you have fed the nitnem to soul.

And veerji, our parents take care of us until they can, but one day they do have to leave and you would have to support yourself financially, so you better work on it, when you can.

Punjabi dee ik hor kahavat vee suni hoNi aa, "jinna guR paonge, unna hee mithaa hoyooga (As you sow, so you reap)". So invest in education and get in the field you would want to earn from.

Parents job is done after you have started realizing your bura bhala.

I hope I havn't offended you in any way.

Guru ang sang.

[Guest guruvah]

Ab hm clI Twkur pih hwir ]

ab ham chalee t(h)aakur pehi haar ||

Now, I have come, exhausted, to my Lord and Master.

jb hm srix pRBU kI AweI rwKu pRBU BwvY mwir ]1] rhwau ]

jab ham saran prabhoo kee aaee raakh prabhoo bhaavai maar ||1|| rehaao ||

Now that I have come seeking Your Sanctuary, God, please, either save me, or kill me. ||1||Pause||

lokn kI cqurweI aupmw qy bYsMqir jwir ]

lokan kee chathuraaee oupamaa thae baisa(n)thar jaar ||

I have burnt in the fire the clever devices and praises of the world.

koeI Blw khau BwvY burw khau hm qnu dIE hY Fwir ]1]

koee bhalaa keho bhaavai buraa keho ham than dheeou hai dtaar ||1||

Some speak good of me, and some speak ill of me, but I have surrendered my body to You. ||1||

jo Awvq srix Twkur pRBu qumrI iqsu rwKhu ikrpw Dwir ]

jo aavath saran t(h)aakur prabh thumaree this raakhahu kirapaa dhhaar ||

Whoever comes to Your Sanctuary, O God, Lord and Master, You save by Your Merciful Grace.

jn nwnk srix qumwrI hir jIau rwKhu lwj murwir ]2]4]

jan naanak saran thumaaree har jeeo raakhahu laaj muraar ||2||4||

Servant Nanak has entered Your Sanctuary, Dear Lord; O Lord, please, protect his honor! ||2||4||

[guruvah]

^that wasn't me...

[Satveer Singh]

Sat Sri Akal Pyaare Saad Sang

I just want to point out something that I believe needs to be addressed because, in my humble opinion, it opens this grounds for misconception of the Gurbani's true meaning.

Firstly, The English language (apart from the fact that it is a "universally accepted language" in the world today), is a very limiting one, so when we translate anything from Gurbani into English, the translation is the breeding grounds for misconception due to these limitations.

I will illustrate my point by the following three examples (misconceptions are in red):

Example 1:

jb hm srix pRBU kI AweI rwKu pRBU BwvY mwir ]1] rhwau ]

jab ham saran prabhoo kee aaee raakh prabhoo bhaavai maar ||1|| rehaao ||

Now that I have come seeking Your Sanctuary, God, please, either save me, or kill me. ||1||Pause||

Firstly, by saying "God" we have personified the infinite/Absolute to a describable entity, hence creating a sense of individuality. And hence when we try to understand this line from Gurbani with the conception of "God" (especially with the word highly personified in English - "the old man in the clouds/heaven/etc"), we begin to conditionally percieve the infinite (indescribable/inquantifiable) as a Being that is separate to or other than us. (Hence also creating a sense of ego, because by seeing it this way we become "other than"). Prabhoo is a Sanskrit word, again when this word is translated it means Suraj and Agni. But really on a deeper sense, the Sun, and fire both are synonymous with Light, but from its original essence in Sanskriti it really means the True Light - Satguru. Which, as you can see from my logic, in no way translated to "God".

In Gurbani, Satguru is the that Light that, with the Guidance of Guru Granth Sahib (The "Jot" (Light) of our 10 Guru's), is realize from Within. So you can see that Satguru is not "God", an external Being, rather an indescribable realization originating deep from within the self.

And the question will arise then, "How do we realize the Satguru". One Answer to this can be found in Japji Sahib:

"Pher ki agay rakheeai jit disai darbaar?"

- "Then what offering can we give, what means do we use, with which Satguru's Court will come into our seeing?"

"Mohau ki bolan boleeai jit sun dhare pyaar?"

- "What Words/Language should our mouth's utter, with which when heard this true love would be attained?"

"Amrit Velaa sach naao vadiaae veechar"

- "It is during Amrit Velaa, the amrosial hours before sunrise, that we shall realize the true Identity [true Identity meaning: true "I-Entity", synonymous with Satnam {i.e. not this false conception of "I" (ego), this physical body (which will come and go), this sense of Individuality, separate being, other than}] and this greatness/glory will come within the reach of our understanding"

In essence this really means a deep meditation during the early morning, in pure awareness with the absence of this mind, the letting go of this false notion of "I" that we have of ourself. And it is in this meditation that the Satguru is realized.

You may Ask "But why does Guru Ji say to meditate during these hours?"

This is the answer I have found:

Biologically, it is shown, during these hours prior to sunrise, is when the secretions of the endocrine hormones: Melatonin and Dopamine in the Pineal Gland in our Brain is at it's peak. This is because these secretions are triggered by photoactive cells in the back of our retina (eyes) in the absence of light. There are various documented health benefits of these secretions, searching them on the internet will give you more information if you are interested

(Again please don't take my English Translation of these lines above to be exact in meaning, because the real potency is in the Gurbani, it is merely my understanding of how it should be perceived)

Example 2:

The use of "Him" or "His" in translations

"Nanak hukmai je bujhai ta haumai kehai na koe"

- "O Nanak, one who understands His Command, does not speak in ego"

This is probably the biggest translational mistake anyone could make, if you look closely in the gurbani, no where is it said "He" or "Him" ... it seems as if these words came out of thin air? By saying "Him" we've not only personified the indescribable into a Being, Also we've given this Being a gender. You can begin to see the misconception that can happen from this.

Example 3:

Waheguru = "God"

I fail to understand how Waheguru [Meaning: Wah = "Awe, Greatness, Glorious" e="like saying hai/is" Guru= {Gu=Dark},{Ru=Light} = "The one who illumates/lightens (Enlightens) from the darkness (Ignorance/ego)] translates to God? ... its clearly open to so much misconception due to this mistake.

Illustrating the point further I will quote Japji Sahib again:

"Je ho jaana aakha nahee, kehnaa kathan na jaaee"

- "Even if there is someone who has realized this Satguru, they cannot begin to describe/quantify this realization into words"

So by saying "God" or "Him" we've basically described the indescribable in our translation!.

If you read most of the English translation of Gurbaani texts you will see these type of mistakes been repeated over and over.

So my advice is don't take anyone's translation to be exact, because their translation is just their perception of what the Gurbani is saying. It's not that they are wrong or I am right, I admit that I may have made mistakes in my translations above as well. Infact don't even take my perception above to be correct, find out for yourself. This is why we are called "Sikh" - Meaning Scholar, you can go deeper and see it as GurSikh - Scholar of Guru ji's teachings (The original teachings in Gurbaani, not translated ones). And this does'nt just apply to Gurbani, it applies to our daily lives aswell. We grow up learning to accept everyone's view's yet make no effort to question why things are the way they are.

I read this essay by Immanuel Kant, a German Philosopher written over 200 years ago: http://www.english.u...texts/kant.html I think it really sheds some light on the importance of being a Sikh.

I hope this view will give you a deeper understanding of Gurbaani, because It has helped me greatly.

Sat Sri Akal.

- Satveer Singh, Perth Australia

[Satveer Singh]

In addition to the post above: Today I have realized (Upon meditation this morning at Amrit Vela) the deeper Sanskriti meaning of "Prabhoo"

Prabhoo is a Sanskrit word, again when this word is translated it means Suraj and Agni. But really on a deeper sense, the Sun, and fire both are synonymous with Light, but from its original essence in Sanskriti it really means the True Light - Satguru.

My humble opinion of the origins of this Sanskriti word:

In the olden days, during the time of the Geocentric world view model (The age where people used to believe the Earth, a non spinning Planet, is the center of the universe and all stars/planets revolve around it) The Sun was noticed to be as the brightest object in the sky, during the day ... With which it's light was so strong that with the naked eye in the presence of the Sun, none further than the Sun is viewable (That is during day time no one can see the stars/Planets because the Sun's light/fire is so strong). And in this view, in order to attempt to bring people into realizing the Satguru, they had to use intellectual methods to allow people to reflect on the significance of things so that they may find their inner light, the truth ... The concept of "Sun God" was created. Obviously at that time the view of God was not comparable to other concepts now, so "God" really had a deeper meaning then ... Therefore really "Sun God", in a deeper sense, was used as metaphorical for Infinite Light, or that in whose presence no other may shine brighter, That beyond which none other is visible (because we can only see objects infront of the Sun, but never behind, signifying the play of maya, these objects will come and go, they are always changing, Yet the Sun is constant and infinite). So the word Prabhoo = "Suraj, Agni", Suraj = Literal translation = Sun God, Deeper Meaning: Infinite Light, brightest, limitless, Source of life (Because plants grow only in light), you can begin to see the deeper meaning. Agni = Literal translation = Fire, Deeper Meaning: warmth, that element with which life can be sustained: Cooking food, Source of light, Fighting predatorial animals, That which we use at night to light our way in the darkness, That with which we can derive our "inner Agni" - "Satguru", and like the Sun: (The source of eternal fire), we can Enlighten those with our Inner true Agni as the Sun lightens the Earth after the break of dawn - The purpose of Saad Sang.

Now you can begin to see how deep the meaning actually is, I have merely just scratched the surface of how deep it goes, again this is just my perception of it, find out for yourself!. We can misconceive "Prabhoo" to be "Rab", or an external Being, or "God", which gives birth to individuality and seperatedness - see Haumai in Gurbaani (It's literal translation is Ego, yet, again, there is a high probability that its' real meaning is much deeper than just that, find out for yourself!)

Sat Sri Akal Pyaare Saad Sangat

- Satveer Singh

[chatanga]

many people at many times in thier life will feel some of the things that you feel, ie isolation, regret, depression. But Gurbani gives us all the answers. Remember that we are mortals and are prone to mistakes. Its how we deal with those mistakes and learn from them that is important.

I took huge inspiritaion from "Nanak dukhiya sabh sansaar..." shabad of which viakhya was done by SantSipahi Jarnail Singh Bhindranwale. The message of this shabad is that even greater beings devi, devte, and great Kings etc all felt great pain and hurt in their lives, some of it because of themselves. But the main thing is it really puts it into perspective that our own dukh is nowhere near the dukh that beings have experienced throughout time and still experience today.

Look around the world, children in war zones, children born with defects because of radio active or nuclear poisoning, with very uncertain and miserable futures and then look at what you have.

Hope this doenst come across as blunt or insensitive, but some people have REAL problems. Your problem is sangat and the lack of it. Take inspiration from great Sikhs, from history.

listen to this :http://www.gurmatveechar.com/katha.php go to number 15, Sahnsar Daan de Indra roya...

[Guest gupt]