Guidance

[guptkuri]

bhena ji, my friends advised me not to say it here but I can't help it. They said I should wait for you to pm me first and then talk to you but I can't. Bhena Ji, the reason I wanted you to pm me so we could talk was that I have been through something similar to what you went through with your father.....I thought maybe talking to someone that understands where you are coming from and has gone through the same, would help. Rest its up to you.

[Guest Anon]

My daughters safety is secure no doubt about it. I have spoken to her about being alone with him and yes I understand I let my sister down but that was because I was no longer in the same house. She is a bright kid and is well aware of dangers. I have thought of confronting him many times. I have had a few arguments with him where the problem was raised briefly but his reply made me question myself. Am I making it up? Or is he in denial? How come living in such a big family no one else realised. Speaking to him though not in detail or directly about the subject makes me question my own memories.

[AmarjitKaur]

Bhenji,

Even though I can't 100% understand your situation as I have been graced enough by babaji not to ever go through this kind of trauma. neither I have daughters that I would feel worried about anybody treating them badly. But yes, I do know that GURBANI is the biggest healer out there.

You try anything in the world, but GURBANI would come out to be the real savior.

srb rog kw AauKdu nwmu ]

sarab rog kaa aoukhadh naam ||

The Naam is the panacea, the remedy to cure all ills.

Gurbani would help you raise above this situation, whether its mental only (I amnot saying it is) or it is real threat to you or to your daughter.

Gurbani would help other person (the abuser, unfortunately your own blood, your dad, who is supposed to be the protector of the daughters) to mend his ways.

After all its lust that he couldn't get handle on even after taking amrit and possibly doing his nitnem. You confronting him may protect you and your daughter, but it won't protect other daughters of some other parents that he may be coming in contact with. He may or may not have suceceeded to get physically involved with anyone, but the lust of the mind is there to get him low enough.

So even though councelor may help along with Gurbani recitation, but if you feel hesitant about counselor idea then please do take refuge in Gurbani.

I have gone through very mild depression myself. Babaji blessed me with one full Sahej Path which lot of it I did crying. Living in full house, nobody probably noticed that I cried many times reciting bani. I cried in my car closed, loudly. I remember the days. I have cried at nights. My situation was different though (can't put here). I have done ardas to babaji. Babaji, please take me out of this situation, I wanna live life happily and I dont' wanna read bani crying, I want to keep attached to you, but these thoughts don't let me (well, most of my problems were creation of my own mind, fueled by some situations that I let get out of my hands). all in all, I am out of the situation and all the credit goes to entirely babaji. The sahej path blessed me enough to take amrit, to finally get hold on my situations that now those things dont' bother me.

Bhenji, Nanak dukhia sabh sansar. Ethe har koi dukhi aa. koi virla labhooga jo eh kaih sakda ke mainu koi problem nahi, physical or mental or financial or social. har koi kise na kise tareeke dee bimari da mareez aa.

rarely we approach to the right doctor. Even when we know who the doctor is, still we spend time talking about our dukh and trying other things people suggest. but rarely we leave things on that one big VAID, GURU sahib.

mera vaid Guru Gobinda

duniya bhar dee koi takleef nahi jihda ilaaz Guru sahib Kol nahi hai. the problem is with us. We do have faith but not enough. rarely we say that Guru sahib tuhade te chhudiya. tuhade aa.n, bure aa, bhale aa.n, par tuhade bachche aa.n. Please help us get better and be good enough not to just get entangled in our own situations, but rise above enough to help others to get out of their situations.

ijin krqY krxw kIAw icMqw iB krxI qwh ]

jin karathai karanaa keeaa chi(n)thaa bh karanee thaah ||

The Creator who created the creation, takes care of it as well.

so krqw icMqw kry ijin aupwieAw jgu ]

so karathaa chi(n)thaa karae jin oupaaeiaa jag ||

He, the Creator who formed the world, cares for it.

and

myrw bYdu gurU goivMdw ]

maeraa baidh guroo govi(n)dhaa ||

My physician is the Guru, the Lord of the Universe.

hir hir nwmu AauKDu muiK dyvY kwtY jm kI PMDw ]1] rhwau ]

har har naam aoukhadhh mukh dhaevai kaattai jam kee fa(n)dhhaa ||1|| rehaao ||

He places the medicine of the Naam into my mouth, and cuts away the noose of Death. ||1||Pause||

smrQ purK pUrn ibDwqy Awpy krxYhwrw ]

samarathh purakh pooran bidhhaathae aapae karanaihaaraa ||

He is the all-powerful, Perfect Lord, the Architect of Destiny; He Himself is the Doer of deeds.

Apunw dwsu hir Awip aubwirAw nwnk nwm ADwrw ]2]6]34]

apunaa dhaas har aap oubaariaa naanak naam adhhaaraa ||2||6||34||

The Lord Himself saves His slave; Nanak takes the Support of the Naam. ||2||6||34||

I know tusi Gurbani da aasra liya hoiya. But please do trust vaheguru jee on this one as well. he is the healer and the one who can make other person mend his ways too. He works his ways so surprisingly/amazingly that kise da kujh vee nahi vigRda te situation vee under control ho jaandee aa.

So have a faith please. and do your motherly and household duties as always while keeping that kartar, the vaid, the one and only one father of all in mind.

[AmarjitKaur]

There was another thought going on my mind. I thought I should put it here.

I have been think that in our life experiences there are millions of locked doors to some treasures. as we get connected to ourselves,get to know more about the world or ourselvs more or the whole drama of life more, we keep getting the koonji (key) to open up the doors. one by one we see doors opening, but there are countless more to open up yet. so let them keep opening for you. you just keep on walking without being distracted by some negative forces on the way. You will keep feeling that there is beautiful garden of life out there to whom you can give so much and take so much from.

[Guest Anon]

Bhenji I had this thirst for knowledge. I started Reading about our history I bought what I could find constantly searching for more information. I want to go back to being like that. Many times I have sat at the gurdwara listening to kirtan and I feel like I'm gonna cry, not tears but to sob out loud. I constantly feel a weight on my chest, something trying to get out but I can't find the release valve. I can't neglect my duties as a mother and a wife so I push everything to the back of my mind and go about my jobs. I find this helps for a few weeks but something them triggers it off again and then I'm lower then I was the time before. My kids are picking up things and asking me what's wrong, why am I crying or why am I in bed in the middle of the day. Many times the kids are downstairs with my husband laughing and aging and I find nothing inside me wants to participate with them. Sometimes I go up with the full intention to do path but never do. I used to go to the gurdwara everyday without fail before work and now I don't even feel like going. I don't want to lose my faith but I feel it wasn't as strong as it was. Not very nice to say. But I do ardas asking to be blessed with a gursikhi jeevan.

One question and I know people say don't question anything but just accept it, but unfortunately my faith is not strong enough. If everything in our lives is written then I guess this was written for me? Yes! As a punishment I guess? But is my father been given the duty of punisher? Was it written for him to do that so out of his control? And I am therefore holding him accountable for something he had no control over?

[AmarjitKaur]

well, bhenji, as much as I have learned from life and listening to kathas so far, all I can tell u is that what we go through all gets tied to our previous karmas. As we can't really control our previous karma, so we have to reap. Who knows what you did to your father in previous life for which he is being your punisher right now. Only GOD knows. I can't comment on that.

But we can do something about not creating bad karma for future. Gurbani does just that. By connected to naam, by reciting bani, doing simran, doing moolmanar, doing seva etc. we not only wash away our previous bad karma but we also create good karma for future. Even though some incidents/sufferings are giong to happen still, but how much we feel the pain from it, get reduced to so much less.

So Gurbani does have multiple advantages.

Bhenji, simple answer to your all problems is Pick up Gutka Sahib and do 2 Chaupai Sahibs right now and continue later with more. I will do 2 for you in next hour or so.

pain won't go right away, but eventually it will keep on reducing. Please do Trust the father I am talking about. HE is actually a healer, the vaid, the cure for all your problems.

[Guest Anon]

Bhenji please do not do path for me. Please do for urself and ur family. I Dont want you to take time out to do path for someone like me who is perfectly capable of doing. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. Thank you for your help, I have taken up enough of your time and will try and take on ur advice. I have nothing Left to say and sincerely apologise if I have caused any offence to anyone.

Vaheguru ji ka Khalsa vaheguru ji ki fateh.