My Brother Cut His Hair

[Guest Jagjeet]

my brothers and I were all brought up in a super religious house... he went to college and this is his 3rd year. He cut his hair. I don't even know what to do. My parents are so shaken up and crying nonstop. We all did shabad, path, kept out K's and seemed to live care-free lives. Then he randomly phoned and said he cut his hair and shaved his beard.. I don't want to see his face anymore. He said he will not grow it back. He didn't tell anyone before going and I don't even know what to do.

[Guest Jagjeet]

please sangat ji... this is one of the hardest times of my life. I need help and don't know what to do. He said he might start tying a dastar but trim his beard but that is just as bad. Otherwise he will just cut it all. I'm crying as is my mother

[Guest Guest]

my brothers and I were all brought up in a super religious house... he went to college and this is his 3rd year. He cut his hair. I don't even know what to do. My parents are so shaken up and crying nonstop. We all did shabad, path, kept out K's and seemed to live care-free lives. Then he randomly phoned and said he cut his hair and shaved his beard.. I don't want to see his face anymore. He said he will not grow it back. He didn't tell anyone before going and I don't even know what to do.

1. Heartfelt Ardaas for Akhand Paath Sahib.

2. Start the Akhand Paath Sahib.

3. Request Sahib Shri Guru Granth Sahib Ji for his divine Hukamnama Sahib.

Sahib Shri Guru Granth Sahib Ji should've been the first one to know about this crisis/problem. Children ask their parents for help. He is the only true parent, sitting on the throne. He listens to humble requests. Go ask him for help.

kar kirapaa maerae dheen dhaeiaalaa ||

Take pity on us, O my Lord, Merciful to the meek.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

[KEERPA]

That is sad but things could be worse. WHat if he was slaughtered and never able to be talked to, seen again etc????

Some people fall by Gods will, some might learn the hard way, some never learn. Maya is deceptive.

Maybe dont associate with him unless you have to.

My parents shunned me for becoming a Sikh so I know what it feels like to have family hate you, but what can you do???wish upon a star??? pray his hair back??? ehhh I dont think that will work. Just pray for your strength that you never give up your Sikhi.

Sikhi kesan suasan naal nibahi tinhan dey kammaee da dian dar key Khalsa Ji Bolo......... VaheguruJi

[buddasingh]

Very generally speaking...a pro and con of the culture we live in is our attachment to family. In Indo/Punjabi culture we tend to identify ourselves to a great degree by the identity of our relatives. This is great when it comes to supporting family, but not so great when it comes to realizing brothers and sisters are not limited to kith, kin, caste.

There is no right or wrong, better or worse cultural practice, just different, each with it's own advantages. One advantage of 'western' tendency is that family literally becomes those that you bond with. It can be neighbours or workmates. This 'western' tendency allows perspective when kith and kin in western families have quite different views of the world. No one is shocked or disturbed, family is still family but with greater comfort for living with differences. In Indo culture bonds within family can be the kind of pillars of love which the 'western' psyche does not know, but one might also find greater bitterness with differences amongst siblings or family.

The point is to remember that your identity is not defined by your sibling....family need not be a concept written in stone. As you get older, you will learn that your brother is still your brother and adult relationships, even those that see eye to eye never recapture childhood sibling bonds. You hopefully still love him as a brother. You will be the one who decides what the relationship does and does not mean. It may never be the same as you know him too well to accept any justification he may offer...that is OK, relationships change and evolve with nothing more than age. It does not necessarily mean that there does not have to be a relationship. It also does not mean that you have to decide tomorrow what your relationship is, time will tell.

Be thankful for what you have and know that you and your family are in the prayers of all your brothers and sisters.

[Guest Jagjeet]

thank you for your advice so far. You just can't imagine how big of a part Sikhi played in our lives, and how much I looked up to him for being the fearless Sikh. What kind of things can I say to try and bring him back? I think he feels he has made a mistake but is very stubborn. He claimed he can be a good person without keeping his hair, and I asked him "What would the shaheeds of the past think of you if they saw you?" and he had no response.

Please I want my brother back. My other brother is even more shaken up than me. We lived in a small town and were the only people who kept our hair

[lotaya]

Knock Him Out!

Only kidding!

My brother also got his hair cut, it was a shock to the family. None of us are Amritdhari, it is a shame what he did. Like veerji said his path is already laid out, may guruji bless all those that who have come out of Sikhi for a speedy return. Meanwhile continue with your Nitem and courage to get you and the family through this. It seems like Waheguruji has other plans for him .....

Hope it all works out well.

Gurfuteh.

[Guest --gupt--]

Guru fateh!

u should be calm with u'r brother.He needs u all & the most important thing he needs is gurbani.Read as much gurbani as u can & do ardaas for u'r brother.Do sewa.Guru ji will definately listen u'r ardaas have patience believe in guru ji "Whatever happens happens by his will".

In u'r brother age it sometimes happens that a person get attracted by other looks & go against the religion.By watching the fashion in the collage he might get distracted.Also the most important role who play in his life is his friend circle.

Anyways everything has one solution gurbani.So be calm & concentrate on gurbani & sewa.

Guru ji jo karanga changa karanga.

Also watch "SARDARI" by guru iqbal singh ji,amritsar wale with u'r brother.It is a movie for peoples who get distracted from sikhi & take tobacco & cut hairs etc.So definately try that u'r brother will watch these movie.

Bul chuk mafa!

[sonearyetSOfar]

as has been said already, you kind of have to detach yourself now. it was in hukam, you couldnt've seen it coming for some people it just isn't meant to be.

no offence, but is your brother intelligent and mature, or does he go more the side of 'maya'. a lot of socialising (not the religious kind), spending money etc etc.

Also is he a bit selfish, again both things i've said from experience of someone like that, because he hasn't thought about what it would do to the family or anything, or looked at what's good, he's looked at what is easy. So maybe he's kind of a little detached from the family, and you can give and give until a certain point, but you have to realise that it really wasn't meant to be.

I think you have to hope for a growth in his mental state, in his maturity. The right sangat with help greatly but it won't be easy now.

I'm sorry i can't think of anything else to say, apart from as mentioned before, you have to detach yourself, understand gurbaani and hukam. Still be humane when he's there, but understand it wasn't meant to be and it is his loss.

[Guest ewklj'atg]

waheguroo waheguroo waheguroo

reading this gave me goosebumps and actually brought tears to my eyes. i think people are not understanding the seriousness of this situation..if one of my siblings cut their kesh, i actually dont know how id cope. i wouldnt be able to look them in the face, they wouldnt be the same person anymore. id never see them the same way, and like you id probably wouldnt be able to stop crying.

my heart goes out to you bhaji. but as others have already said, do as much bani as you can and as much ardaas as you can. there is noone who can do anything apart from guroo maharaaj. nothing happens of our own accord, He is pulling the strings. someone previously suggested that you hold an akhand paath, which is spot on..ask guroo sahib to bless you all with this seva, and get as much laaha as you can.

you mentioned that you brothers thinking of keeping a dastaar but timming..try and persuade him to do this because that way, if he decides (with maharaajs apaar kirpa) to grow his kesh again, itll be easier to make that transition.

lastly, do as much as you can to support your parents..make sure that they dont feel personally responsible, as though they have failed in some way...i hope that guroo jee gives you all the strength to get through this difficult time.

har naavai naal galaa har naavai naal masalath har naam hamaaree karadhaa nith saaraa ||

My conversation is with the Lord's Name, and my counseling is with the Lord's Name; the Lord's Name always takes care of me.