Relationship ...ashamed

[Guest _forgiveme_]

amrittharikaur

wjkk wjkf

soo i dont exatly know how to start this but here i go...

well i was about 15 when i met this guy (through his cousins, who are my closest friends) and we instantly clicked - not bf/gf or anything...we jus became really good friends, i kinda saw him as one of my good friends but as time went on we both started to notice that things were beginning to change. We always hung out & everyone started to notice what was going on, even his younger sister...it didnt take long for my bestfriends(his cousins) to ask me what was going on. at that time i myself didnt really know what to tell them. i had turned 16 and few months later in january he asked me out and i said yes (dont know why)...we talked all the time and saw each other 2-3 times a week physically we didnt really do anything except hug and give each other "googly eyes"...i know this sounds crazy but i'd fallen in love with him ...we did end up kissing...but only on the cheek.

as time progressed everything seemed perfect ...and finally when i turned 17 i had let him kiss me...it was almost perfect but right after it had happend my mom had called out my name...being the genius that he is he decided to book it(run)...knowing fully that my mother knew he was there. my mom asked me what he was doing with me and why he was there but i assured her nothing happend and we never brought it up again. that day i ended it...cold turkey i deleted him off of my email and i stopped talking to him completely. i felt so bad and guitly . about 8 months later we saw each other for the first time...and we gradually began to talk, leading to us dating again(big mistake)...i did not let him near me..hug/kiss or anything..by this time i was really getting into my sikhi and i had decided that what i was doing was very wrong and ended it once again ...now at the age of 19 i dont know why i cant let it go. i feel horrible. i was amrit thari and although he he had a dastar he was not. i do not know how i can let go of the past ...i have completely changed my lifestlye. i do my path everyday and i pray for his forgiveness. Sangat ji even though it has been a long time i do not understand why i still care about him, how can i be forgiven for my past and how can i completely forget him?

please give me some good advice Sangat Ji

wjkk wjkf

[Guest Guest]

I think in your post you make it clear that you still don't like him. So if I am right when you say you cannot let go - your really asking why did I do it, why do I feel guilt and why does this cling around me. The answer is because of your perspective means you allow it to cling to you. However we must remember that we must look at life from the sikhi perspective.

In sikhi we believe in re-incarnation. In your past life were you a man? Who was your partner then? Were you even human? Were you a hamster sleeping with another hamster? For some reason alot of us get caught up in the small picture when in the bigger picture only God knows what we did then. Therefore the past doesn't matter. What matters is the now which is why Sikhs have an amrit ceremony as it symbolises a new life within this life.

For instance it is common knowledge that sajjan the tag used to kill people, Bandha Singh Bahadar too also did many horrible tricks. However the Guru says once you take Amrit you have a new life. I.e look at the amazing figure Bandha Singh Bahadar became. This shows that once you take Amrit your past does not matter.

Taking Amrit is like being re-incarnated...ie you are born again into your new life. If your born again do you remember your past? Does the past even matter. If the truth be known we've all dated and slept with lots of different souls and bodies in the past but none of us allow that thought to cling to us. Now treat amrit like re-incarnation cos by taking Amrit you are freed from the past as your given a new life.

My advice would be to renew your amrit and be born again into a lioness.

[sherlsurj]

it takes guts to stand up foryourself teh way u did. u seem to have a good head on your shoulders , everyone makes mistakes i know ive made loads. but along as though u learn from them u will im sure be forgiven. just cancel him out ur life. your family and sikhi are way more important

good luck sis

[OhTwadi]

.

[V]

There is absolutely no point in retaking amrit.

Amrit is not a joke or a game where you make a mistake and you go and retake it.

Stop treating Amrit like some kind of thin stick that breaks as soon as you waver.

Amrit is about constantly battling your mind. To Amritdhari Kaur (initial poster); from your last sentence it seems like you still have feelings for the guy. If you feel that you can get along with him as a friend, fine; if you can’t, then try to let it go. My advice to you would be: Just do ardaas to Guru Ji to keep you on his path; and not let you waver.

[chatanga]

exactly wot past are you askiung forgiveness for? in your post u say you ay dun nuffin rong, so why do you need forgiving?

[Sikh_Soldier]

WjkkWjkfateh...

Penji I know sum ppl that have been in similar postions to u and i wud suggest that u go Pesh and tell them everythign that has happened.

Wjkk Wjkfateh

[kaur_khalistani_lioness]

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh!

panji its a confusing age.

and finally when i turned 17 i had let him kiss me...it was almost perfect but right after it had happend my mom had called out my name...being the genius that he is he decided to book it(run)...knowing fully that my mother knew he was there. my mom asked me what he was doing with me and why he was there but i assured her nothing happend and we never brought it up again. that day i ended it...cold turkey i deleted him off of my email and i stopped talking to him completely. i felt so bad and guitly . about 8 months later we saw each other for the first time...and we gradually began to talk, leading to us dating again(big mistake)...i did not let him near me..hug/kiss or anything..by this time i was really getting into my sikhi and i had decided that what i was doing was very wrong and ended it once again ...now at the age of 19 i dont know why i cant let it go. i feel horrible. i was amrit thari and although he he had a dastar he was not. i do not know how i can let go of the past ...i have completely changed my lifestlye. i do my path everyday and i pray for his forgiveness. Sangat ji even though it has been a long time i do not understand why i still care about him, how can i be forgiven for my past and how can i completely forget him?

please give me some good advice Sangat Ji

from reading ur post all i feel is...there is

emotions and attachment involved with a lot of fear and guilt. That's no way of living. it will pass believe me, u have to let it be just an experience. u are more then ur thought and that individual in ur life

first about ur mom calling u? when they ask such a question...usually they know what just had happen. they arent that oblivious ...and the reason she never brought it up is...u never saw the boy again and she let it go probabaly because she didn't want to talk about such things with u(?)

nyhow

u ended it why? was it out of guilt? or was it because he left(ran) at that time? or is there another deep reason?

part of u might want to be friends with that guy and the other part doesnt. the reasons could be many. u need to sit down and ask urself. reach within urself and ask urself what do u want and what is really going on?

u have taken amrit and he hasn't so u dont want to have anything to do with him for that reason. but lets assume he was amritdhari. what then?

u went out with him again...because u still had feelings for him like "V" said above. u still have them and u need to resolve that conflict. sit down with him and talk to him if he is feeling that same way.

Do U HAVE QUESTIONS FOR HIM? have u talked to him?

another thing...

this might or might not make sense, because it took me a while to get it for myself as well. so please bare with me.

yes u have changed your lifestyle..but could it be that it's just a cover up? just know this...the cover up really has nothing to DO WITH WHO U REALLY ARE! we are beyond what we think we are. thats why u need to figure out things for urself.

its attachment for sure...and ego. u are identifying urself with that guy. thats why it hurts and u cant really let go. u(ego) want him and u feel he is part of u thats why its hard to let go. its our identification with objects/people/things that make us suffer i was told. when they(person/object)are gone or we try to let go of them...ego comes in the way and we feel this pain in our THOUGHTS which are part of the mind/brain causes this emotions and stress/anxiety/suffering within us.

it takes time to realize that and this might boggle ur mind. or may not make sense. took me a while...and im still learning to be fully aware of myself and actions of the mind and thought...nd what i really ought to be doing.

the above should help u understand the "Why u still care about him?"

---

how can u completely forget about him? just by understanding who u really are. it was an experience ...and this moment is an experience to help u progress in ur spiritual life...the true Being in u!it takes time. u need to be patient with urself. it's ur thoughts that are leading u to continue think about him thus making u feel guilt and pain. even though he isnt there in front of u ...yet he is there in ur thoughts.

it's like Pheena ji or Tabla ji would say....u need to watch ur thoughts and let them pass.

do ardas and think about positive and good things...not about him. IF thats WHAT U REALLY WANT, to really FORGET ABOUT HIM..thats one thing u to start doin.

get urself busy with other meaningful things where u dont have the time to think about disturbing thoughts or any other stupid thoughts.

much love and peace!

hope this helps. if it doesnt, u can always reply back or PM to clear things out=)

akal sahai

bhul chuk muaf karni

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh!

[Mehtab Singh]

it's like Pheena ji or Tabla ji would say....u need to watch ur thoughts and let them pass.

[Guest Guest]

I'm not too sure about this concept of taking amrit (khandey batey da) erases all your past sins

But, thats a whole new thread in itself

It doesn't 'erase' sins. My mistake if I made it sound like that. I was trying to say that Amrit is like re-incarnation. In normal re-incarnation we are not wiped clean of our past karma BUT we are given a fresh chance.

Amrit does the same as it is offcially marking your new chance/re-birth.

If I am re-born into my amrit I would not allow past things to hang to me just like none of us remember what terrible people we were in our past lives.

I hope that makes better sense.

I am basically trying to say the perspective you take makes the difference. The bigger picture is we are all sinners. We all go along different routes but every day, every minute, every second you are given a new chance. If only we realised this and made truthful gurmat changes rather than carrying our past with us. We all have a past but whether you choose to carry it or not makes all the difference.