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Gursikhi Jeevan of Baba Thakur Singh ji & other Taksal Gursikhs

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Sant Giani Sundar Singh Ji Bhandranwale


Sri Maan (most honourable) Sant Giani Sundar Singh ji was born at amrit vela (ambrosial hours, 2am - 5am), village Bhindran Kalan, state Firozpur, in the year 1883. Their fathers name was Baba Khajaan Singh and their mothers name Bibi Mehtab Kaur.

At the age of 6-7 years, his parents who practiced the path of Gursikhi, gave him the duty to milk the buffalos and cows. This was so they could learn and understand the teaching from Guru Ji:

Gwil Kwie ikCu hQhu dyie ]

One who works for what he eats, and gives some of what he has.

(Ang 1245, Sri Guru Granth Sahib)

Their father at the same time taught them the banis of: Panj Granthi, Baaee Vaaraa(n), Bhagat Bani, and Das Granthi. Around the age of 9-10 years they were taught how to read Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji correctly, and became an Akhand Paat(h)ee by the efforts of their father. It was at this time they joined the Khalsa Panth by taking Amrit from Panj Pyare. Until the age of 17 years they stayed at home learning the understanding of Gurbani and developing their practice of Sikhi.

At the age of 18 Sant Giani Sundar Singh ji left home after doing an Ardas (supplication prayer) to Guru Ji for an improvement in their Sikhi and for increased understanding of Gurbani. After having the sangat (company) of many Gursikhs and spiritualists they came to the sangat of Baba Bishan Singh Ji at Murale. It was here where they gained the complete understanding of Gurbani (Brahm Gian), this being done within two years.

Before Sant Bishan Singh Ji ascended to Sach Khand (Higher spiritual plane of nether world) they gave Sant Giani Sundar Singh Ji the chance to ask for anything they wanted, as they had spent their time at Murale doing selfless service. They replied without any ego, "it is up to you to decide" what you grace me with. Sant Bishan Singh Ji declared that they should for the rest of their life preach the word of Guru Ji, teach the sangat the meanings of Gurbani so they may join the path of the Khalsa. By doing this, Sri Guru Nanak Dev Sahib Ji and Sri Guru Gobind Singh Sahib Ji would forever look over you, they added. On the 13th day in the month of Maagh, 1962 Bikramee, 1905 eesvee, Sant Bishan Singh Ji themselves tied the dastar of Damdami Taksal around the head of Sant Giani Sundar Singh Ji Bhindranwale.

To make true the final words of Sant Bishan Singh Ji, they preached the word of Guru Ji, continuously touring around India. They guided people onto the path of the Khalsa helping them avoid the falsehoods in the world. Sant Giani Sundar Singh Ji would forever keep themselves in the remembrance of Guru Ji, and whenever they would do Katha they would bring peace to the listeners. One day while they were doing Gurbani Katha, by the grace of Guru Ji a miracle occurred, Amrit (nectar) started dripping from a corner of the 'chandoaa' (canopy). The sangat at the Gurdwara noticed this and one or two even tried the Amrit and experienced a great sweetness.

To their students they made it known that as well as being efficient in understanding Gurbani and forever remembering Guru Ji, everybody should be efficient in Shastar vidiaa. They would say that each Sikh should be able to defend and protect the needy. They felt it was necessary that every Sikh should follow the command of Sri Guru Gobind Singh Sahib Ji of being true Saint-Soldiers.

They did much to promote the 5 K's (Kes, Kacchera, Kirpan, Kanga, Kara) they stated that they are not merely uniform, but on the contrary they are there to develop our outer physical practice of Sikhi and our inner, thought processes. The wearing of the 5 K's is the command of the Guru, obeying this command many Sikhs have flourished in their Sikhi and will do so in the future.

Even though they became quite ill to a long-term illness in 1929 AD, Sant Giani Sundar Singh Ji forever remained in high spirits. They continually remained in full concentration of Guru Ji at all times. They passed on the selfless service of continuing Sri Guru Gobind Singh Ji's Damdami Taksal to one of their students Giani Gurbachan Singh Ji Khalsa.

Within the command of Guru Ji, on 15th February 1930 AD, in the village of Boparai at Gurdwara Sachkhand, while listening to the kirtan of Asa Di // at around 8:15am they left the world for the charan of Guru Sahib.

In their time they completed the Katha of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji 21 times. While completing their seva they had about 1300 students, of whom 1000 became Akhand Paat(h)ees, 200 became preachers, and 100 katha vaachiks. Sant ji paid for all the costs incurred by their students. Sant Giani Sundar Singh Ji spent all their life in the selfless service of the Khalsa Panth.

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Great Gurmukhi Jeevan Of Baba Khazaan Singh Jee (father of sant sunder singh jee)

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

For quite sometime I wanted to write the Gurmukhi jeevan of Baba Khazaan Singh, the father of Sant Sunder Singh Bhindranwalay (11th Jathedhar of Guru Ji's Damdami Taksal). Sant Sunder Singh jee Bhindranwaalay was a great Gursikh who led an exemplary life, did massive parchaar of Sikhi, inspired countless to take amrit and taught Gurbani and Gurbani meanings to countless students, in his short life of 42 years or so. While many have heard about the Gurmukhi life of Sant Sunder Singh jee, few are aware of how great his father was. This is a feeble attempt by this insect to write something on the great life of Baba Khazaan Singh jee.

This is based on Dr Sher Singh's book on Sant Sunder Singh, Sant Gurbachan Singh's coverage of Sant Sunder Singh's life and oral narrations from Gursikhs from time to time.

Baba Khazaan Singh was the middle son of Baba Makhan Singh the grandfather of Sant Sunder Singh jee. Here are some highlights of Baba jee's jeevan:

1) Baba jee was a simple farmer who worked hard to earn bread for his family. He was from village Bhinder Kalan in Ferozepur district of Punjab.

2) Baba jee was extremely honest. He never let even a grain not belonging to him, come to his home. While working in his fields, he used to constantly do Naam Simran and Gurbani paath.

3) He got married to a very Gurmukhi bibi Mata Taab Kaur jee. She was not educated but due to her husband's satsangat, she developed keen interest and love for Gurbani.

4) Baba jee had great urge to have darshan of Guru Sahib. In year 1887, a year before the birth of Sant Sunder Singh jee, at the time of Avtaar Purab of Siri Guru Nanak Dev jee, Baba jee decided to go all out for darshan of Guru Sahib. He committed to doing strict amritvela and doing one Siri Sukhmani Sahib standing on one leg, 3 hours and 45 minutes before sunrise. Just few days had passed while engaging in day night paath like this that Baba jee was hit with extreme Bairaag. He gave up all interest in world and started doing bhajan day and night. At the behest of some gursikhs, who asked him to come in Sehaj Avastha, he started taking care of his worldly duties again.

5) Before the birth of Sant Sunder Singh, Baba jee did 36 lakh (3.6 million) jaap of Mool Mantr.

6) Later in his life he did 125,000 jaap of Siri Jap jee Sahib.

7) Later in his years he did 101 Paaths of Siri Guru Granth Sahib jee in the span of 3 years. This means about 3 Sehaj paaths a month. Along with this he did 36 lakh paaths of Mool Mantr, all within 3 years. This means massive paath a day, for three years.

8) He used to do at least 100 angs worth of baani a day.

9) He used to do 3300 jaap of Mool Mantra a day.

10) He had about 100 angs of baani fully memorized.

11) He used to wear only Khaddar.

12) He was a very strict amritdhaari.

13) He never let a day pass without going to Gurdwara Sahib.

14) He used to eat only once a day at 10am.

15) Before eating food, he used to look for someone to share with. Reading the life of Baba jee, I was surprised. So much kamaayee and no one knows his name. I have no doubt that even today there are many gupt gursikhs out there about whom we know nothing. Hearing about kamaayee of Baba jee I feel like putting my nose in a chapnee and dying. May Guru Sahib do kirpa on us and may we lead our life like Baba jee and other great gursikhs.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

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Sant Giani Gurbachan Singh Ji Khalsa Bhindranwale


Respected Panthic diamond, treasure-trove of knowledge, Brahm Giani, complete in the practices of the Khalsa, Sant Giani Gurbachan Singh Jee Khalsa Bhindra(n) Vale was born on Wednesday 12 February 1902 at Amrit Vela (Ambrosial Hours). After his birth he was bathed and taken to the Gurdwara into the presence of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Jee, the Birth Ceremony was performed and Amrit was given to Sant Jee. Karah Parshad was prepared, Ardas performed and a Hukamnama taken. Sant Jee was named from the first letter of the Hukamnama, per Sikh tradition.

His parents were devout Sikhs and due to the religious outlook of the household, from a young age Sant Jee started placing a Rumala over a stool and doing Chaur over it with peacock feathers as a child. In childhood he learnt the correct pronunciations of the following – Panj Granthi, 21 Vars, Bhagat Bani & Das Granthi, and memorised the 5 morning Nitnem Prayers. Upon listening to Kirtan, Sant jee’s spirit would get uplifted to some inexplicable inner spiritual state of enjoining at the feet of Satguru jee. Due to the guidance of his paternal uncle at the age of 7 years, Sant Jee was an Akhand Pathee of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Jee.

At the age of 13 years he also mastered the Sanskrit language, he read Ramayan, Mahabharat, Yoga Vishest and other Vedic Granths, after understanding and pondering on the teachings of these, Sant Jee read the Faridkoth Teeka of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Jee, authored by 52 Nirmala intellectuals, he gained much knowledge from this. But the spiritual taste/elixir he was searching for was not discovered.

In 1920 Sant Sundar Singh Jee arrived at Village Akhare on their preaching tour, it was here upon meeting Sant Sundar Singh Jee that the young Sant Gurbachan Singh gained the inner peace that he was searching for. The Jaap/mediation of Vaheguru Gurmantar began intrinsically. By listening to the Katha and Kirtan of Sant Sundar Singh Jee, Sant Gurbachan Singh’s heart was finally filled with peace and bliss. It was at this point that he felt he should become a part of the Khalsa Panth and he took Amrit. He became such a true Khalsa that he made his life a continuous penance, such a blissful repetition of Simran began which he enjoyed to his last moments, a non-stop invigorating meditation. Mind, body and wealth were all sacrificed at the feet of the Guru. After seeing the Nanakana Sahib Shaheedi Episode:

qnu mnu kwit kwit sBu ArpI ivic AgnI Awpu jlweI ]4]

I would cut my mind and body into pieces, and offer them to You;I would burn myself in fire. ||4||(Ang 757)

They imbued the spirit of this quote into their lifestyle. On the top floor of Sri Harimander Sahib (Amritsar) they meditated on Gurmantar and Moolmantar for 3 months.

jqu pwhwrw DIrju suinAwru ]

Let self-control be the furnace, and patience the goldsmith. (Ang 8)

They attained the great living of the above quote and gained much spirituality through their meditations and prayers.

In 1921 they went to Bindra Kala(n) Gurdwara and met the respected Sant Sundar Singh Jee and humbly asked for the blessing of Brahm Vidiya – Knowledge of God. As a jeweller can recognise the value of a gem, in the same manner Sant Sundar Singh Jee recognised the greatness of Sant Gurbachan Singh Jee at this young age (19), he embraced him with affection and kept a watchful eye upon him. He started to live in the Jatha on a permanent basis. Sant Gurbachan Singh jee started doping seva of Sangat and Sant Sundar Singh Jee, and were always praying to be accepted in the house of Guru Nanak.

Daily he would rise at 1am, after doing ishnaan – they would do simran for 45 minutes. His daily duty was to do the ishnaan of the Gurdwara Sahib, to perform Sri Guru Granth Sahib Jee’s Parkash and to recite Sri Japji Sahib and Sri Sukhmani Sahib and to start the Kirtan. He performed his duty with much affection, purity, dedication, commitment and discipline. He listened to Sant Sundar Singh Jee narrate the Katha of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Jee a total of 4 times and was educated in the following by Sant Jee – Bhai Gurdas Jee’s Vaars & Kabit Svayas, Bhai Nand Lal Jee’s writings, Sri Dasam Granth Sahib, Sri Guru Panth Parkash, Sri Gur Bilaas – 6th & 10th Guru and many other accepted writings. By reading, meditating, listening, accepting and practising Gurbani, the true mystical meanings of Gurbani were realised by him. He got educated in other faiths to further his knowledge, he studied Yoga Vedant, Panj Dasee, Moksh Panth & other Granths along with which he studied Sikh History. He read 125,000 Japji Sahib’s and performed 360,000 meditations of Mool Mantar and countless meditations of Vaheguru simran were performed during this period.

In this manner, his mind was always attuned to Gurbani. At night whilst asleep he would even start uttering Gurbani in his sleep. His voice was very sweet, his pronunciation of Gurbani was always correct (Shudh), due to his immense love with Gurbani Sant Sundar Singh Jee appointed him his Paathi (reciter of Gurbani) for Katha. Khalsa Jee’s waking of Amrit Vela (1am in this case), daily recitals, Sri Guru Granth Sahib Jee’s seva and his joy and respect in performing this seva, sweet and gentle character, understanding of mystical meanings of Gurbani, his achievements and love of Sikh discipline, all these qualities are of the few Gurmukhs that have existed. When reciting Paath for Katha, Khalsa Jee would raise his living/spiritual experience to the stages being narrated.

Sant Sundar Singh Jee narrated the complete Katha of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Jee at Boporai, Khalsa Jee was the Paathee throughout the Katha and on the day of the Bhog (close) of the Katha, he honoured Khalsa Jee (Sant Gurbachan Singh Jee) with a Siropa (robe of honour) and he said to the sangat, “With us (in the Jatha) we have countless Gurmukhs who have got educated, some have gone on to full-time employment, many have gone on to get entangled in the demands of a householders life (Grahist), but the teachings that were taught to me by Sant Bishan Singh Jee Murale Vale, it is only Khalsa Jee who has met all the teachings of Sant Bishan Singh Jee. Sant Bishan Singh Jee honoured me with many gifts and today I place all these gifts in the keep of Khalsa Jee. The Jathedari of Damdami Taksal started by Sri Guru Gobind Singh Jee is being given to Khalsa Jee – with this Siropa.

On 15 February 1930 Sant Baba Sundar Singh Jee ascended to Sach Kand and Khalsa Jee stayed at Boporai and completed the Katha of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Jee 3 times and after about 3 and half years along with 16 lucky Gurmukhs they started doing Parchaar on a touring basis. Gurbani Kirtan, Katha, preaching, educating Singhs – making them astute in all aspects of Gurmat and initiating others into the Khalsa Panth were the foremost aims of Khalsa Jee. On many occasions they would walk many miles along with the Jatha Singhs. Punjab, Kashmir, Peshawar, Benares, Patna Sahib, Jagannath Puri, Rameshwaran, Sri Hazur Sahib, Calcutta, Bombay were all visited and Parchar done. In India there are only a few areas/cities where Khalsa Jee did not visit in their life, to grow the tree of the Sikh Nation and bless people with Amrit/initiation into the Khalsa Panth. Khalsa Jee’s dedication to Khalsa discipline and promotion of solely Gurmat was truly a heart-felt passion.

Just as a lotus flower stays detached/floating along water, in the same manner Khalsa Jee was forever detached from Maya (worldly illusion). Thousands were initiated into the Sikh-fold being enlightened by Khalsa Jee, thousands were taught the correct pronunciations of Gurbani and countless Gianis were moulded. In literature Khalsa Jee has immensely contributed by writing various tracts/pothis about Gurbani and Sikh History and Sikh discipline. He did the construction seva of many Gurdwaras. His katha was so inspirational that if one heard it the once, they never forgot it and they would listen to it repeatedly to further their lifestyle to higher morality and spirituality.

Whilst doing Katha/Kirtan Parchar – the Sangat invited him to Village Mehta, Khalsa Jee accepted the invite and went to Mehta. On 28 June 1961 at Mehta on Thursday at 2.10am their breathing started slowing down and whilst doing Vaheguru Simran, Khalsa Jee merged back into the light that he had come from (back to God). Taking Khalsa Jee to Amritsar Sahib water was taken from the Amrit Sarovar and Khalsa Jee’s ishnaan was performed outside the Gurdwara complex. According to Khalsa Jee’s wishes he’s body was cremated at Patalpuri – Sri Kiratpur Sahib.

On three occasions prior to ascending to Sachkand, Khalsa Jee had commented on Sant Kartar Singh Jee becoming the next Jathedar of Damdami Taksal, Sant Kartar Singh Jee was a great scholar, a Gursikh, complete in Khalsa discipline, forever reciting Gurbani and of high morals and spirituality. All the Sikh world will forever be indebted to Sant Giani Gurbachan Singh Jee Khalsa, who for the benefit of humanity, for approximately 40 years dedicated their life to Gurmat Parchar and gave thousands direction in improving their characters/lifestyle. However much we talk about their sacrifice, it is still little and we cannot express true gratitude or complete praise of their inexplicable seva.


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Below is a picture of Bhai Sant Singh Ji, Jathedar of Damdami Taksal and Head Granthi at Sri Darbaar Sahib Ji. . .along side jathedar ji is Maharaja Ranjit Singh Ji, Nawab Kapoor Singh Ji and other prominent Sikh figures.

how can this be a picture of maharaja runjeet singh and nawab kapur singh - Nawab kapur Singh Ji died about 100 years before Runjeet Singh?

Also which one is meant to be Baba Sant Singh

All i can see is Shezada Kharak Singh, Maharaja Runjeet Singh, Hari Singh Nalva, Baba Phula Singh Ji Akali Nihang (jathedar of budha dal and akal takht sahib) and fakir uzizudeen.

just a question - please dont take offence

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Below is a picture of Bhai Sant Singh Ji, Jathedar of Damdami Taksal and Head Granthi at Sri Darbaar Sahib Ji. . .along side jathedar ji is Maharaja Ranjit Singh Ji, Nawab Kapoor Singh Ji and other prominent Sikh figures.

how can this be a picture of maharaja runjeet singh and nawab kapur singh - Nawab kapur Singh Ji died about 100 years before Runjeet Singh?

Also which one is meant to be Baba Sant Singh

All i can see is Shezada Kharak Singh, Maharaja Runjeet Singh, Hari Singh Nalva, Baba Phula Singh Ji Akali Nihang (jathedar of budha dal and akal takht sahib) and fakir uzizudeen.

just a question - please dont take offence

simple answer is te person who gave us the picture said that bhai sant singh jee is in it. . . i may have made a mistake wrt nawab kapoor singh. . thats my fault. i will ask the singh who gave the pic and get back to u :lol:

in future pm me if you have anything controversial.

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The Gurmukh meditates on the Lord with every hair of his body.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh


We were recently celebrating the life of Sant Baba Thakur Singh Jee. Baba Jee had the great fortune to spend twenty-two years of their life as Garvayee (close associate) with Sant Gyani Gurbachan Singh Jee Khalsa BhindranWale. I came across this story of Sant Gyani Gurbachan Singh Jee that I would like to share.

Once Sant Jee went to a hospital in Ludhiana to see a physician due to their ill-health. This doctor had GurSikhi Saroop. He said to Sant Jee that you must be a very Chardikala Sant. There are many Singhs with you. Tell me some more about yourself.

(Baba Jee always had a Jatha of at least 200 Singhs with them, whom they would teach Santhiya and Gurbani Katha, as per the traditions of Siri Guroo Gobind Singh Jee’s DamDami Taksaal. In those days, it was a travelling university, as Sant Jee went from village to village, doing Parchaar of GurMat).

Sant Jee were a very humble person. They did not like it when anyone praised them – praise should only be of SatGuroo Siri Guroo Granth Sahib Jee. Sant Jee quickly changed the topic. I don’t know anything much. I am not really anyone. Can you tell me about yourself?

This doctor said with some ego that I have had sangat of many prominent Sants and acknowledged souls. I have spent time particularly with Sant Attar Singh Jee Mastuana Wale. My Avasthaa is now that when I travel in my car, my soul automatically hears the sound of Waheguroo through the rhythm of the car engine. Sant Jee told him that he was particularly blessed to have this feeling and to have had the sangat of such prominent GurSikhs of the Khalsa Panth.

Later on, as the doctor was carrying out the medical examination, he was using a stethoscope for the examination. To his astonishment, every time he pressed it against Sant Jee’s body, all he could detect was the constant resonance of Waheguroo. He did this against all of Sant Jee’s body, but all he could hear were the vibrations of Naam.

The doctor fell at the feet of Sant Jee in shame. He was making proud statements about his own spirituality and associations with GurSikhs. However, the true GurSikh remained humble about his spirituality and his love for Waheguroo Jee. The doctor learned an important lesson. This episode also provided factual proof of the pankiti of GurBani:

gurmuiK roim roim hir iDAwvY ]

guramukh rom rom har dhhiaavai

The Gurmukh meditates on the Lord with every hair of his body.

The cynics may question how it is possible to remember Waheguroo with every hair of the body. But Gurbani is the truth sent to us by Akaal Purakh: Sant Gyani Gurbachan Singh Jee Khalsa BhindranWale showed its truth in practice.

by Harkamal Singh

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

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The gursikh on the right is Bhai Sant Singh Ji, Jathedar of Damdami Taksal and Head Granthi at Sri Darbaar Sahib Ji, next to him is Akali Phoola Singh, Hari Singh Nalwa, Maharaja Ranjit Singh Ji, and Maharaja Dalip Singh

thats what i was told by bhai sahib

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    • Thanks This summoned it up pretty well. I know relatives from the UK who have married back home and have now divorced having brought the girl over. I don’t want to end up in a similar situation or in an unhappy marriage for the rest of my life.  I don’t want to drag some poor girl half way round the world only for to end up in some council flat by herself stranded with no one and divorced. That would just destroy me and make me feel even worse. She has said to me on many occasions that ‘I don’t like her’. I think she has caught onto my true feelings. I am not into this marriage at all. One is the fact I feel I was emotionally blackmailed into it. So, I am just not making as a much of an effort. My main concern is for the girl. I don’t want any harm to come to her and I am trying to minimise this as much as possible. I was just thinking of owning up and saying we rushed into the whole thing. I am thinking about what would be best in the long term. In the short term bringing her over would make her family and herself happy initially. But in the long term if we broke up and separated that would crush the family even more. Who wants their daughter to end up being divorced and all alone in a foreign country with no hopes and future. At least if she is India they will have control of their daughter’s destiny and future and she will be supported. In the UK she has no one. I don’t want to be responsible for this.  
    • First of all, I did not consummate the marriage. In fact I tried my level best to avoid any intimacy whatsoever. I was not sure about the whole marriage in the first place so intimacy was the last thing on my mind. Forced marriage, emotional blackmail, making me feel guilty. There were many elements that got me to say yes. It was not as simple as someone forcing me with a gun to my head. I was told if I backed out of the marriage at the engagement stage that all hell would break lose.  They only way of getting out this marriage was to postpone it and have a proper think about it when I returned to the UK. But this option was not given to me. The decision was made in a highly pressurised situation. I was told that a lot of our relatives would never speak to us if I broke it off. Hence why it was not easy to just break it off.  I am sure everyone is aware of how Asian families can be in these situations especially when you are abroad from your comfort zone Really after the engagement there should have been a break before the wedding. Which is actually the norm nowadays. But this whole marriage was rushed from start to finish. No one had any time to think radiationally.  The engagement to the wedding all happened within a space of 4 days. The bottom line is I don’t like the girl. We have nothing in common. There is no attraction or spark for me to have that I can work on to create more of an attachment and feelings for her. The only feelings I have for her are feelings of guilt and responsibility for her as I married her. Other then that She just feels like a stranger to me. For her it is the other way around she likes me and finds me attractive. But I can see it hurts her as she knows I have no feelings like attraction towards her back. I even feel guilty for having no feelings for her. The marriage and relationship just feel toxic and wrong with both of us unhappy. My 2 options are to end it at this stage. Or bring her over give it my best shot to make the marriage work and see how it goes like some poster has said.  But I feel I will always have in the back of my mind that I got married to someone that I never really liked or knew deep down. Currently I have no feelings towards her and do not like the girl. Infact its sad to say this but I actually dislike her.  Weather my feelings will change when I bring her over I have no idea. I don’t have much experience of being in any serious relationship’s before.  So I am not sure if love and attachment can form between us further down the line or if this whole thing is a recipe for disaster all I know is it’s a pure gamble at this stage if I do this and I am not the type that likes to gamble.  
    • Thanks for your advice. I am not entirely sure that is her motive. She does not seem the type that is just out for a passport. Infact at first, she did not want the marriage in the first place. The girl herself was reluctant to do the wedding. I have now heard that her family also pressurised her to say yes. Its like we both did not want this happen. Her at the beginning and me towards the end. The girl is not all bad. She has made an effort and has been kind and polite with my parents. Which is one good thing. Its just us the couple that are not getting on. We are having arguments and its just a couple of weeks into the marriage. It does not bode well for the future. I think deep down she is a nice girl but not my type. I think being from a poor background she has a different upbringing. Without going into to many details we just don’t seem to click with each other. The main reason for our arguments is she says I am being distant and do not love or like her. The truth Is I don’t love or like her. Its difficult for me to put up this fake act all the time to make her feel happy. I can’t pretend to like or feel attracted to someone if I am not. Yeh, I am not sure how she will behave and act when she gets here. From my gut instincts I think it’s a bad idea to bring her over. At the same time, I have family honour and respect to think about. Above all I don’t want to be saddled with the guilt of abandoning the girl. I feel I should at least give it my best shot to make the marriage work at for the sake of the girls parents and family. These people at the end of the day trusted me to marry their daughter. I don’t want to throw it right back at them. It seems a cruel thing to do to just walk away. I am not sure what I can tell them. That I did not like their daughter so I am ending the marriage now. Like many have said. These types of marriages were the norm for our elder generations. But I do get your point. I have heard of many stories also of girls from back home who are just out to their passport stamped and settled in the UK. Let’s just say If I knew before that this girl was like this I would never have agreed to the marriage. But that is the price you pay when you don’t get to know the girl before the marriage. 
    • I had the exact same thoughts before I went to India. I never thought I would end up in this situation with marrying someone without talking to them first. I am actually in shock that this whole thing actually happened. It all happened so fast I did not have time to think. A lot of the families down there were ultra conservative and would not let much chat happen before the marriage anyway. I went to India completely unprepared and did not know what I was doing with the vicholas and finding the right ristas. If it was the UK we would have taken our time and done the proper research. Being over there it’s an unfamiliar situation with not knowing the local customs and the way things work. We were completely out of our comfort zone and depth. Obviously if we went back and this all again. We would learn from our mistakes. We would make sure more then anything that we spoke to the girl which I think is one of the most important things you can do. We did actually follow this protocol with every girl we saw except this one. Yes my plan was to compensate for all costs from the wedding on their side. But I have still not made up my mind on what I am going to do. I will take a note off all advice and try and come to the best decision as there is a lot at stake. Its an easy decision for me If I am just looking out for myself. But now I have to think of family issues and most importantly the girl herself. I don’t want to ruin the girl’s life, break her heart and hurt the family.
    •   Thanks  I will try and make the best decision possible for all that are involved. That might involve people being hurt to begin with but I hope in the long term it will be the best decision for everyone. Yep I dont want to be in a loveless marriage for the rest of my life.. I have always been told that no marraige is better then a marriage that is unhappy.