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I Am Not Worthy


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Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa

Vaheguru Ji Ke Fateh

I dont know what point I am trying to make but I am just trying to express myself.

I dont know how to say this, I guess I put my religion on hold... I am a Sikh, (baptized) wore the 5 kakars but lately I have been feeling not worthy of being a Sikh, just because I wore the kakars that doesnt mean I am a Sikh, I was not a Sikh on the inside, just a person who wanted to represent the Khalsa.

I am getting really emotional right now and I am a grown man, I dont deserve to be a Sikh, I dont even deserve to live.

I decided to not call my self a Sikh, and stop wearing the 5 kakars,( but I dont think I can ever cut my hair because I have a strong belief in not altering the body). and I have to go to Punjab soon with my grandma, so we can visit all the Gurudwaras, she hasn't seen me yet, I look like a caveman without my kakars, I dont know how I am going to tell her that I dont feel worthy to even step inside of a Gurudwara.

I dont know how this started I dont knwo what is happening, but I think that me feeling not worthy to wear the kakars had something to do with the 5 vices. LUST ANGER ATTACHMENT EGO GREED, I also think that I got frustrated tying to turban over and over and over and over and over and over again because I always wanted it to be perfect, I think that is my ego.

But I guess its all God's will, its all in HIS hands from here.

I would say VJKK VJKF but who am I to say that

so I guess Goodbye, from some Fool

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Sangat Ji it is very very difficult for me to do this (even in the gupt section) but I need your help. I dont know how to ask for help, but I know I need help bad. I AM A SIKH, AND NEVER WANT TO GIVE UP THE KHALSA, I HAVE GIVEN MY HEAD TO GURU JI AND THERE IS NO WAY I CAN GET IT BACK!

I feel like I know my problem but dont have a solution. I dont feel worthy to wear the kakars because of the 5 vices mainly lust, and also I spend many HOURS a day tying the turban because I want it to be perfect or its not comfortable so I get frustrated. I just dont feel like a Sikh, I feel like an acter, when I first stopeed cutting my hair and tying dastaar, my friend from school, Robbie, told me that I was a "wana be" Sikh. I think he was right.

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Pull yourself together. When you took Amrit you were admitted into the "Khalsa" school. Just because you joined the school, does not mean you have a degree or qualification. Amritdharis are not perfect, they are on the path to learn.

By following the basic Rehats of 5 Kakkar, Amritvela, Nitnem, we are working towards destroying our 5 evils. You are overwhelmed with your 5 evils so you have decided to stop using your tools to destroy them?!? How will this help you?

When you took Amrit you made a promise to Guru Ji that your Panj Kakkars were Angs of your body. You can't be seperated from them. Everyone goes through spiritually dry periods, this is normal.

What seperates those who become successful in this life (and gain Kamai) and those who are unsuccesful (and make no spiritual head way) is that the successful ones rise up to the challenge and do even more Paath, keep more Sangat of Gursikhs, instead of giving up at the first hurdle.

You need to put your Panj Kakkars back on and present yourself at the next Amrit Sanchar for Pesh. You should try and Jap as much Simran as possible to stay in Chardi Kala.

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Sangat Ji I admire you all of you, I really wish I could be one of you, i really wish I could say that i was a Sikh, and not an acter, but I cant, I am just a fool. Trust me I am probably the most evil person you will ever meet, I USED MY RELIGION TO MAKE MY SELF LOOK GOOD, I DISRESPECT MY KAKARS. I dont even diserve to live, I just want to be with God now. I know God is here, but I dont feel HIM, I wish I could see the Guru's way to Vaheguru.

U know its pretty funny, I thought things were going great, I thought I was achieving something, but now everything is crumbling down, lol my partents are even discussing of putting me in the Physic Unit(mental hospital), before I thought lol they are joking, but now even i can see it, I am not normal, something is wrong with me. But I guess its all God's will.

MY ADVICE TO YOU IS TO LOVE GOD. I DIDN"T DO THAT, I DIDN"T REMEMBER GOD, AND THATS WHY I COULD NEVER CALL MY SELF A SIKH, I WAS JUST SOME FOOL WEARING A COSTUME.

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I think you need some help.

Speak to some other Gursikhs.

You really need to put your kakaars back on and do nitnem and other bani.

No one is "worthy enough' to wear kakaars, but once Guru Sahib gives them, it's breaking a promise to take them off.

Stop with the "worthy enough" thing all together. If you follow Sikhi, Guru Sahib himself will make you worthy. But it's your duty to follow these rules.

As for your dastaar: tie it once and whatever it looks like is fine. No need to perfect it. It looks fine as it is.

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This is not good. Well, don't feel down. Put you rKakkar back on and when you go to Punjab, go to one of the Takhts in Punjab and go pesh in front of the 5 Piaras. Tell them why you are feeling down. Why do you think you are unworthy. They will help you. Also visiting the historic Gurudwras, will re-energize your sripirts. Keep on doing your nitneim. Listen to Kirtan, Katha, Kavishri, and read books for inspiration. You will feel better again. Go pesh to the 5 Piaras and tell them what you did and why you did. Everyone is worthy of wearing the 5 Ks as long as there is no Bujjar Kurehit involved and basic rehat is kept.

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WAHEGURU JI KA KHALSA WAHEGURU JI KI FATEH

I can understand where your coming from(im not baptised) but i've also felt like that too that i dont deserve to be called a Sikh and when you said

'I know God is here, but I dont feel HIM'.

Ive went through that part too, i heard some lectures in Sikhi or something, n at the that time i wasnt enjoying Gurbani n my mind couldnt concentrate on Gurbani even though i knew God is here. N this lecture said you need to keep on listening to Gurbani (even if at that time you cant concentrate on it) so that you can drown yourself in Gurbani (get abosrbed in the love etc) n that will make u feel better n make sure that you get rid of desire- which was a main thing that made me feel down in life.

WAHEGURU JI KA KHALSA WAHEGURU JI KI FATEH

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'Fool'

Bhai Sahib, Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ke fateh ji! - ALWAYS

Think back to the day when Guru ji took your head! If it was not worthy it would not have been taken.

Your just in need of sangat bhai sahib, thats all

sangat of Gursikhs is like the most amazing and important thing ever.

Speak to some gurmukhs veer ji, speak to guru ji,

Maharaj is with you always through this, only we dont realise it, we turn our backs, and then we say guru ji you are not with us becasue we cannot see him, just realise, maharaj LOVES us all soo much and equally, all he is saying is putt, im here for you no matter what you do, how much paap you do, your still mine and im right behind you ready to catch you if you fall.

Just do ardaas to maharaj for CK, and Gurskihi jeevan and his sangat.

You will be fine khalsa ji

Wahguru ji ka khalsa

waheguru ji ke fateh

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Dear brother

I know you may feel hopeless but Guru jee is with you and has been with you during every step of the way. Please don't give in now, because you have come so far already! Like the brother above said, if you didn't deserve Amrit, Guru Ji would not have given it to you. Guru Jee gave you the kakaars Himself, and He wants you to wear them, otherwise you wouldn't have that chance. You have been blessed! Hold on to that blessing and try to do your Nitnem and other paat, in order to ride out the kaam krodh lobh moh and ahankaar. I know sometimes it seems impossible , sometimes I have felt like a dirty, disgusting snake that is full of poison and will never be cleared or clean.

But Guru Jee is within our souls and hearts and bodies, he exists in every cell of our body. He is within you, please don't try to drive him out, accept that you are his son and He loves you, He always has, and always will.

You need to take things one step at a time, just take it slowly. Try to do ARDAAS and brother you will be okay, please try to find sangat in some of the people on this forum, you can message them and maybe contact them through e-mail or otherwise and discuss these feelings with them, trust me sangat helps so much at times. Pls update us and reply if you need any other help or advice

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