Relationship

[Guest need advice]

So im thinkin I need to get outta this relationship im in, im with this girl, we r both amritdhari but I feel ma sikhi is beginning 2 slack behind, im not feelin as energetic and positive, dnt get me wrong I mean we aint done nothing wrong in terms of physical stuff, hell we aint even held hands or owt but its really drainin me just emotionally, I regret now not thinking bout it and just jumpin in head on so how do I tell her witout it breakin her? I mean we talked bout marriage and we wer both in it 4 the long haul but im jst not feelin it now, im bak at uni doing my final year and I need to concentrate and I wana bring ma sikhi bak up on form, past few months I bin feelin rubbish like I done dhokha to Guru Sahib and I don’t wana live with feelin that I need to free myself i do hav luv 4 this girl i mean shes great but i dont want it to break her i want her 2 becom stronger and realise we wer wrong cuz thats how i see it

Any suggestions sangat ji?

[>Bikramjit Singh<]

Seems to be my day for giving relationship advice..lol

This is complicated. Although you didn't even hold hands you have talked about marriage so it could be that she thinks that you both are going to marry sometime in future. I don't know whether both of you go to the same uni but if its different unis it will be easier because you are not seeing each other daily. A time apart is good in this case. But in the end you will need to be honest. Maybe ask her first about where she thinks that the relationship is going. It might be that she also feels the same as you, the other person can sense when the relationship isn't going well and she may have picked up on your feelings. The worst would be if she feels apprehensive about the relationship but says it's going ok just because she thinks that is what you would like to hear.

You say that you still love her so it could be that the relationship is a distraction but maybe in future you will get married but now you just want to concentrate on your Sikhi. From what you say your relationship was more of friends talking about getting married rather than a relationship leading to marriage.

Best to be honest but still not hit her with what you feel like all in one go. The worst you can do it hurt her and hurt her Sikhi as well.

Hope that helps!

[sat_naam18]

If you want to end things permenantly, than you should tell her that. However, if you want to "hold things off" because you still want to get married to her in the future, then you NEED to explain that to her. You can't just leave her hanging. Its not fair to her. If you guys have a good relationship right now, then why not just remain friends? Just keep your contact limited. That way, you won't get too emotionally attached to her and it won't bring down your Sikhi. In the end, its all about communication. I think if you both talks things out then everything should be ok.

[Heera Singh]

very good replies....

[SSM]

how abt adding something urself aswell?

ok, mate I really think u need to talk it through and talk it through and well talk it through.

if u just walk away with a bakwas reply it will def break her. and with uni she cant afford to be like that.

its worse when ur amritdhari cos she doesnt expect u to be the typical bloke that just walks away but she perhaps thought something serious was gonna come out of this.

dunno if she been in a r'ship b4 but if she aint then u need to be more careful.

one thing im confused abt is u love her but u want to leave her, but then what abt when u get married and if u get married to someone else, is it fair on your wife, afterall ur feelings for this girl wont just vanish.

course it aint right to be dating as amritdharis but cant u guys just tell ur parents and get it official, that way it aint wrong.

but im not being rude but u sure u really love her if u willing to leave her just like that when i think there are other options?

[Heera Singh]

uhhh... i was being serious... they're amazing replies...and the person should go wit them..

[Guest Guest]

how about asking Guru ji if you should break it or not?

like someone told me before it is not always simple to derive a "yes" "no" answer from a hukamnama so what you can do is get two pieces of paper - write yes on one and no on the other and then fold them up or something and put them in a bag or something - after doing prayers/ardaas ask Guru ji to guide you and pick out a paper at random and that will be the answer Guru ji determines

and before any one mocks my idea - i have to say it has worked for me a few times and i only carried it out after 4 different chardi kalla brothers advised me to

about your situation - if you are not happy or you know inside you want/need to get out then you should - past experiences have denoted that it's not always a good idea to do something i.e. carry on with the relationship in fear of hurting someone because then in the end you will be the one who has regrets - end of the day whatever happens is because God has willed it - maybe you owed each other something from a past life - this may sound harsh but it's your life and sometimes you have to be selfish and do what is best for you according to the way YOU feel not the way someone else expects/wants you to feel

both of you will have to accept Guru ji's decision - as hard as it may be

hope that helps

[Princess]

great replies/suggestions

i wud say definately tell the gurl exactly how u feel n dun keep her in the dark

if u two hav this strong emotional connection then she'll unddrstand exactly how u feel n respect u for bein straight up for her

im sure she wud nevr wana get in the way of ur sikhi and support u wit this

but most gurls mite b a lil 'broken down' by it n try n convince ya that u can do both

but the gurl will eventually understand that it wont work ... for now ... n even tho she acts a lil down sumtimes or awkward around u for a lil bit , she'll eventually realize she has nuttin to b down bout n become a stronger person

gurls r ... well ... they may act one way n feel another

they may act like they hate u for doing this to them n they cant believe wha ur saying, but (if they reli care) deep down they respect n want to help u thru everything

u two can probably stil b friends n then if u two r meant to b together in the future, u two WILL b together

if not, then it wuznt meant to b n guru ji has sumthin else planned for ya (always sumthin amazing cuz he always wnats amazin things for his children)

butt tell the gurl how u feel for sure n dun lead her on into thinkin everythin is 'fine n dandy'

she'll respect u more for bein upfront wit her n will support u in evry way possible

if it comes down to not talking at all to ya or nethin along those lines, she wud even go to that extent , i knw i wud...if i were in that position, it has to do wit sikhi, n i dun think ne woman wud ever want to get into the way of sum1 else's sikhi (same goes for men)

mmm

random thoughts

i dun think i made sense in a few parts

bhul chuk maaf