Jump to content

Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'wedding'.

More search options

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


    • Agree to Disagree

Found 23 results

  1. Forced Marriage

    Forced Arranged marriage - India Please only reply if you have experience in such matters. I went to India this year to do an arranged marriage. I have never married or had any relationships before. Due to my age (32) was finding it very difficult to find a marriage partner in the UK. My family and I decided the best thing would be to go to India to find a girl. We went there with a positive frame of mind hoping to find someone decent, honorable and from a good family. As my age was getting on I was not being fussy or bothered to much about the girls looks as I was not exactly perfect myself. What mattered more was her personality and if she was kind and considerate and from a good family. I have always been told that the really good-looking ones can be be a handful anyway. When we got there, we did the usual thing of finding someone (vachola) who finds ristas. They were not the best, in all we had 2 of them. They were more concerned about money more than anything and it was difficult to trust them. As time went on- (we stayed there for 2 months) In that time we simply could not find anyone that was compatible and suitable. Many of the girls I did not like in one way or another without sounding shallow, they were not that nice looking. I am not superficial in terms of looks. I was not looking for aisha rai or a super model. But I thought it was important that there was a certain level of attraction for me to have for the girl. Anyway, as time went on we realized that options were limited over there. In the end we only find 2 suitable ristas out of 10 girls we saw.At one point we were actually thinking of returning home due to not finding a suitable match. Due to the chaotic nature of being in India with all the pressures with an arranged marriage from family members over there. We decided on a girl at the last minute. The only problem was that we did not follow the usual protocol of meeting the girls family and having a proper conversation with them beforehand. It was just a spontaneous decision to agree to the marriage on a whim. The only contact we had was seeing the girl briefly for a few minutes and the mother at the gurdwara. Other then that it was virtually a blind marriage. I did not get a chance to talk to the girl even once. It took a while for things to move forward with the girls family not agreeing to the marriage in the first place. It took a lot of persuading from the vacholas to get them to agree. When they finally agreed. We was over the moon for a while. We then had the shagun(engagement) It was after this stage that serious doubts started to emerge for me. The girl looked very different from the girl we had seen before prior to the shagun. To put it bluntly I did not find her attractive which I think is important in a marriage partner. I was having doubts about the whole wedding. I also saw and met the family for the first time. They were extremely poor. This did not bother me that much but the family were not the best either. Many of the older women from their family were divorcees it did not seem like the best of families. It suddenly dawned on me that we completely rushed into the marriage without taking time to meet the family, talking to the girl or even visiting their house before we agreed to the marriage. But having said all this it was to late. We had completed the Shagun. Family pressure at this stage was immense. Seeing everyone so overjoyed and happy. Seeing my mother so happy it was difficult to tell anyone my true feelings. I did not want to sound shallow or big headed and tell everyone that I did not like the girl. Most importantly for me though was that I did not like the girl from the inside. There was no emotional connection or chemistry. I found here to be rude, inconsiderate, immature and basically not my type at all. It was all our fault somewhere along the line from the girl’s side to my family’s side as we both rushed into to it without doing even basic research. Like finding out the girls age. I do however believe the onus was on the girls side to meet us properly at their house before agreeing to such a big decision. We asked them on numerous times for us to come over but they refused. I do feel that they did not want to us to find out they were so poor. Most importantly invite us around so we could have a proper chat with the girl. It was like everything was done without following the proper protocols and procedures. At the same time pressure was mounting from all sides to complete the marriage now that we had agreed to it. A few days before the wedding I eventually let my true feelings out in the open. I told my parents that my gut feeling was we were making the wrong decision. Based on the fact that we did not even speak to the girl beforehand, did not speak to their family or visit their house. It was arranged and organised from far distance by the vacholas who’s only interest was receiving their payments. It seemed like a lottery if this marriage was to work. Postponement BUT. And this is were all the contention and acrimony lies. Due to all the stress of family pressure and not hurting the brides family along with a million different emotions and feelings. I said to my family I want to put the wedding on hold for a few days and then make my decision if I wanted to go ahead with the wedding after that period.This request was unequivocally rejected. I was told that I had 1 hour to make a decision – yes or no, I was put on the spot. I was told by an older member of the family. I could not postpone the wedding as they said if I postponed the wedding then ended it after I would hurt the family twice. I don’t understand this logic then and still don’t know. All I wanted was some time to make the decision. I had to say either yes or no within this short time frame. At the time I had a lot of pressure to say yes from family members. But deep down I knew I was not sure. I did not want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I was completely unsure of what to do.I thought the best thing to do in these circumstances is take some time to think about it as it’s a big decision that will affect me for the rest of my life. All my pleas for more time to think were completely rejected. I was under enormous pressure. The decision was not easy. I felt if I said ‘NO’ to the marriage I would have let everyone down as we had completed the shagun ceremony. At the same time there was no point going ahead if I had serious doubts. My only last option that I thought was the best solution was to return to the uk and put the wedding on hold. This would give us time to think about it rationally and sensibly with a clear head away from India and the pressure from family, vachole ect.However, I was never given the option of thinking about it. I was instead given the option of saying yes or No in a 1 hour time frame. Due to not being given the time I needed I now think I have made the wrong decision by going ahead with the marriage. I have now married this girl and believe I have made the wrong decision. I do not know what to do. Having spent 2 weeks in India with her I can honestly say there is nothing about her that I like at all and no connection. I don’t blame the girl though as this whole marriage was rushed and done by our families without meeting each other and talking beforehand to se if we liked each each other.Now I am not sure what to do. I think both families have made a big mistake. I am very distressed at this point. I feel more anger towards my family for pressuring to go ahead with the marriage more then anything. I feel the girl is completely blameless. Some family are saying to not bring over the girl. But then I will have to live the with guilt of ruining someone’s life forever. I am now faced with the prospect of bringing over this girl to the UK. I feel deep down we are not compatible. But now having done the marriage I am now obliged to follow through with it and do not know what the future will hold for us. What if we have kids then get divorced. It will make things a 100 times worse for us and everyone involved. I have now 2 options now. To go ahead and bring this girl over knowing we are not compatible and I am not attracted to her. There being a chance we will have kids then a divorce which will make things 100 times worse for both of us. Or just ending the marriage before it has even began and paying off any costs the girls side has. Also note we specifically did not ask for a dowry from the girl’s family. All I know is whatever I do. Its not going to be easy. My gut instinct is saying. Call this whole thing off. Go to India again and find someone I am more confident I will be happy with. Instead of just hoping that I will eventually come to like the girl I married and enduring an unhappy marriage. At the moment. I just wish I never agreed to this marriage in the first place. But I cannot turn back time now. Currently I have stopped speaking to parents as I believe they should have given me more time to properly think this through before going ahead with the marriage. Please help if you have been in similar situations. Many Thanks
  2. Think about this, olden people used to do weddings before 12 not after, why? There must be reason. Also from what ive seen most weddings which happened after 1 o clock ends up in divorse. Is it me or have you guys seen this too?
  3. wedding dillema

    So I broke off a an egagement And now Im trying to do it again. but now that trust is broken. not sure how I can reeasure the other party except give my word that it wont happen again. this is in india btw. Any ideas how I can get thia marriage back on track.
  4. Hello. My Indian Jatt Sikh boyfriend proposed last month. I accepted. We're very much inlove. I've been trying to look up how mixed race/mixed religions combine their 'ideals & traditions'. I'm a White British atheist but have always wanted the traditional white dress. I also love the Sikh weddings, and of course will be having a very traditional Sikh wedding. I've seen that some people, through YouTube videos, have 2 marriage ceremonies... one Sikh and one non-religious/very western... is this a pretty common option, to have both? Is there not a way to put aspects of my dream wedding within the Sikh marriage ceremony? Or would it be best to do 'my' side of things the day after? Also, my father is meant to give me away. I have no relationship with him, so can I use my mother or sister? I'd love to know if anyone here can tell me what options they've seen or even been a part of. I'm going to India in December to witness some inlaw-weddings, and I will talk to my inlaws then, for information... but I'm just researching for myself at the moment, you know? Thank you in advance.
  5. The Punjabi Wedding Breakdown

    this is very true lol
  6. Just trying to raise awareness about our service within the Sikh community. Turban Rishta is a bespoke matchmaking service for UK Sikh turban professionals. We have over 30 years of experience of doing this locally and have launched our website. We have personal reasons for why we wish to do this for free and would like to reach out to as many people as possible. Please visit/share and sign up to attend our events - www.turbanrishta.com
  7. What might come as shock to sikh / punjabi wedding , a woman is seen with her turbaned groom husband , in only sweat shorts. On top she's wearing the usual choli , dupatta, but the lehenga is missing !! lol http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/everything-social/this-brides-wedding-ensemble-manages-to-set-twitter-on-fire/?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=TOI KI JALOOS KADYA !
  8. Fremont Sikh wedding brawl

    Waheguru ji ka khalsa, Waheguru ji ki fateh Just came across this story and it made me sick to my stomach. I don't even know what to say, this is what alcohol does to people. Instead of finding Waheguru they find alcohol and "punjabi-ism". They were beating people laying on the ground defenceless because they were drunk and angry. Those that are getting arrested have Singh in their name, bringing bad perceptions onto our community. Something really needs to be done. See this article and then theres a link in there to more information where it says updates http://www.eastbaytimes.com/2017/05/09/police-banquet-hall-brawl-in-fremont-involved-35-50-people-several-injured/
  9. Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh! I wanted to know why some people wear Kalgis on their wedding day, also a side-question; why shouldn't we wear a Kalgi if we are children of Guru Sahib, (since he's the highest king, and Kalgi is a sign of royalty)?
  10. Throwing Rangh

    Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh Does anyone know the real history or relevance of throwing rangh on wedding cards/bags of sugar or on the boys side after a kurmai? Any reference to history would be helpful Thanks Gurdial Singh
  11. Amritdhari Wedding

    Wjkk wjkf, So, my family aren't amridhari sikhs however I am myself. I'd like to know more about the wedding ceremony. Are amritdhari's allowed to have a wedding reception hall after the anand karaj ceremony? If they are what would be an acceptable celebration with family and friends? Forgive me for saying anything wrong. I'd appreciate all comments and suggestions from sangat ji. :)
  12. do you have to be amritdhari to be a sikh I ask because there is an interesting question going around regarding interfaith marriages what if both the man and women are born in a Sikh family but both are agnostic or atheist an are getting married in the gurdwara cause they see it as a cultural tradition would these weddings be banned in gurdwaras?? if a mona can marry in the gurdwara then can't a gora or someone out of faith say they are Sikh just to get married in the gurdwara I know of a gora who married a girl from turkey an he pretended to be a muslim for a day just so they could get married
  13. Sri Guru Gobind Singh Ji's order to all Sikhs was: "Shaster vidyaa atae ghorhae di savaari". Master the horse and the sword. Until that day actually arrives, and its your wedding day, may I politely suggest you hire a limousine instead ? :biggrin2:
  14. ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ ਕਾ ਖ਼ਾਲਸਾ ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ ਕੀ ਫਤੇ I've been invited to a naamdhari wedding of someone I work with. It is going to be at 5am in the morning starting with Asa Di Vaar before the Ananj Karaj. Would it be wrong if I went? In my opinion I'm going to go for the Keertan. Sangats input will be much appriciated
  15. I need some help. I am a catholic, British female and my partner is a British sikh male. We want to get married this year and what to do the ceremony in a temple in India. Legally we won't be 'married' as I'm aware we have to be in the country for at least 30 days before they can pass everything and so we just want to do the ceremony in India then when we come home, legalise it here. My question however to you all is.... Will a temple allow me to have the ceremony seeing as I'm not sikh? ?
  16. VJKK VJKF! I went to a recent AKJ wedding and they did their laavan standing up. After speaking to a few of the wedding party it came to light that it is quite common within the AKJ to do their Laavan standing up. My question is why has this changed? All our ancestors have sat down and done the Laavan? was their anand karaj not correctly performed then? Bhul Chuk Maaf VJKK VJKF!
  17. WJKK WJKF I understand the simple internet translations, but if someone could bring them to a deeper level that would be great. I mainly just need the first one for now, so if that's all you can do, that's fine. Thank you so much in advance WJKK WJKF
  18. Are Gurdwara's Breaking The Law?

    Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh UK Sikh gurdwara's are continuing to carry out inter-faith weddings against Akal Takht advice. The Rehat Maryada states 'Persons professings faiths other than the Sikh faith cannot be joined in wedlock by the anand karaj ceremony.' So, although the marriages may be legal under UK law, are the marriages recognised under Sikh principles? Are gurdwara masand's breaking the law by conducting marriages under 'false pretences'?
  19. Sikh Wedding Insult

    Like most "Punjabi weddings" this article is an insult to Anand Karaj and incorrectly labels Sikhism - http://www.thestar.com.my/Lifestyle/Features/2013/09/25/Sikh-wedding-thats-steeped-in-splendour.aspx If ever you need an example of how Sikh weddings should NOT be performed then read this article. 1) "Sikh wedding that's steeped in splendour" - Sikh weddings should be simple and humble. 2) "Family and friends were swept up in the excitement as they purchased new suits and kurtas for the five-day ceremony." - New suits and kurtas and a five day ceremony are not required. 3) "As the wedding date neared, invitations were sent out personally, in keeping with Sikh tradition." - This is not a Sikh tradition but a Punjabi 'cultural' tradition. 4) "The first ceremony began with the maiyan (oil ceremony) whereby the bride-to-be was cleansed, followed by the mehendi (applying of henna) which was attended by close relatives and friends." - Sikhi is against pointless rituals. How does oil cleanse a soul? 5) "On the eve of the wedding, there was the sangeet event. It was a night of feasting and laughter, music and dancing. It was here that the groom’s entourage of almost 100 people made their grand appearance." - Another Punjabi cultural tradition, not part of Sikhism. 6) "The pulsating beat of the dhol (Punjabi drum) filled the air and soon enough, everyone was tapping their feet. Members from the groom and bride’s side took to the dance floor, swaying to the rhythmic beat of Bhangra music." - Another Punjabi cultural tradition, not part of Sikhism. 7) "Expectations are high as this is a traditional wedding. Gone are the days when family and friends attended a wedding as observers. Expectations have soared since. Meticulous planning is necessary to ensure that everyone invited to the wedding is entertained and taken care of." - More Punjabi cultural traditions, not part of Sikhism. 8) "My sister and her husband took full ownership of the wedding, following the rituals from A-Z." ??? What rituals were these? 9) "Although it has been more than a month, the wedding remains a talking point among friends and relatives. It was truly a wedding to remember." - Remembered for the wrong reasons... The author 'Dr Pola Singh' seems to be proud of his niece's wedding however that is no excuse to portray "Sikh" weddings in such an incorrect manner. Bu all means label this as a 'Secular Modern Punjabi Wedding' but not Sikh. Anand Karaj is the 'joyful union' of two souls in front of (and by) Sri Guru Granth Sahib. http://www.discoversikhism.com/sikhism/empty_ceremony.html http://www.discoversikhism.com/sikhism/sikh_anand_karaj.html
  20. Eating Jhoot Of Spouse?

    WJKK WJKF I am already engaged but I am taking amrit before my wedding next spring, my spouse will take amrit later as she is not at the this stage yet. My question is can we eat eachothers Jhoot once we are married (after Anand Karaj in front of SGGS)? Not asking if we can get married, just asking if we can eat each others jhoot... cuz punjabi culture has wedding ceremonies were couple eats in same plate... I mean if we are going to have a physical relationship, what is wrong with jhoot? Bhul Chuk Maaf. Guru Ang Sang
  21. Waheguru ji ka Khalsa waheguru ji ki FATEH .. I want to ask .... Someone in my family i found out today that my cousin got married to a Christian guy in anand karaj have they done Beadbi if did what should we do about this. We looked up online and it also said No it is Beadbi. .. We know its not allowed but were just making sure before we act Me and my brothers are pissed... We are definilty going to confront them if they have done Beadbi because we had told the brother of the girl that if not sikh don't allow anand karaj to happen until we find out for sure. Is a Christian allowed to get anand karaj with a sikh ?? we think no but just makin sure and if so what do we do my brothesr want to beat the crap out of the parents and the brother for allowing it but our dad said just to confront them with words what do we do ???? Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Maharaj
  22. I'm going to be attending my buddies wedding this weekend. I need some help with what to wear. I wanted to buy a nice suit plus wear a pagri that matches the accent color of the suit. I was told if I wear any color to make sure to wear blue, so I would have the pagri match the blue (or maybe just black). I wanted to wear a pagri and not a bandanna because a white dude with a bandanna looks so cheese, like a biker gang just crashed the party. Any of you have suggestions? Here is a picture of me, if you need help with matching complexion. Any help would be most appreciated.
  23. Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh ji, I've been attending weddings since ever basically lol typical. But its soon to be my own. So basically someone in the family found/recomended a girl for me to my parents and things got rolling from there. I plan to take Amrit in the near future. I want to get into keeping rehit before i take Amrit so i know i can commit to keeping rehit instead of taking Amrit and then seeing if i can keep it or not. The proposed girl for me is not kesdhari at the moment. I'm hoping here journey will lead her onto this path soon. Now both families are typically punjabi. Hardcore partiers etc. 1) I just want the Anand Karaj to take place, Guru ka Langar and we all go home. I realize this is a dream world fantasy of mine. Does anyone think this could be possible? I dont listen to music, i dont dance drink or eat forbidden food- i dont want all this to take over my own wedding. So can there be a compromise as im pretty sure both families will never agree to a total no party policy. Hows no meat no alcohol and i will not be dancing like a lunitic? Just food, deafening music and people dancing... And when should i make all this clear to the girls family? I think this could potentially be a deal breaker. 2) Is the Kurmai and Chunni ceremony Gurmat? I've seen how the groom is given dried fruits nuts etc in his palla/parna thing and then fed a shuwara/dried date. I don't understand what this represents so am questioning whether this is Gurmat at all. I've seen this take place in the Darbar Sahib. What is this all about? And can I take part in all this? 3) The maiya/mehndi which takes place on the days leading to the wedding. Haldi doh stuff is applied to the groom/bride-to-be. I really dont fancy that. Too intimate and spray on fake tan would do the same job! Pretty sure this is not Gurmat. 4) Groom & Kalgi- this is a no no right? How come this happens all too often? Why is nothing said/explained to sangat before/during the Anand Karaj? And the groom holds a sword- any reason? 5) Can this all work out between me, a kesdhari hoping to soon take Amrit, and a non kesdhari girl? Pul chuk maaf ji.