Search the Community

Guru roop piare saadhsangat ji I have a big concern. I really feel like my guru doesn't like me. Ever since I've come into sikhi it's like I'll take 2 steps forward and then they'll do something like make me uncomfortable in sangat or treat me differently to other people in sangat or make relationships (friendships) with people in my sangat very awkward. I came into sikhi through sangat and then some of the people in that sangat just became very slightly more distant from me and it wasn't anything malicious (it felt like it but I'm sure it wasn't) but they didnt treat me with the same love and respect as they did before. I'm not asking for love and respect I'm just curious as to what I did for them to not like me as much anymore. I showed them so much love literally like how much I would show to my own brother and they always just kept conversations and interaction with me minimal even though it wasn't like that before. And even coming into sikhi I feel like I take 2 steps forward and then guru takes me 3 steps back and then I fight back and go 4 steps forward and they take my 5 steps back and this literally happens constantly and it's so exhausting. I really feel like since I've come into sikhi I don't belong in sikhi and literally the only thing keeping me here is 1 or 2 people in my sangat which has about 15-25 people in it that we know and talk to and that I have so much love for my guru but I feel like my guru doesn't like me and if that is the case I literally have nothing left in my life. Yeah I've made so many mistakes but I defintley have noticed all my mistakes, even if they're so small, get blown up so big and they always make me look so bad Infront of sangat and stuff even though there's people in my sangat that make mistakes all the time but no-one speaks to them any differently or treats them any differently than how they treat me when I make a mistake. I literally don't have any hopes for sikhi infact I wanted to get and take amrit but now I'm having doubts about that as well cos I always thought when I take amrit everything will be fine but now given all the times that in the past that I thought "everything will be fine" like when one person in my sangat who was a huge part of it started acting weird with me, it just got worse and now I'm thinking after amrit what if this carries on and I have to live my whole life like this. And I can't even feel like I can ask for a hukamnama because I feel like there's a chance I'll get one that has a go at me after everything I've already been through or puts me off my sikhi and because it comes straight from my guru I'll never be able to bounce back from a hukamnama that like that would the final thing that would just make me out my hands up Can someone please help me? I'm literally broken. I've been fighting this for so long and now I'm seriously having doubts. theres no saadhsangat without naam and In saadhsangat all problems are solved so now we have naam I'm sure there will be a solution to this. tjank you everyone for your time.