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Found 82 results

  1. My husband is Amritdhaari Sikh and he is divorcing me after domestic violence and abuse .i still believed that my husband loved me I can't let go of the feeling of love towards him My husband is Amritdhaari Sikh and he is divorcing me after domestic violence and abuse and making false criminal charges on me just after 6 months of our marriage.. I was married here and came from India and was confined at home for 6 months..there were many daily instances of differential treatment with me and of abuse with me daily..i still believed that my husband loved me but after he put me through the most horrible situation, i still can't let go fo the feeling fo love towards him..everyone is saying I am saved by Waheguru but why do i still want to be with..i still want to talk to him once..i was thrown out of their house in a demeaning way and still i have feelings for him..why? What should i do...he has applied for divorce too and i dont want to divorce him..i love him truly and i have no one to go back to..my parents are not alive..am homeless in a foreign country..why did he do this to me after all this sikhi talk at his home and i was to take Amrit with him on this Baisakhi..why is this happening?
  2. kesh

    Hello, I am seeking advice from the Sangat on a dilemma that I am in. For the past four years I have been reading gurbani. I was raised in a Sikh (non-amritdhari) family. I am a Mona myself. After reading gurbani, and completing a sehaj paat, I have fell at the feet of Satguru. I am addicted to doing paat and listening to Katha. I have also been having thoughts of keeping my Kesh, to the point where I can not stop thinking about it. I don't feel like cutting my hair and I feel as though Kesh is the missing piece of my spiritual journey into Sikhi. I have been married for 7 years now, and I have discussed keeping my Kesh with my wife. She does not feel that I need to and that I can be spiritual without Kesh. She also says that I should wait until later in life. We have disagreed on this and I feel as though sat guru is giving me the jewel of Kesh. On the flip side, I'm not sure how it will affect my marriage. Guru Nanak Sahib Ji also said to live a gristi Jeevan. I'm just reaching out to see if any one else in the sangat has had similar issue and can relate, or offer some advice. Thank you, Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh
  3. Waheguru ji ka khalsa, waheguru ji ki fateh Sangat please help me with this problem i am having. I am from the UK, and my family is sikh. Although i do not believe in caste because i follow sikhi, my family is chamar. I met a girl while studying at university and we became friends, however this accidentally blossomed into love without meaning for it to. She is also sikh, but her family is Jatt, and they are very casteist. Although she herself does not believe in caste because she also tries to follow sikhi, her family believe in it strongly. Now we all know here that there is no jaat paat in Sikhi, is there a way to convince her family? I have met them before just as her friend and they assumed i am Jatt because they think I look like one. My and my family do not fall into any stereotypes they may have about lower castes for example: we are all fair skinned, we follow pure sikhi, we are relatively well off etc. I am very well educated, i have a good job and i get told that i am a very good natured and caring person. Another issue i have is her parents have said that she can marry a Jatt or a Tarkhan but not a Chamar. Surely marrying out of caste to any different caste should be treated the same. Please help with how to resolve this, and give me any advice you can. Thank you
  4. Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh! Can anyone explain logically why caste still exists in our Panth? Especially among those who tell everyone caste doesn't exist to the outside, but when it comes for actually putting it into practice they forget everything about the right side. There are Hindus today who value their personal caste less than some Sikhs which is just depressing if you asked anyone. Also how can we logically combat this idea in some old-aged Pakhandis minds. Especially among Pakhandidharis, (those who took Amrit yet still keep Non-Sikh practices), which makes people question the need for Amrit. Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh!
  5. I was just wondering what people's thoughts was on broken families, well parents being divorced. The word broken is just wrong. The older I get the more I find the amount of stigma attached to young people and adults who come from divorced parents. An example would be when a a Sikh man wants to get married to a Sikh women, but their parents are against it because the man comes from a so called broken family, but what has that got to do with the man? he still could be hard working, loyal, and honest. i'm not sure if women are faced with the same thing. What if the divorced parents met other people and are happy, should that go against the son or daughter? I find our culture very judgemental in this aspect and as a Sikh should't we supporting each other instead of turning each other away. Anyway I was just wondering what peoples thoughts was on this. Would you get married to a Sikh women or man who came from the broken family and would your family be 100% okay with this?
  6. vaheguru ji ka khalsa vaheguru ji ki fateh, the tittle pretty much sums it up - im 21 studying at uni and have been struggling with severe anxiety for a good few years. im finally working my way back up in my life and im happy, and im happy with myself and with the progress im making in my life. however according to relatives i should be married as soon as possible, if not, now. this makes no sense to me? times have changed, life spans have increased, retirement age will be much higher for our time, cost of living is only increasing and my generation wont have a great pension to spend in comparison to the current pension holders. not only that, but due to my mental health 'probems' im not stable enough for marriage. sure on the outsude i looke perfectly fine, but i know i am not. ive taken a few risks in my life thinking it would change for the better but i regret all of those decisions, so please can no one say that i should just go for it and it will be fine, no it wont. the advice i need is how to get relatives off my back. none of my relatives (i have good reasons) know about my severe anxiety and how much it has affected me. they dont know that kind of situations i have overcome to be who i am today. essentially i dont feel like they know me at all because theyre not even looking out for amritdhari when i myself, very very soon will be blessed with amrit! i am not ready for marriage at all, and i want to START enjoying my life. ive never been completely selfish, but having started to allow myself to, it has helped my anxiety issues a lot. so how can i help them understand i do not want to marry now, without them understanding completely? (please dont suggest i tell them everything because they wont understand)
  7. Dear Sangat Ji, I am hoping to get marrried, I have been praying since I was 25 to find someone. I believe in God, and honestly have survived some near death expereinces recently,and just have a burning desire to get married. I have been unable to find a suitable life partner, is there a prayer or nitnem that I can read that will help me. I am somewhat dukhi as I would like a wife and to start a family. I have never fooled around or anything. I just wanted a familyl. Thank you
  8. Hello, I am not sure if my previous post was successful but my name is Simran and I have fallen in love with a muslim man. I want to marry him but I'm unsure of the reaction I will receive when introducing a muslim man to my family. He is 24 and I am 23. I would really appreciate your views on an interfaith marriage, more specifically a sikh-muslim marriage, and any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Simran.
  9. Hi I am in a similar situation myself, similar age and I've found it difficult to find the right guy, mainly because of morals. AIso, I went through a few periods in my life with family etc which made me lose my self confidence and I became basically the opposite of how I used to be. Get your confidence and self belief back, we are Sikhnis of the Guru, there's no time or need to be shy in this world, love and respect yourself, you're great as you are. Try and read the book, the Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N Aaron, I've just started reading it. I bet you're kind hearted and a good soul, and people like that are rare in this world. Find a guy who is worthy of you. If you're looking for a guy with morals, try and find a man who is spiritual and who holds morals dear to his heart. I've learned that it doesn't matter how desirable a guy may seem to women, if he doesn't strive to be a good person and treat a woman with respect, the rest doesn't matter, don't settle for a bad soul. And don't give up, I know women in their late 30's and early 40's who are looking so you're not old in comparison. While you're looking, discover yourself, we come alone and we go alone so try and be innately independant and focus on your own life before you marry. Feel free to make an account and PM me on here if you need to talk.
  10. I'm a very simple, shy girl. I am not a strict Sikh but I believe in and trust Waheguru. Im turning 30 this year and I want to find the right man to share my life with and start a family with. I never dated and I've always been socially shy. I dont have any friends or family who I can rely on to arrange a rishta for me. The loneliness never affected me before but I am feeling it now. I have tried online dating and met a few guys. But they all lose interest in me because going out partying and drinking isn't my cup of tea. I feel lost and I dont know where to meet my partner. I am afraid I will be alone forever.
  11. Basically im getting to the point were I need to find someone for marriage. Not sure were the best place to find someone. anyone got any ideas??? My plan was as follows. Joining sikh/asian matrimonials or singles/dating sites. Has anyone got any experience with these sites and are they worth the subscription costs Sites I was thinking of were singlesikhs, shaadi.com, eharmony, ect. please let me know? Thanks. advice urgently needed and appreciated. Im also a Mona.
  12. Do these pendu punjabi families not know how to bring up their scummy daughters? And do these girls not know to marry a muslim and increase Islamic demographics means more terrorism and persecution of non-muslims (ie their own families). Whats wrong with these idiots. It's like they are begging for their own oppression and persecution in coming future. http://www.afrizap.com/en/rita-mahrez
  13. Everybody is either telling me to get married or are getting married. But i am not feeling that marriage vibes. Currently, i don't want to get married, ever ! It is not that, i am A saint or Udasi sant. I just can't. I'm a amritdhari sikh guy 24. When i think about marriage, all i can think about is negatives that it will bring. It will take away my freedom and God knows what else. But on others hand there is my parents, telling me to get married. I love them and care for them. But this is way too much for me. And they are upset with my current decision. So please advice me.
  14. HONESTLY, what are the chances of myself, a Singhni with a little facial hair (not willing to remove or bleach), finding a decent Singh who will be fine with my Kes. Wherever my Kes is.
  15. A few weeks ago someone exposed the gyani who was prepared to perform anti-sikh religious anad karaj marriage to non-sikhs was it this guy? if so can we hold a nationwide boycott against this guy and excommunicate him from us. http://sangatshop.org/sukhmani_sahib_bhai_manjit_singh_ji
  16. WJKK WJKF Hi all, I've been avoiding asking 'dating' or marriage advice on here because I have seen issues get sidetracked in the past. I would like some advice on a situation I am currently in. I am in my early 20's (female) and have deliberately made sure I have not got caught up in what seems to be the normality of dating and sleeping around whilst I study. I'm getting to an age where finding a suitable partner is on my mind, I know I'm young yet but this is with the intention of not having to rush and find someone desperately when I am older which I have seen with many family members that leave it late to settle down. I decided to try online dating, I see it as more of a virtual introduction similar to what might happen with family. I will never compromise my own personal values and this is what has perhaps put me in a predicament. I am not comfortable talking to more than one person, it feels to me very dishonest - you wouldn't be introduced to more than one potential partner in the sikhi way of finding someone so I don't feel comfortable doing it with dating either. I feel it can encourage an attitude of never being happy and always looking for better, but also that it is often linked to very superficial judgements. In my honest opinion providing the basic values of two people match they will be able to build a successful life together - you only have to look at some of the very successful arranged marriages around. It has always been important to me to find someone with similar values, one of which is sikhi and I had always imagined that this would mean a guy with a turban. I am currently getting to know someone with very similar values to myself and who is very spiritual but perhaps not 'religious' in the sense that he cuts his hair... as a results of not feeling comfortable talking to more than one person I decided to stop talking to someone who also seemed to have some similar values and interests but did have a turban. I do not want to compromise my own sikhi but know that I am a long way of from keeping my hair myself and am in no position to be able to judge or expect a higher level of religiousness in a potential partner... how important should this one factor be? In the same way it is wrong for women to say no to guys with turbans is it not equally superficial and unfair to say no to someone without one? Especially if two peoples values and spirituality seem to match? Is there anyway to really know what will happen in the future either, you could marry someone religious that changes their views in the future and vice versa... I am also very honest about the fact that I am 'dating' with my parents, at present their biggest fear is that I will 'settle' for the first person... how bad is this really? If I had been introduced to someone suitable by a family member and ended up marrying them surely it is the same as finding a suitable partner first time around with a little help from a dating app? Plus having been to uni means I have a pretty good idea of whats out there, and honestly it is very disappointing to see the condition of some of todays sikh youth, many have forgotten their own roots and values.... The joy of balancing modern life with traditional values is very confusing.... please help.... (don't judge the 'dating' bit - I know my limits and would never cross the line we see so many youths do these days)
  17. I was having a conversation with two Sikh guys of different caste backgrounds and they both told me they avoid jatti girls now because they are such a disgrace to Sikhi. They both said these days jattis and jatts are only interested in being in their own hindu brahmin given caste than listen to their Guru's and marry someone who is a Sikh regardless of caste. One was telling me how he was getting to know this girl who calls herself a proud Sikh girl on a dating site but has slept around with white guys and see's it as not a problem to be with non-sikh guys but her parents would flat out refuse her marrying any non-jatt Sikh guy so while she is sleeping around with non-sikh guys when it comes to marriage they will allow her to marry a white or jatt guy only. The other guy told me that he was getting to know this Sikh girl who seemed to tick all the boxes he is looking for in a girl until she asked for his surname, he said singh but then she said no whats your real surname. Being a Sikh he said singh again then she brought out her true intentions and openly asked what caste he was. He just said he is a Sikh and he doesnt believe in castes. And Sikhi is against castes so are you a castist or a Sikh? She said she is a sikh but for her parents sake she has to marry the same caste. He then told her good luck and blocked her from his contacts. Now brothers and sisters, if this is the state we are in where these girls mainly from the jatt articial brahmin hindu caste system only want to marry within their own caste against Sikhi and yet sleeping around with white, black and muslim guys then there is a serious issue in our kaum that needs addressing. Jatts are not alone in this, some of the tharkhan/ramgharia's girls are also holding out on the same ancient backward hindu caste belief system. Brahmin Hindu pandit's must be laughing their heads of at the state of our supposedly anti-caste religion. Once the brahmin priestly class could only dream of making Sikhs of the Guru's believe in discriminatory caste system but now they have managed to influence and pump up the various castes against each other to stick with their brahmin given castes their job is half done to Hinduise and keep Sikhs disunited. This is how inter-faith anti Sikh antics start when pendu punjabi castist parents tell their daughters you can marry anyone as long as its a gora or same caste.... these girls need get it into their heads that being with a fellow sikh regardless of their race or caste is the correct way of thinking.
  18. Meri marriage ajj ton 2 year pehla gurudwara sahib hoi c but mere and meri wife de parents nai c marriage vh asi apni mrji nal marriage krwai c... Meri wife apne ghr hi rehdi c pr hun jdo ohde ghr pta laga tan ohna ne jwab de dita... Court eh marriage nu accept krdi aa ya na ?
  19. Please attend our event on Saturday and let your friends and family know. You can sign up on the day and the event is always free. ð
  20. Please attend our event on Saturday and let your friends and family know. You can sign up on the day and the event is always free. ð
  21. wjlkk wjkf, I don't know what to do. I have been married for 3 and a half year but we separated after 8 months only. I did not leave but some unknown conversation at his house resulted in my husband failing to pick me up from my parents house as he agreed he would when I went to stay over for a night. That was when this whole nightmare got even worse and I we ended up separated. My married life started on a positive, and I was very happy. My husband literally was the man of my dreams and we got along on every level, I really coudln't have asked maharaj for more. I used to go to visit his family, was close with his mum... I felt so blessed and lucky! But, within weeks of being married and living in the house, I was introduced to a different side of this dream. My mother in law began to chip away at me, ordering me, whispering digs in my ear, putting me down, making disrespectful remarks towards my parents, putting restrictions on what I could and could not do (e.g. I wasn't allowed to sit with my husband at weddings, i was told never to allow my husband into the kitchen to help me etc, I was banned from seeing my parents for 2 months at a time because she felt I didn't love her like I did my own mother, wanting me to quit my job etc). The turn itself was enough to mess with one mind. Within weeks, in my in laws house I felt bullied, the remarks and digs were constant and always "dropped" in the middle of a conversation and then continued as if nothing was said. It was mind toying as I didn't know if she was being serious or not because she would change back her hugging and smiling routine straight after so it felt impossible to go back and ask what she meant. But it would play on me and I was really scared about doing wrong, as there was always something she didn't like and I would certainly be told off, again behind closed doors if I failed to follow her latest order. If I tried to talk to her, she would tell me I am being rude and I have not been taught properly by my parents. I began crying all the time but thought I could deal with it... its just words right? I didn't tell my husband initially as my side of it seemed so petty when explaining individual scenarios. But collectively and living it daily, i felt suffocated and bullied. Feeling very alone in this house, I became withdrawn and decided to keep my distance from my mother in law thinking if I engaged in less conversations with her, she would have less opportunity to something hurtful to me. But this was the big mistake I made. On the face of it, she would kiss me, hug me, stroke my face in front of everyone and keep asking what is wrong and why I am so sad... she would ask infront of the whole family. Behind closed doors, she would continue digging into me. I couldn't cope, it was too much to unfold just weeks after moving into my in laws house, I couldn't understand anything. Little did I know, that in addition to all of this, my mother in law as telling everyone else in the house "her story" of how I was not integrating in the house and despite how much she loves me, that she felt I did not like her and I was being rude to her. They all saw me a the trouble maker who didn't like their mum/wife... and that included my husband. By the time I realised this was happening, everyone was already on her side. I was the one who was displaying all my emotions, being withdrawn, crying and always "having a face on me" I was told. She on the other hand had shown how she kissed me, hugged me, stroked my face out of concern, so everyone believed her every word... I became the bad daughter in law who was causing trouble so that she could take their son and leave the house. My husband initally showed support and said we would move, when he saw me having nightmares, hallucinations and panic attacks in the night. But when it came to taking action, he could not do it. This grew a huge wedge between us and our relationship disintergrated into something that was very spiteful and toxic. I told him everything and that I couldn't cope, that I wanted to move out and that our relationship was failing day by day. We had to do something and get out of this toxic situation. A few weeks after, I was confronted by the whole family, my husband on their side, he had told them I wanted to move out. I was read my rights and told by my father in law that no-one was moving anymore, my mother in law talked about her "chaa" not being fulfilled and my husband stood tall with them and told me we are not moving for at least a year and I needed to deal with it. This is when my world fell apart. He would be nice to me alone and comfort me but then in front of them he would be the typical punjabi husband, and me the obedient punjabi house trained wife and show me no support, compassion or solidarity. I let him do this because I had no one else and when he was being nice with me, I couldn't help but grasp it with both arms. I was in a bad state, constantly crying and I honestly wish for my life to end... it was the ardaas I did to maharaj on a daily basis. I even wanted to take my own life as I did not know how to get out this, I was so unhappy. I used to pray for maharaj to get me out and had no value left for my life. I left myself go. Eventually, my health even started to go downhill. I was a real mess. Things just went from worse to worse and the once so loving happy relationship I had with my husband, became a volatile and abusive relationship of insults and name calling. We became unrecognisable to the couple that were so happily in love before we got married. He would now swear at me and force me to do things to please his family to show them I was listening and conforming. I began to resent him. We started counselling but he told his parents and they put an end to that and summoned us not to go. He only did as his parents told him, and unfortunately most of their decisions caused our marriage to break down even more. That is just skimming the surface of my story. In the 3 years that I have been home, my family have been my rock. They have supported me, helped me rebuild my strength, inner confidence and helped me to understand and heal the wounds. I had a year of counselling reconnected with sikhi, WIth maharajs kirpa, the biggest blessing in this whole nightmare is that my sikhi path is stronger than ever and with the support and bent kirpa of maharaj, I feel like I can deal with anything, as it is all in his hukam and I know my guru is always with me. This is my dilemma now... me and my husband have never stopped loving each other. Behind closed doors he has kept in contact with me for these 3 years and we both want to make it work. I have gone from hating his family and wanting nothing to do with them to agreeing to speak to them at family functions, to then agreeing to maybe go and see them sometimes, then to agreeing for them to come to our house as they wish, then to agreeing to see them regularly, then agreeing to forget everything and just start a fresh and integrate myself with them, go around regularly, make an effort etc. I am happy to forget the past, be compassionate to all parties and give 110% to him and his family but I have asked that we get our own home so that I can have relief from the situation and also so that we can re-build our foundation too, the marriage and our relationship is the key component here. My problem is, that despite agreeing to these increasing demands over the three years, my husband is now saying this is not good enough and if my promise to maharaj and our anand karaj really means so much to me, then to save this marriage, I have to come back and live in his parents house again. He is now refusing for us to buy a place of our own, despite how scared I feel. I have told how I felt, explained the bullying and my reason why I dont't think it will be beeficial but also how scared I am but he says there is no other choice and this is his condition. I feel black mailed by him because he is using my sikhi as a weakness for him to take advantage of. Should I go back and live at his parents house, take what comes from them and accept it all as maharaj's hukam? Or should I stand up for myself and refuse to be black mailed into something that clearly has broken me before and put my health and sanity into serious compromises? I don't want to break my promise to maharaj but I also worry about the worry I will be putting my family through...
  22. The sikh community worldwide has not more than 30 million adherents. So can we afford to have interfaith marriages.I am no supporter of it but how can we stop it. Sikhism will only stay alive as long as people who profess it stay alive. What are your views on this topic ?
  23. VJKK VJKF! I am new to Sikhi and do not have a 'jatha'. I understand there are various jathas that bless their sangat with Amrit, each with their interpretation of the rehat that the baptised should follow. For example, common difference include: Keski v Kes Some allow Amrit to be blessed on those without Amritdhari spouses Only consumption of food prepared by Amritdharis v not eating the 'leftovers' of non-amritdharis - the latter being not concerned with who prepared the food Consumption of tea / coffee v it being forbidden etc etc I have no jatha as mentioned below. In my opinion, giving your head to the Guru and adopting the prescribed rehat are the only things that matter. However, given the large variance in interpretation, I am concerned as to what is actually according to Guru Rehat and what has been modified etc. over time. All I wish to get the blessing of is Amrit and uphold it with the blessing of the Guru. I do not want any hankaar in 'picking' the jatha and amrit requirements that best suit my desired lifestyle. Hope this helps. Regards,
  24. I've seen people posting marriage requests on here so I thought I'd just put this out there.. I'm an amritdhari singh, 24 years old, teacher, height 5'7". I live in the South of England. I'm looking for someone that is amritdhari and wears a keski/dastaar or would consider this. Age-wise any similar age or younger is fine (One or two years older is ok too). I won't add anything more to this post as more details can be shared afterwards. Like most people, I'm looking for someone whose personality I match with, can share a good laugh, and most importantly is looking for a life centered around Sikhi. If you are interested in finding out more, you can email me with a bit of info on singhfromsouth@gmail.com . If you don't mind please also send a photo. Only real people please!
  25. VJKK VJKF Online sangat Ji, this daas has one beantee. By way of background, I am a Sikh who met a non-sikh partner. We started dating and sometime into the relationship, Guru Sahib did kirpa and gave me the thirst for amrit. I understand and now agree that dating the non-sikh person was not proper. However, it may have been Maharaj Ji who set this khel for me. This person is lovely and has been very supportive in my aspirations. Now, she would like for us to get married and have a family etc. All of which I supported. However, now that I wish to be blessed with amrit, I ask: - will the panj payare administer this situation? - if they do, can I have a physical relation and children with her? The other thing is: - If it is a choice between Amrit and this person, I will pick Amrit and the Guru Sahib. However, I do not wish to break their heart as they also have akal roop inside them and I also consider this to be a sin. I am really confused either way. I wish to take hukamnama to resolve this and guidance from panj payare. But any other thoughts from the sangat will be greatly appreciated. VJKK VJKF Please forgive any mistakes from this lowly Sikh.