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Vaheguroo Jee Kaa Khalsaa Vaheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!! Sadh sangat ji, I am looking for some direction/advice. I took Amrit at a young age but ended up doing kuraits such as drinking alcohol, smoking and cocaine at one stage. It was a tough time I was going through but no excuse as I still had love for Sikhi. Whilst doing this I never slaughtered my Kes in any way. I always had a deep feeling of guilt whilst doing the above and hid it from everyone (the activities and guilt). Later I met someone also Amritdaari and she had done a kurait as well. I did not disclose my kuraits although she as aware that I was 'Amritdaari' and had taken my Sri Sahib off but kept all other four kakkars. We become a couple and one thing led to another. Anyway, we are no longer together as she passed away in a fatal accident when she was in India. I have upped my Gurbani and Simran so much with Maharaaj's kirpa since. I went to do pesh 2 years ago and took Amrit again. I wasn't able to fully explain all the kuraits I had done as one of the Panj Piyaaray just began shouting at me for the first thing I explained which is fair enough but I still feel my pesh was not complete becuase I didn't get a chance to have a word again due to the amount of praani's taking Amrit that day. Since then I have been in touch with someone and we are really close. Problem is she is married and not happy. Kaam has always been a BIG weakness of mine although I have only been with one person. I have failed again Sangat ji. Having so much knowledge of Gurbani and doing so much Simran and Seva I have still fallen. I want to sort myself out again but need to wait until I can really keep on track and get my avasta to that level. Amrit is priceless and I still remember the Panj Piyaara saying "amrit baar baar nee mildha". I would like to know if anyone has been or is in the same situation or how many times people have been to pesh and taken Amrit? Sorry for the long story but I thought I would explain the situation(s). Thank you very any answers, feedback and guidance in advance.