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WJKK WJKF Hello everyone, I have been in a relationship with this guy for 6 years. I am now 23 years old and thinking of marriage. I don’t believe in caste and neither does he. My family come from a Jatt background and his family are chamar. My family do strongly believe in caste, but I was not brought up around it. I didn’t even know about the caste system or different castes until 3 years into my relationship with my boyfriend. He doesn’t have Singh in his name, but I always thought this was because he isn’t apart of the Khalsa. When we first met, he told me he was a Sikh and that was enough for me. I am a Sikh too and have always wanted a Sikh life partner. 3 years into the relationship I learnt about his caste. Even then, I still believed he was a Sikh, so it meant no difference to me. I told my mum about our relationship this year and she asked about his caste. I told her he is a chamar and she told me how they have a different Gurdwara and believe in the Guru Ravidass. I spoke to my boyfriend about this and he told me his family go to a gurdwara that believes in Guru Ravidass and Guru Nanak Dev Ji. They read out of the Guru Granth Sahib Ji and they perform the anand karaj as a wedding ceremony. I have been looking more into what he believes and I’m very confused as to whether he is a Sikh or not. I was hoping someone may know more about this topic and can advise me whether we would be able to do anand karaj in the gurdwara?

Why is marriage between two different 'castes' within Punjabi Sikhs such a big deal? As Sikhs we aren't 'supposed' to put such a big weight on our ancestory/lineage/ (whatever you want to call it) during our normal day to day lives let alone marriage. But from the sangat of Punjabis around me, it isn't uncommon to hear conversations about how low castes are like this and that and high castes are like that and this. I've even heard people say they'd rather have their child marry out of race (culturally and religiously) than marry someone from a lower caste than them. (*Enter the 'Dafuq' meme here lol). So why is there such a big stigma against intercaste related marriages?

WJKK WJKF, I have been wanting to marry a girl who belongs to another caste. We've been together for a few years now and have been trying to move our relationship forward. My parents have been adament on not letting this happen whereas her parents are ready to move forward since the day my partner convinced them to overlook my caste. Despite me trying to explain to my parents that she is what I would want as my life partner and what our house would need as a daughter in law (ie. family-centric, caring, vegetarian, wants to progress in Sikhi with me, and etc.), caste is the only thing they see. My parents have even said said to let her go and find someone in my caste and they'll be happy (which is funny because there are not that many people of my "caste" around me anyways so regardless, it would have been be impossible for me to even find anyone unless they'd want me to marry my cousins or distant cousins lol). Ideally they want to arrange my marriage. I have explained so much that these caste differentials are not important anymore now and should've never been. And that Gurbani itself condemns this many times. I guess I can't bring Gurbani more into this as I would be a hypocrite since I am still struggling in some aspects of Sikhi and gradually working towards a Gurmat mindset. But anyways, they don't want to listen. They are worried more about what will relatives think and that our so called "enemies" will laugh at our family. And they keep saying they had so many "reeja" for my marriage (I think this would translate to expectations of getting me married in their idealistic way). I feel like the underlying issue is that they don't want to "lose" their son as they feel like they won't have as much "control", for lack of a better word, if my wife turns out to be a total nutshell and destroys the family or something lol. I tried to console them on this matter as my partner isn't that way and wants to live within my family in harmony. I have always been the obedient child out of choice so they won't have to deal with any extra nonsense in life from my end (until now I guess in their perspective). With Guru ji's Kirpa, I've graduated, have a well paying job, and carry my own weight. I continue to live at home and have my share of family responsibilities. I believe it's my duty. I have done nothing to show my parents that I can't make logical/well thought out decisions in life. So I'm not sure why they can't trust my decision of being with my partner. My partner wants to live the same lifestyle with my family as that is what she was looking for as well. I can't think of being with anybody else. The over-infatuation or honeymoon phase is long gone and we want to convert our relationship into a life of living responsibly with Sikh values and subtracting the negative Punjabi cultural values (flashing wealth, caste discrimination, gender discrimination, alcoholism, God-men Dera worship, chuggli nindya, you name it). How can I convince my parents? It has been taking me so long trying to convince them and has taken a toll on my mental health. I don't want to elope and run away from home as that would not be Gurmat. It would tear me apart and be unfair to her family as they have been understanding and are basically on standby until my family is on board. Has anybody else been in a similar situation? Any suggestions would be much appreciated!

Why are Sikhs not having more intercaste marriages and what are the barriers? I have actually been in a position were I was going to get with someone of another caste but was put of by her family who only wanted someone from their caste. I personally would also feel uncomfortable in another castes family as they may resent me.