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  1. Indian In-laws

    Hi apologies in advance for any grammer and typo errors. So i have been married for over 8 years and have 2 children. I don't live with my in-laws as they are in India. i got married in india and my husband joined me in the UK. my parents helped a great deall financially by putting down a deposit for our house and offering financial support as and when they could. they came to visit a few years back and caused so many problems between me and partner whereby they were filling his ears about how much freedom i really should have. I have never disrespected them, i suppose some will say by posting this online i am disrespecting them but i don't know where else to turn. the first time his parents visited my husband would try to boss me around, he never did this when his parents were not around. i wasn't allowed to go out alone, or answer my phone whilst they were in the house. one evening i received a call from a friend which i answered and must have been on the phone for about 5 minutes when my husband snatched the phone out of my hand and started to abuse me stating i was being rude to his parents. to this his parents did not say anything, instead kept quiet and did not try to calm him down. during this heated argument i didn't keep quiet i responded back confronting him about his change in behavior since the arrival of his parents. my husband went to hit me and his parents got up and left the room and didn't intervene or stop him. obviously i informed my parents of this situation and they came over the next day to talk to his parents to which they lied stating that nothing happened and that they are always telling their son not to argue. so this went on for the 3-4 months they were here. i never once spoke out of line to his parents and in fact treated them with the utmost respect during their time here. I'd cook and clean everyday for them, no different to what i would do if they were not there. i wasn't working at the time so i spent most of my time at home. During the day my in-laws would not talk to me and would just either stay in their room or go and sit in the other room. I asked several times for them to sit where i was but they just ignored me. When my husband returned from work, we would all sit in the lounge together but not talk to another, however every time i got up to leave the room i would hear them talk every time. I just learnt to get on with it and tried to get to the best i could. After they left, things went back to normal, we'd get on as normal. however me and my husband fell out year later. (i wont go into too much detail as to why or what happened but lets say we were both to blame). Our relationship escalated to the extent that we were not talking and were sleeping in different bedrooms and merely house sharing. this went on for 3 years during this time my parents were involved and they tried to make us reconcile however us being very stubborn we didn't listen anyone. During these 3 years not once did his family try to contact me to see how i was doing, they were well aware of the situation however they just didn't offer any support, it seemed as though they wanted us to split up. I tried to contact them and tell them about what was going on and each time they responded ' we cannot do anything, we do not have the power', after some time i stopped trying and there was no contact between us for good 2 years. During this time his younger brother came to visit and stayed in my house and again didn't talk to me a great deal. i questioned him about this and asked why he came to visit when he knew we were not getting on. To which he replied i came to see my brother. i got annoyed and told him about what had happened in the last 3 years and how were merely house sharing and that the next step would be divorce - but again i didn't get any support or sympathy from him. i expected him to go back to India and tell his parents what the situation was but that was no use as they still didn't intervene. that same year his mother came to visit again, again making plans behind my back and just sprung up at my door, i didn't even know she was coming until i saw her at my house after work. she stayed for 2 days and then went to another city to work illegally. she eventually went back, but stayed at my house for a week before going back, during this time i asked her why she came, she couldn't say she came to see her grandchildren as she didn't even stay long enough to want to get to know her. I asked if she knew about my husband and I not getting along and about the problems we had - again she responded we don't have the power to say anything. again this made my blood boil and i answered back in the most politest way i could without raising my voice - i told her what went on, and how we were staying as strangers and how i had expected someone to intervene to try to make us reconcile - but the woman did not flinch instead she said she or her husband would never visit again. so about a year later, me and husband started to get on a little, seeing as our children were growing up fast and now aware of the arguments and started to understand something wasn't right between mummy and daddy, we reconciled for the sake of our children. we have been getting on well for about (coming to) 3 years now and can say we were really happy in our little family. his family still do not make an effort to talk to me but i have spoken to them a few times but i do not get anywhere with them. I have tried very hard to make this relationship work and am constantly trying but now have the feeling that my husband and his family want to pull away. the more and more i think about it, makes me wonder whether it was all about my husband getting indefinite leave to remain but then we reconciled after he was granted leave to remain. what do his parents want? they don't even care for their grandchildren both girls by the way. his younger brother is yet to be married and i'm thinking are they waiting for him to get married before they can officially get rid of me? i know it sounds stupid but i won't be going anywhere i'll still be here with my children. his parents still interfere and fill my husbands ears but when it comes to me they turn their backs and claim they do not have the power to say anything. i have stopped my parents from intervening with anything, i don't want to hurt them with all my problems. any words of advice anyone?