Search the Community

Hi all, I need some help with extreme feelings of guilt and regret. Basically, I’m a 17 year old girl who sinned and lied a lot in my childhood. From the ages of 8-13, I would talk behind my friends back with others and then I woild go to my friend and tell them everything the other person said about them while acting like I never said anything even when I did. I betrayed the trust of many of my friends and hurt them. I feel so guilty now and I honestly feel so bad for how I’ve hurt others. For example, when I was a 12 year old in grade 7, I had a friend who I’ll call B for now, and basically B and I talked behind another girls back, I’ll call that girl N. I was friends with N but I guess I was angry at her so I gossiped with B. I then went to N and I told her what B said about her, all while acting like I said nothing. I lied and made it seem like B was a terrible person who talked about N and I made it seem like I was completely innocent. I even deleted some of the messages where I talked about N with B and showed N so it looked like i was a good innocent friend while B was a bad friend. I lied to B and told her that I told N that both of us talked behind her back. I lied many times and manipulate my friends. I feel so bad. At the time I didn’t even know how bad what I was doing was. I’m 17 years old now and I feel disgusting. I feel like the worst human being ever. At such a young age, I manipulated my friends, betrayed their trust, hurt them, and lied all the time. All while I thought I was innocent. I have apologized to those friends and they have kindly forgiven me. I feel like I deserve no forgiveness because I’m disgusting for my past manipulative actions. For the past three years, I think I have been a good person and have avoided gossiping or hurting anyone. I feel shame when I look at my parents because they always raised me with such good morals and values and they think of me as such a good daughter because I get good grades and listen to them. However they have no idea about the bad kid I used to be and how I used to betray my friends. I wake up every morning disgusted by myself and I don’t think God will ever forgive me. I had so many dreams of getting a good job when I grew up so I could help the world and I wanted to grow up and start a family where I could raise my future children to be good people but now that I’ve become aware of my past actions I feel disgusting and think I don’t deserve any of my dreams coming true. I hurt so many other girls and I don’t think Waheguru will forgive me because I sinned so much at such a young age. Please help and provide some insight on what you think. Thank you.

Hi all. I've recently started feeling such a guilt and anger, because of things I do. I masturbate/watch porn, I am video game addict.... I really want to STOP doing these things, but I cant - I cant resist. Is there any way out? I've been meditating like year or so, but it havent helped me at all (I dont do it daily, just when Ill have "time"). I've felt such a peace, love and bliss and presence of guru (usually after meditation/listening shabads), but sometimes moment later I might find myself watching porn and "releasing some pressure". It hurts so much, I know that im doing wrong but I just cant get away from this!!!! ------------ I also have problem with my family. My family is christians, whole family even my sisters/brothers. My father has been long time pastor aswell. I've many times wanted to tell them that im really looking foward to be sikh, but everytime Im trying to say something - they start speaking about Jesus. That same Jesus who didnt help me trought depression, cutting and getting away from black metal (For some reason, Ive got myself away from these by reading guru granth sahib/meditating and listening shabads - but still struggling with porn etc...) Anyway, Id appreciate if you guys would give me some tips, especially on how to stop my addictions. - Thanks