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I come from an amritdhari family and i was brought up with sikh values and morals however I have made lots of mistakes for various reasons... I was 'groomed' when I was younger and since then my life has been a downward spiral I have had many relationships with paki and sikh boys I have had abortions I have drank alcohol, smoked cigarettes and taken A class drugs I have failed in terms of my career too, I have just a minimum wage job I've come to a point in my life where I am suicidal and can't put my family through my behaviour anymore I have seen how it affects them...I feel as if I am killing them slowly every time I relapse into this Firstly I'm asking for someone to please help me. Secondly I know what I've done is wrong but will guru ji ever forgive me? Thirdly how do I make sure I don't fall into these things again? Fourthly I feel disgusted at myself that I have behaved in this manner, as a Sikh I know that I am a grave sinner but does that mean I wont ever be worthy enough become a normal Sikh again? Fiftly I feel like a dirty person, I know I have committed sins but how do I beg forgiveness from Vaheguru?