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Wjkk wjkf Im having a really difficult time at the moment and has been like this for maybe 3/4 of a year. Maharaj kirpa, i was blessed with amrit just over a year ago and in the start it was an unexplainable experience, however slowly i feel like i began to fall in my sikhi. I would look at all people and think with innocence that god resides in each person, but now i just seem to judge everyone and think bad about them. Vikaars have gone really bad and causes me much depression, to the point where i feel like suicide would be better than this suffering. I am a true believer that maharaj works through his gursikhs, and whenever i seem to go to the gurdwara i always seem to get dirty stares and looks from kamaii wale gursikhs and i just know that im not welcome, which causes me even more depression and stops me from going to the gurughar. I try so hard, although i think about doing some of the old things i used to do before amrit (like smoking weed) i have been able to control myself enough to not commit any bujjer kurehit. For some reason i feel like i am being punished or i just dont feel the love from waheguru ji anymore, i try to boost my sharda by looking upto guru sahibaan but my mind even becomes to thing bad about our gurus 😖 my parents had a breakup not long ago and that seems to have made things worse recently as i just cannot focus on bani and simran, also because of the situation, i had to backup my mom and maybe maharaj isnt happy that we chose for my dad to leave. Im so confused sangat ji, dont know where to go, what to do. I do ardaas that maharaj blesses me with gurmat and gursikhi but im finding it difficult. The reason im writing this is because just today i spent most of the day reading bani, doing simran and it was really nice, and then the moment i sit down to do my university revision im just hit with depression from nowhere and this is an onwards cycle every single time, its so frustrating. Sorry this was so long, I do benti in ur charan sangat ji that you give me your support and help me get through this. Im honestly so stuck and confused i dont see the point of living life without the pyaar for maharaj. wjkk wjkf
Guest posted a topic in GUPT | ANONYMOUSI know sikhi isn’t a top, which I can take off and put it back on later. I don’t mean to offend anybody! I took Amrit on my 14th birthday and tbh life before that was amazing. (Btw I am 17 now) I loved the attention off girls and family members, friends etc telling me that me and my older brother are very good looking. (I was a mona and all my family apart from my grandmother are patits) After taking Amrit, obviously I looked different. It was hard to suddenly stop getting all that attention. I read a post on here that was pretty much basically like my life, how my family isn’t amritdhari and that person used to get loads of comments too. I’m a strong amritdhari, and I still do my baniya now. But I just miss that attention. I have been to the gurdwara and many of the girls there say that I have nice eyes etc but tbh I want more. I feel like I’m ugly. When I look in the mirror I just don’t feel the same. I don’t like the way I look, I don’t like the sort of bushy eyebrows. Every time I get a comment in school or I here off my friends that a girl thinks I’m attractive or everytime I speak to a girl it makes me want to cut my hair. i feel like I’m too young, and later on in life I want to go back into sikhi. Honestly I know that life won’t be amazing when I have cut my hair. But I feel like after I have experienced something I have been craving for years, it will make my sikhi stronger. I don’t want this thought in my head for the rest of my life that life could have been way more exciting and better when I was younger. I’ve come here for advice. And I am ready to hear it. Harsh or not. i am still amritdhari and I have not committed a bajjar kurheit