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  1. Wjkk wjkf Ive recently done a really bad mistake and have had homosexual relations with a male I am an amritdhari sikh and I feel really guilty. Im not very good at punjabi and I dont know what to say to the panj pyare.
  2. Guest

    Struggling with Rehit

    Hi all, Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh little background to provide context, I was mona and clean shaven my whole life but began keeping kesh around 7/8 years ago at the age of 24 I believe, I wasn’t wearing a dastar and was rolling around with a high bun like it was for fashion, a few years in I began trimming my beard and continued like this for a few years but recently I have stopped doing this and my beard is quite long and has the natural look now. I don’t do paath or nitnem all I do is listen to kirtan and paath at the moment. Since I became keshdari again I decided to practice rehit by wearing panj kakkars so have been doing this for the past week, ever since coming into sikhi I’ve wanted to take Amrit but just didn’t have the strength or discipline for it but felt like now was the closest I have been to being able to do it but now having practiced rehit for a few days I feel like it’s really hard and I might not be built for it, I’m afraid of taking Amrit and not being able to keep up my rehit, can anyone give me some advice or hopefully someone has been in the same position and can provide their view point on this Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh
  3. VJKK VJKF Sorry I am not trying to cause any fights but I have a question. I’m not much of a jathebandi guy because high avastha gursikhs are in every jathebandi, but a question popped into my mind. What maryada of preparing Amrit is the one Sahib Shri Guru Gobind Singh ji used? I understand that Sant Jarnail Singh Ji approved of the SGPC rehit maryada, but here’s my problem. Taksali Maryada states that a Shri Sahib has to be kept of the edge of the batta while stirring the Amrit with a khanda in the right hand, and these two are to be passed with the Shri sahib remaining at the edge and the khanda remaining in the Amrit.. SGPC only mentions a khanda being used, and from what I know, Buddha Dal has all of the panj pyare having their shri sahib drawn and on the edge of the batta while one pyara stirs the Amrit with a khanda in their right hand. I also know that SGPC shortens some bani while the Amrit is being prepared. My question is, because I am taking Amrit in a few months time if I don’t fall from my rehit, what jathebandi should I take amrit from? Should I just take amrit from whatever gurdwara is closest and follow their rehit? I am utterly confused at this. Is one type of amrit sanchar parvaan and the other isn’t? Should I just get over differences and just worry on taking amrit? thanks.
  4. Guest

    Amrit sachar UK

    Anyone list Amrit sanchar which are taking place in UK over summer
  5. Guest

    Questions about new Sikhs

    Just out of curiosity, I have a few questions about new Sikhs When a person who is not born into a Sikh family decides to believe in Sikhi, do they have to take Amrit to be considered a "Sikh". So non-Amritdhari/Monay Punjabi-Sikhs get married in Gurdwara's, but can a non-Amritdhari & non-Punjabi Sikh also get married in a Gurdwara? If a person from a non-Punjabi/Sikh family background starts believing in Sikhi, but don't want to take Amrit yet, how do they officially "convert".
  6. just a little info about me I am a girl and currently i am 17 years old. I took amrit at the age of 13/14. I was going to start 8th grade. 2 years back we went to india and i saw my cousin older than me by 1 year had amrit and his 7 year old sister also had amrit. I wanted to take amrit after seeing them because all the adults were proud of them and I wanted adults to be proud of me as well. Fast forward back into 8th grade my gurudawara was holding amrit sanchaar. I begged my parents to let me take amrit and i desperately wanted to take amrit. Before taking amrit my dad told me I had to start wearing a chuni at home and everywhere so I did. I did not practice doing Nitnem. I only knew of the 5 baanis, but not the other paath i had to do. When i took amrit i felt great and i listened to my nitnem. I am now 17 and I feel more and more detatched to my amrit. I told my older cousins how i am feeling and they said “you were very young and we feel like you rushed it a little” I agree with them. I haven’t done my nitnem at all recently. its been months since i did Paath and i feel like im disrespecting Amrit so much by not doing it. I just cant find the motivation to do it and I feel like I should leave amrit and come back to it when i feel more prepared. I wanna be able to practice my nitnem before i take Amrit again so I feel more prepared. I still love sikhi dont get me wrong, but I feel like it’s so much pressure on me right now and I feel as if i cant make any mistakes without feeling an immense amount of guilt. I would like to take amrit in the future with my husband so that i have a partner to help me and motivate me when I’m not feeling the best. I still want to go to protests and support my religion because i love sikhi i just feel like i need to step away from amrit and come back to it. I am 100% sure i want to come back to Amrit but i just feel like I didn’t take amrit because i loved doing paath and everything, I just did it for more of the attention and wanted to follow my cousins. I still love sikhi, but i want some time to get rid of my young desires. My dad took amrit when he was young and broke it and as an adult he cut his hair and drank alcohol and took amrit again with my mom. I want to tell my parents how I feel but idk how without disappointing them. I feel like my dad will get mad at me but he can’t because he broke it when he was little. Im in a tough spot and i just dont know how to tell my parents. I really need advice.
  7. Guest

    born-again Sikhs.

    Do you find that born again Sikhs who have always cut their hair, and lived a secular lifestyle who then suddenly without warning took Amrit Sanchar, are more religious and outspoken then other Sikhs? Meaning that they constantly preach to others how they should be living their life.
  8. I am 20 year old boy. Yesterday i went for peshi (I thought Panj pyare sahiban would just put some tankhah).But they said you have to take amrit. My parents are restrictive ,I wouldn’t have got another chance to go take amrit ,hiding it from them.So i ended up taking amrit without washed hair and it’s bothering me so bad.What should i do?Can someone help?Someone who has served in Panj pyare sahiban?
  9. WJKK WJKF I have a question. Is it only till recent maryada that Peshi has been introduced? (Where you commit one of the 4 kurehits and you have to retake amrit)? Has it been written in any rehatnama or has it been written down historically in any book? WJKK WJKF
  10. When I met my fiance first time in India this summer, she touched the topic on Amrit. She isn't Amritdhari herself. This was our 1st meeting. I made it clear to her, if you wish to take Amrit or not it up to you. Nobody will force you before/ after marriage. That put her at ease. Now, I am about to tell you why you should never ever ever force anyone into taking Amrit. Do I mean putting them at gunpoint? No. I'm talking about nagging them! Everytime u see/ meet that one or two persons you mite say silly things like "Why aren't u Anritdhari? Your parents are? You hubby/ wife is...?" First of all, EVERYONE knows about Amrit lol. Trust... EVERYONE! Nothing is being hidden from them. Now, you're unnecessary nag may compel them into taking Amrit. What happens in next few years?? The compelled individual(s) will either be suffocating or Amrit broken. However, there is a correct way into motivating others. Individuals will step up and say "I too wish to be Amritdhari." THEN U motivate them; keep your kes, do simran n seva - whatever level you feel they're appropriate at. If they wish to go ahead or step down BEFORE having taken Amrit, YOU should accept their wishes. I said exact same things to my fiance. However, reason for both couples t be Amritdhari, first is so they're truly level meeting on vichaars n second is to do with jooth (germs). One method of jooth is sharing food. Second is intercourse. During the act germs are shared. I left it up to her for her wishes. I'd rather her say "I took Amrit as it was in my heart/ own wishes" instead of "I only took Amrit as he's Amritdhari." I took Amrit as it was my own desires. With kirpa it been 12 years of bliss n Anand. My dad is Nitnemi plus I found the right crowd (Friday nite sangat Gurudwara) and thas it! Kirpa happened. Thas all it took. Fair play, you mite ask sum1 once about them wishing to take Amrit. But constant nag will do them ZERO favours. And don't think they'll tell u off! Some people are powerless to speak up about their wishes to remain NON Amritdhari.
  11. VahegurooJeeKaKhalsa VahegurooJeeKaKhalsa SangatJee. I have a inner hope or objective to get my panj Bania Kanth and even more, but im finding it hard I know it takes time but I was woundering if there is anyone that could give me any teckniques or tips to getting GurBani Kanth. VahegurooJeeKeeFateh*
  12. Vaheguru ji ka Khalsa Vaheguru ji ki fateh Don’t keep waiting - step forward and offer your head to Guru Sahib Ji
  13. Guest

    gelatin in medicines

    VJKK VJKF, Just have recently been prescribed a medicine in a form of soft gelatin capsules for a health condition ive had for many years. I've checked and there isnt an alternative form. I wanted to ask would this break someones rehat or should they not be allowed to take Amrit? VJKK VJKF
  14. Guest

    What things require Pesh

    Hello, I wanted to know are there things outside the 4 Bhujer Kurehits that we’d need to Pesh for in front of the Punj Pyare if we’ve taken Amrit?
  15. Hello everyone. I am a 36 year old male from Surrey Canada ??. Im married and I have two children. Both under 10. In 2015 to 2018 I was involved with an indo Canadian gang (Punjabi mafia). I ran the business side of it for my crew for a couple years with some help from a really close friend, who I no longer speak too. Overtime I also indulged in the same drugs I had stored for dealing. I became a cocaine addict, smoked weed, and drank liquor. I became very paranoid. I always looked over my shoulders. Never felt safe. I'm an <banned word filter activated> for putting my family in that position too. Anyways I was constantly looking out for cops, snitches, and rival gangs. Sometimes even people in my crew who would maybe one day want to take me out. I was in a dark terrible place. We were dealing with Chinese, Vietnamese, other indo Canadian gangs, tamils. Never black, white or biker crews. We had our reasons. It took so long for me to realize how much of a deep hole I had digged. I'm in this hole with no support to climb out. I became numb for a while. I had no feelings, I had no problem putting a hit on someone, which I did not do. But did think about. One day I found out a close Chinese ally of ours got caught and was sentenced to 9 years. I was surprised. He was always careful. Very low key. How can this happen? I questioned the loyalty of others amongst me. Questioning even my brother. I was very unstable mentally. I was constantly alert and high on cocaine. Some nights I did not sleep. Just sitting in my house with my gun beside me close to the window looking out all night. I can't even trust my "friends". Sure the money was good, but it was NOT worth it. This is not living. A couple days later friend of mine got shot in his house. Dead. Things were getting real serious. There was tension among all the crews. Everyone was on edge. More Chinese were raided and sentenced to 10 plus years. More and more of the indo Canadian members were targeted. Many died. I was never a religious person. But I turned to God. I did not know how to pray. I did my best at the time. I asked for forgiveness. I wanted out. I asked for strength to quit drugs. I asked for peace. I began reading Guru Granth Sahib ji Maharaj. Guru ji is beautiful. I was in tears. I went to a local gurdwara. Met many singhs. I spoke to many and got a attached to some. They are now my friends. First thing I did was get out of this business of ours. I called up my partners and told them I'm out. It was not easy. Took me a year to get out. I needed to collect all the money people owed us with using minimal force. Once I did that, it was my ticket out. Took me a year. I didn't even collect all of it. Some money I covered from my pocket. Then I was finally out. But still paranoid. Still not free. I stopped talking to everyone from my past. Except my family. I started hanging out with singhs. Learned to meditate. It was very peaceful. I was also friends with many singhs who wanted khalistan. They showed me what had happened in the past to our people. The videos, articles, pictures. The injustice, the genocide. I was horrified. I started digging deeper. We are clearly oppressed. I thought india does not want us to succeed. They want us to forget our Dharm. Our way of life. They want us to cut our hair. They want us to be their slaves and forget sikhi. I cannot contribute to this. I thought any mona person who shaves is helping this form of genocide on sikhi. I was not going to be that person. I took amrit in Surrey BC. I felt so blessed. All my old contacts forgot about me. I was moving forward. I got a nice house. Healthy family and a good job. My wife is not amritdhari she said she is not ready. Sometimes i question was I ready? At the time I thought so. Or was it just an outlet. A form of rehab to help me with the addiction to drugs and to get out from my old lifestyle. Was it out of desperation I made this big decision to take amrit. Did I brainwash my self into believing that I am contributing to a sikh genocide by not taking amrit. Reading All these stories of the 1984 genocide. Everyday looking at pictures and watching videos of what happened. It was all very very sad. I was furious. I wanted those responsible to pay. They are trying to finish us. I won't let that happen to me. I'm not contributing to this genocide. I took amrit. I cut everything cold turkey in one day. It was possible due to Guru jis kirpa. I believe this for sure. The power of our Guru is very much real. Its been to two years since I took amrit. I owe so much to Guru ji. Giving my head is the least I can do right? I was new to the vegan diet. I chose the vegan diet over vegetarian diet because I know those cows giving their milk farmed by big corporations in these mass production facilities is cruel. Cows are not suppose to be crowded together with no access to sunshine or grass. They are fed soy and grains which is not meant to be their diet. Its abuse. The milk and yogurt at the gurdwara. Its all contributing to this cruel business. So I became a vegan. I use to eat meat before I took amrit. Over the years my body was getting weaker and weaker. Joints hurt, getting rashes, arthritis. It was inflammation. Caused by the excessive omega 6 consumption. My body was not use to this. Im sure singhs in the past were raised vegetarians and their body was use to this diet. But my body was clearly rejecting it. I feel like a 60 year old man. I thought when will my body get use to this new diet I adopted. Will it ever? I couldn't wait long enough to find out. I was not healthy. I started eating meat again. This time from local farms where I can go see how the animals are raised. Very humane. These cows are grassfed grass finished. Living the life they should. I get a month's supply of grass fed grass finished rib eye steaks, and wild caught salmon. My health was restored. I was feeling better. My omega 3 to 6 ratio was good. I made sure the meat was not Halal. Some say all meat is forbidden but I didn't care ....the vegan lifestyle was destroying my health. I started questioning alot of things. Was wearing a kachera in the shower with my kirpan ritualistic? I understand the concept of tyar bar tyar. But I would turn to my shotgun for any defense not the kirpan I take with me to the shower. Anyways thats a discussion for another thread. After a while I stopped doing Simran in the morning. I never really got into it. Not sure if I really even did it right. I stop reading my nitnem and now listen to it on my way to work. Its almost become ritualistic in a way. There are great sikhs out there and better khalsa than me who follow through with the maryada. I respect those amritdharis. Im not them yet. Somedays I don't even do my nitnem. I fantasize about my wife at work and rush to come home to have some wild sex. I can't control myself. She loves it but it takes me away from my spiritual side. We have sex almost everyday. We enjoy it. But its hurting my spirituality Now I don't do my nitnem altogether. Don't listen to kirtan or katha. And my wife is noticing this. She encourages me to do paath. She's an angel I love her. Very supportive. I see myself moving away from the spiritual side. The other day she said "I don't understand why people take amrit and then eat meat" I reminded her of my health due to the vegan diet. Also that I believe only halal meat was prohibited. But maybe thats just a way for me to justify it. She told me to take off the kirpan when your cooking the meat she thinks it not right. Maybe she is right. But then I said out loud why don't I just cut my hair and beard. What's the point of this if I'm not following through and keeping my nitnem and maryada. She then screamed NO. please don't do that. I think I agree with her that now I have taken amrit and all our family knows all our friends know. If I break my amrit it will look very very wrong. I have sikhs at work and the park come up to me ask me to do ardaas for them and a benti to Guru ji for this and that. I never understood why people did this. Why not pray yourself and ask. Sometimes they refer to me as khalsa ji. But am I really a khalsa ji now? I look like it. But i don't follow anything. I'm living a Lie. Its not me anymore. I did ardas to Guru ji. I said I'm not ready for amrit yet. I asked for forgiveness and hope that Guru ji is not mad at me. I love sikhi. But can't seem to keep this commitment. Not yet anyways. I know I'll be back. I'm planning to cut my hair. Go back to my old self minus the drugs and alcohol. I feel like my amrit broke when I ate meat. Please don't judge me. But I need to step back. I was clearly not ready. Now I'm planning my transition from a Gursikh to a sikh. My neighbors, friends and family think I'm amritdhari, they know my wife isn't. Now when they will see me they will think, oh there's that guy who broke amrit. He's soo bad, he will go to hell. Maybe I will. I don't know. I don't want to keep my rehit out of fear. I want to do it because I love it. I think I took amrit for all the wrong reasons. I was very vulnerable. Now about My beautiful wife. She's amazing. Sweet, and very pretty. She wears her dresses and make up. Has her hair done. All about fashion. You know how some women are. She is very attractive. Its weird when a singh like me in his bana is walking beside her at the mall LOL Having lunch at some place. People stare. I think this time I will wait until we are both ready. I need help transitioning from gursikh to sikh. So many people will stop talking to me . Half of my family will cut me off. The other half won't care. My dad is a mona. He drinks. He is very successful. About to retire soon. He will be disappointed. My mom will be devastated. My in laws will be disappointed but I'm more worried about my parents. I told my 9 year old son, and he started crying. He said he doesn't want me to cut my hair. He has a joora. When he cried so did i. It hurts. He probably hates me. It broke my heart. But I can not continue living a lie. Dressing up as a gursikh when I'm clearly not anymore. I'm not in the inside. I think me faking it is worst. Its bad. Maybe I'll keep my hair and slowly come back into sikhi. I don't know. There are some things I don't agree with in the maryada. Some stuff just seems soo ritualistic. Like collecting dead hair after you comb it and then burning it followed by ardaas. And some other stuff. anyways....I guess I don't have a question really. Just wanted to post what I'm going through. I would love to see what the sangat thinks about what I went through. Please speak your mind. Thanks for listening. Love you all. !!!!
  16. What skills/ knowledge should one have before taking Amrit? More in terms of daily responsibilities, respect of gurus saroop, how different programs and paath take place and are organised at gurudwara. What should every Sikh know?
  17. There is a video going around of a nihang Singh at the farmers protest in Delhi talking about how at some nihang Dal Amrit sanchars there are two baate of Amrit - from reading around apparently 'mazbhi Sikh" have to have a separate bata of Amrit from everyone else and also there are separate pangats in langar. Does anyone know what this is about?
  18. I heared from a nihang that in dal panth women can't take khande di pahul is that truth
  19. Guest

    Kirpan Help

    I am really lost and I truly regretting a decision I made a few months back of no longer wearing a kirpan while I wear all my other kakkars. I took amrit at a young age and my love for sikhi is still strong and everything was fine until the past year around when I reached 17 to 19 years of age. I got mixed with the wrong crowd and lost track of my nitnem although i did not take part in any activity including doing drugs or kaam. Just a few month back out of shame I stopped wearing my kirpan since I felt guilty for not doing my nitnem while wearing my kirpan. It didn't sit well with me to portray my bana when I had no bani. Since then I hav started to get back on track and doing my nitnem and correcting my mistakes. Since I made the decision to no longer wear my kirpan I have been regretting every second of it. I want to wear my kirpan and doing everything properly but I dont know what steps should be taken. Would I have to do ardaas asking for forgiveness for removing my kirpan or are there more measures that need to be taken? I am really lost and want to get back to the proper stoop that guru jo gave us and I need help?
  20. Wjkk wjkf Sangat ji I need some advice and tips. I wish to take amrit and need some help.. My wife is not ready yet - can I still take it without her? Everyone I speak with recommends waiting for her and doing it together. What routine do you guys have? What time do you start nitnem in the morning, how do you fit it in with working out in the morning and getting kids ready for school and then going to work etc? Thank you
  21. VJKK VJKF I am almost 20 years old and i feel as though i am ready to take amrit, though i have a few questions i feel i cant ask anywhere else before doing so. Amrit Sanchar is next week, and as confident as i am, I am just as scared. I know it sounds silly, If guruji is with you, you should have nothing to be afraid about, but being a teenage girl in western society it is hard sometimes. I have gone off my path before, but i am on my way back and i feel like taking amrit is the push i need to erase my past, start fresh and to help me be the best i can be. like the first step in reaching akal purakh. 1. I know alot of amritdhari women get laser hair removal becuase once its gone they can keep thier rehat properly. Is it wrong of me to take amrit and then get laser treatments when i have to the money to do so? or should i not touch my hair at all, i know thats preferred but considering where we live it really is hard to have muchan and dhari being a girl living here. will guru ji forgive me for getting rid or reducing hair once on my face and then after completely keeping my rehat? 2. Must a woman cover her head all the time after taking amrit? I want to wear a dastar eventually, but i know i have to ease into that and do it when im ready. Do i have to cover with ramal all the time in the meantime? or is covering hair not mandatory. 3.What about relationships? I am not actually in one, but an amritdhari guy and I both have quite strong feelings and overtime continue to get to know one another, we dont want to break any rules but we also dont want to miss the opportunity, I really feel as though this is the man i will marry, but we are both just too young right now. how do we continue this without having kaami thoughts, but keep this connection strong enough without having a bf.gf relationship. 4. Are we allowed to wear makeup? I have some skin issues and ive always used makeup as a way to cover them up, am i allowed to continue this? 5. We are not allowed to wear earrings or nail polish, correct? thank you for your help!
  22. Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh. I have taken Amrit 4.5 years back and tried to follow everything from Rehat Maryada. Before starting daily errands, I take a bath and do the Nitnem. I am a software engineer and as a part of my job, I have a hackathon organized in my company, wherein we are required to work for around 24 - 30 hours continuously. I won't be able to take bath on Sunday morning in the company but can do Nitnem in the cabin through my laptop/phone. I went through Rehat Maryada and it is clearly written there that I should take a bath before doing Nitnem. What should I do in such situation? At one side I feel that I should fight with the company to leave me on Saturday night, this could affect my relationship with the company and on another side, it seems washing and cleansing face and hands should also do.
  23. Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh sangat. Right now I am 15 years old, my elder sister took amrit when she was 18. Maharaj blessed me with an understanding early so I really want to take amrit. In where I live, it's lockdown again till December. So during this lockdown, I have done an ardaas to be closer with guru maharaj ji. Maharaj does his kirpa and I wake up for amritvela almost every day. I refrain from eating meat as my mother does not cook meat in home as well. Maharaj has been doing great kirpa on paapi like me. I also have been practising to tie a dastaar though it's taking time and sometimes there are obstacle. Like I have one right now. But with maharaj kirpa all problems are resolved. When I first started to keep a rehit, I did not think of taking amrit. Like I did not want to imagine big stuff without moving forward. Now, I am thinking of taking amrit. I am not really open to any of my family members and it's all maharaj kirpa that I have open up to my family of tieing dastaar. My family obviously doesn't know that I want to take amrit next year. How do I open up to them. I always find difficulties to open up topics that are rarely spoken in my home. And any pyaare sangat are willing to give their advices and suggestions or maybe help me improve my rehit or anything at all. Please keep in mind that I also have to go school so any advices for a person who wants to take amrit while still studying in school. While writing this, I have done so many mistakes please forgive me dear sangat jio. Thank you so much.
  24. Hello everyone. I am a 36 year old male from Surrey Canada ??. Im married and I have two children. Both under 10. In 2015 to 2018 I was involved with an indo Canadian gang (Punjabi mafia). I ran the business side of it for my crew for a couple years with some help from a really close friend, who I no longer speak too. Overtime I also indulged in the same drugs I had stored for dealing. I became a cocaine addict, smoked weed, and drank liquor. I became very paranoid. I always looked over my shoulders. Never felt safe. I'm an <banned word filter activated> for putting my family in that position too. Anyways I was constantly looking out for cops, snitches, and rival gangs. Sometimes even people in my crew who would maybe one day want to take me out. I was in a dark terrible place. We were dealing with Chinese, Vietnamese, other indo Canadian gangs, tamils. Never black, white or biker crews. We had our reasons. It took so long for me to realize how much of a deep hole I had digged. I'm in this hole with no support to climb out. I became numb for a while. I had no feelings, I had no problem putting a hit on someone, which I did not do. But did think about. One day I found out a close Chinese ally of ours got caught and was sentenced to 9 years. I was surprised. He was always careful. Very low key. How can this happen? I questioned the loyalty of others amongst me. Questioning even my brother. I was very unstable mentally. I was constantly alert and high on cocaine. Some nights I did not sleep. Just sitting in my house with my gun beside me close to the window looking out all night. I can't even trust my "friends". Sure the money was good, but it was NOT worth it. This is not living. A couple days later friend of mine got shot in his house. Dead. Things were getting real serious. There was tension among all the crews. Everyone was on edge. More Chinese were raided and sentenced to 10 plus years. More and more of the indo Canadian members were targeted. Many died. I was never a religious person. But I turned to God. I did not know how to pray. I did my best at the time. I asked for forgiveness. I wanted out. I asked for strength to quit drugs. I asked for peace. I began reading Guru Granth Sahib ji Maharaj. Guru ji is beautiful. I was in tears. I went to a local gurdwara. Met many singhs. I spoke to many and got a attached to some. They are now my friends. First thing I did was get out of this business of ours. I called up my partners and told them I'm out. It was not easy. Took me a year to get out. I needed to collect all the money people owed us with using minimal force. Once I did that, it was my ticket out. Took me a year. I didn't even collect all of it. Some money I covered from my pocket. Then I was finally out. But still paranoid. Still not free. I stopped talking to everyone from my past. Except my family. I started hanging out with singhs. Learned to meditate. It was very peaceful. I was also friends with many singhs who wanted khalistan. They showed me what had happened in the past to our people. The videos, articles, pictures. The injustice, the genocide. I was horrified. I started digging deeper. We are clearly oppressed. I thought india does not want us to succeed. They want us to forget our Dharm. Our way of life. They want us to cut our hair. They want us to be their slaves and forget sikhi. I cannot contribute to this. I thought any mona person who shaves is helping this form of genocide on sikhi. I was not going to be that person. I took amrit in Surrey BC. I felt so blessed. All my old contacts forgot about me. I was moving forward. I got a nice house. Healthy family and a good job. My wife is not amritdhari she said she is not ready. Sometimes i question was I ready? At the time I thought so. Or was it just an outlet. A form of rehab to help me with the addiction to drugs and to get out from my old lifestyle. Was it out of desperation I made this big decision to take amrit. Did I brainwash my self into believing that I am contributing to a sikh genocide by not taking amrit. Reading All these stories of the 1984 genocide. Everyday looking at pictures and watching videos of what happened. It was all very very sad. I was furious. I wanted those responsible to pay. They are trying to finish us. I won't let that happen to me. I'm not contributing to this genocide. I took amrit. I cut everything cold turkey in one day. It was possible due to Guru jis kirpa. I believe this for sure. The power of our Guru is very much real. Its been to two years since I took amrit. I owe so much to Guru ji. Giving my head is the least I can do right? I was new to the vegan diet. I chose the vegan diet over vegetarian diet because I know those cows giving their milk farmed by big corporations in these mass production facilities is cruel. Cows are not suppose to be crowded together with no access to sunshine or grass. They are fed soy and grains which is not meant to be their diet. Its abuse. The milk and yogurt at the gurdwara. Its all contributing to this cruel business. So I became a vegan. I use to eat meat before I took amrit. Over the years my body was getting weaker and weaker. Joints hurt, getting rashes, arthritis. It was inflammation. Caused by the excessive omega 6 consumption. My body was not use to this. Im sure singhs in the past were raised vegetarians and their body was use to this diet. But my body was clearly rejecting it. I feel like a 60 year old man. I thought when will my body get use to this new diet I adopted. Will it ever? I couldn't wait long enough to find out. I was not healthy. I started eating meat again. This time from local farms where I can go see how the animals are raised. Very humane. These cows are grassfed grass finished. Living the life they should. I get a month's supply of grass fed grass finished rib eye steaks, and wild caught salmon. My health was restored. I was feeling better. My omega 3 to 6 ratio was good. I made sure the meat was not Halal. Some say all meat is forbidden but I didn't care ....the vegan lifestyle was destroying my health. I started questioning alot of things. Was wearing a kachera in the shower with my kirpan ritualistic? I understand the concept of tyar bar tyar. But I would turn to my shotgun for any defense not the kirpan I take with me to the shower. Anyways thats a discussion for another thread. After a while I stopped doing Simran in the morning. I never really got into it. Not sure if I really even did it right. I stop reading my nitnem and now listen to it on my way to work. Its almost become ritualistic in a way. There are great sikhs out there and better khalsa than me who follow through with the maryada. I respect those amritdharis. Im not them yet. Somedays I don't even do my nitnem. I fantasize about my wife at work and rush to come home to have some wild sex. I can't control myself. She loves it but it takes me away from my spiritual side. We have sex almost everyday. We enjoy it. But its hurting my spirituality Now I don't do my nitnem altogether. Don't listen to kirtan or katha. And my wife is noticing this. She encourages me to do paath. She's an angel I love her. Very supportive. I see myself moving away from the spiritual side. The other day she said "I don't understand why people take amrit and then eat meat" I reminded her of my health due to the vegan diet. Also that I believe only halal meat was prohibited. But maybe thats just a way for me to justify it. She told me to take off the kirpan when your cooking the meat she thinks it not right. Maybe she is right. But then I said out loud why don't I just cut my hair and beard. What's the point of this if I'm not following through and keeping my nitnem and maryada. She then screamed NO. please don't do that. I think I agree with her that now I have taken amrit and all our family knows all our friends know. If I break my amrit it will look very very wrong. I have sikhs at work and the park come up to me ask me to do ardaas for them and a benti to Guru ji for this and that. I never understood why people did this. Why not pray yourself and ask. Sometimes they refer to me as khalsa ji. But am I really a khalsa ji now? I look like it. But i don't follow anything. I'm living a Lie. Its not me anymore. I did ardas to Guru ji. I said I'm not ready for amrit yet. I asked for forgiveness and hope that Guru ji is not mad at me. I love sikhi. But can't seem to keep this commitment. Not yet anyways. I know I'll be back. I'm planning to cut my hair. Go back to my old self minus the drugs and alcohol. I feel like my amrit broke when I ate meat. Please don't judge me. But I need to step back. I was clearly not ready. Now I'm planning my transition from a Gursikh to a sikh. My neighbors, friends and family think I'm amritdhari, they know my wife isn't. Now when they will see me they will think, oh there's that guy who broke amrit. He's soo bad, he will go to hell. Maybe I will. I don't know. I don't want to keep my rehit out of fear. I want to do it because I love it. I think I took amrit for all the wrong reasons. I was very vulnerable. Now about My beautiful wife. She's amazing. Sweet, and very pretty. She wears her dresses and make up. Has her hair done. All about fashion. You know how some women are. She is very attractive. Its weird when a singh like me in his bana is walking beside her at the mall LOL Having lunch at some place. People stare. I think this time I will wait until we are both ready. I need help transitioning from gursikh to sikh. So many people will stop talking to me . Half of my family will cut me off. The other half won't care. My dad is a mona. He drinks. He is very successful. About to retire soon. He will be disappointed. My mom will be devastated. My in laws will be disappointed but I'm more worried about my parents. I guess I don't have a question really. Just wanted to post what I'm going through. I would love to see what the sangat thinks about what I went through. Please speak your mind. Thanks for listening. Love you all. !!!!
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