lonelysingh

I appreciate all the advice given. Being a strict religious man with a religious upbringing I used to think that all the things he said were right - i.e. we are all bad, I am the root of the problem ("Poare dee Jare"), etc. He is wrong but sometimes his harsh words cut very deep. I understand that suicide is a bad, bad thing to do and although it has crossed my mind more than a few times is ultimately wrong and pointless. With regards to grandchildren - my father has already said that he thinks it would be a good idea if I started producing grand kids as soon as I marry.... I agree with the Bhenjis that 25 years old is young to get married.... I think my fathers main problem is that he sees this as a chore and he would rather my brother and I got married ASAP. He calls everything he does for us "Lehka" and "Karam" from a previous life that he has to sort out. Maybe I should develop a thicker skin - things wouldn't hurt as much. I'm not a tough man. I am very sensitive and it hurts that he has to take out his bad parenting out on all of us. In terms of respect - I don't respect him anymore - he isn't worthy of it.... he lost my respect for him a long time ago. The only people I respect are my God like mother, and my brother and of course Waheguru. I try to do a bit of simran and ardaas everyday to find some peace and solice for my tortured soul. And Dad if you're listening/reading - all the swear words (faeces eater, sister******, mother******) and the other derogatory remarks such as donkey, etc... won't speed up the search for a wife. I'm sure both my brothers and sisters here agree - you should be ashamed of yourself.... :wub:

Hi, I'm a 25 year old Ramgarhia Sikh living in South East. For the past year my father has been trying to find me a girl and has had no luck. I want to get married but because of my fathers attitude and vindictive nature I fear that he will subject my wife to the same mental torture my mother, brother and I have had to put up with over over lives. Even so I haven't rejected or hindered the search on my part - I am open to all castes. The only rejections that have been done have been from the parents of the girls. They arrange a time and date to meet but cancel at the last minute. Some even come to our house and take one look at the house/me/family and make a decision instantly. They say they will talk to their daughter and then let us know. A few days later we get a phone call with an excuse of why I'm not suitable. So the prospective parents get to see me but I don't get to even see a picture of the girl. My dad is open and would prefer that the girl meets me and if we "click" then it is all sorted. Most parents agree with this but nothing has come of it. I've never had a relationship with a girl - ever... from the Sikh religion or otherwise. We have no close family ties (my parents hardly speak to their brothers and sisters - on both sides) so I can't really go to weddings or Akand Paths and find girls (which sounds dirty and wrong). At university I met some Sikh guys and girls and became friends - but the girls were never really interested... they preferred the clean shaven guys (and not necessarily Sikhs either!). Plus the degree I did - Computer Science - was mainly a guy thing. My dad blames me for not finding a girl myself - eventhough he taught me and my brother from a very, very young age to treat every girl/woman we see as a mother or sister as explained in the Guru Granth Sahib. I was told to study and I did - I got the best results you could ask for but that still isn't enough. He finds the whole search for a girl a major inconvinience and blames me at every opportunity for not finding a girl myself. In his rush to get me married off ASAP, my dad has registered my details with the Birmingham Ramgarhia gurdwara marriage service, the Southall Ramgarhia service - and no-one has contacted us from other place - My details are registered and available to prospective parents but no-one wants to know. I even registered with Shaadi.com - I talk to others but get no response, the others I contact reject me outright without getting to know me. Unlike most profiles I have included my picture - openly - I have nothing to hide! At this point in time I'm burnt out, I'm a shell, just empty inside... At times I have been suicidal and wanted to end my life - this is mainly to do with the treatment from my father and not because I or my father can't find a girl. Anyone out there understand or have an advice that they can give me? I'd appreciate it....