D Kaur

Sorry - It's taken me a while to get back online! As i said i had an interesting discussion on this very subject recently. Below are my own thoughts... It's evident that Non Amritdhari people dont feel comfortable saying "Waheguru Jee Ka Khalsa Waheguru Jee Ke Fateh", and likewise Amritdhari people tend not to greet others in this manner either. The only Non Amritdharee that do use this greeting are those that are potentially in transition... What i found interesting however was one comment that someone raised.... which was alonge the lines of... Well my mum and dad dont say it and neither do my family in India so i dont think there is anything wrong with saying Sat Sri Akal instead... And there is the problem - the word "Instead" I think it's safe to say that at one point out great ancestors took Amrit, thats why we have been born into a Sikh Family. A one point our Dadkeh and Nankeh did say "Waheguru Jee Ka Khalsa Waheguru Jee Ke Fateh"... but at some point our great great great grandparents and inevitably our parents watered the true Sikh message down... Therefore your parents whilst they mean well dont always have the correct answers... Thats how we have so many different types of Sikhs... Amritdharee / Non Amritdharee, Sehajdhari / Non Sehajdhari... our families diluted the message, and we continue to dilute it... I admire people who respect there family, however our families dont have all the answers... We have so many Gurus / Teachers in our life... When we go to school we have a Vidhiya Guru, who teaches us our curriculum, so we can pass our exams. When we want to learn to drive, we go to a driving instructor, when we want to learn to swim we go to a swimming instructor, when we want to progress our career we take a course and go to our course instructor... when we want to learn a new language we go to a language teacher we are so willing to have lots of Teachers - yet were unwilling to adopt the ultimate teacher. And will instead just blindly follow what our families do... If we take the time to better ourselves, academically - dont we all owe it to ourselves to try and find out a little about who / what we are? For some the first step is as simple as saying "Waheguru Jee Ka Khalsa Waheguru Jee Ke Fateh"... Being greeted in this manner, makes you want to belong, and makes you want to live up to what Sikhi represents... So the next time you greet someone, please make sure we all say "Waheguru Jee Ka Khalsa Waheguru Jee Ke Fateh" - you never know how this one greeting will effect that indivdual.

Looking at Sikhi with regards to what we will get in return isn't advisable. As every situation that we face is the Hukam of our Guru, in evry Sukh there is Dukh, in every Dukh there is Sukh. We need to learn from every situation thet we are put in... Guru Hargobind Jee Maharaj whilst sitting in Sangat one day, asked of the Sangat if any one could recite Gurbani of by heart and with great love, focus and attention and with no mistakes whatsoever - as it should be. At that time some Gurmukh pyareh from afghanistan had bought Maharaj 5 horses. Maharaj had given 4 of thoses out to people from the Sangat already, and there was one horse left. Bhai Gopala Jee recited the whole Jap Ji Sahib, In order to listen to the GUrbani, Maharaj got of the Takht himself and got Bhai Gopala Jee to sit on the Takht to recite the Bani, and Maharaj Jee, sat lower himself. Look at the Satkar, the Sharda, the Respect. Bhai Gopala Jee was reciting with so much love, attention and affection - but his mind wondered, he thinks about what Maharaj Jee will give him. He decides that if he is asked, he'll ask for the remaining horse. In the Sangat, Guru Hargobind Jee Maharaj is thinking that this Sikh is reciting so much Bani with so much love and affection, i'm going to make him the next Guru of the Sikhs. Look at the difference in the two thought processes. What is the Guru thinking for us, and what do we think for ourselves? We need to stay focussed myself included - instead of looking at what we may get, we need to think about what we can do, we need to do seva, we nood to keep good sangat, we need to do as much Simran as we can. Take one step towards Vaheguru, and you'll find yourself wanting to know and learn more. When doing Ardaas, instead of asking for material things, talk to Maharaj, say i'm doing ardaas, but i dont have the ability to do what i want to do, ask for that aility, instead of the result. Have the NImritha, and Maharaj will do Bakshush

Vaheguru Jee Ka Khalsa, Vaheguru Jee Ki Fateh Is this a greeting only for Amritdharis? Are Non Amritdharees afraid to use this greeting? Should they? Why do people opt to use Sat Sri Akaal? Fateh? GurFateh? I've had this discussion recently, and wanted to bring it to a wider forum... Lets discuss and debate :smile2:

Thats a very good question... We do recieve signs, not necesarily when we need them, sometimes they come immediately, sometimes in a weeks time, in a months time, in a years time. But we do get our answers. We just need to be open enough to accept our answers... At times we get our signs, but we assume those signs are a coincidence... we just delay accepting the signs... as it's easier to accept that they are coincidence... Quite often we do Ardaas for personal gain, to pass our exams, to get a new job, to get a new car... maang sadee vadhee hundee, seva apah thoree kardeh... Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Sadha he Manayeh... Let Guru Granth Sahib Je be our everything, let Sri Guru Granth Sahib Jee be the only thing on our minds. Let our lifes be focussed on how WE want to be a part of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Jee as opposed to the other way around. And we will receive all the answers that we need, and will be inclined to stay on the right path.

I agree with the above ^^^ But just out of curiosity, have you been approached? Or asked to be initiated? As you cant just join, i'm intrigued as to why the free masons would approach you? And what they want from you? You wont get into that society unless your a particular type of person (elite), and how on earth did you get on their radar? But i digress - please do stay away... And instead lets all hope that we can be Guru Gobind Singh Jee's Sons and Daughters instead...

Hmmmm.... well you've had alot of advice... and i agree what they all say, but i thing the one thing that is missing, and i'm sure your feeling, is vulnerability. You was introduced to this prospective life partner, you accepted your families wishes, and got to know him, you let your guard down as you felt that he was your life partner. There is no shame in that, for if you do not try to get on with your fiance there will be no relationship. The hurt you are feeling is because you were under the impression that this was for real, and a life long commitment. It's ok to feel hurt and betrayed, were humans we have emotions, that it what gives us our humility. Instead of mourning what could of been, accept it as a lesson learnt. Accept the fact that this man was not for you, and accept that Vaheguru showed you this mans true intentions before you were married, and worse, before there were kids involved. Accept that Vaheguru has let you escape from a painfull life with this man, and be happy to have the chance to meet a more worthy partner. When you meet your true life partner, you wont even think about this experience, it hurts now as the wounds are still fresh... it wont always be that way...

Congratulations on your engadgment and the upcoming wedding! Engadgements aren't registered, only marriages are. I'm guessing that you are only engadged and still to be married? Essentially you have two options, you have a registry wedding at the local registry office. And you recieve a Marriage certificate. You dont need to do anything else. Or alternatively you have a represntative attend the Anand Karaj, and you sign the legagl documentation prior to your Anand Karaj, at the Gurdwara, you recieve your mariage certificate, and again you need do no more.

Reading some of the topics that we have on SS at the minute, i thought i'd create a topic for those that dont already know. There is a series of Inspirational Talks being held at Singh Sabha Gurdwara Coventry - UK. Every Friday 7 to 9pm, in English (for the next 9 weeks). So far there has been: Week 1 - Harvinder Kaur Khalsa Week 3 - Manvir Singh Week 3 - Angad Kaur Khalsa All were great speakers. As the Gurdwara has gone to the trouble of arranging these talks, could we look into having the poster issued each week on the Sikh Sangat banner, to get maximum coverage - if your on facebook have it as your profile picture for the week too. Week 1 had a huge turn out, numbers dwindled the following weeks. 3 sessions have taken place - there are 9 more to go. This friday will be Joginder Singh. You can obtain future posters directly from the website Follow on facebook If you search for "gursikhiinfo" on youtube you can also watch a number of the talks / discussions / veerchar held at the Gurdwara (A link to these talks of the SS banner would also be advantageous).

LOL @ this!!!! I dont know what the topic being discussed was about, or what was said. However violence in our Guru Ghar is not acceptable. With regards to pressing charges - to be honest i would be inclined to sitting the two down, with some Sianeh and resolving the issues. Take the opportunity to show that yes charges could be pressed, and more than likely an asbo issued, giving her a criminal record. But instead use it as a way of showing her what she did was wrong, that she needs to look at her anger management issues, we all get heated and emotional at times but we need to control this. Hopefully she has appologised? Of course - if it was a particularly violent attack, then this girl needs to be held accountable.

Fantastic Seva. I have donated, and will continue to do so monthly. A Truly inspiring orgainisation - It's so good to finally be able to give back to our own through your organisation and continued good work.

It's difficult seeing our family members taking the wrong path, but as you have said, they have been on this path for the last 20 + years. Chances are they wont know what true Sikhi is any more. But being your family, i can appreciate how you would not want to loose hope with them. So my only advice to you is to be a good Sikh around them. Do your Nitnem and Vaheguru Simran, with the family. Do your Rehras Sahib with the family. Your continuing to be a good Sikh and hopefully they will look at you and maybe in time begin to adopt True Sikhi, as you have, as opposed to a cut down version. I know of a few westeners who came into Sikhi, because they witnessed someone doing Vaheguru Simran / Path and wanted to feel as blissful and as content as that person. Personally, i find there is nothing more peacefull than doing Vaheguru Simran within the Sangat. Maybe your own Gursikhi Jeevan could help them. On a personal note - i've always wanted to challenge a dera follower. I've always wanted to ask them to try True Sikhi - for 7 or 40 days of there life, follow full rehit. And see if they find a greater peace, if not they can go back to their beliefs. As they are your family you may be able to put this to them? Although would i be open to someone asking me to follow there religion for 40 days just to try it? NO! Inevitably if it is the greateast Punh to bring someone into Guru Granth Sahib Jee Maharaj's Charan, it is the greatest Punh to push someone away from Guru Granth Sahib Jee Maharaj. However we must not loose focus, as anything that distracts you from your own Gursikhi Jeevan is not desirable. This weeks story of the week from Tapoban: Bhai Sahib Randhir Singh & The Gurodom-Sants By Bhai Sahib Randhir Singh In Guru Kanshi Patar, June 1939 Some days ago, over a hundread or so "Sant Mahatamas" who were in to "Gurdom" came to meet me. Akhand Paath Sahib was going on. They wanted to come and bring me outside from the smagam and said, "we want to ask you some things." I replied, "you too should listen to the Akhand Paath Sahib. You cannot hear anything higher or better from a asimple human being than you will by listening to the voice of Sri Guru Granth Sahib." They then said, "No, we want to listen to words from your holy voice." I then said, "only by attaching our voice to the voice of Sri Guru Granth Sahib does a voice become holy. Here! If you must make my voice "holy" then i will start doing paath and join my voice with the paaras voice (of Guru Sahib)." They kept pressuring me to leave the Akhand Paath Sahib area and come out to hear whet they had to say and also to speak to them. Eventually, they forced me to come outside the Akhand Path Sahib mandal. I had them sit in the next room and said "hukam karo..." (give your orders...). One Sant from the amongst them then addresses me and said, "Sachay Patshah! It is only this Daas's benti. What hukam can we give you?" When the Sant said this unprincipled thing. I immediately scolded him and said that he had committed a very serious mistake that he had called me a simple human being "Sachay Patshah". I said, "may MY ears burn and YOUR voice burn! Truly this is the punishment i have been given for having left the room where Akhand Paath Sahib Darabar of Sachay Patshah Sri Guru Granth Sahib was going on". I said this and the entire group [of Sants] got upset and left. They did not listen to the Akhand Paath Sahib or benefit from the Akhand Kirtan which followed. Had i replied to them in a polite and flowery way and addresses them the same way they had addresses me, then they would of been very happy. But whose happiness did I want? Guru Sahib's or from those who go against Guru Sahib's principles, and wanted to take me away from my position as a Sikh and have be try to foolishly equal the position of the Guru?

I have contacted Khalsa Aid, as i did not want to re-post here untill i had some facts. For anyone who questions their work and commitment, you should know that they are doing the best they can with the support they have, if you feel they can do better - give them your support, contact them, talk to them, dont criticise the good work they do. As they are clearly helping many families around Punjab. I've been informed that they have contacted all Jathebandis, to initiate these programs with Jathbandis guidance, along with funding from Khalsa Aid. They have had no backing, and are having to go solo. Maybe we should be contacting Jathbandis and asking them to form aliance with Khalsa Aid. If Khalsa Aid did nothing, Radaswamis, Ram Rahim and other Deras, would continue to step in and "help" the very people that we need to be assisting, leading to more lost Sikhs. If you feel that you can do a better job, please contact Khalsa Aid, and discuss sponsoring a Program for your own Village, and become a Pracharak for your village. There administration and expertise and your excellent Pracharak and sponsorship would be greatly welcomed. It would be easy enough to monitor the success of a program in our yown Village. And what better way to give back to your own. For reference Khalsa Aid are currently working in 20 Villages in Punjab, and are now concentrating on setting up programs near the deras of Anti Sikhs like Ram Rahim. They are also raising the plight of the Dharmi Faujis and are now openly supporting the families of the Singhs in Jails and Shaheed families. The people in Punjab need our support, Khalsa Aid are prepared to give it - are you. I know that i would prefer to donate to Families in Punjab, who need assistance as opposed to a building fund. What you choose to do is your decision.

Please do NOT, talk to your Mum, Bhabhi, or Brother about this. All this will do is give them a reason to think that your wife is turning you against them. Your Bhabhi will say your not talking to her because of your wife, and that it is you that has changed. Aslong as you and your brother are always talking, it's just women's politics, as soon as you two get involved the family dynamics change, sometime irrevirsbily - please do not get yourself into this situation. You know the truth, and that is all that matters, as aslong as you are always on your wifes side she will be happy. It's good to hear that you see what is going on, so many men dont. My advice to you, is to let this situation play itself out, as it will - eventually. And continue to be supportive to your wife. If you need to say somthing to your bhabhi, tell her your worried about your wife, that you think she's missing home and could she try and talk to her. Essentially i'm asking you to pander to you bhabhis need to feel like she is valued in the family. and that you need her help. If she feels needed, and not threatend by the new addition to the family she will change. You have always been her ally with the family politics, she needs to know that even though your married that hasnt changed, and that now she can help you too. With regards to your wife, she should compliment your mum / bhabhi on a favourite dish, ask to be taught a particular recipie. Cooking is a great time to bond, and there is nothing women like more than being complimented on their cooking and being asked to teach someone else! Your wife should also suggest an activity that the 3 of them can do together, an afternoon walk, now that the weather is getting milder. Or what i used to do with my mum and bhabhiya, go to the ladies swimming session on a saturday afternoon. The perfect way to exrcise, get fit and bond outside the house. Hope this helps - if you wife wants to talk, ask her to PM me. I saw the same issues playing out with my bhabhiya.

Wish i could come down for this :sad: Is there any chance it will be recorded?

Settling into married life is difficult, a new family, a new routine, a new way of living, a new time schedule. There is no shame in admitting that your finding your new life difficult, you've admitted it, thats the first step, now try and do somthing about it. Ok, so your now not doing any Paath. Lets make this simple, get back on track by doing Simran. Set aside 10 minutes to sit down and do Naam Simran today, if you can do longer great! When in you car on your way to walk do Naam Simran, when cooking in the kitchen, play a CD with your favourite Naam Simran. When at work, plug your earphones in and listen to Naam Simran. Take one small step, and the rest will fall back to the way it used to be. You'll soon be back to doing your Paath, you should also suggest doing your Nitnem together with your Husband. After all a family who prays together stays together. If you need to talk with regards to married life - please do PM me, i understand how nerve wracking it is initially, but it will get easier.