pashanks

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About pashanks

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    Peevo Pahul Khanday Dhaar
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  1. He is not a devout Sikhi, although his family is. We are currently in our final year and will be graduating in 6 months. We are not from the same hometown thus, in order to save our relationship, we have to apply our work posting at the same place so that we can be together. And there is a long way to go before we become Registrars. Meanwhile we are trying to convince his family. My purpose in starting this topic is to ask whether there is hope for us. Will the community shun us if we get married? Why is his family objecting so much? How can we convince them? We have considered waiting but we need some assurance too and that is why we have started talking to his family now itself as it'll take time to melt their hearts. Yes a lot will change in the coming years, but if we commit ourselves, we learn to accept the changes and grow as a couple instead of being unsure and not commiting and allow the changes to create distance between us. Our familes and even we will be stigmatized in the society for having a long term relationship without commitment. We do not wish to get married as soon as we graduate, but we want assuarance that we will get married in the near future so that we can align our paths when we start working. And to so that, we need his parent's approval. They are unwilling to even consider me. They have not met me and even when my bf brings up the topic, they shut him out, ask him to sacrifice for his family and tells him that they'll disown him/he'll bring shame to the family if he marries me. All this because I'm not a Sikhi. They refuse to see me even as a person. I have considered converting to Sikhism, not for the guy entirely, but also because the religion itself is very divine and focused. I try to read the simplified version of the prayer books, and I have constantly educated myself about their culture. I have let my family know of this, and they are fully supportive. I have even told my bf, in order for his family to also know about this, but I'm not to sure if they do not want to even hear the son talking about me/don't think it'll matter if I do convert. But for this man, I would do anything. We are both final year medical students, and we are from really good families. I do not entirely understand the basis of their rejection apart from the difference of culture and religion, which both I am willing to learn and adapt with an open heart and mind. I am old enough to understand my decisions. I have seen plenty of interracial marriages here between a sikh and a hindu. But it is unfortunate that my bf's family is not eager of welcoming me to their family. I have no bad habits, I do not smoke/drink, i come from a very decent, well to do, educated family. I wish someone can give me a perspective of my bf's family. According to them, the Sikh community will not accept them and they will be embarrased to face the community, thus they are asking their son to sacrifice his happiness and his choice. But the truth is, the country I'm in, a marriage between a sikh and a hindu is well accepted in communities. Why are they feeding him such ideas? They also have told him that it is sinful and he will bring the whole family to shame. Why are they putting him down like that? Has he made a sinful choice in choosing someone who loves him and is willing to learn/adapt the culture?
  2. The reason I am considering conversion is because our religions are preventing us from being together, assuming that this is why his parents do not approve of us. By being together, I do not just mean me and my bf, but me AND HIS FAMILY, his community. I want to be accepted into his family. I want to learn and be part of his culture. Embrace it. And I will do that and more for us to have a family, for my parents to have in laws, for our children to have grandparents and aunties etc. If I am given a chance to learn and embrace the religion and culture, I believe I will be a true Sikhi.But the problem is, his parents wont even give me a chance. Like I have mentioned, I'm not a devout hindu. Denouncing is not really an issue as I am still in search of god and his calling. I find Sikhism to be focused and divine but the mentality of the community have disappointed me. I wish they would embrace their fellow brothers and sisters who are willing to learn the religion and culture instead of shunning us away. YES, i would not have considered converting to sikhism if I had not fallen in love and want to build a marriage with this man. Thus it is unfair for you to ask me whether I'm converting for him or for the Guru. The answer is obvious, it's for him and his family, but not just to win their approval, but to be part of their family culture and tradition. I'm a family orientated person, I understand how important and essential is a family to a person's life. Thus, I am willing to denounce my religion.
  3. Hey there THANK YOU for your kind words and honesty and mostly, for your support. The warmth I feel in my heart cannot be explained I have expressed my agreement to convert if that is the matter that is stopping the family from agreeing. However, they seem to be deaf to our pleas. They are adamant that I cannot be accepted as marrying a Hindu will bring their family shame and they will be outcasts in the community. However I believe they are emotionally threatening the son as my family and I have seen married couples of sikh and hindu living a happy life with their inlaws and community. I also understand that converting itself will not solve all the problem and I am willing to face that, given the support of my bf. My parents have also told me that a child in the future will chance their perception. The thing is, my bf is convincing them, but I can feel that the pressure and GUILT they're putting on him is killing him. I am quite disappointed with my bf as I expected him to be stronger, as it reflects the strength of our relationship but I have to understand that he's going through a tough tiime too as he has never seen his family this upset. But i need him to be strong to fight this war. How can I win this war alone? But idk is he has the strength and that doubt is killing me inside. I'm afraid he'll give up. I need your opinions so that I can make him stronger, give him confidence.
  4. Hey there Yes, I'm 24. I may not be old enough to make the perfect decisions but I have reached a certain age at which decisions regarding my future has to be made. Yes, i truly understand that the path I'm taking is going to be a challenging one. My family and I are fully aware of that. I am also aware of the fact that I might not have the fighting spirit all the time, all my life and that is why I'm hoping that the family would learn to accept me. They are not even willing to consider me. The problem is not me, it's the fact that they don't even want to consider me as A PERSON, not as a Hindu/a sikh or anything. I also understand that if I manage to be part of their family, I most likely will not be welcomed as I would like to be. I may face cold shoulders and stares and other challenges, which I am prepared/am still preparing myself to face as I want to be commited to this man I love. Please excuse me, but I would like to strongly disagree with you that the 3 year relationship I am having is not just an infatuation. I am no longer a secondary school girl to be blinded by infatuations and incapable of differentiating love from other feelings. If all young relationships are brushed off as infatuation, how can true love/relationships develop? We fall in love, and we learn to love the person we fell for. I need the support of my bf whom I'm going to face all the challenges with but I'm unsure if he's willing to as his family is putting so much pressure and GUILT on him. This is really unfair. I feel so helpless as they threaten him emotionally and I don't know how far I can ask him to be strong as I see signs of him giving way. But I want to be strong, and I want to support him. I have shown him that every single day. Sikhism is going to be new to me. I need time to adjust and adapt the culture. But first i must be given a chance to do so. How can I learn and adapt when I'm being pre-judged and not given a chance? Instead of encouraging, you question my integrity and honesty in becoming a Sikh. Yes, it's a sacrifice I have to make, but it's to be with the man I love. And yes, if the family have accepted me with an open mind and heart, I would be more than happy to learn and adapt the culture and religion. I understand religion is a strong basis of a family, and I don't want to break that. I want to be part of their family. And converting to Sikhism is a divine path that can only help me mend their hearts and be part of their family, if they are willing to accept me. But in my case, they are not willing to. Apparently I'm an embarrasment if their son marries me as I am from a different religion and that the community will look down upon them and bring shame to their family. Is it a shameful thing if a new family member embraces the family culture and religion? Just because we're of different skin colour or upbringing, does not mean I cannot be a good wife/family member/Sikhi. And thank you, for welcoming me to the Khalsa Panth. I wish they would do the same.
  5. Hey rrss, thank you for your kind words. I appreciate what you have shared with me. and i take it to heart Thank you. My query is, can a non-sikh convert to sikhism and be accepted into the community? Will they be able to get married at the gurdwara? I really wish to have a wedding according to Sikh culture because I understand that it's what my bf would want too.
  6. Hey Bhagzi, THANK YOU. Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to reply. It really made a difference to me, to what I believe in. I am doing exactly what you have advised, that is to keep fighting. But unfortunately, that part depends a lot on my other half. He has to do the convincing. I'm beyond surprised too that such ideation still exists in this modern world. We do not want to destroy the culture/religion, we want to embrace it, but idk why they don't understand. They seem to be more concerned about what the society thinks than their son's happiness. Thank you so much for your words. Currently he's persuading his mum, but I can feel that he's hesitant. He already has this idea in his mind that his parents will never agree and with that in mind, he's finding it difficult to persuade as he feels he knows the outcome. I can feel him on the edge of giving up sometimes. I ask myself, why isn't he strong enough, why won't he say he'll fight till the end, just as you said. Idk how to answer that, or whether i want to hear the answer. I assume it's because he's afraid of losing his family, and so i keep supporting and encouraging him. Even my parents suggested that we get married without his family's consent, that is if they never agree but i know my bf won't do that, which is why i'm scared he'll just give up and walk out of our relationship. I pray for the best for you too. It;s really a tough position to be in. But we gotta be strong. will keep you posted. Thanks a million :)
  7. I'm a 24 yr old girl, a Hindu, though not devout. I'd like to call myself more of an atheist.I'm an a 3 year relationship with a Sikh guy. He's wonderful and he is the one for me. But currently we're facing troubles with his family as they disapprove of our relationship. My family has strongly supported us and still is giving their full support. I have considered converting to Sikhism, not for the guy entirely, but also because the religion itself is very divine and focused. I try to read the simplified version of the prayer books, and I have constantly educated myself about their culture. I have let my family know of this, and they are fully supportive. I have even told my bf, in order for his family to also know about this, but I'm not to sure if they do not want to even hear the son talking about me/don't think it'll matter if I do convert. But for this man, I would do anything. We are both final year medical students, and we are from really good families. I do not entirely understand the basis of their rejection apart from the difference of culture and religion, which both I am willing to learn and adapt with an open heart and mind. I am old enough to understand my decisions. I have seen plenty of interracial marriages here between a sikh and a hindu. But it is unfortunate that my bf's family is not eager of welcoming me to their family. I have no bad habits, I do not smoke/drink, i come from a very decent, well to do, educated family. I wish someone can give me a perspective of my bf's family. According to them, the Sikh community will not accept them and they will be embarrased to face the community, thus they are asking their son to sacrifice his happiness and his choice. But the truth is, the country I'm in, a marriage between a sikh and a hindu is well accepted in communities. Why are they feeding him such ideas? They also have told him that it is sinful and he will bring the whole family to shame. Why are they putting him down like that? Has he made a sinful choice in choosing someone who loves him and is willing to learn/adapt the culture? My post - http://www.sikhsangat.com/index.php?/topic/70824-sikhhindu-relationship-marriage/
  8. I'm a 24 yr old final year medical student, a Hindu, though not devout and so is my bf of almost 3 years, HS but he's a Sikh, though not devout too. We're currently having an amazing relationship, and we've been through so many ups and downs these past years. I am his first, while he's my 3rd; though my past r/ships have been short and not very significant. He is truly a gem of a person and I have been nothing but lucky to have found him. We cherish each other a lot. I am in a state where I'm sure I want to spend the rest of my life with him, just because although we're different, we both have qualities that make us so strong and I can't imagine anyone else I'd share my life with. There was no problem when I told my family about us, there we more supportive than I could imagine. The problem arised when HS told me that his family would unlikely approve of our relationship. At early stages, I was still positive, urging him to tell. But at some point, I realised that they'll be really against it. And so they were when he finally broke it to them. They begged him and cried and really made an impact on him. They told him that other families and the community will look down upon them if he married me. I was very angry at the beginning, feeling fooled, because if he knew his parents wouldnt agree, why did he commit to me in the first place? The attraction and love was mutual, i did not force him into anything. But then I realised I wanted him. I want this man in my life, and I told my parents about his parents, and they were so supportive and encouraged us to fight for it. They even came out with so many plans and ideas and even spoke to my bf about it. My bf is in the process of persuading his parents, this will be his second time. The thing is, is there really hope for us, or are we just leading ourselves on? I have seen so many hindu/sikh marriages and they are living happily. Though i know the sikh community is very strict and does not encourage interracial marriages but we are in a modern society. I come from a very good background, and I'm equally educated. I have even told him that I am willing to convert to sikhism, not because of him, but because I want to learn their culture, their religion. I respect it a lot. and this will help HS and I live a better life. I'm willing to sacrifice but his parents are not willing to even consider. This is taking a toll on our relationship. We have both agreed to fight for it but I can sense that my bf is unsure and torn between his families cries and begging and me. He is not willing to marry me against his family's wish. I have tried to convince him, give him support and strength to talk to his parents and convince them. He is, and he will be doing so. But in my heart, Im sensing that he's very doubtful and depressed, as he seems to be very sure that he wont be able to convince them. It's killing me as I feel we have not fought for it enough. we just started and we must go on convincing the family. Help me, please tell me/advise me on how I should react to all this? How can I help him convince his family? Is there hope for us?